Chapter 2
Megamind casually made sure he was around the front door when she came inside.
"Roxanne! I didn't hear you pull up!" he lied. He hugged her and she melted into his arms. "How was your day?"
"Don't get me started. Do we have any wine? I need wine." Hmm. Bad day. This could put a dampener on things...
"Of course. Why don't you come and have a seat in the kitchen and I'll pour you some? I was thinking Chinese for dinner, is that okay?"
"That'd be great. I'm starving, I haven't eaten all day." Hmm. Cranky tired hungry and possibly soon to be drunk Roxanne...maybe the proposal wasn't going to happen tonight after all.
Megamind poured her a glass of white and listened to her complain about Harry Newman (not a new thing) and her boss effectively banning her from doing news stories on him anymore because she made the public 'uncomfortable'. The whole thing confused him. Then she took a gulp and told him about the news story and trip to Switzerland next week and he choked on his own wine.
"Seriously? You're going there?"
"We're going there. The booking is for two and we're paid up for the weekend." Megamind grinned.
"Switzerland! The Hadron Collider! I've wanted to see that for years! Are we really going?" he jumped up and down excitedly. Roxanne raised an eyebrow.
"I'm trying to tell you about my bad day here."
"You've just been given an all expenses paid weekend in Switzerland and you consider this a bad day? Snow! Chocolate! Examining the fabric of the universe..."
"Nerd." She teased, but he had a point. And now he was standing behind her rubbing her shoulders in that way that made her melt into a puddle of Roxanne-goo. "Mmmm okay maybe it wasn't such a bad day."
"And it's about to get better! Chinese food and DVDs!" he ran off to find the menu and phone.
"Order me something with shrimp? Oh and noodles, lots of noodles!" she asked as she forced herself to get up and go to the bedroom to get changed. Her jacket, skirt and heels were not good DVD/snuggle clothes.
Once she was gone Megamind ordered their food and snuck a quick look at the sparkly diamond ring again. Yep. Tonight was the night!
Not long later the night was progressing perfectly. The delivery man knew from experience to make it quick (he'd been given a brief tour of the alligator enclosure the first and last time he'd been late; Roxanne did not know about this) and after downing an obscene amount of Chinese food Megamind had Roxanne right where he wanted her, curled into him on the sofa watching Shutter Island, nice and relaxed from the wine and comfy in a pair of black tights and a baggy sweater. He fidgeted with the ring in the pocket of his jeans and was now working on subtly catching her gaze so he could pop the question.
It wasn't working. Roxanne was watching the screen intently. Why the hell did he have to pick such a good movie? He sighed and gave up for the night. He could almost hear Minion's voice saying "Will you just do it already?"
As the credits rolled they chatted about the movie for a while. The conversation grew more general and Roxanne was giving him certain looks and hints that said tonight wasn't going to be a total loss. He drew her into a deep kiss and happily stroked her short silky hair while her hands slowly made their way under his shirt.
And then it happened. Just as he was tugging her sweater over her head and was ready to dive face-first between her breasts; the doorbell rang.
"What the..." Roxanne looked to him as though he'd know what was happening. He shrugged and used the remote control to switch the television back to the security cameras. It was raining outside. There was a dark figure on the front doorstep in a big coat and hat. He didn't look overly threatening, but then again it was...11 at night.
The local criminal element knew it was a bad idea to come to his house. He was on a first-name basis with most of them and he had warned all of his old prison buddies, even his adopted 'uncles' as he called them, that if he caught them misbehaving they would suffer consequences. No one else he knew would want to disturb him at this time of night, and Minion was in Japan.
"I'll go." He said as he got up, whistled, and was instantly flanked by four brainbots. He wouldn't need his de-gun for this. Even in his every day clothes (black and grey long-sleeved t-shirt and skinny jeans) most people found him intimidating. Now, interrupted part-way into a make-out session with his girlfriend his expression alone should send this fool running away.
He stalked down to the front door and threw it open.
"Whatever you want it had better be important." He said to the tall figure in front of him. The man said nothing for a few moments, then shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.
"Um...hey little buddy. Just thought I'd drop by and say 'hi'. So...hi. How's it going?" said the artist formerly known as Metro Man.
"You've got to be kidding me." Megamind said. Metro Man ran adjusted his hat.
"Is this a bad time? I know it's been a while...I can go if you want me to." He looked up at the rain expressing very little desire to actually leave. Megamind stared at him for a few seconds and sighed, wishing (not for the first time) that he was still evil. The old Megamind would have cast the man back out into the cold, wet night without a second thought.
"Come on in." He said and stood aside for the huge man.
Quickly, giving him no time to change his mind, Metro Man brushed past him inside, handing him his coat and hat as he went.
"Is Roxy still up?" he asked as he went. Megamind glared down at the wet items in his arms and handed them to the hovering brainbots to hang up.
"In the lounge. Make yourself at home." He made no attempt to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. Megamind changed his mind. Roxanne was right. This was a bad day. A very, very bad day.
Meanwhile Roxanne had pulled her clothes back into position just in time for the long-haired and bearded Metro Man to come walking into their lounge. She gasped but didn't scream this time.
"Hey Roxy." He said with a nervous smile. She jumped off the couch and glared at him.
"You! What are you doing here? We haven't heard from you in months!"
"Well I added you on Facebook...you mustn't have gotten the request." He mumbled.
"I did. I ignored you." She stated. Metro Man didn't blame her really. He did kinda leave her in the lurch during the whole Titan incident. Megamind came back into the room and flicked on the lights, mourning the loss of the nice cosy moment on the couch that was now lost and gone forever.
"Have a seat, Metro Man." He said, gesturing at an empty chair. The sooner they had his story the sooner they could get rid of him and go to bed.
Ignoring the empty seat he sat down on the still-warm sofa and sighed.
"I think you of all people should call me Wayne, little buddy." Megamind frowned and mentally tried it out. Waine. Wane. Way-en...
"Well, Wayen, I think we'd both like to know why you're here tonight." He sat down in the empty chair, two brainbots still hovering protectively behind him. Bitey, Roxanne's favourite, was hovering behind her. Roxanne perched on the arm of Megamind's chair and he felt a warm rush run through him. Yes, Metro Man, she's with me! He mentally gloated as he rested a hand on her waist.
"What, can't a guy come and visit some old pals once in a while without being interrogated?" he laughed and wrung his hands. Megamind and Roxanne both looked at him with identical expressions, flat stares each with one eyebrow raised. He sighed. "All right all right. Honest? Life as a rock star isn't all I thought it would be." They were still both staring at him. Star? Megamind thought to himself. That was a slight exaggeration. They all knew his only album never got past number 72 in the charts. He continued. "The fame you know, never getting any privacy, the photographers, the groupies...all that." They were still giving him that stare.
He cracked.
"All right! My album bombed, my tour got cancelled and my fan club all deserted me for some guy named Altyan Childs in Austria...Afghanistan... someplace like that. I don't know." He buried his face in his hands. "No one likes my music. No one buys my albums, and you two are the closest thing I have to friends left. Anyone who cared about me from before thinks I'm dead, and none of them really cared about Wayne. They loved Metro Man. No one loves Music Man. And my hideout is just a reminder of all that." Megamind felt his face soften and he shared a glance with Roxanne. He knew true wretchedness when he saw it.
Roxanne didn't.
"Wow. You couldn't see that coming? Fancy no one loving you, the man who doomed an entire city to destruction and death at the hands of not one but two villains he was perfectly capable of stopping!" Megamind grabbed her arm as she jumped off the arm of his chair and went to pick up the lamp from behind them. This was their stuff and he was not going to let her smash it all to pieces on Metro Man's...Wayne's...head. She tried to pull away from his grasp but paused when she saw the look on his face. She sat back down.
"I get it. I do. I'm sorry I bothered you." Metro Man got up to leave. The evil part of Megamind clapped and cheered.
Yes! He's leaving! It said. Unfortunately the good part was in control now.
"Wayen. Wait. It's late, do you want to stay here tonight?" Roxanne's eyes were wide and furious. Metro Man perked up.
"Really? Wow that'd be great. You know we never really had a chance to bond, you and me, and Roxy we've got heaps of catching up to do. And Minion...where's fish-dude?"
"In Japan with his girlfriend." Megamind said.
"Okay...sure why not." Wayne said.
"You can stay in his room. He keeps it clean. And he sleeps standing up so he's never used his bed." Megamind kept going, ignoring the telepathic daggers Roxanne was trying to drive into his head with her brain. Wayne grinned.
"Thanks. I appreciate it, this means a lot. I'll make it up to you I promise. Signed copies of my album for both of you...not that they're worth much." He slumped again at the thought. Megamind got up and walked over to him, stopping short of actually touching the huge man.
"Um...there there." He said. "Brainbots. Show Metro...Music Man to Minion's bedroom." The brainbots bow bowwed and escorted Wayne upstairs.
Leaving Megamind to face a furious Roxanne alone. He got ready to duck in case the lamp came flying at him this time. It didn't.
"Are you insane? You're letting him stay here?"
"It's only for a night. I couldn't kick him out. He looked so...me-lone-choly."
"Huh?"
"Sad. Empty. I've been there Roxanne, when it feels like your whole world has fallen down around you and there's nothing left..." he remembered that horrible feeling when his nemesis appeared gone forever.
And now he was staying in their house.
Roxanne sighed.
"All right, I guess you're right." Megamind hugged her and they walked upstairs together. "And it is only for one night."
"Yeah." He slowly lowered his hand to her backside and tried to kiss her neck but she pulled away.
"Nuh uh. No way."
"Huh? Why?" He snapped his hand back as though he'd been burned. It was extremely rare for her to turn him down for...well...anything really.
"We have a house guest with super hearing and x-ray vision. You're keeping your hands to yourself until he's out of here." She whispered in a tone that left no room for argument.
Megamind stared numbly ahead as they made their way to their bedroom and resolved to get Wayne out of their house by the following afternoon.
Megamind woke to the distant sound of metal clanging away. His hearing was slightly better than most humans, and he identified it as coming from the kitchen. What the...if those brainbots were downstairs causing mischief again he'd take their batteries out...
He yawned and walked downstairs and was greeted by the sight of the huge bearded Music Man at the stove, surrounded by mixing bowls, pans, measuring cups and white goo everywhere. He had a huge grin on his face.
"Morning little buddy! I thought I'd make the two of you breakfast to say thanks for letting me stay here. Love the pyjamas by the way, do they come in XXL?" he said. Megamind blushed and glanced down at himself. He felt so skinny and insignificant appearing shirtless before this giant, and the dark blue pants covered in shooting stars were doing nothing to make him feel manlier.
"That really isn't necessary." Megamind eyed the mountain of washing up the man had left in his quest to make pancakes. They did smell good though.
"It is. I was in a deep dark hole and you guys were there for me. It means a lot. And I feel much better now. Question though. Why is there a poster of Dory from Finding Nemo on the ceiling over Minion's bed?"
"Don't ask. I don't." Megamind shook his head and glanced at his watch. 7:30 am. Oh well, it was about time to get up anyway. He helped himself to pancakes and syrup and sat down at the table. Wayne sat down with him, his plate stacked up three times as high as Megamind's. He shrugged and looked embarrassed at Megamind's enquiring glance. He gestured at his vast bulk.
"This takes a lot of calories to run." He said. Megamind shrugged, idly wondering if he could have used that information to his advantage during his villainous career. Oh well, it was too late now.
All of a sudden Roxanne burst into the room flanked by Bitey and iBot. iBot was fairly distinctive these days. In addition to the iPod it had eaten and fused into its mechanism he had installed a small set of speakers into the sides of his head and convinced some of his fellow brainbots to respray him white. Megamind glared at the Apple logo it had etched in the back of its 'head'. That was just a copyright lawsuit waiting to happen...
"Good morning Megamind. Wayne." Her tone was still icy when she addressed the former hero. He pretended not to notice.
"Morning Roxy. You're stunning as always." Megamind had to agree. She was wearing a black skirt-suit and heels. There was nothing revealing about it but the cut showed off her curves to their full extent. He knew he was sporting a grin equally as dopey as the one often seen on Minion's face these days but he didn't care, he got the girl! Roxanne kissed Megamind's lips and poured herself some coffee, also made by Wayne.
"There's pancakes if you want some." Wayne offered.
"Thanks, I don't eat breakfast." She gulped her coffee down. "Listen Megamind, Carl just called and told me that news story has been moved up, I need to leave for Switzerland this morning. There's some sort of live feed of the phenomena they want to show that's going to happen our time tomorrow night. Can you be ready to head for the airport by nine?" she asked. Megamind blinked. So soon? It wouldn't take him long to pack...
He glanced at their house guest.
"What are your plans?" he asked Wayne. Wayne shrugged and looked awkward.
"Um...I'm kinda between places right now...do you need a house-sitter?" he asked. Megamind's eyes narrowed. Okay. There was more going on here than Wayne had admitted...
"The hideout?" Megamind asked. Wayne sighed.
"I took out a mortgage on the hideout to get the album released and...well...it's kinda been repossessed."
"Repossessed? What about all your stuff?" Roxanne asked.
"It's in storage." He was fidgeting again. Roxanne and Megamind were giving him that annoying identical Couple Monster stare of theirs again. "In a truck. In your driveway."
"Of course it is." Roxanne sighed and downed the rest of her coffee. "So how about it Megamind? Can you come?"
Megamind looked from his girlfriend to the fallen hero and back again. The choice between spending a long weekend in Switzerland with his girlfriend and babysitting his arch nemesis during his mental breakdown should have been an easy one.
It would have been. If he was only slightly more evil.
He sighed.
"I'm sorry Roxanne but I have some work I need to do here." He said. Everyone in the room knew it was a lie. Wayne was suddenly devoting all of his attention to his pancakes. Roxanne was wide-eyed and iBot...well he was playing some god-awful hip-hop song about Bros coming before Hoes...it dodged just in time to miss the plate Megamind hurled in its direction. "Enough you infernal machine! You two, clean up this kitchen!" he shouted at the brainbots. "Roxanne...I'll come upstairs and help you pack." He said as he took her hand and exited the room. As he went Bitey angrily aimed a fairly impressive electric shock at her Apple-branded counterpart.
Alone, Wayne slumped again with his head in his hands. Here he was, messing everything up for these guys too. He knew he should leave. But where else could he go?
Megamind pulled Roxanne into their bedroom and shut the door behind them. She stood there, arms crossed over her chest.
"Why are you doing this? I thought you wanted to come with me." Megamind glared.
"Because a weekend in the Swiss Alps with you just doesn't sound like fun, I thought I'd rather hang out with our hairy friend. Why do you think I'm doing it?" he snapped. Roxanne tried to keep the indignant anger going but it wasn't working.
She sat down on the foot of the bed.
"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just cranky. Why did he have to come back into our lives now?" she knew she was taking it all out on Megamind and that wasn't fair.
Megamind shrugged and sat down beside her.
"The most constant law of in the universe is Murphy's law." He sighed. He thought of that sparkly little ring back in its safe downstairs. Their trip away would have been the perfect opportunity. "We can still go another time. Unless the world ends in the meantime." He referred to her breaking news. She chuckled.
"I guess so. You're a good guy for doing this for him...mmm..." she said as he leaned in and pressed his lips to her neck. "I've got to go into the office before I leave."
"Carl can wait." He murmured into her ear and gently nibbled on the lobe. Roxanne blushed.
"Wayne's downstairs." She protested weakly while he undid the buttons on her jacket.
"You'll have to keep quiet then won't you?" he said and kissed her hard. Roxanne closed her eyes. She loved when he took charge like that, and when he tugged on her hair the way he was right now and that knack he had of undoing her blouse one-handed. She slipped her hand under the waistband of his pyjama pants when...
Knock knock.
"Hey guys? I just wanted to –whoa! Sorry! Bad timing..." Wayne walked in and promptly walked back out again. Roxanne slumped back onto the bed and felt Megamind do the same. She stared up at the ceiling.
"He'd better be gone by the time I get back." She said.
"If he's not I'll dehydrate him and mail him to Minion in Japan." Megamind promised.
Megamind waved a sad 'goodbye' as Roxanne drove away in a taxi. Bitey hovered beside him quietly bowwing in a way that almost sounded like she was crying. Megamind patted her dome absently.
"It's all right. Mommy will be back soon." He said to himself as much as the brainbots. They hadn't really been apart for well over a year.
Wayne came up beside him and clapped him just a little too hard on the shoulder.
"Cheer up pal! I've got us some beers. Let's participate in the time-honoured human tradition of male bonding."
"You mean getting inebriated?" Megamind asked.
"Exactly." Wayne dragged him inside. Oh well, Megamind thought, it could be an interesting experience...