Chapter One: Soft Breezes
Zell groaned as his mother threw open the bedroom door and it rattled his room. He pulled his blankets over his face as she threw open the curtains as well, momentarily blinding her son who had, since his messy breakup with Selphie, gone completely into remission. "Zell, you need to get up. You need to start living your life again! This is getting ridiculous!" His mother Molly snapped, giving him a large dose of tough love. As a widow, she knew what it was to lose someone you truly cared about. But she had moved on and learned to live with the pain of loss - and to not be beaten into the ground by it.
His baby blue eyes peeked out from the edge of the blankets but they were no longer sunny. They were tired and worn, bloodshot. They no longer shown with life, but glistened with sadness instead. "I will get up… It's too early right now, Ma…" She growled and with much ferocity, ripped the blankets off of the fighter's frame and across the room. She pointed a finger in his face.
"I know I told you that it's difficult to stop loving someone. But if you still love her, then either learn to put her in the past or try to make it work again! Hiding away in your room day after day for nearly six months isn't helping at all. And it's not too early; it's nearly three in the afternoon." Molly sighed as she got no response from her son, who's eyes had slipped shut again and his breathing was slow and steady. "What would Selphie say if she saw you now…?" She muttered to herself before trudging back down the stairs to return to her relentless cooking.
Zell sighed and rolled onto his back, his eyes focused hard on the ceiling above his bed. It hurt to think about her, much less hearing her name mentioned. Why was it that the good guys always finished last? He had always been there for her, always helping her back to her feet when the world shoved her down and he had never been harsh towards her. And when they had been together for that brief period of time, he had always shown her that he had… Well, he had always shown her that he loved her. And look what happened in the end… She ran back to that bastard, the one that always treated her like crap.
Zell punched that wall in anger and laughed lightly when he heard his mom grumbling downstairs. He brushed the flecks of plaster from his sheets and finally crawled out of the sanctuary of the bed. If Hyne had given him one gift, it had been that Zell never had dreams. He could only imagine the pain if he had to see her face every night as he slept. He stumbled across the room, nearly falling over the pile of blankets his mother had left in the middle of the floor, and stood in front of the mirror. He nearly yelped at his reflection.
His normally neatly shorn and styled blonde locks were now below his ears and rumpled. His face didn't have a five o'clock shadow but a five week shadow instead. His muscles had lost their definition and were now more soft looking. He was almost afraid to look down at the clothing he was wearing. The normally white t-shirt was now a miss of soft hues of browns, yellows, and grays and many of the stains he couldn't even begin to guess what they were from. His jean shorts weren't much better off. He sighed. This was beginning to get pathetic. He was beginning to get pathetic. He ran his fingers through his hair - well, he tried to but couldn't get them through the snarls and knots.
Why was he sitting in his bedroom for hours, wasting away, while Selphie was clearly living her life, and enjoying it, without him? He envied how easily she could put them in the past. He had been so ready to be with her for the rest of his life, he had even bought her a ring with the intention of asking her to marry him that night that she had finally walked out. Maybe she never really cared about him in the first place. Maybe he was nothing but a distraction, a rebound from her ramshackle relationship with Irvine.
For once, the feelings of despair and desolation were being replaced by feelings of anger and bitterness and Zell had no qualms as he dug through his closet, searching for something that didn't smell, wasn't stained, ripped or torn, and brushed the gel into his hair. He scrubbed his teeth, shaved his face for the first time in a long time and even worked out a little bit before running down the stairs, on a mission. He kissed his mother goodbye before slipping out the door before she could say a word to him.
He would start over. He had given up his life at Balamb Garden to be with her and then later, to be away from her. But why should he put his life on hold, feeling sorry for himself, when he could be moving on and enjoying life as well as she was enjoying it? He didn't need her to be happy. There was a time in his life before that he had been just fine without her and he knew that he could be that way again. All it would take is one step in the right direction. Or at least an half hour worth of steps towards the Garden. The soft breeze brushed against his cheek and he couldn't help but to be reminded - painfully - of her touch.
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Selphie wandered through the halls of Garden in a bit of a daze. With the wedding less than a month away, her mind was starting to be filled with a million and one different thoughts. Not so much feelings of doubt, but she kept trying to imagine what her life would be like after she took that walk down the aisle. Would life still be as amazingly fun as it used to be? Would she wake up each day and still love Irvine as much as she had the day before? Or will time only make her love for him grow more and more? So many thoughts ran through her mind, but she never once considered not marrying him. Why would she? They had solved everything between them, became so much more open. And he had been completely faithful to her ever since she had caught him in the act.
Then what was so incomplete in her life? But she tucked away the nagging questions into the back of her mind as her eyes traced the lines between the tiles of the floor ahead of her until her emerald green eyes fell onto the scuffed leather boots of none other than Irvine. All of her doubts faded away as she placed her eyes on the face of the man that she had loved ever since they had been orphans under Matron Edea's care. His own face lit up with the never-ending love he felt for her and he ran forward, scooping her up into his arms and hugging her tightly. Selphie caught the scent of aftershave, mingling deliciously with fresh cut grass and the summer breeze.
"How are you, Lil' Bit?" He murmured into her ear, and she squealed as his breath tickled her. She struggled against his grasp, but only in good fun and he did not let go. He kissed her ever so gently on her neck and squeezed her once, tightly, before dropping her back to the ground, still ever so gently.
Selphie could not get over how much they had both changed since their disastrous breakup. She learned to be emotional out in the open, to stop trying to please everyone else, and to stop pretending to be someone she wasn't. And Irvine.. He was no longer the rugged, mysterious cowboy, but the open, and overly sweet, man that she had always envisioned he could be. And he had quickly lost popularity throughout the school, especially with the women, after he threw out his playboy masquerade to focus all of his attention on loving Selphie. And he was unfazed by it. He told Selphie himself that the only person he cared about whether or not they loved him was her. And she loved him. And he loved her.
She smiled up at him coyly, entangling her fingers with his. She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed every one of his knuckles before grinning and finally answering his question. "As long as I'm still the girl you wanna marry, then I'm great!" She giggled, an honest giggle, and blushed slightly. It was still really weird for them to both be so open with each other about how much they cared about each other. Before it had always just been an unspoken agreement on their feelings for each other; but now, not an hour could go by without one professing their love to the other.
He grinned but he stared almost blankly at some point behind her and she twisted her head over her shoulder to try and figure out what he was so fixated on. But there was nothing behind her. When she looked again, his face had dropped the grin and was replaced by a sort of somber contemplation. "What's on your mind, Irvy?" She asked, gripping his hand tightly. He shook his head, shaking himself from his daze and smiled, a small smile.
"'Oh, nothing. But come with me, let's go talk in the Quad, okay? It's a beautiful day, you'll enjoy it." He smiled again but she still narrowed his eyes at him, not quite believing that nothing was wrong. But she trusted him and knew that he would tell her eventually, she would not pressure him into it. She would give him time to form the words in his mind. She grinned back at him and huddled close to his side as they strolled through the nearly empty halls of the Garden.
With summer fast approaching and the weather growing warmer and sunnier, students spent most of their time 'studying' outdoors under the glowing sun. Faces were more and more flushed, skin tanner and temperaments more mellow. It was all in all a very relaxed atmosphere, and even the teachers were beginning to feel the laziness of the approaching summer. They relaxed on grades and students for the first time in a long time actually enjoyed days without pop quizzes and major tests. However, this time could not be as relaxing for the Spring Festival Committee.
Selphie herself entrusted the planning of her wedding to the very able hands of those she had worked so closely with to bring about the best Spring Festival ever. And those same hands were now ensuring that the Selphie that they had all come to love like a sister would get the best wedding she could ever dream of. One could not walk into the Quad and help but to smile at the extensive decorations and construction that was going on throughout.
"Look at how beautiful!" Selphie murmured, excitement growing like cancer in the pit of her stomach. Irvine's grip tightened on her hand and his face was grim when she glanced up, searching for happiness in his eyes. "Irvine…? What's the matter?" He shook his head and glanced down at her. She could still see the love shining in his eyes but also.. Doubt? Her pulse quickened as the thought that he could be having doubts about their wedding zipped across her mind. But she quickly brushed it away. That couldn't be it. Could it…?
He pulled her over to a bench that was tucked neatly away behind the swaying branches of a willow tree. When one sat underneath the willow tree, one was hidden from the world. It was a great place for relaxing when the pressure was becoming far too great. Selphie knew this for a fact - she had come here many times before when she had first fled from Zell's home in Balamb back to Garden. With every gust of wind that lifted the branches, exposing her to the world outside, she felt like the wind was also lifting away her troubles, leaving her feeling refreshed, rejuvenated. Like she was able to get a fresh start.
So the excitement in the pit of her stomach faded to a gnawing fear that filled her completely, twisting and aching. Irvine saw this and he lifted her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her tightly as they sat together on the bench, cut off from the rest of the world. "Don't worry so much, Lil' Bit.." He whispered, his head on her shoulder. But she recognized the tone in his voice and she shivered - despite the warm weather surrounding them, suffocating them.
"How can I not? You're scaring me!" She laughed sadly and he smiled back - just as sadly. "Please tell me what you're thinking…" She murmured, her fingers tracing the bones in his face, as soft as butterfly kisses on his skin. He closed his eyes at her touch and Selphie kissed his lips ever so softly, with a tinge of sadness. "It kills me to know that something is hurting you, but not knowing what exactly it is.. Because then I can't help you to feel better…" She whispered. He nodded.
"It's just…" He started then stumbled. "I don't know how to explain it… Can I ask you a question, Selphie?" She trembled. He never used her real name when talking to her. He always called her by one of his many pet names. He ran his fingers down her spine, up and down. "Don't worry, so much… It's okay!" She nodded and his face grew serious once more. "How can you be so sure that I'm the one that you want to marry?"
She bit her lip to keep from crying out. Was he honestly discussing his doubts about the wedding no more than a week before the big event? She tried to pull away but he kept her close. "What are you talking about, Irvine? Are you trying to say you don't want to marry me now? Has everything been for nothing?" Her voice grew louder and louder and he finally pressed his lips against hers to drown her cries out with love. He pulled away and stared deep into her eyes. She had to make herself stay still. She felt like he was reading her, inside and out with that look of his.
"I love you." He whispered, and his voice sounded gruff and husky. She curled close to him and twirled her finger around a lock of his brown hair. She nodded, in agreement. She couldn't speak for fear of crying. "It's not that I don't want to marry you, silly. It's just that… I don't want you to tie yourself to me, only to lose me a little while later…" He turned his head away and blinked, and Selphie knew that he could only be blinking away tears.
"Why… Why would you ever leave me..?" She struggled over her words, for fear of losing everything that she had hurt and loved for. Here they were, her with no doubts at all, and him with all the doubts in the world.
His gaze did not meet hers but still stared out, transfixed on some unknown point. "I wouldn't leave you by choice…" Irvine glanced down at their entangled hands and sighed deeply. "It's just.. I've been having these dreams lately, Selphie and I must admit… They are scaring the hell outta me! I'm scared to death because of these dreams. I'm scared that you're going to marry me and expect forever and only get a little while. I've hurt you before and I don't want you hurting again over me. Y'know what I mean?"
Selphie quickly brushed away the tear that had traced its way down in a curve over her cheek and hugged him tightly. "What kind of dreams?"
"Bad ones. Horrible ones. Like the dreams we all used to have after we defeated Ultimecia. Only worse." Selphie shifted uncomfortably at the mention of those dreams. Everyone in the gang had been afflicted by terrible nightmares after the demise of Ultimecia, their minds tainted by some of the witch's black magick while trying to escape time compression. They had dreamed of death, despair, agony, desolation, every negative thing that one could ever possibly feel. She could only imagine dreams worse than that. "In each and every one, I end up dying and leaving you alone. I just don't want that to really happen to you… I don't want to know that I hurt you that much, y'know?"
She nodded and felt a smile coming to her face, despite the gloom in the air between them. "I don't care, Irvine. They're just dreams. And besides, even if that was to happen, I wouldn't hurt so bad. There will still be a part of me that is happy, just knowing that I love you and you loved me. I'd never forget you…" She shook her head and leapt to her feet. She planted her hands on her hips and smiled coyly at him once more. She bent at the hips, leaning forward and knocked loudly on the bench next to where Irvine sat. "Don't jinx it now! My Spring Committee will be a little worn out if they have to go straight from planning a wedding to planning a funeral!" And Irvine laughed and the weight was lifted from her shoulders as she knew that he was feeling better. They were like love birds, so connected that one always felt the other's pain.
"Yeah, and then Garden would have to pay overtime and I'm sure Cid wouldn't be too happy about that." They both shared a laugh and a look of love passed over both of their faces. "I guess you're right, Selphie. They are just dreams. It's just.. I had a feeling that something bad is about to happen… But it was stupid of me to even let them bother me that much. That's what I love about you. You're the one decision I've made that isn't stupid!" She play punched him in the arm and grinned like a kid at Christmas. She was just about to swoop in on him for another kiss when something caught her dead in her tracks.
"Yo', Zell, it's nice to see ya again, man! Where have you been?"
Something changed in Selphie and she avoided Irvine's gaze as she mumbled. "I gotta go. I'll see you later, Irvine, okay?" And before he could respond, she vanished back into the world beyond the willow tree. And when the breeze lifted the branches, bitterness filled Irvine like bile as he watched her run up the stairs back to Garden - and saw that Zell's eyes followed her the entire way. Zell's gaze momentarily rested on Irvine before the wind settled and the willow branches once again blocked Irvine off from the rest of the world.
(A/n: Sorry it took so long. I've been distracted lately, lol. Check out my myspace at: http/ you'll see why, lol. But I'm planning to start writing more now and then, so just keep an eye out for any new updates! I luv you guys, thanks for reading and reviewing (hint, hint! lol)...