The ride back to Rachel Mason's house was spent in silence. She had tried to get Lindsay to talk about anything but she just remained quiet, staring out the window into the rain like a scene from a movie. That was one of the first changes she noticed in the girl. Before although often quiet, she wasn't one to refrain from talking to people now though... she could barely get two words out of the girl. It made her feel uneasy not knowing what was going through the girls head. She was still so young, no one her age should have to go through what she had.
''Lindsay, we're here'' Rachel turned in her seat to look at her. She only looked up briefly at the house they had pulled up to before she opened the door slowly waiting for Miss Mason to do the same as she lead her up the steps through the front door. ''You need to get out of those wet clothes, you can have a shower''
Knowing she wasn't going to get a response Rachel took her hand leading her up the stairs and into the bathroom, disappearing only momentarily before reemerging with some towels and clean clothes.
''They might be a bit big...'' Lindsay just nodded. ''I'll leave you to it then...''
She didn't really wan't to leave her, she was worried. She had been in prison for a few months, why was she out? Why didn't she want to go home? What happened to her face? A list of questions quickly formed in her head as she headed into her bedroom not bothering to shower, just changing into some dryer clothes and then she waited. That's all she could do for now.
Lindsay wasn't sure what to think of everything. She hadn't expected to be brought here, she'd expected Miss Mason to force her to go home, telling her it was best for her. She was that kind of teacher, always looking after students. Caring for them more than she sometimes did about her own life, it made her smile slightly to herself thinking about it. She was left alone again in the bathroom, she knew Miss Mason was waiting for her to come out, it was that look she gave her before she left. The one filled with worry and concern yet so many questions and confusion at the same time. She needed answers but Lindsay wasn't sure if she was ready to give them to her.
She sighed turning the shower on allowing the water to start to warm up, she hadn't had a proper shower in a long time. One where she wasn't afraid of something was going to happen, like her dad would sneak into the bathroom or one of her inmates would come in. She stood in front of the full length mirror staring at her reflection. She looked terrible but then, she felt terrible so it really made no difference. She hadn't looked at herself properly in a long time and she didn't know why she felt like it was suddenly necessary to take everything in, to over analyze herself.
She started by peeling off her shirt slowly before tossing it to the floor. Her eyes lowered as she took in her own state. The slightly ragged scar going down her right side. She traced over it for a moment remembering how she had got it, her dad had dragged her into the garage shoving her into the wall, not noticing the nail which was sticking out she had tried to struggle to get free only having it rammed into the side of her. She could hear his laughter in his head when he realised what had happened. His sicking smile as he just continued not caring about the pain she was in. Then there was the much smoother small scar just above her hip, this one came from inside. It was amazing the types of weapons people were able to make from sharping things such as their toothbrushes. She had tried to keep her head down, stay out of trouble but it didn't work. She couldn't help but retaliate, in hope of defending herself. It just made things worse.
The final scar was faded compared to the others, it was also currently being hidden by a bruise lining her stomach. She remembered the story behind that one more clearly than others. It came from him again, one time when she had threatened to tell someone about what he was going to do, he had grabbed the knife from the kitchen lifting her shirt up, reminding her who was in charge and how it was going to stay that way. He had dragged it across her skin slowly, letting the pain sink in. Trying to draw it out, make it last longer. To torture her. That wasn't all of them though, no. The scars lining her wrist. She could remember the reasoning behind most of them. She had first done this to herself when he started on her, she wasn't sure how to react and remembered finding the blade in the shower. It didn't take her long before she had dragged it across her own skin trying to ease the pain. That had became her way of coping for many years until it became harder and harder to hide so she had changed to a place more hidden...
''So stupid'' She mumbled to herself thinking back about how obvious she had made everything.
The inside of her thighs was where she had turned to after having her secret nearly found out. It was then that Lindsay shrugged out of her trousers leaving her only in her underwear. She didn't even bother to think about the marks now, tracing over them lightly with the tips of her fingers before jumping down to her bruised knees. She sighed to herself finally stripping the final layer of clothing and stepping into the shower.
She didn't know what to do with herself so she just stood there, letting the water run over her body. She was more scared than she had ever been, she had been through hell and back and now she had no idea where her life was going to take her. She didn't know who she was, where she was going or what to do. She couldn't help the tears that started to fall from her eyes as she drowned in her own thoughts. This was her life, her messed up life and she would have to live with it forever. Each touch, each hit still lingering on her. She could still feel him on her. The feeling wouldn't go away. Why wouldn't it stop? She soon felt her whole body start to shake with her sobs, trying to muffle the sound with her hand she just leaned back against the shower wall.
''Lindsay?'' She faintly heard a knock on the bathroom door. ''Are you okay in there?'' She tried not to laugh to herself at that, if she could hear her from in the shower than she could obviously of have heard her crying easily too.
''F-fine'' She wanted to slap herself at how vulnerable her voice sounded just then. Deciding she had spent more than enough time just standing under the water and it wasn't exactly relaxing she shut the water off. Stepping out into the cool air before quickly wrapping the towel around herself. ''I'll be out in a second'' She called through the door.
Rachel stood patiently outside the door. She wasn't going to pry, she was planning on waiting in her bedroom or downstairs but when she had briefly passed the bathroom door and heard Lindsay crying she couldn't walk off and pretend like she didn't hear anything. So she did probably the most stupid thing and asked if she was okay, obviously she wasn't but the response she got wasn't a shock. No one really ever admitted when they weren't okay.
But when Lindsay finally emerged from the bathroom, hair still wet but in clean clothes she didn't say a word. The tear stains were still evident on her cheeks but she knew better then to say anything right now. Instead she just smiled sadly and pulled the young girl into her arms. It was surprising how small she was for her age, she was quite a bit shorter than Rachel, her head resting against her chest whilst she just rested her chin on top of her head.
''I'm not going to force you to talk'' Rachel spoke whilst Lindsay seemed somewhat relaxed. ''But I'm here when you're ready'' She wasn't exactly sure what else she was meant to say at this point in time. Lindsay would talk in her own time, she always did. She just hoped it was sooner rather then later, before she could bring herself down into her shell even more than she already was.
''Thank you'' Lindsay just said simply. She wasn't sure what else to say, she wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready to spill her guts out to everyone. Even the person who she trusted most at the time, she had so many feelings and thought stored up in her head she could literally explode and pour it all out at once but she needed time to think, as much as she hated it she in fact, needed to be alone. To shift through everything in her head, the events in the last few months. What she was able to tell, what she felt safe telling her and things which she would most likely keep hidden as secrets for a long time in the foreseeable future.
''Anytime'' Rachel smiled stepping away not wanting to freak her out or to hold on just slightly too long. She wasn't sure what she exactly was to her at the moment, a teacher? a friend? Nothing was really clear or not, she doubted Lindsay would return to school anytime soon or if she even would at all. She had nearly two years left still but that didn't mean anything. It was up to her, when she was ready to go back if she did.
One day at a time, Lindsay thought to herself. If she could just survive the night she would be okay, that's what she kept telling herself anyway. That's often how she thought in prison, only a few more hours. In the hope of by seeing the time period shorter than it actually was then it would go quicker. It never actually worked of course but there was still that hope it would sometime. For now she just felt safe, not happy but still. When had she actually ever been happy?
Yay, thank you for the reviews on the first chapter. There's not much dialogue in this chapter but I wanted to show more of the like details kinda. Anyway let me know what you think (:
- Btw am I the only one that does that? I got the time thing from something I do in school, if I have like 10 minutes left in a lesson I will say to myself that there's only 5 minutes left so it might seem like it's going faster. It worked like once or twice maybe. I can't actually remember to be honest.