A/N Hi, everybody. So so so sooooooo sorry I haven't written in, like, forevs, but I was incarcerated. You see, I may have left a store with a pair of shoes in my canvas messenger bag about which I had forgotten. Alarms may have gone off and alerted security guards. I may have resisted arrest and had to be forcibly apprehended.

Normally, you wouldn't be arrested for "shoplifting" shoes, but this was my third strike and I was thrown in jail for a few months.

I'm sorry I haven't kept up with my writing. They only give you one hour of computer time a day and I had to use that time to attend online auto repair classes. (The wonders of modern technology!) (Graduation in May. So excited!)

But on the bright side, I've had many ideas floating around in my head thanks to the many hours of solitary confinement I served. I'm excited to get back to Chuck and his adventures. As long as he stays out of jail LOL.

Chapter 2: Eventual Hazing Deviancy

"All right, pledges!" T-dawg declared with a mighty roar. "Before you officially become a capital-B Bro, you gotta prove yourselves worthy of the Alpha Sigma Sigma title."

"Sure," Chuck said with a boner in his voice.

'DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS YOU ARE SPOKEN TO, MAGGOT!" Screamed Boner in Chuck's face.

Chuck, wiping bits of chewed-up meatball sub off his face, was a tad heart broken.

T-Dawg continued. "You gotta pass some tests."

"What kind of test?"Chuck asked curiously, despite having been warned about talking out of turn. "'Cause, you see, I have test anxiety."

"Nah, brah,nothin' like that," decreed T-Dawg with glorious eloquence. "You're just gonna complete some tasks for us No worries."

"All right, tits. Just name it."

"WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?!" screamed Boner, massively.

"Put these on," said T-Dawg.

Jizz "came" around and passed blindfolds out to all the pledges. Chuck hesitaintly reached for the scrap of shit. Aformentioned pledges tied said blindfolds around their faces, thereby blocking their ability to see.

The pledges couldn't see and they were led blindly so some space that smelled like Tommmy's used diapees. The smell gave Chack a sad feeling in his heart.

They ripped the blindfolds offfffffff. (Sorry, my f key got stuck.) They were standing in a windowless room without any windows at all, lit only by a single, bare litebulb. It swayed back and forth magnificently. In front of them, they saw an endless field of water jugs.

"Drink up!" Shouted T-Dawg, slapping Chuck, and only Chuck, on his firm, freckeled buttocks. Oh, yeah, did I mentioned that they're naked?

"All of it?" inquired the orange-haired boy.

"Fuck, yeah, bro. This isn't fucking amatuer hour," Jizz cried wisengly.

Chuxk got to guzzling.

After returning from the ER, Chuck was led into the livingroom of A.S.S. house. The livingroom was almost empty. It used to be nicely furnished, but the Bros sold it all for beer money. Now the only furniture was milk crates; an unplugged fridge that hung open in the corner and only contained three half-used bottles of Catsup; and 14 ornate chandeliers that hung from the ceiling.

"Boy, I shure am glad I'm a capital-B Bro, now," Chuck said stupidly.

"Nah, brah," T-Dawga said replyingly. "You just made it through the first round, which is more than I can say for most of the pledges," (RIP) "But there's still ever so much to do!"

"We've got bigger fish to fry" (cue sizzling sound effect) Said, Boner, unwrapping yet another meatball sub.

"For instance," T-Dawg said tenderly, "we stil have to tie you up and hang you upside-down from the ceiling."

"W-what?" Chuck said surprisedly. But the Bros grabbed him and tied him up with remarkable speed, which would impress even NASCAR legend Jeff Gordon.

They wrapped him in police tape and frayed rope and strung him and the few remaining pledges up from the numerous light fickstures.

After a week of being upside-down without any food or water, all but two had parished- Chuck, and Hector, Tommy friend from the season 2 ep., "The Shot."

Jizz "came" around again and knocked their light fixtures down with a baseball bat. (Jizz liked to hit things.)

Chunk and Hectoe fell to the ground with a rip-roaring thunk. Chuck's head hurt.

"My head hurts," said Chuck, hurtedly.

"You've cum this far," implied T-Dawg. "Now you just got uno mas trial to face. Bro."

"We'll, I've come this far," Chuck, whose memory had been irreparably damaged during his weak of upside-downiness, said.

"We're gonna play a little game," D-Tawg said creepily. He led Chuck and Hector to the Masterbation Chamber.

"This game is called "Limp Biscuit"." He said, seating them in the middle of a circle containing Boner, Jizz, and the twenty other A.S.S. Bros. T-Dawg himself took a seat between Jizz and Boner.

Chuck vaugely wondered why they were all pantless.

"All right, dudes," Boner authoritated, "Pull out yer pistols! Ready!"

The ASSs all took their respective weewees in their hands.

Bone speaked again. " Aim!"

The ASSs pointed their cock-a-doodle-doos at poor, unsuspecting Chick and Hecter.

Boner said something once more in his smooth, velvety tone. "Fire!"

The Bros began masturbating furiously as Limp Bizkit's "Did It All For the Nookie" played in the background.

"What's going on?" Chuck pleaded to Hector.

Hector just shrugged. Because when it came to anything other than being brave on the face of a prospective shot, he was pretty useless.

Chuck got his answer, though, when something splat on the lens of his specticals. Another splat landed on the other lens. And some in his hair. He opened his mouth to ask what the big idea was, but some got in there before he could say anything. He swallowed.

Himself and Hector were enormously degraded for a vrey long time. Speaking of Hextoer... Oh, poor Hector. Poor, poor, poorestly poor Hector. Unfortunately, POOR HECTOR had an allergy to seamen of which he was unaware of. He swelled up very much. He turned Red and broke out in giant hives (which, as we all know, are the worst type of hives, to be sure). He swelled up like a balloon. Larger and more large until he popped, also like a balloon. And no amount of shots could ever save the poor young man.

Also, Hector got autism, because he received the MMR vaccine when he was an infant. It's true,INTERNET. Read your medical research!

Sorry about that. Stu snuck onto my computer and hacked into my writing folder while I was in the kitchen making a sammich.

Anyway... Chuck winned the Limp Bisquick game and Now he was officially a capital-B Bro!