Disclaimer- I own nothing. Don't sue me though, I have a layer and I'm not afraid to use it.
Note- This chapter is also short, though not as short as the last one. As I get more comfortable with the writing style, the chapters will get longer, but please bear with me until then.
When Prince James was born, the most annoying person in the world was a carpenter named Luther von Kvetchin. All day long he would complain and annoy people with his constant chatter. Finally, a young man in the town, known as Jasper, slipped poaisen into luther's porridge. Though the miracle men managed to save him from death, his tounge had swelled so much that he was never able to speak again, much to the relief of the entire town.
When Prince James was two months old, the most annoying person in the world was Reindo de Lithogoco. The spoiled Reindo insisted on playing his music too loud at every party, and always played the worst music possible, a type similar to the trash played nowadays.
Me again. Morgenstern really doesn't like loud, modern music, and it took him 34 pages to tell say so. I have cut out those pages.
After everyone in a three mile radius had gone deaf, a young girl named Laura finally told him off. This stunned Reindo so much that he stopped playing his music and switched to pastry baking.
When Prince James was seventh months old, the most annoying person was a writer by the name of Diana Smith. This misguided writer insisted on writing thousands of pages on angst.
Morgenstern decided that he would give a "short" example of Diana's writing style. Aftrer reading three paragraphs, in which all of the heroine's children manage to die grusome deaths and a late letter casues 17 heart attacks, a stubbed toe, and twelve murders, I could no longer continue reading the segment. To preserve the sanity of all involved, I have decided to cut all 37 and a half pages of it.
It appears that before he got into the story itself, Morgenstern decided to air all his grievances with the modern world. The experts on Guilder claim that that is the beauty of the novel, but I have chosen to stick to the actual plotline.
By the time Prince James was one year old, he had learned to talk. Not only had he learned to talk, but he had learned to repeat every thing around him. He could repeat word for word whole conversations at the exact moment when such a comment would be least welcome. He would parrot everyone he met line for line.
He was 368 days old, and the most annoying person in 103 years.
He had had that title for fifteen years before his poor mother (a lovely woman. before her son's antics drove her tio speak nothing but gibberish she had been an acomplished poet.) kicked him off the dock into the bay.
Luckily for the man, he landed in the middle of one of the most amazing ships of all time, the Crimson Gull. This ship, captained by the Dread Pirate Roberts, was one of the most advanced ships of its time….
Morgenstern here launches into a long, 23 page description of the advanced sailing methods of the ship. Even the Florin experts agree that almost all of The Pirate Groom's historical significance is lost by this omission. My editor though, could not understand a word of the description and firmly backed me in my decision to cut the whole thing.
During the rest of the chapter, James progresses up the social ladder on the pirate ship, going from valet to first mate. Due to a trade boyctt by both Florin and Guilder, the ship fails to raid a single ship during that time.