Old Habits

by modelinmate

Post S3 AU. Instead of breaking up after graduation, Finn and Rachel get married. Their first year in New York does not go how either wanted, and Rachel finds herself in New Haven more than what is deemed necessary. Faberry angst and denial, but more of a character study.

2. Chapter 2

Part Two

She had no idea what Rachel's angle was. It was hardly the first time she couldn't figure out the other girl's motivations; definitely would not be the last.

Quinn had had plans yesterday. She wasn't scheduled to work, and after finishing class for the day, she had intended to meet with a study group she had been invited to once or twice. The guy who ran it was a sophomore who paid her too many compliments for his interest and attraction not to be made known. She was supposed to go out with him before but instead had blown him off for Rachel's party. She felt bad. He was nice and harmless and referenced things she had never heard of. He reminded her of Sam in a lot of ways. Only he was smarter and actually read books that weren't comics. She genuinely enjoyed talking to him which was a rarity for her when it came to boys, and he definitely had potential. But having Rachel Berry in her bed rather outshined all of that.

The brunette had arrived unannounced the previous afternoon. Quinn went back to her dorm to get what she needed before heading back out, and that's where she found Rachel sitting outside her door with nothing but the dance attire she had on and her coat. They didn't talk much. Quinn only asked her if everything was okay. It was decidedly a dumb question. Obviously, everything hadn't been okay for Rachel since at least summer, but Quinn wasn't supposed to talk about that either so after sending a regretful text to her study group, she gave the girl a change of clothes and went out to get them dinner. They had then gone to sleep without any explanations. Well, Rachel had gone to sleep. Quinn barely slept at all.

They hadn't spoken to each other in three weeks. Not since New Year's.

For all intents and purposes, it was a wonderful night. Quinn was happy for Kurt, and she loved hearing that Puck was doing so well. Mercedes's complaints about rooming with Santana had made her laugh, mostly because Santana mirrored them almost identically. Rachel's classmates were as eclectic as expected, but they held interest in her pursuit of Drama at Yale. And then, of course, there was Rachel herself. She seemed happy that night, even before the party began. Quinn was so used to seeing smiles that didn't quite reach her eyes now, but they were genuine on New Year's. She briefly even entertained the idea that maybe Finn and Rachel had finally found a way to make it work. But then Rachel was pulling her away from everyone to kiss her and the notion was gone.

There wasn't much that she would have expected less. That alone should have been enough to keep her from making one of her bigger mistakes. Since her turnaround last year, Quinn had done a fairly good job of not putting herself into situations that would leave her getting burned. More or less. There was the accident, but she had come out on top of that. And prom had been more of a minor run off course that righted itself almost immediately. Her life was finally on track. But Rachel had kissed her. Purposefully. And Quinn couldn't resist.

She had pulled Rachel to her roughly enough that it felt like they were the same height. It left them unbalanced and stumbling until Rachel collided with the wall behind her. It had been about staying in control. That had been most important. Quinn remembered thinking very clearly that if she just stood her ground and didn't allow herself to get backed into a corner (perhaps literally), then she'd still have sway. It hadn't mattered. Rachel already had the upper hand. She broke the kiss and moved on to Quinn's throat. She bit and sucked and pressed while Quinn tried to focus on anything other than Rachel Berry's mouth before they had finally stopped.

Neither came to their senses. They just happened to be interrupted. A group of party guests were heading out, and the distraction was loud enough that they broke apart and regained some perspective. Quinn went back to the party without a word, no longer caring if Rachel went back upstairs or not. It was twenty minutes before they saw each other again which was impressive seeing as there weren't that many spots to hide and people kept leaving to go home. Eventually, only those who attended McKinley High were left, and they still managed to avoid each other. Thankfully, Mercedes, Santana, and Puck were all set to sleep over as well. It was easy to use them as a barrier. Just like it was easy to duck out and leave with them in the morning.

Quinn could just go back to Yale and stay there until enough time passed that it was all just a distant memory. Then maybe in, like, a year they could mention it and share a self-deprecating laugh over the fact that nothing good ever comes from them drinking.

"Good morning."

Easier said than done. Trains ran in two directions which left Rachel stirring awake beside her. Quinn had tried to keep a decent amount of space between them and made sure they weren't touching, but her bed was small and it was difficult. Just two inches separated their hands where they rested on the mattress. It would be too easy to just reach out.

"Morning."

"Where's your roommate?"

Quinn followed her line of sight to the empty bed opposite hers. With a quick glance to the clock on their wall, she had her answer. "She prefers morning classes."

"Oh. Well, what time will she get back?"

"I'm not sure."

Quinn and her roommate weren't exactly friends. They didn't dislike each other. They just never happened to click. She got along much more effortlessly with a girl down the hall who had a similar dilemma. They've already discussed trying to swap and room together next year.

Lost in thoughts of upgrading from a freshman dorm, she realized she had just missed what Rachel said. "I'm sorry, what?"

Rachel smiled lightly at her. She was way too close. "I said if the commute wasn't so long I'd probably prefer morning classes myself." She frowned over a thought. "Of course, then they'd also cut into my workout."

"Why are you here?" It was harsher than intended, and she quickly needed to amend her question. "I just…It's not a weekend. And speaking of classes, you're missing them."

"A day or two of missing class will hardly affect my overall grade." The way it was delivered made Quinn think she had practiced saying it before leaving New York. She wasn't buying it, and after a moment, Rachel relented with a quiet truth. "I didn't know where else to go."

"Why did you need to go anywhere in the first place?"

There was no answer to that. She wished Rachel would just talk to her. Then again maybe not. Quinn couldn't think of a quicker way to end their friendship than her sharing her honest opinion on Finn and their marriage. She had a hard enough time being nice about it on Thanksgiving.

"I left a note. I didn't even tell anyone I was coming here," Rachel confessed softly. "He won't understand that."

She couldn't blame him. Quinn didn't understand that. "How much longer is this going to be going on? You really need to talk to him."

"Please don't. I don't want to do this now. You and I never discuss Finn."

"That doesn't work anymore. Not when you are literally dragging me into this via dark hallways."

There. It was out there in the open now, no longer avoidable.

Rachel worried her lip. "I shouldn't have done that. It was foolish. I'm sorry about the position I put you in."

"I've been in worse positions," she sighed, looking away to stare at her ceiling. Her ceiling was safe.

"Quinn," Rachel regained her attention before needlessly pointing out that, "You kissed me back."

Equally foolish.

Quinn closed her eyes against the memories but not the shame. "Why are you here, Rachel?"

"I can't go three weeks without talking to you. I value you and our conversations too much. You've been ignoring me. And I understand why but please don't do it again. These last couple of days has been awful."

Quinn tried to pay no mind to the double meaning any of those words had. Rachel had a tendency in their friendship to carelessly cross lines and send out signals that were inadvertent. It had, on occasion, been more than confusing. Now it was something else entirely.

She was aware of fingers grasping at her until her palm was turned over and Rachel held her hand. She momentarily glanced down to the mislaid distance that had never really been distance to begin with. "We kissed."

"I know."

Her resolve gave out, and Quinn reached forward with her free hand to trace over the soft skin of Rachel's neck. She felt rather than heard the hitch in her breathing. "I don't know what to do with that."

"Me either. But it's all I've thought about." It was impossible to miss the way Rachel's eyes flickered downward.

Quinn turned fully on her side, trailing her hand higher. She ran her thumb along the curve of Rachel's jaw and inched impossibly closer, still looking up to make sure that this was all okay. It would be too embarrassing to come back from if it wasn't. Rachel put an end to her doubts and covered Quinn's mouth with her own. She let go of her hand to shift closer, pulling at the back of Quinn's collar. Rachel bit down gently and continued pushing forward until Quinn was lying on her back again.

Far worse positions.

There was symmetry here that was anything but virtuous, yet Quinn still took a strange comfort in it. She had come full circle, and maybe that meant this happening wasn't as random as it seemed.

Except it would still burn her in the end. Of that she was sure.

She had cheated on Finn. She had cheated with Finn. Now she was helping his wife cheat. The first time resulted in an unplanned pregnancy and getting thrown out of her house. The second time she got mono. And the first and only time Quinn had ever acknowledged and accepted that her feelings for Rachel Berry may run deeper than mere friendship had left her broken in a hospital bed after being hit by a truck.

This time would probably, actually kill her.

---

Communication didn't exactly open back up. Rachel was being less than forthcoming about what was going on in New York. They had gotten into the habit of only talking about school. Sometimes Kurt would come up. Finn was never brought up. Now they talked about nothing. It was concerning. Rachel really needed to fix things with Finn or do what she should have done ages ago and end things completely. Even if she loved him, this wasn't good for her or the career she was starting. And, well, from a self-serving standpoint Quinn just really wanted Rachel's old line of communication back rather than what was going on now. Rachel had done nothing but spend the last couple of weeks "sexting" her. Her version of it anyway.

Quinn had never gotten the appeal of sexting. Having to read through grammatical errors about how a guy was hard was not attractive. It was more annoying than anything. However, she apparently had a better grasp on sexy texting than Rachel did. Rachel's sexts–if you could even call them that–were facts and statistics. In perfectly structured sentences, she would text Quinn information such as how studies showed lesbians were more satisfied sexually and achieved more orgasms than their female heterosexual counterparts. She'd also add a source link. They were odd and very Rachel, but they succeeded in doing what they were supposed to do. Quinn could not stop thinking about having sex with her.

While more than curious, she wasn't even sure how that would work and had no desire to read about Rachel's inquiry into the matter. The texts were eventually upped to emails due to the character counts. Paraphrased articles from something called 'autostraddle' were sent that Quinn never opened because that alone sounded too much like pornography. She already had too many thoughts circling around in her mind for that. She didn't even like to check her email anymore, and every time her phone buzzed she was too anxious to see who it was let alone answer it. The few times Rachel did call, Quinn had no idea what to expect. What if she actually wanted to discuss her findings over the phone?

Quinn was only grateful that this time the call came while she was in her room. "Hello?"

"Hi."

For a while Rachel didn't say anything more than that, and the silence was too much. "Was there a specific reason why you called?"

"I um, I wanted to make sure you were coming to Mr. Schuester's wedding. We just got our invitations today. I think everyone will probably be going, and it won't be the same if you're not there too."

"I haven't actually gotten mine yet. When is it?"

"Valentine's weekend."

She snorted. "That's short notice."

"But it's romantic. So will you come?"

"Do you want me to?" Quinn husked. It wasn't fair. She should not be encouraging this.

"Yes I–I need to see you, Quinn. I can't stop thinking about you."

"Rachel…You can't say things like that."

"I know. But it's true," she continued shamelessly. "I think about how sometimes you try really hard not to smile even though it's clear that's exactly what you want to do. I think about how I've never seen you happier than you are right now at Yale. And I'm so afraid that I'm going to ruin that for you, but I can't help it, Quinn, because I love that you listen to me and how strong you are and the way you hold my hand. I love the way you look at me. Did you know that no one looks at me the way you do?"

"Rachel," she warned but went ignored.

"That no one kisses me the way you do. Quinn, I want…I want to feel that again. I want-"

"Rachel, you need to stop." She pulled the phone away from her for a moment. "Please stop."

"Just come to the wedding, okay? Promise me you'll be there."

"I will be."

They weren't playing with fire. They were right in the middle of it. It wasn't presumptuous. As soon as they saw each other, this was going to happen, and they both knew it. They both wanted it.

It would not end well.

---

The wedding was held at a church Quinn had never frequented, and the reception was set and waiting in a local hotel's party room. It wasn't that big of a guest list. New Directions were the only students there. Mostly, family had come. There were some friends from Mr. Schuester and Miss Pillsbury's college days. A couple of colleagues showed up and April Rhodes. Quinn tried to avoid Principal Figgins and politely talked up Yale to Coach Beiste. Sue Sylvester was also in attendance, and for some reason, she was presiding over the ceremony. But Quinn loved seeing her old coach, especially when she managed to receive a compliment from the woman. Even if Quinn didn't really think her shoe choice made her ankles look thinner.

The vows were said and the rings were exchanged and everyone threw flower petals at the couple as rice would have been too messy for the bride. A few guests who had skipped the ceremony still came to the reception and placed their gifts on the table set out. Toasts were made, and Emma threw her bouquet. The throw was off and didn't land near those who had lined up. Rachel caught it by surprise and looked pleased with herself until Santana was ripping it away; reminding everyone that she was already married. Then it was just awkward. No one really wanted to acknowledge that two of the groom's students got married before he did when both relationships roughly started around the same time.

Husband and wife had prepared a duet for the day. They sang a cheesy version of "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to each other, complete with a string arrangement. It was sweet and better than Mr. Schue rapping something. Then it was glee's turn. Their instructor had called his graduates and wrote on his whiteboard for his students the assignment of the week. Mr. Schuester wanted no gifts and only asked that his club perform some of their love songs over the years at his wedding. He missed their voices, and everyone happily complied.

The current New Directions performed first in tribute to their teachers, singing "Time of My Life." Sam had called Quinn a couple of days ago asking if she wanted to sing it with him, but she had declined. In her place was Brittany because the two of them were now dating or they had been dating or were friends who were fooling around or something. Quinn never bothered to ask, only receiving indignant details throughout Santana's emails every now and again. The performance was…nice and it succeeded in its purpose by bringing back fond memories, but she really had no idea how New Directions won Sectionals this year. She doubted they would get past Regionals.

Tina and Mike had broken up officially about two months ago. And while they were two of the less dramatic members in glee, their duet of "L-O-V-E" was still about as awkward as expected. It was the exact reason why Quinn had turned down Sam and Joe and chose a much safer route by singing "Take My Breath Away" with Santana again. Mercedes seemed to have the same idea and got Rachel to redo "Take Me or Leave Me" with her. She kind of forgot how heated that performance was the first time. They had always been glee's two best singers and they each looked gorgeous and completely in their element, but Quinn only had eyes for one of them. It was okay, though. When she was trying desperately not to look at Rachel, she noticed Puck was paying enough attention to Mercedes for the both of them.

Sugar Motta still lived everywhere but on planet Earth and sang "I Will Always Love You." It insulted Mercedes personally, along with everyone else who had working ears, but Sugar was aware of none of this as she skipped over to retake her seat on Artie's lap. Puck thankfully strapped on one of the band's guitars and brought the right mood back by getting everyone involved in "Sweet Caroline." He hung onto his guitar when he was finished and made an announcement that he had a special performance for Miss Pillsbury. Then he quickly corrected himself and called her Mrs. Schuester. The slipup was obviously intentional and his ashamed expression afterward was obviously insincere and the whole thing was so familiar and his face just looked so stupid that Quinn felt home. She was perfectly amused until Puck was dragging her and an equally surprised Rachel on stage to sing "Afternoon Delight."

When the reception hit a bit of a lag, Artie and Mike danced through "P.Y.T." and grabbed Tina and Brittany along the way. The girls stayed out there when it was over and pulled a horrified Kurt forward to lead them in "Single Ladies." Kurt improvised and reiterated that Mr. Schue had, in fact, put a ring on it. Not wanting to suffer alone, Kurt also made Finn, Puck, and Mike join him as he knew they still remembered all the steps. Quinn found the whole thing to be just as embarrassing and charming as she had the first time.

Kurt had been reluctant to sing what he had actually agreed to, but finally, he invited a very patient Blaine up to join him in "Silly Love Songs." They sang at their microphones and never got within three feet of one another. Every time Blaine looked at Kurt, his ex looked away back to the dance floor. Brittany and Santana were just the opposite. Toward the end of the afternoon, the two had disappeared for some time together before returning again on stage. When they sang "Songbird," they were only looking at each other. In theory, this should have been a great lead in to the final performance of the night.

Rachel and Finn had gone through their repertoire of duets before settling on "Faithfully." Mr. Schue began to cry at the opening notes, and Finn had his intense performing face on but mostly he looked content to just be up there. He looked in love, but Rachel looked terrified. And Quinn knew they were both in a lot of trouble when Rachel's eyes immediately found hers once it was over. She should leave now. The reception was dying down. It was getting late. Her excuse to leave was right in her lap. Any well-adjusted person would take it and go home.

Except when had either of them ever been known to be well-adjusted?

---

When the reception ended and the bride and groom were whisked away in their 'Just Married' car, everyone who had stayed filed back into the hotel's lobby. Plans were being made on what was going to happen afterwards, and Quinn tried not to think about what could possibly occur later with Rachel.

"What the hell is going on with you and Hudson?"

Quinn frowned at her approaching friend. "I've barely spoken to Finn."

"No, the other one. You know, a little shorter. Somehow more obnoxious. Has boobs. Correction. Has nicer boobs." Santana smirked. "Just thought I'd remind you that Berry? Yeah, not a Berry anymore. She's married, Q. Stupidly, but still married."

"I'm aware." She seemed to remember Santana singing a different tune several months ago. One that resulted in bitchy arguments between them and secrets being revealed that were supposed to stay hidden. Of course, she never said to start cheating with Rachel either. No, that had been Quinn's doing alone.

"I hope you know what you're getting into."

"I'm not getting into anything. There's nothing to get into." Lies. All lies. "How's Brittany?"

"Well, she's no longer having her face swallowed by Spam's double-wide saliva trap so it could be worse."

That answered that question. She was going to ask about LA. Santana seemed a lot happier there than she had in Kentucky which came as a surprise to no one. She wanted to know if their apartment situation had changed, but they were being interrupted before she could find out. A separate married couple, who were not the focal point today, was entering the lobby amidst a dispute.

"Would you just slow down?" Finn grabbed on to Rachel's hand, stopping her and turning her back around.

"Finn, I don't want to talk about this." She untangled herself.

"What else is new?"

"Excuse me?"

"Look, how was I supposed to know that you wanted all of this?" He gestured around them to the dying wedding.

"That's not what I said!"

"It's definitely what you didn't say. We couldn't have afforded all this. We had to move at the end of summer. It was smarter to save the money for the apartment."

"That's kind of the point. We just…rushed right into this."

Finn took a step back. "What are you trying to say?"

Kurt hurried over to his roommates before it got any uglier. "Hey. This isn't the time or the place."

Rachel calmed somewhat and Finn with her. "You should go home, Finn."

"Fine, I'll go get the car."

"I'm not coming." Everyone was watching them now. "And I think you should go home to your house tonight."

"This is ridiculous. I don't even know what we're fighting about." He sounded exasperated, and it was a wonder how often they did this. "Just–just come home, Rachel. If you want to stay with my parents, then we'll stay there. It's fine."

"The girls were talking about going out after the reception. I'd like to go."

"Then you should." He shrugged lightly. "Go catch up. Have some fun. I'll come pick you up later."

"That's senseless. It'll be late. I'll just go home to my dads'."

"God, why don't you just want to be together?" Finn complained. "This isn't New York. We don't have anything to do. We don't have anything to worry about. It's Valentine's weekend. Mr. Schue just got married. We're all dressed up. We sang together. And for real. We haven't done that since glee club." He grinned. "I mean, it's romantic, right? You used to love this stuff."

"And I still do. But I'm with you every day."

His smile dropped. "That's such crap. No, you're not. You barely talk to me anymore." He watched Rachel look around nervously to their friends. "What? You think people don't know?"

"Maybe it would help if you ever wanted to talk about what I wanted to talk about."

"Again with the raised voices. You're at a wedding." Kurt sighed and focused on his stepbrother. "Finn, why don't you and I just go home? I'm sure our parents would appreciate the visit. Sam?" He turned to find the boy. "Ready to go?"

Poor Sam looked utterly unsure. "Uhh, yeah, sounds good."

Rachel glanced back to her husband. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you later," he countered.

Finn left with his housemates for the night which meant the rest of glee could only stare at Rachel. She didn't seem to want the attention and sent a glare out to Blaine and Artie who had been nearest to her. Her breathing indicated that she was bordering on being furious. She suddenly spun on her heel and strutted over to Quinn, grabbing her by the arm. "Let's go."

---

They didn't go far, and they didn't say much. They sat in a dim booth in the hotel's bar and restaurant and waited until they figured their friends would all be gone. Not many patrons were there with them, and a repeat of Sue's Corner played on the corner television. Rachel's purse sat on the table in front of them, and her phone continued to ring every couple of minutes inside of it. One guess as to who was calling. She really wished they weren't underage.

"I don't think they're going to serve us."

"I don't want a drink."

That was unfortunate. Quinn could use a drink. "I should take you home."

"I don't want to go home."

"Obviously." It was the most she'd allow herself to say on the matter.

"I want to be with you." Rachel reached over to grab Quinn's hand in a reassuring gesture, but it just felt false. "And I know that you want to be with me so-"

"You don't, actually." She pulled her hand back. "You have no idea what I want. And honestly, you don't care what I want."

"That's not true," Rachel immediately argued, but it was meek.

"You just had a fight with Finn. You're upset. I don't-" Quinn cut herself off with sigh. She was not here to divulge. But if they did this tonight, she didn't want it to be about Finn. It was already all in reaction to Finn; maybe it always had been. "We shouldn't be here."

"I know that."

"Then why are you doing this?" she snapped. She couldn't help it. Though, she wished she had after seeing Rachel's face drop.

Rachel stared down at their table for a while before drawing out small circles on the surface and offering an explanation. "Sometimes when I get home from class, Kurt's already gone to Vogue and Finn's always at work. It's the only time I'm ever really alone anymore. And I'll sit there, and I think about everything that would be different if I wasn't married. It's wrong, I know it is, but it's–it's fun." She shrugged helplessly and continued.

"You know, Kurt and I, we wouldn't have to worry as much about the rent and bills because we'd still both be dependents. Or I may not even be in Brooklyn. There would have been no reason for me to have an apartment. I would've signed up for a dorm. And my roommate, god, we wouldn't get along. At all." She laughed as if she was telling a true story. "We'd have vastly different backgrounds because some guy from admissions was in a bad mood the day he assigned us together. She'd always kick me out to have sex with her biker boyfriend, and I'd always ask her to go when I had to do my daily vocal warm ups. But despite all that, whenever we needed rescuing from a neighboring frat party we'd call each other first. There wouldn't need to be any explanations." Her smile waned. "A-and NYADA would have won the Sing Off because I would've been there. It would have been the freshmen to steal the win, and I would have impressed all the upperclassmen. Then I would have causally dated Brody Weston for a while before breaking it off, but we'd remain friends."

"Who's Brody Weston?"

"I'd make a lot of friendships. They couldn't ever compare to the ones from glee because we wouldn't have those same life-changing experiences together, but they'd be there. And I'd actually have things in common with them. And we'd save everyone's contacts because in a few years when we start getting work, we'll call the ones who have already made it and have job connections waiting for us." That was silly. Rachel wouldn't need to make calls. She'd be the one waiting for them, but Rachel looked back up at her before she had a chance to say any of that. "And this–Quinn, you and I…This would still be happening. Only I would have known sooner. So maybe it would have already happened."

Something within Quinn broke at that. "Rachel."

"I keep missing out on all these wonderful things. New York was never supposed to be like this, and I can't keep doing it. I can't." Her tone was pleading, and the crack in Quinn fractured further. "I trust you. So if I can just have one of them come true-"

"You can have all of them," she snapped again and calmed herself down. "Fine. Maybe not the roommate thing but the rest of it. Rachel, there's nothing stopping you from having that life if that's the one you want."

"You don't understand. You're not married. Being someone's wife, it's not like dating. It's about making compromises for each other. Being there with each other through everything. Because you can't just breakup. Nothing's simple anymore. It's never just about you."

That sounded awful. In fact, everything Quinn knew about marriage sounded awful. But Quinn kept that to herself. Quinn bit her tongue over the fact that Rachel had been making sacrifices for Finn's insecurities and shortcomings long before they said 'I do.' Quinn refused to say anything that had to do with Rachel's reality. It was depressing, and no one needed anymore reminders of that.

Quinn leaned over to kiss her. Partly because no one was here. Mainly because that was all she thought about since getting of the plane. "Tonight's about you."

Rachel stroked her hair steadily and moved in again. It could have been just as brief, but she took Quinn's lower lip between hers and sucked languidly. The hand cupping her face slid higher to the back of her head. Quinn inhaled sharply, and Rachel drew back again.

"Is your mom home?" She got an affirmative sound against her cheek. "Do you think she'd mind if I stayed the night?"

Doubtful. Judy never bothered with discipline since Beth out of her own guilt, but Quinn would rather not be there. "What about your dads?"

"Home, but they go to bed early. We could stay downstairs or in the basem-"

Quinn cut her off with another kiss because no. "This is stupid. We're in a hotel."

Rachel giggled against her lips. "Quinn, we can't get a room."

"Why not?" She started to pull them up out of the booth. "I happen to have all this extra cash lying around that I was going to spend on train tickets, but someone beat me to it."

"I'm not letting you pay for a hotel room." Rachel stopped them again.

"Rachel, it's just money. It's easily replaced." Tonight she would not get back if she missed it.

The desk clerk took entirely too long of a time to get them their key and still asked them if they wanted a bellhop despite them having no bags. They did eventually get in the elevator and up to their room. Rachel removed her shoes first and threw her purse on a chair before Quinn followed suit.

The room wasn't impressive or at all grand. It was basically what you expected from a hotel room in Lima, Ohio. Functioning and nothing more. The chill was noticeable, and the décor was beige. There was a television, a window without a view, and a small vase of flowers near the bathroom. And a bed. There was one of those too. Queen-sized and the only reason they were here. She was suddenly nervous. Nervous enough that Quinn stayed where she was by the door and avoided getting any closer to the mattress. She caught sight of the mini fridge in the corner and was about to make an offer or at least use it as a distraction. Rachel had other ideas.

She crossed the floor while looking determined as ever, eating away at Quinn's nerves until there wasn't even a hint of them. Rachel wanted this just as much as she did. Arms snaked around her neck, wet mouth opening against her lips. She curled her tongue around Rachel's and sighed at this feeling. It demanded recognition, had for a while, and she tried desperately not to come completely undone. It helped that Rachel's phone was once again ringing in her purse.

Quinn groaned and pulled away. The tune of "Don't Stop Believing" had no place here. "Either answer that or shut it off."

"What do I say?"

"Tell him you're staying with me."

"What if he goes to your house?"

"He won't. Finn's afraid of my mother."

The information was appeasing enough and with a deep breath, Rachel picked up the call. Quinn took the opportunity to brush Rachel's hair over her shoulder. She teased at her neck and reveled at the whine in Rachel's voice as she explained that she'd be spending the night at the Fabrays'. Apparently, that wasn't the end of the discussion, but Rachel didn't appear to be listening anyway. Instead, with her eyes clenched shut, she tilted her head back to give better access before finally saying goodnight.

"That was rude." Rachel gave a tug on her wrist.

"Sorry." She wasn't, at all, and only just managed to hide her smirk.

Rachel tossed her phone somewhere behind her without a care and turned her head to meet Quinn's. Her kiss was frenzied as she yanked at Quinn's blazer. Dexterous hands snaked up under the collar as she pushed it off her shoulders and to the floor. Her dress was the next to go as it was unzipped a pulled over her head. Rachel reached forward to smooth out her now disarrayed hair. Quinn stood openly, keeping her arms at her sides. She resisted the urge to cover herself. She was an adult now. This shouldn't deter her.

Eyes ghosted over every inch of her as Rachel couldn't seem to decide what she wanted to focus on. "Prettiest girl," she mumbled.

Rachel's feather-light touches followed everywhere where her eyes had been, stopping only on her left side. She traced over the elevated, discolored scar tissue. Her eyebrows knitted together in concern or maybe remorse, but Quinn wasn't going to accept either of them right now.

She knocked Rachel's hand away. "Stop it."

Quinn used the surprise to her advantage and tightly grabbed at Rachel's hips. She pushed back and drove them into the nearest dresser or cabinet or whatever it was. Something on top of it shook and fell with the force as Rachel gasped into her mouth. Quinn could feel Rachel's muscles working under her palms, the thin material of her dress hiding little. She was overdressed, and Quinn searched until she found a zipper to pull. That's as far as she got before the other girl was taking control again.

Rachel backed them up to the bed until Quinn lost her footing and was sitting on it. She bent down to kiss her as she straddled her hips. Quinn got back to the task at hand and finished working on the zipper, pulling the other girl's dress down until it pooled at her waist. The skirt rode up her legs as she sat down more firmly. Not much of a skirt. The dress that had been chosen to be worn tonight was torturous and more of a long shirt than anything. Rachel leaned her forehead against hers as Quinn removed her bra next.

She was hot to the touch, almost like she was feverish as Quinn gently cupped her breasts. The brunette's breathing was uneven every time she brushed a thumb over her nipple, rolled it and squeezed. Rachel shifted until she was now straddling just one of her legs. Quinn could feel the damp heat that matched hers and was vaguely aware of hands reaching behind her to unclasp her own bra, but she was too distracted by Rachel's movements to notice it coming off. The smaller girl had begun to grind down on her thigh, lips grazing the shell of her ear each time.

"Tell me."

Quinn barely heard her. "You're beautiful."

"Really?" She pulled back to check.

"Yes."

The blush on Rachel was out of place considering what they were doing, and her smile was big before reining it in. "That's not what I was asking, though."

"I know." But she wasn't going to give that away. Quinn needed to maintain some type of shield here. She quickly kissed her again to distract from that fact.

And anyway, she didn't know what her feelings for Rachel were exactly. Not entirely. It wasn't like she had much to compare them to.

She had loved Finn once, even if a large percentage of their relationship had been about nothing but their reputations. Thought she loved Sam because of his dorky impressions and complete lack of judgment. Maybe she could have if she didn't screw it up. And then there was Puck. But every time she felt something for him it was always because of Beth. It had never really been about him at all.

Rachel was constant. Always on the peripheral if not already front and center. And somehow she became the only person to really see Quinn. It wasn't extraordinary that for a while Rachel became the only thing she saw. Or heard. Or thought about. Everything was different with her. And it all paled in comparison to having a very aroused Rachel Berry in her lap. Quinn took a great pride in that knowledge. What was the adage? It was as easy to turn a guy on as it was to get them off, but women were just the opposite.

Actually, no, that wasn't an adage. She's pretty sure that was just something Holly Holiday tried to tell her once. Moron.

She canted up her hips, creating enough space to tug at Rachel's remaining clothes. "Off."

Rachel returned the favor before swiftly reclaiming her seat. There were no barriers now as they had the full feel of each other. Quinn hissed at the sensation and the blunt nails that dug into her back as Rachel painfully grabbed her shoulders for leverage. Her rhythm increased easily as she slid up and down.

Quinn had never been fully undressed with someone before. Not outside of a cheerios' locker room anyway. And even then there were shower stalls and towels. The time with Puck was short and slightly uncomfortable and her uniform top was unzipped but had stayed on. Likewise, his pants had barely left him. She didn't even have to do much beyond lay there and then pray after he left. A lot of good that did her. It was nothing like this. And it occurred to her that between the two of them, Rachel was much more experienced. She had presumably done this many times being married and all.

Her face must have shown something to be wrong because Rachel picked up on it almost immediately. "What is it? Talk to me."

She shook her head. "Nothing. I just always assumed that if this were to happen, I'd be a little more experienced by now."

The words caused Rachel to halt in her progress. She would not have said anything if this was going to be the result.

"You've thought about this?"

"Not on purpose."

Rachel's stare was wide and open as if it was some sort of declaration even though it obviously wasn't. She kissed her hungrily, and when she pulled away, her eyes were a shade darker and frantic as they took in Quinn's features. "I want you."

Quinn almost laughed. Rachel already had her; to a pathetic degree.

She drew a hand up Rachel's inner thigh, fingers teasing at her entrance. She was so wet and saw the effect it was obviously having on her, but it didn't last. Rachel pushed away her hand and shoved her by the shoulders until she was lying down. Quinn frowned up at her, searching for an explanation.

"I want you," she repeated.

She slowly kissed away the confusion from mouth to jaw to throat. Rachel trailed down her chest and torso. She continued her exploration until she got back to where she wanted to be; until she got to the last remaining evidence of the accident. Her lips were soft, but Quinn still shifted uncomfortably. Rachel stopped and glanced back up at her. She looked troubled enough that Quinn sat up to lean on her elbows.

"I knew something was wrong," Rachel began quietly. "I can't explain it. Even before Mr. Schuester got the call, I knew something happened. You were supposed to be there." She whispered, but it was broken. They had never talked about this.

"Rachel."

"Everyone kept saying that you changed your mind, but I knew you wouldn't do that to me. Not after we talked. Sometimes-" She swallowed before continuing. "Sometimes I think your approval of my engagement meant more to me than the actual wedding. You have no idea how much I needed you there."

Quinn didn't know what that meant. Not when Rachel had still eventually gotten married anyway.

"Finn and I have only done this a couple of times. And only once did we actually achieve anything." She caressed over Quinn's hip. "But I feel like I've done enough research to remedy that."

Quinn's head fell backwards onto the mattress with an audible exhale. She really didn't want to hear about Finn or their bedroom activities right now. And she really didn't need the imagery of Rachel splayed as someone did this to her. Apparently inefficiently, though. Quinn would be winning that contest with him at least. She was a quick study, and the emails on the subject were still in her inbox.

Rachel's warm breath was over her, providing no relief, and Quinn had not been prepared. Her eyes slammed shut as she clutched at the bed sheets. The touch was delicate at first, perhaps experimentally, but soon she was pressing deeper. Her tongue was flat as it stroked, and she was deliberate in her speed and direction. Quinn shuddered and pulsed and grasped at thick hair. It was the answering moan that pushed her over the edge.

Her orgasm came quickly. It took Rachel longer to untangle herself and crawl back up her body. She smiled and demurely ducked her head, tucking herself under Quinn's chin, and she looked so tiny that Quinn fell. Everything in her felt compressed and ready to burst out, and suddenly, she could not stop talking. Quinn told her that that was amazing, that Rachel was amazing, before kissing her again. She told her that she was gorgeous and talented as she flipped them over and rambled on about how special she was. She told her everything but what Rachel asked to hear as she eased inside of her.

It wasn't surreal. It never bordered on being an out-of-body experience. But it wasn't supposed to be happening. They were never supposed to happen. It only made Quinn want it more.

---

Things moved quickly after that. After the wedding, Rachel visited Yale more often than she had before. She came without fail every other weekend. Quinn began planning her schedule around hers. She didn't go out as much anymore. There were groups she didn't join, and groups that she had already joined that no longer appreciated her or her lack of participation. It was Rachel, and she'd have too many regrets if she didn't see this through. But if had been anyone else, she wouldn't have even contemplated putting something like this before herself and her future. That notion only seemed to make all of this worse. None of it was close to being healthy.

Rachel was using her. That much was obvious; had been from the start. Quinn was no stranger to using people so it was pretty easy to recognize and understand. Though, she didn't want to. She knew she was better than this. Ironic, given her own history, but she was now. Or she was supposed to be. So, against her better judgment, she decided to just ignore it all. And anyway, she figured she wasn't exactly a victim here. She had been taking advantage of Rachel and her situation too. Maybe not consciously, but she was aware of that in the back of her mind.

Rachel was being self-destructive, and it scared Quinn because that wasn't her role. Usually, that had been Quinn's role. She had no idea how to help that wouldn't result in her pushing the other girl away. She was not being a very good friend. She supposed she never really had been one. Friends cared if they were hurting each other. Friends didn't deny the possibility all together. Friends weren't detrimental. Friends didn't want each other in the way they did and definitely did not spend as much time in bed together.

---

It wasn't always just physical. That was the hardest part; the most difficult thing to accept.

Often times during her visits, Quinn would take Rachel out. They couldn't be called dates because this situation did not allow for dates, but they were in every way that counted. Her roommate and a few of her friends at school assumed they were a couple. Specifically, due to Rachel's calculated lack of presence on her Facebook, they thought they were a couple who just hadn't come out yet. That had been difficult to explain or it was back when Rachel still wore her wedding rings. She had stopped doing that when she came here now, only hid them in her bags until she left again.

They were living in a fantasy. Quinn didn't do fantasies. She denied a lot until it boiled over and pushed for certain things even if they were out of her control. She rejected reality when it wasn't what she wanted or was simply too agonizing, and she used to plan out horrible futures for herself when she didn't think she was capable of anything else. But she had always been realistic and self-aware, even at her lowest points. Sometimes her version of reality was admittedly a little warped, but it was still always reality. The only time she had ever imagined alternate paths was with Beth. To do that now, again, with Rachel would be like drowning.

Except she could. She could picture what this would be like–could have been like–if Finn was not around. It was too easy. In a way, she already had it. It didn't even require that much fantasizing. The only real difference would be that it would never hurt and that maybe some of their conversations wouldn't be as weighted. Maybe Rachel would be happier. Maybe Rachel…Maybe she would even feel the same way about her. Maybe.

---

Quinn didn't go back to New York until spring. Up until this point, staying away had been the smarter thing to do. But Rachel had asked her to come down for the weekend and despite everything in her telling her not to go, Quinn got on the train.

When she arrived, Rachel had seemed nervous; fidgeting the entire way back to the loft. By the time they got there, Rachel had moved up to afraid. Quinn couldn't figure out why she even invited her until it was clear that this was Finn's idea. All of Rachel's fear transferred over onto her. He must have found out. Why else would he want her here? Except Finn would have exploded by now at one of them, if not both of them, if that were true. More likely he actually wanted to spend time with old friends and Quinn was the only one in the vicinity. She calmed back down again after that.

It was difficult to spend the day with them. Kurt was there which helped and he had brought along his friend Adam which was an even better distraction, but she still had to watch them be a couple. Or more accurately, she had to watch them pretend at being a functioning couple. Rachel kept shooting her smiles that alternated from being awkward to apologetic, but she just looked away from each of them. Quinn had never been too great at stomaching seeing them together. Rachel pursuing Finn had been infuriating. Coming back the following year and having it confirmed that Finn would choose Rachel over her had been a bitter pill to swallow. Especially because her pride had only been on the line for Rachel. Last year was like watching a slow-motioned train wreck, and now it was just painful.

They decided to get a late lunch from a small place the New Yorkers liked. Finn had insisted that Quinn go with him to pick it up. Rachel had started to get her shoes on when he played it off and told her to stay back and relax. He knew she was tired from her dance class and could use the break. Rachel very obviously began to panic again, but Quinn quickly agreed with Finn. She sent Rachel a soothing look, and the pair headed out. Quinn didn't want to go, but something was on his mind and she was going to find out what.

"I think you'll really like it. The food, I mean. It's kinda cheap, but it's actually pretty healthy. They even have vegetarian stuff for Rachel. It's not vegan, but that's hard to always find." Finn shrugged as they waited for their order in front of the restaurant's counter.

It really wasn't something to shrug off. This was New York City. There were definitely more restaurants here than back in Lima that offered vegan entrées. Quinn saw it as nothing more than something Rachel had to give up because of Finn Hudson and his stupid, selfish proposal.

"I'm sure it will be great, Finn. I trust your taste." Too much.

"I was actually wondering if we could maybe talk about something."

"Depends."

"It's about Rachel."

"I don't really want to get in the middle of you two." She was always in the middle. It didn't matter that it was Finn who had to decide between two girls, and that it was Rachel who got in the way of their relationship first. Somehow Quinn was always the one between them. Even last year when she really shouldn't have been involved at all.

"But you're her friend, right?"

"Yes, Finn, we're friends. You know that."

"She goes to see you a lot. Which wouldn't be weird if you lived here but you don't. It's just a long way to travel, is all."

"It's a two hour train ride. It's not that big of a deal.

"If it isn't, then how come you never come here?"

"I'm here right now."

"Yeah because I asked Rachel to invite you. Otherwise you wouldn't be."

Admittedly, that one stung. "I don't like the city. I guess we have that in common." It was defensive and mean and worse, it missed its mark. Finn wasn't discouraged at all.

"But that's not fair then. If you're really friends, then you shouldn't make Rachel do all the traveling."

She recognized that Finn was trying to be clever. She was actually surprised he didn't manage to look smug. Sometimes he was just so fucking tiring. "Trust me. I don't make Rachel do anything she doesn't want to do. Now what do you really want to ask me?"

"Does Rachel really come to see you every time?"

"You're serious?"

"It's a pretty great lie if you think about it. You and I never talk. She could say she's going to see you and really go see someone else for the weekend."

"Someone like who? Last I checked Rachel doesn't have very many friends. Not nearly as many as she deserves. She's too busy making sacrifices at school for you."

Bull's-eye.

He narrowed his eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Fine. Here's what I do know. I'm not going to spend hundreds of dollars on train tickets just so she could never use them. When have you ever known me to be that generous?" Finn looked sheepish at that, and Quinn found herself relenting. She didn't really have a place here to be complaining. Not with what she and Rachel were doing to him. She remembered the time he told her that the two of them cheating on him hurt so much because he thought it meant they didn't love him. That was probably the furthest thing from the truth in Rachel's case. She had always loved him too much. More than he earned anyway. "Rachel loves you. She married you. You don't cheat on people you love. You know that as well as I do."

"I just can't figure out how so much distance got between us. Last year everything was great."

"Last year you were in high school. That's nothing." She sighed and decided to give him some honest advice that she couldn't give to Rachel. Maybe he'd surprise her and actually listen. "Talk to her about it. She may understand more than you think she will."

He thanked her and smiled and told her she was a good friend to have before they finally got their food.

When Quinn went back to school, she ignored all of Rachel's calls. For the first time she didn't want this.

---

She was a coward. The avoidance lasted until Rachel stopped trying to get in contact with her. And that lasted until Rachel lost her patience and got on a train. She came to Quinn's dorm without notice because if she's being honest, their relationship has always seemed to cycle around and back again.

Rachel stood at her door, looking just as haggard as Quinn was. "Hi."

"Hi."

"I know that I should have called before coming here to make sure I wasn't conflicting with any prior engagements, but I didn't think you would take it anyway." Noticing they were alone, Rachel welcomed herself in. "I thought we said we weren't going to do this. You promised you wouldn't ignore me."

"I wasn't ignoring you."

It was a weak defense, and she rolled her eyes. "Avoiding me then."

Her red-rimmed eyes then searched for any explanation, and the only one suitable was the truth.

"Rachel, this needs to stop." It was not easy to say. "I can't–It's not fair to anyone. You come here because you don't want to face the fact that Finn Hudson doesn't fit into your life anymore. And you're using me to do it."

The superior attitude she had been exhibiting left her immediately. "That's not true. Quinn, I…I want this, okay? I want to be with you. I already told you that if I weren't married, we'd still-"

"But you are. The rest of it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what would have happened if Finn wasn't here because he is here. And clearly, he's not going anywhere."

"It's a little more complicated than-"

"He thinks you're cheating on him," she cut in. Rachel looked rightfully alarmed at this news. "Not with me, but I still had to sit there and try and reassure him that you weren't. This is going to destroy him, you know that."

There was no way this was going to stay hidden forever. Rachel had to know that too because for a moment she looked mortified before clearing it away.

"No." She glared determinedly. "You're not going to stand there and pretend to care about that or him and try and take some–some holier than thou-" She clicked her mouth shut before taking a deep breath. "You knew what this was. We both did. So if you're going to pull away now, at least have the decency and courage to be honest about why." The tears in Rachel's eyes matched her own as she stared her down, looking right through her. Quinn felt more exposed with her now than at any point over the last five months, not even when they were stripped bare. "You can't, can you? Santana said you'd never admit anything. Even now after we've been together, after everything you still won't-"

"Shut up," she snapped, pacing away. "Seriously, just shut up." Rachel had no right to be asking this of her. It wasn't fair and demanded too much without offering anything in return. It wouldn't change anything. Even if this rested on making a choice, Rachel would never choose her over Finn anyway. "What exactly do you want to hear? It won't magically fix everything. Do you really want-"

"I want you to be honest! For once. Say it. Just once. Please," she implored, but Quinn just turned away further. Rachel released a frustrated cry, stomping her foot. "I don't understand why you ever started doing this. You used to be my friend. My friend who would tell me all the hard things I didn't want know. The one who would give me advice in tough situations whether I asked for it or not. That's what we were supposed to be for each other."

Quinn felt the implication was clear. That's all they were ever supposed to be. Certainly, they were not supposed to be what they were now. And yes, that was a conclusion she came to months ago before they even crossed that line, but when Rachel said it, it was irritating. It was Rachel who started this. It was Rachel who dragged her away during the middle of her party. Quinn never would have done anything if Rachel hadn't been the one to come to her.

"Yeah, well it's a little late for that. Not that you ever listened anyway. In fact, I seem to remember you kicking me out of your first wedding because of it. Which given how that one went, it probably should have been your first clue." The sob Rachel released was broken and pitiful, and Quinn recoiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't–I didn't mean that." She came closer, but Rachel brushed her away.

"Yes, you did." She leaned back against the door and offered a bitter, tearful chuckle. "Well, I wanted honestly."

"Rachel." Quinn came closer once more. It was easier now that Rachel had nowhere to go. "I am your friend. And the second, the second, I think that you want my actual advice and opinion, I'll be the first one there. But you obviously don't. Because you still live with Finn and you still sleep with him and you're still married to him even though you're not happy. Neither of you are. Anyone who cares enough to look can see that."

Rachel shut her eyes, more tears spilling through. "Do you have any idea how much you matter to me?" Quinn had heard similar words before.

"An idea," she confirmed with a small smile. "But I can't keep being that person for you. Not the one you run to because you don't want to deal with something. It hurts, Rachel."

Rachel's face crumbled in response. "I'm so sorry. I keep messing everything up, and I really am sorry."

"I know," she assured her; she whispered over and over against her lips.

Being together didn't feel right this time. Touching each other did not feel essential. Quinn did not feel anxious or eager. It was just something that was expected and made a little more sense than everything else going on around them. It felt like the final time, almost like goodbye.

---

Kurt was the one to call her. Quinn and Rachel had not seen each other in about a month. Recently, they could at least say it was because of finals, except they hadn't really been speaking either. They had emailed each other twice, sharing nothing of importance, and that was it. It was like they went back in time to the beginning of the year. Quinn wasn't even sure if she wanted to fix it but then Kurt was calling her at a complete loss as to what to do.

Finn had left. He and Rachel had fought, and something must have finally broke because when Finn left he didn't come back. No one knew where he was. Ha hadn't told anyone where he was going, and calling went straight to voicemail. He wasn't with any of his friends from work. Burt and Carole hadn't seen him. It turned out that he was hiding out in Columbus for a day and a half before taking a bus home to Lima. While relieved, no one was any happier. His parents had been close to filing a missing persons report. Quinn couldn't even feel sorry for him. It was a cruel thing to do.

Rachel was beside herself with resignation. According to Kurt, she hadn't even been all that upset; only listless and defeated. She had confined herself to the apartment, and he had run out of helpful solutions. Kurt had tried to get Finn to come back home. He had tried to get her to talk about it. He had even tried to break her down but received no reaction. If Quinn had been a real friend, calling her in for reinforcements might have been a good idea. She only hoped her presence didn't make it worse.

Kurt came to meet her once she got in, and he wanted to discuss the best course of action to take. Quinn really didn't want to talk to Rachel with Kurt there so he graciously agreed to give them the apartment. Quinn made it upstairs and let herself in. Rachel looked horrible. She had shadows under her eyes and her hair was unbrushed. She wore a NYADA sweatshirt that was a size too big and pajama pants to match. Quinn had never seen her look so unkempt or so small. She didn't look like she had been crying, though. Just impassive. But when Quinn made her presence known Rachel looked up from the couch with a spark in her eye.

"What are you doing here?"

"Kurt called. Told me Finn left and that you weren't doing so well." Quinn took a seat in the chair opposite the couch. "What happened?"

After a long moment, Rachel finally filled the silence.

"Finn found out that I was the one who bought our train passes," she began dryly. "And we fought. Then he left and bought his own plane ticket without discussing it which I found to be very hypocritical."

Quinn waited for more. She already knew all of that. It was obviously not the full story. She doubted she would ever get that, however, and honestly didn't want it.

"He thinks you lied for me. And he demanded to know where I was really going. I told him I was going to see you. Which is kind of funny because it's actually the truth. But he's still right anyway." Rachel bit her lip fretfully. "And I did take the money. Money that we were supposed to be using for our Netflix bill."

"You should have said something. I would have bought the tickets." It was hardly what was important here, but she wanted her to know anyway.

"That's just it, though. I don't even regret it. Not any of it. I'm just sorry." She sounded so tired, and Quinn wanted to comfort her but it was smarter to maintain distance. "I really wanted this to work. Finn and New York. It was supposed to be so simple. But Finn's not happy here, and I'm not happy with him." Her confession was quiet and then she finally cried. Rachel cried a lot.

The need for distance was forgotten and without hesitation Quinn moved to the couch. She put an arm around her, rubbing soothing patterns on her back and waited for her breathing to even out.

"Please don't say I told you so."

"I wasn't."

"He hates his job. He finally told me that before he left. Finn moved here and took a job that makes him miserable just to stay with me. And the worst part is I don't think I'd do that for him. But I should."

It sounded less like a hypothetical. The way she said it made it sound like it was something Rachel had actually been considering.

"Well, you can't," she said slowly. "Rachel, you belong here. You always have. Don't think about giving that up just because you feel guilty about Finn actually having to get a job and support his wife. New York wasn't a sudden decision. He knew you were coming here before he proposed. If he didn't want to work some crappy job, then he should have been prepared to do something else. He had more than enough time."

"But he's tried so hard. A-and a marriage is supposed to be give-and-take. I've taken Finn for granted all year. Maybe it's just my turn to provide."

"Provide what? Are you going to go out and get your own job that you hate even though you already know exactly what you want to be doing?"

"I don't know." She covered her face with her hands for a moment. "I feel like I owe him."

"That's not a good reason to stay with someone."

"What if I can't do it alone?" Rachel looked over her shoulder. It brought them closer together than Quinn would have liked, even if they just stumbled on the real reason behind Rachel's persistence with forcing this.

"New York? You've been prepared to do this your whole life. You'll be fine on your own."

"But I've never wanted to be," she cried again, getting up from the couch to pace around in agitated steps.

Quinn knew what it meant to feel alone. She knew the fear of chasing everyone away and have no one care enough to come back. She wanted to assure her that she wouldn't be, but it wouldn't be wise to make promises, not with where their relationship was at. More than that, Quinn didn't want to mistakenly reassure herself that Rachel would always be there.

"Come back here." Quinn held out her arm. She pulled her back down by the hand and waited until she knew the other girl was listening. "No one wants to. But you won't have to. Do you realize that you win everyone over? And it's not because of your talent. It's because of you." Rachel stared at her with expressive eyes far too intently. Quinn tried to ignore them. "And don't argue because I know that better than anyone. I know you get along with people at NYADA and maybe you're not as close as you'd like to be, but it's only been a year. You've got three more." She smiled. "You'll make those friendships and you'll casually date a bunch of people who you're too good for and you'll probably get a role on Broadway before you even graduate. Everything is just starting. And I know it doesn't feel like that because of your relationship with Finn but it is. You're going to get everything you want." She cupped her hand with both of hers. "Rachel, you are the only person that I would ever bet on."

She frowned quizzically. "I'm still married." There were too many possible reasons behind those words, and Quinn let go of her hand, drawing hers back into her lap. "And this isn't just a relationship. This is our lives. It's just…it's so legal." Her face scrunched up further.

"And you've got plenty of time to work it out. What are you doing the next three months?" she challenged.

"Well since that we don't live in a dorm and at least one of us needs to stay in the city, I was thinking of maybe taking a couple of summer classes o-or maybe apply for my own internship. Assistants are always needed, and it really is all about connections in this business. You should start looking into that yourself."

Quinn held back a laugh. The fact that this was still important to Rachel right now…God, she loved her. It coiled and stung and should not have been happening now when this was over. She swallowed and got back on track, promising to destruct it later. "You said at least one."

Rachel frowned again. "You don't think Finn should come back."

"I don't think you're going to figure this out if you stay in the same position you're already in. Something needs to change, and you have a whole summer." She shrugged. "But this is your choice, Rachel. Don't take my advice if it's because you don't know what else to do."

"What would that mean for us? You know, summer. Or after summer."

There was no 'us.' Rachel had to know that already.

"Do you love me?" she asked suddenly. "I mean, are you in love with me?"

Rachel opened her mouth and closed it again a few times before answering. "Quinn, I care about you so much."

Quinn cut her off in order to keep her emotions in check. It would not take much for her to start crying as well. "It's okay that you're not. I already knew that." The acceptance didn't make it hurt any less. "My point is, maybe we go back to being nothing more than friends. Especially if you don't know for sure what you're going to do about Finn."

"But what about you? What about what you want?"

"I think friends works better for me."

Rachel brushed the back of her fingers across her cheek in concern. "No, it doesn't."

Quinn removed her hand but held on to it. "Just give me this, okay?"

She would like to leave with some dignity intact, and it was a clean way out for Rachel. But Rachel didn't appear relieved at all and was barely able to nod.

"Whatever you want." Rachel turned and hugged her without preamble because that's what she had always done with Quinn, and this wasn't going to change that.

Quinn was uncertain if that made it easier or not.

---

McKinley High's 2013 Graduation happened during the first week in June. Most college terms across the country had already ended which meant all eight former glee club members were able to come home to support their friends. Mr. Schuester had called all of them and requested a reunion. But Finn didn't need to fly home. He had already been home for a week. It had been a week since he left New York. A week since he ran out on his wife.

Finn hoped it wasn't for good. He hadn't meant it for good. He was just so angry. And afraid. He didn't know what was true or not anymore.

Leaving wasn't the most mature thing he could have done. Not calling Rachel or Kurt or anyone had been pretty stupid. And avoiding them for the past seven days was definitely kind of selfish. It had been a horrible week. He had to keep dodging his parents' questions on why he had come back. He had probably been fired. Missing a week of work without giving notice usually meant you were canned. Though, his boss liked him and seemed to sympathize with his situation so maybe if he explained it and worked a week or two without pay to make it up, he could get his job back. If he wanted it, that is. He liked the guys who worked with him and he was getting pretty good at test runs and immediately detecting what was wrong with the cars brought in, but who moved to New York City to fix cars? Finn didn't even know people drove there. He had thought it was all taxi cabs. He wasn't sure this was what he wanted to keep doing, and today he would have to see Rachel again and she'd want an answer.

Burt and his mom were going to the graduation to cheer on Sam whose own parents had driven up for it and to discuss his future. The two parental units also just wanted to finally meet and go out for dinner afterward. They drove to the high school together early and waited to meet Kurt who had gotten a ride into Lima from Rachel's dads. Finn didn't want to be there yet. He didn't want to face it and instead walked around his old campus. It was so familiar to him. He had come here not knowing how to even survive before winning over the starting quarterback position. Then he was suddenly a king with the head cheerleader on his arm. For a while it had been great, but it was also lacking. And then he found glee. He found Rachel. He found something he really loved. Something he wanted to do just because. It had nothing to do with survival. It had nothing to do with his image. Finn liked himself then. Was proud enough to be a leader and have kids he would normally never talk to follow him.

He didn't really know where it all went wrong.

The ceremony was when he first caught a glimpse of her, but they didn't sit together. Finn sat with Kurt and their parents while Rachel sat with Mercedes and Puck on the far end of his row. Santana sat with Quinn, Mike, and Joe who would be doing this next year. The dude seemed cool and all, he guessed, but Finn really didn't want to have to go to that one too. This graduation felt way longer than theirs did, probably because no one sang. He got antsy in his seat and contemplated just walking over to Rachel. They needed to talk. Except that would be rude. Today wasn't about them.

Once the hats were thrown and everything was over, they still didn't get any time together. Hugs were going around as everyone walked up the stairs and through the exits. The audience hung around the foyer and waited for the graduates to join them. They came out, and by then, Finn had lost her amongst the crowd. All he found was Puck.

"You look like crap."

"Thanks, man," Finn joked.

"How many hours are you working now?"

"The usual."

"Cool." Puck looked serious, for him, and hesitantly continued. "I heard you flew home early. Like a week early."

"Yeah, well, my mom needed help. Moving furniture. 'Cause, ya know, Burt has that heart thing." It didn't even sound believable to his own ears.

"Yeah, that sucks. I'm never getting old."

Finn laughed. "Dating girls younger than you won't make you younger, dude."

"Tell that to every mom whose pool I've cleaned." He smirked, waggling his eyebrows. "But I was actually talking about LA. Because everyone there gets their face done to look, like, twenty years younger. No one's ever older than forty. Except Clooney. Because it's Clooney."

"Who?"

"Look, I'm just saying LA? Pretty much the greatest place ever. I mean, look at my tan."

Finn did look pretty pale now that he looked down at their arms. "Well, I'm glad it's worked out."

"It has. But I could always use my best bro to help run my business. If you're ever interested," he offered before looking around. Puck lowered his voice. "Between you and me, Santana and Mercedes are totally taking over. I have no fucking idea what to do about them."

"Thanks. But I got a job. And Rachel."

"No, I get it. Stand me up for a chick." That got Finn to smile again, and Puck started to leave before turning back around. "The offer will always be there."

Puck left him alone, and Finn could do nothing but watch his friends. Everyone seemed happy, and he was happy for them. Mr. Schuester and Ms. Pillsbury were congratulating the graduates. The God Squad was having a mini reunion along with Sam's family. Artie and Sugar were laughing together with Mike and Tina. Santana was dragging Brittany away. Kurt and Blaine were having a conversation, and it looked like the first enjoyable one they've had in a year. He was surrounded by couples, past and present, and Rachel wasn't with him.

He went off in search of her and eventually found her in the choir room. It wasn't difficult to guess where she'd be. If it wasn't graduation, she would have been in the auditorium. She looked so beautiful today but somehow older in this setting. He didn't think he looked older at all.

Rachel smiled when she spun around and saw him. It was close-lipped and not that big of a grin. Hadn't been for some time and he wanted it back. "Hey."

"Hey. It's kinda weird being back, isn't it?"

She nodded, taking it all in. "It's seems smaller."

"Like maybe it didn't matter as much?"

"No, just smaller." She lost the relaxed expression on her face when she turned back to face him. "Are you coming back home?"

Finn felt like he was already home. Right here; the two of them together in this room.

"Do you want me to?"

"Only if that's what you want. I don't want you to come back to New York if you're only doing so because you feel like you have to. I want you to love being there like I do."

"Do you? Love being there? Because it doesn't seem like it."

She shrugged. "I like our loft. It's not what I wanted or what I pictured, but it's the perfect setting for an artist who's just starting out. It will be something to joke about in future interviews."

"See, I don't think it's a joke." More like hours of hard work. He was almost annoyed. Rachel never seemed to take what he did seriously. "It's something we earned. I earned. Even if Burt and my mom are still helping to pay for it, it's something I take care of."

"Finn, I wasn't–That's not what I was saying." She sighed before continuing. "And you're right. You do take care of it. You do a great job, but you do it for me."

"I do it for us," he corrected.

"If I wanted to move out to Los Angeles right now, would you come with me?"

That actually sounded like it could be fun. Maybe all they needed was another change in location. They already had friends there too. Plus, he'd get a tan. "Why? Is that something you're thinking about?"

"No, of course not." His hope died there. "It's just a question."

"Okay, then sure. I'd come with you. We're married."

"And what if I wanted to move back here? What if on some off chance Broadway didn't work out and we had to come back to Lima?"

"Lima's home. That'd be fine. I don't understand what you're asking."

"What if I wanted to move to Mexico or France or China? And not because I even had a reason. Just because I wanted to. You'd still be there. You'd be there because I was there."

Finn frowned. This conversation was moving at a different speed than he was. "Yes, Rachel, I'd follow you, okay? Whatever you want. I'm always going to be there for you. That's not–I love you. You don't need to worry about that."

It was meant to reassure her, but Rachel only looked more wretched. "But I don't want you to. I want you to go places because you want to see them. And I want you to work a job because you love doing it. To have and pay for an apartment because you want to live there. And if in the future we happen to be in the same place and want the same things, then this can just…It can start up again then." She pulled her hands in front of her to begin twisting off the rings on her left hand, and that's when Finn began to panic.

"Wait. That can all happen in New York. Okay? I can make this work. I don't care about my job and that sometimes it sucks or that we never get hot water. I don't–The subway's fine when you don't talk to people. A-and the smell, it goes away after a while."

"I want you to have a dream, Finn. One that's just as important to you as mine is to me. I cannot be your dream." Her tears fell through clenched eyes. "I can be your friend. Or your girlfriend. And maybe even your wife again one day. But until we're on equal footing, this doesn't work. You can't honestly tell me you've been happy this past year."

He really couldn't.

"So I'll ask you again. Are you coming back home?"

"Rach." He had nothing to say. The worst possible thing was happening, and he had nothing to say.

"I think we need a break." She reached over with a shaky hand to place the rings in his. "I know I do."

Finn stared dumbly down at his palm. "But we're, I don't–Why did you say even yes, then?" He was suddenly angry. Rachel had wanted to do this just as much as he had. She was just as sure.

"Because I loved you and I thought that would be enough." She shrugged again, regretfully now. "But it's not."

"It's enough for me."

"It's not. If it was, you wouldn't have left. There wouldn't have been anything to fight about."

He guessed that was true. They had been fighting for a while now. Nothing too big, just over little things mostly. It was better than before, though. Back when they just avoided it all together. Or it had been until last week. The argument they had last week wasn't little at all.

"I'm not giving up. Not entirely. I just…What's wrong with taking the summer? I'll stay in New York, and you can stay here. We can think about what we really want, separate from each other. Then when school starts again, we'll talk about it and make a decision. But only if we both want the same things."

It sounded reasonable, and he did miss being home here. He just wished Rachel was staying with him. But married couples separated all the time, right? It was not exactly a breakup. Not yet.

"Okay. We'll give separation a try." Finn pocketed her rings. He didn't want to lose them. Hopefully, he'd be giving them back in a couple months. "But for that to happen, Rachel, we need to talk. No fighting, just talk."

"We are talking."

"No, a different talk. You know which talk. And what happens after this summer…that depends on what you say."

"Finn-"

"Were you with someone?" He shut his eyes for a moment. "Because, look, Quinn lied for you. And you changed your makeup and you bought new dresses and I'm not stupid. Not about that. So just answer the question, okay? It's a yes or no."

She swallowed and held her head up, keeping her composure. "Yes."

Okay, he already knew that. So why did it hurt so much? He felt like he had just been sacked in the gut and had to squint against the tears he felt were coming. He really didn't want to cry. Rachel hated when he cried. It always made her twice as upset.

"Was it a onetime thing? More than once?"

She winced. "More than once."

"Twice?" he asked helplessly, but Rachel's face just dropped. "Is this…am I not? Do you not like being with me or something? Is it not…good? I mean, we can work on–or fix that and-"

"That's not why…It wasn't about that. It wasn't about sex."

"So then what? Did you fall in love with another guy?"

"No, I just…I wanted an escape. From New York and our lives and our apartment…" she trailed off. It was obvious why she couldn't finish.

"From me? How is that any better?"

"Because it wasn't about you. It was about me. This is me, it's my fault. You didn't do anything wrong," she rushed out through more gathering tears.

"Yeah, it's about you and this other person. What, was it that Brody dude? Someone else from school? Did Jesse come back?" It'd be just like him. He could almost hear the serenade.

"What? No, it wasn't him. Or Brody. It wasn't anyone. That's not important." It seemed like a rather important detail if he were being asked. "Finn, please, I'm so sorry. A-and I know that doesn't fix it or-"

"How long, Rachel?" he quickly interrupted. Finn really didn't want to hear her apology. He was too busy keeping his anger in check as he ran through too many scenarios in his head. She didn't just cheat. This was an–an affair or something.

"Since our New Year's party."

"That was months ago!" Weeks of built up rage that he had been holding in seemed to burst out at once, and he turned away, shoving the piano. He tried to ignore Rachel's flinch at the noise as it came to a halt.

Brad will be pissed, but he didn't really care right now. This douche was in their apartment, using the electricity and gas and all the stuff Finn paid for. He couldn't figure out who it was, though. He didn't remember Brody being there. Most of the guys there seemed to be gay, actually. The only ones who weren't…No, there's no way Rachel could have even known any of the guys from work, and Puck wouldn't do that to him. Not again.

"Hey, what's going on? Are you guys okay?" He felt a hand grip his shoulder and turned to find his former teacher. "Finn, calm down."

He hadn't even seen Mr. Schue come in. Or the rest of their friends. Finn kind of forgot that they were going to have a glee party in here to celebrate, and now they all just seemed concerned. It made sense. He could feel the vein pumping in his neck. He knew his face was red and his breathing was uneven. And lord knows they could all see Rachel was upset. He didn't like feeling all of their eyes on them. This should be something private. It was embarrassing to look back at them and see how worried they were. Every single glee club member was standing there, probably worried he was going to kick another chair. Every…all but one. Quinn didn't look worried at all. Quinn looked afraid. He had seen that look before.

Puck wouldn't. Not again.

"New Year's," he was muttering to himself now, but she had been there. She had gotten there early. He remembered because Rachel dragged her away to the store for some last minute supplies. Quinn said she wanted to pay for them to make up for not bringing anything by train. "Oh my god."

All those trips to New Haven. How many times did she go to Yale in the last five months? How many weekends did she spend the night?

"Finn."

He knew, and Rachel knew he knew.

"Are you sleeping with her?" This time he received no answer and was very aware of New Directions' collective surprise as he looked to Quinn instead. "What about you? Huh? Are you screwing my wife?"

"Please. Paranoid much? Like Loosey Q would ever want to touch your midget with a ten foot pole," Santana interjected with an audible scoff. Rachel and Finn both shot her a glare. "What? You should be thankful I ignored the penis pun in there."

"Santana," Will scolded.

"I need to get out of here."

"Finn, wait-"

"Is it true?" He turned back around to Rachel. Maybe he was a loser, but he needed the confirmation. "Just give me that much."

"Yes." All sound was gone and replaced with a buzzing in his ears. He couldn't hear what she was saying and was barely able to see anything past his own nose. Finn needed to leave. "But it's not still going on and it-"

She tried to stop him, but he only jerked his arm away. "Don't!" He took another step back. "This is what you wanted! Isn't it? You wanted this to end for a reason. One that meant you didn't need to admit to failing. That we're both failures."

"Finn, no, that's not-"

"Why else would you do it with her!" Finn wasn't that dumb. He knew Rachel was attractive and that there were plenty of people in New York who would be interested, but she chose Quinn. Quinn, "of all people?"

He had been here before. Finn had been here in this exact room, with most of these exact people. He had stood by while Rachel and Quinn both cried, and Mr. Schue tried to calm him down. Had learned that the girl he was in love with had cheated on him and had been lying about it for months. It had been four years, and nothing had changed. The only difference was that Quinn wasn't a guy so he couldn't punch her face in. This was so messed up.

"This is so messed up."

Finn stormed his way to the nearest exit but stopped when he caught sight of Quinn again. All he could think about was the last time he spoke to her, and in that moment, he hated her. Maybe both of them.

"You know what?" He laughed, but the sound of it was awful. It cracked into a sob halfway through. "You two deserve each other."

---

He wasn't even sure how he made it home. He didn't even remember the drive. He must have been on autopilot or whatever it was called. Luckily, his parents were still out with Sam's, and Finn was able to sneak up to his old bedroom without any trouble. He didn't know how to explain to Burt that he was no longer going to be using the apartment the man was leasing. And he really didn't know how to look at his mom and tell her that his wife had been cheating on him. She'd comfort him and maybe make his favorite kind of cheesecake, but she'd also try and get him to talk about it. He didn't know what to say about feeling ashamed with himself over something he didn't even do.

Finn was silently alone for a half an hour or so before anyone came and found him. He was relieved it was just Kurt, but he couldn't deny that a small part of him wanted it to be Rachel.

"Not the most original place to hide," his brother noted as he came farther into the room. "Are you okay?"

"My wife has been sleeping with my ex-girlfriend because she was that unhappy in our marriage. No, I'm not okay."

Kurt calmly took a seat next to him on the edge of the bed. "Rachel was pretty inconsolable after you left."

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do."

He did, and that only made him angrier.

"After completely ruining the graduation party, which Santana's pretty pissed about on Brittany's behalf so I'd look out for her, I did get Rachel to open up," Kurt informed. "I don't think this is something either of them intended. I think Rachel was just scared that the future she's had planned her entire life wasn't going the way it was meant to."

Finn glowered at him. "Don't defend them."

"This isn't me defending them. I won't be defending them. I was just trying to see her side of things."

"She cheated. And she lied. That's her side."

"I understand that you're upset, but in a few days when you calm down, I think you'll realize there was more to it than that. Face it, Finn, you haven't been happy in New York since moving to New York."

He had no reason to deny that now. "No, I haven't. But I didn't go run off and have sex with someone else."

"You won't like what I have to say, but this is for the best."

"What? Losing Rachel?"

"You haven't lost her. Not permanently."

"Because in five years I might actually know what I want to do and it might work out?" He got up to pace his floor, stopping near his closet out of habit. There used to be dirty clothes over here to kick into a ball, but now his room was clean and unlived in. "I don't get why everyone keeps telling me I need to know what to do. People grow up and get married, and they get a job. I've done that. Why isn't that enough?"

"You don't need to know what you want to do." Finn shot him a look. "You don't. Not yet. None of us do. And it's great that some of us do, that Rachel does, but it's not a life requirement." He was using his joking tone. Finn didn't appreciate that either. "There's no schedule. Not if you don't have someone to support. I'm sorry, but you never should have gotten married. You never should have proposed."

"Rachel said yes."

"And she shouldn't have. Not yet. Not in high school. Not before either of you have even had a chance to live your lives yet." He sighed. "Finn, you're my brother and I love you, but ever since I've met you, you've always tried to be something to someone. Whether that's the perfect son or popular quarterback or Mr. Schue's mentee or Quinn's prom king or Puck's fellow delinquent or Rachel's dramatic turn of a love interest. It never seems to end with you." He was still trying to be lighthearted about this, except it didn't sound right and it wasn't working. "When are you ever just Finn?"

Finn didn't know what to say about that either which only left him more frustrated. He was always just Finn. That didn't even make any sense. Who else would he be?

"You get to figure that out now. You get to find something that you love to do. At your own pace." He smiled encouragingly. "You'll get there." Kurt walked over and gave his arm a quick squeeze before leaving him alone with his thoughts again.

Finn plopped back down onto his too-small bed. This sucked. He had nothing. At least being married gave him something to say when random relatives he didn't really remember or people on Facebook he didn't really know asked him how his life was going. He had something to talk about at work when the guys were all talking about their kids' science projects or college tuition. Now what? He lost his wife and his job. High school was over. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to go to college. And he felt really bad about all of that. Like he was just one, big disappointment. Everyone else had figured it out already. Something was obviously wrong with him, and he didn't know how to fix it. What if he never fixed it?

Finn had no idea what he was going to do.

---

Rachel spent the summer by herself in New York, and Finn stayed home in Lima. He had friends there between the recent graduates and Mike coming back for summer break. Noah even stayed behind two weeks to help Finn in this newest life transition. Rachel didn't have anyone to act as a support system. Kurt was with her for a few weeks until his internship finished up in July. He insisted he stay in New York with her, but Rachel knew how much he wanted to spend some time with his family and help prepare Blaine, who would be making the move to the city in the fall. She put on a bright smile and convinced him that she would be fine. That left her alone.

Quinn was out of reach, having chosen to spend her own vacation in Los Angeles with Santana and Mercedes and now Brittany. She supposedly had no reason to stay at Yale over summer, and she didn't want to be in Lima. Their friends all assumed it was because she didn't want to run into Finn, and while Rachel was sure that was a part of it, she doubted Quinn would've have wanted to go back to Ohio regardless. There was a fear of getting stuck there despite how hard you worked to get out. Rachel would know. She had the same one. LA was the better option according to their phone conversations. Quinn was enjoying herself even if she complained about having to help move Puck and Artie into Sugar's newly purchased beach house.

It was not as bad being alone as she thought it would be. That sounded like something she used to tell herself before she had friends in order to feel better, but it was true now. It wasn't ideal, of course, but Rachel had all these fantastic possibilities right out in front of her. She could go to Callbacks now and schedule dates to see people outside of school. She could sign up for a few summer courses and look for a job to nourish her talent. She could even go on auditions at NYADA now that she finished her freshman year. Heck, she could even audition professionally if she so chose. She could get divorced...Rachel could do that too.

The divorce proceedings themselves were relatively quick and painless. Rachel was still young enough to be on her fathers' health insurance plan, and the apartment wasn't in her name or Finn's. Burt planned on staying on as a renter since Kurt would still be living there next year. Financially, it was easy to separate. Legally, it was easy to drop the hyphen. Her parents and Finn's both seemed to be relieved that it was over. It was like they had been waiting patiently for this to transpire. It was shipping Finn's things home that hurt. He didn't have much there. Nothing that was too big to fit in a box. Finn didn't even need to come back and pick anything up. Within a day, every physical trace of him had been gone.

She missed him. How could she not? He had been the biggest part of her life the last four years, and the gaping hole he left behind was not easily filled. She missed having someone to rely on without question. She missed knowing someone was always going to be there no matter what. Even when they weren't yet together or after they had broken up the first time, Finn was always just one call away, and he'd be there to help her and support her. She missed him, but she didn't miss their relationship. Not really. What she missed was the relationship they had in high school. Rachel missed the way she used to sing to him, and she missed the thrill of having him choose her and glee over his reputation and–and, well, and over Quinn.

Rachel really missed Quinn. She missed her smile because Quinn still didn't do that enough. She missed giving compliments and watching Quinn not know how to take them. She missed her scholastic organizational skills and how Quinn always understood exactly what she was complaining about in regard to college. She even missed her tiny, extortionate dorm. Suffering through two breakups within only a matter of days between them was excruciating. She wanted her friend back. More than anything, Rachel wanted her friend back. Shallow conversations about summer vacation happenings were not cutting it. Quinn had always meant more than that.

Rachel completely understood why Quinn didn't provide more. You weren't supposed to hurt the people you loved, and Rachel had spent the last year doing that. She had so much to make up for. It was smothering to list out everything she had to make amends for, and sometimes afterward, she'd clutch her list and spend the night crying while watching Bravo. Rachel had no idea where to begin beyond strengthening their friendship again. She was single now so that would hopefully make everything just a little less complicated. But maybe it would also change certain things. Moving forward scared her but regressing would be devastating. Okay, so maybe it wouldn't be less complicated at all.

After McKinley's graduation, they didn't see each other again until school had already started up for the fall semester. Rachel invited her out for a weekend in New York. It was still too soon to be going to New Haven where it presented too many reminders and offered too many opportunities for them to fall back into old habits. Besides, Quinn needed to be in control here. Quinn needed to be the one to approach her again otherwise this would never work.

Rachel hugged her as soon as she spotted her. No matter what was happening with them, she never wanted to go this long without seeing her again. She pulled back with smile. "Hi."

"Hey, yourself." Quinn let go of Rachel's waist to pick up her bag again.

"California seems to agree with you. You look…really great, Quinn." It came out choppy. She wanted to say more; more than just great because that's what Quinn was. She saw the effect anyway. With Quinn, it was all in the brush off.

"Yeah, well, I think the tan is officially fading. You should have seen how badly I burned."

"Next time."

"Maybe. So what's on your agenda? I know you have one." Rachel stared and just looked for the first time in months. Quinn started fidgeting. "What's wrong? Something on my face?"

"I've missed you." She blushed. She could sense it getting awkward. "But since that you've asked, I thought we'd drop your stuff off at the loft and say hi to Kurt before going to get coffee? There's this place we found a few blocks away. It's about a fifteen minute walk. Less even, if we cut corners."

"Coffee?"

Today was crucial to everything that would happen after it, and Rachel had debated for a long while on how she wanted them to spend it. Coffee was perfect. It was not too presumptuous, but it could also be considered more.

"Coffee." She nodded.

Rachel reached over to take Quinn's bag from her and slung it over her shoulder. Ignoring the look she received, she led them out of Grand Central Station.

---

a/n: I know it's open ended, but I'm not done with this verse yet. I've been working on three one-shots while doing this fic. One of them runs parallel to this and focuses on Puck, Mercedes, and Santana out in LA. The other two are both sequels. One's about Finn in Lima, and the other is about Faberry in New York/Haven. So those should be out in the next couple of weeks and should have actual reliable narrators if anyone's interested. Cheers for now.