Regina slowly woke from her sleep. Once again she kept her eyes closed but this time she wasn't freezing in a deserted, dark courtyard. She must be in a bed, it was warmer and softer. She took a deep breath but something was holding her back. She couldn't breathe, she felt a hint of panic running through her veins. She opened her eyes and saw that she was still dressed in one of her most uncomfortable gowns. She despised its sight and moved her hand, relaxing when her body was wrapped in a soft and simple dress that hugged her body tightly. Regina sighed and opened her eyes again. She slowly realized where she was but that couldn't be true, could it? She sat down and her gaze wandered through the room that was so familiar to her.
She wasn't quite sure whether she was having a nightmare or not. But this certainly wasn't funny.
Regina hugged herself, fighting off a chill that ran through her body. Her eyes were drawn to the balcony to her left. She saw her younger self walking toward the railing, desperate to escape. It was so many years ago but it suddenly felt like it was yesterday when she tried to end her miserable life and escape this prison. It was the only solution she'd had. She'd wanted to run away, she had wanted to end it all. Her situation was quite similar to the one she was in now. She slowly moved from the bed, wearily walking toward the railing. She looked down and felt the emptiness over-taking her. Regina hadn't had any hope when she decided to jump, she had nothing to lose and nothing to fight for.
There were dark clouds in the sky, she didn't know exactly what time it was but it must be late afternoon. She'd slept through most of the day and she didn't care.
She gripped the cold railing with both hands and closed her eyes. It was then that Tinker Bell had saved her. For just a small moment she had felt like she had someone worth living for, she had found a friend but at some point she had ruined it all.
When Tink had shown her the man that was supposed to be her true love, she simply ran away. She hadn't been brave enough and she'd lost a chance of happiness, she'd lost a friend.
Her soulmate. Her true love. She heard Tinker Bell's excited voice echoing in her head.
What if?
Regina shook her head in silence, surprised by the sudden bitterness and the anger inside of her. She was angry that she hadn't been brave enough to enter that tavern, to give it a chance. Where would she be now? What if she had never turned out to be the Evil Queen? She bit her lip and wondered what had happened to the man with the lion tattoo.
"You ruined his life too," she heard Tinker Bell saying some time ago, when they were caught in Neverland. She'd hated that fairy for it but she'd been right and it hurt a little. Deep inside, she was hoping that he had found his true love after all.
She didn't wake when Robin gently set her down on the bed. He'd had quietly followed Snow into Regina's room. She knew her way around the castle as well as he did but he had never been into these rooms. His Merry Men had made sure that no one was hiding up there when they first arrived but he himself had never set foot into these rooms. It seemed inappropriate and he knew he didn't belong there.
He'd been surprised when he ran into Snow and the others when he entered the castle but the company could've been worse. They looked at him with surprise and worry written on their faces when they realized that Regina was unconscious.
"Is she okay?" Snow asked and stepped forward.
"I think she'll be fine," Robin said. "She was still awake when I found her but she seemed exhausted. She just needs a warm place to recover," he said.
"Her room," Snow suggested. "We should take her to her room," Robin nodded and followed Snow who quietly led the way.
They didn't talk when they climbed the stairs to the Queen's bedroom. Every few seconds he looked at the woman in his arms, still sleeping soundly. She looked so familiar but he could not remember where he'd seen her before. He knew he would remember her.
"This way," Snow said and when Robin stepped into Regina's room it was everything he expected. The room was neatly arranged. At the far end of the room there was a balcony, the moonlight fell softly into the room. Not too far from it was a bed with white bedding and a fireplace on the other side of it. He set her down on the bed and looked down at the brunette. Her dress didn't seem comfortable but taking it off of her wouldn't feel right.
"I'll have a look in the other rooms," Snow said and Robin nodded in response. They'd all need a place to stay for the night and she was sure they'd appreciate a warm place to spend the night.
He watched Snow leaving the room and headed toward the fireplace. Quietly he bent down and started to make a fire that'd keep her warm during the night.
A couple of minutes later, he watched the hot flames dance in front of his eyes and found himself lost in thoughts.
He had a sudden urge to talk to her. He wanted to hear her voice and ask her so many questions. He wanted to know more about the stranger he found in the middle of the night. He got up and walked toward the bed, watching her for a few seconds. There was something about her that fascinated him but he couldn't define it. He suppressed the urge to touch her face gently and left her to sleep.
He'd come back in the morning to see how she was doing.
...
She stared down into sheer emptiness. Back then she'd thrown it all away because she'd been a coward and now she'd give everything she had to go back and be with her son. It then dawned on her that she no longer had anything. She'd lost it all.
Slowly, Regina stepped away from the railing, not trusting herself. This time there wouldn't be a fairy to save her. She stepped back into her room, feeling utterly lost. She'd trapped herself in this ancient prison again and this time she didn't have an escape plan. She felt somewhat hopeless, the walls slowly closing in on her.
She couldn't breathe, she needed to get away from there. It was quiet when she stepped out of her room, there didn't seem to be anyone around and she was grateful for it. She wasn't in the mood to talk, she wanted them to leave her alone. To let her grieve her loss quietly.
A few minutes later, she stepped into the great room. There was a deserted fireplace at one end of the room and a mirror not too far from it. Most of her things were still in their places, no one had dared to touch any of it. She ran her fingers across the table while she walked past it. There was just a fine layer of dusk on the surface.
"Feels like it was yesterday," she heard her own voice inside her head. She stood in the middle of the room, feeling awfully out of place. She was at a loss, she didn't know what was right and wrong and what she wanted. She resented all of this and when her eyes met her own reflection in the mirror, she felt the rage burning inside of her.
This time there was only one difference.
She was angry with herself and no one else. Before she knew what was happening she quickly walked toward the mirror and shattered the reflection with her bare hands. She felt the glass splinter beneath her fingers, not bothering that it cut her skin. She couldn't stand her reflection, she couldn't stand any of this.
Her heart was hammering against her chest, her hands shaking. She walked to the fireplace and took her things down, shattering them to a thousand pieces on the cold, hard floor. She wanted it all to go, she wasn't that person any longer and she never wanted to go back.
She took everything in her reach, her vision suddenly blurred with tears that streamed down her face. With every piece that was gone she cried a little harder, screaming with frustration and pain.
Her hand was bleeding but she didn't care. There was a throbbing pain and it only reminded her of the fact that her heart was still beating furiously inside her chest. She walked to the desk on tired feet, the fragments of her life crunching beneath her feet. There was nothing left. She gripped the edge of the table with both hands, the sobs quietly shaking her body. She wanted to reach out, wanted to lose her anger but all of a sudden she had no strength left. She was shocked by how quickly she had shattered herself, how her life had crumbled to such a mess.
The hot tears streamed down her face and she screamed in agony, pushing the chair away that seemed to be in her way when she heard a voice behind her. It was far and she wanted to run away but her trembling feet wouldn't carry her anywhere. She was exhausted and surrendered to her grieve and pain. She slowly let herself slide to the ground when two arms caught her from behind and held her tightly. Regina instantly fell apart, her cries echoing through the empty room, it was the most heartbreaking sound he'd ever heard.
When he held her in her arms to soothe her, he was surprised she didn't tell him off. She was completely enwrapped in her pain and sorrow and he tried to soothe her before she hurt herself seriously. She slowly leaned back in his arms. The tears streaming down her face wouldn't stop for a very long time. Without looking she knew who was holding her. She didn't know him but she suddenly felt safe for the time-being. When the sobs slowly subsided he held her a little tighter and waited for her to calm down.
Regina leaned back in his arms, she'd almost forgotten how soothing someone else's presence could be. She stared at her bloody hands through tear stained eyes and wondered if the pain would ever go away.
His name was Robin, he'd told her last night and she remembered what he'd told her when he'd saved her from the darkness.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he'd said and she believed him.