"So take my world, just take it all. I'd cross the earth to break your freefall."
Freefall: (noun)
A decline, especially a sudden or rapid decline.
Makoto, for being as tall as he was, was afraid of quite a few things. His biggest fear, though, was the fear of falling. He was afraid of that weightless feeling in his stomach just before hitting the ground hard.
He had once had this discussion with Haru. Haru had asked Makoto if he was afraid of heights and Makoto had explained that no, it wasn't heights he was afraid of; it was falling from those heights. It was the feeling he got as he was momentarily suspended in the air. For that same reason, he hated roller coasters.
Ever since that day, Haru had always done what he could to prevent Makoto from having to face his fear. It wasn't often that something like that arose, but if it ever did, Haru insisted that he handle it and that Makoto keep his feet planted firmly on the ground.
The summer air was warm and the sun shone down. Makoto sat at the ends of the pool with his feet in the water as he leaned back on his hands with his face to the sky. His eyes were closed as he enjoyed the peaceful silence. A few feet away in the pool Haru floated on his back, eyes also closed.
Makoto breathed slowly and deeply, trying to soak up the relaxation that was surrounding him, but something kept nagging at the back of his mind. Lately he had been noticing a certain feeling—a fluttering in his stomach. It was a feeling he was unaccustomed to and it made him unhappy. The feeling resembled that which he hated—the feeling he got just before a freefall.
With a sigh, Makoto laid all the way back and rested his back against the warm concrete. He laid his hands on his stomach as the feeling began to arise again. He couldn't pinpoint what caused the feeling, but it was happening more and more frequently. He first noticed it a few days ago on the way to school…
It was a warm day and the ocean sparkled a brilliant blue as he walked next to Haru. They chatted idly, but that was okay. All Makoto could seem to notice that day was how Haru's eyes were even more beautiful than the ocean.
The sound of water sloshing jolted Makoto from his thoughts. He opened his eyes to see Haru standing over him, dripping.
"You okay?" Haru asked as he toweled off his hair.
"A-ah, yeah!" Makoto sat up, fighting the blush that rose to his cheeks. He pulled his feet from the water and stood up as well, "I'm okay!"
"It's not like you to just space out," Haru commented casually.
Makoto noticed the way Haru looked at him. It was the look he got when Haru was trying to say "don't you dare lie to me, because I'll know if you do". With another sigh he tousled his hair and replied quietly, "I've just got something on my mind. It's nothing."
Haru shrugged and picked his clothes up off the ground. Makoto knew Haru wasn't about to push the issue right now, but that he would also be paying closer attention. As they began to walk home for the day, the slight fluttering began to fill Makoto's stomach again.
Makoto liked to believe he was a very rational person. He liked to think that the things he did, he did for a good reason. This is why he found it completely fair to say he wasn't afraid of heights, he was afraid of falling.
So the fact that he couldn't explain away this feeling was bothering him. He paced around his room, worrying the hem of his shirt between his hands as he went. What was this feeling? Why did it only appear sometimes?
The feeling was starting to scare him. It really was. And what's worse than not even knowing what you're afraid of?
It was nearing the end of the school year and everyone was excited. The air was warm and they were allowed to wear shorts with their uniform; spirits were high.
Makoto walked out of his house early one morning, his usual smile on his face. He closed the door and turned to face the stairs that led to Haru's house, only to see Haru about halfway down the stairs, sitting with the little white kitten in his lap.
His smile grew bigger as he climbed the stairs, "Good morning, Haru-chan."
Haru looked up and his blue eyes met Makoto's green ones, "Good morning, Makoto."
And just like that, the feeling erupted.
For all it was worth, Makoto had been trying to simply ignore the feeling. If he couldn't figure out what was causing it, there was no point in giving it power over him.
His plan seemed to work decently. He still noticed the feeling as tingles spread down into his fingertips throughout the day, but he didn't react to them.
No, he wouldn't let it affect him as Haru held the door open for him. No, he wasn't going to acknowledge the feeling as Haru fed him the part of his lunch he didn't want. No, not even when Haru smiled would he let the feeling take over.
The feeling was coming more frequently, but that wasn't what bothered Makoto the most. What bothered him more was that it was also increasing in intensity. Now the feeling would get so strong he felt sick. That, or he felt like he was about to get knocked off his feet.
What bothered him most, however, was the fact that he was really starting to think he was dense. There had to be a reason for this. There just had to be. Nothing happened without a reason and yet, he hadn't figured this one out yet.
Haru had asked him a few times what was wrong and Makoto had always deflected, insisting it wasn't something Haru would be able to help him with. Haru's increasing worry was hard to miss, however. In fact, Makoto was starting to worry about himself.
Finally one day, Makoto gave in. They were sitting on the roof alone for lunch and he knew that Nagisa and Rei had gone out to lunch so they wouldn't be bothered. When the feeling overcame him again and his hands began to shake, he finally turned to Haru.
"You know that feeling you get when you're falling?"
"Falling?" Haru echoed, looking up from his lunch.
Makoto nodded. He paused for a moment, trying to think of how he wanted to word it. "That feeling in your stomach… you know, the one that feels almost like fluttering or something? That feeling you get right before you fall…?"
Haru nodded but didn't say anything. He looked at Makoto quizzically and it made the feeling in his stomach triple.
"Well I keep getting that feeling… It's not quite the same now, though. Now it feels more like… more like…"
"Butterflies?" Haru supplied quietly.
"Yes!" Makoto cried, momentarily relieved to know that Haru understood what he was saying, "Yes, exactly like butterflies."
They were quiet for a few moments. It wasn't uncomfortable, and Makoto knew Haru was thinking of the right way to reply. He took the minute or two to relish in the slight relief that came in finally admitting this to someone.
"Makoto," Haru said finally, "You're in love."
"W-what?" Makoto cried, turning to face his best friend. "Haru?"
Haru shrugged casually, "That's how everyone feels when they're in love. It's normal."
Before Makoto could protest or even ask Haru what being in love really felt like, the bell rang, signaling their need to return to class. They rose silently and walked back together.
Makoto could feel how red his face was, and now he felt panic in his stomach instead of butterflies. But that still didn't stop him from noticing the worried look Haru sent his way.
When the final bell rang, Makoto practically ran out of the classroom. Haru had to jog to catch up to him once he'd packed everything.
"Makoto!" He called as he neared his best friend. Finally Makoto relented and slowed to a pace that Haru could match. They were already away from the school and along the coast of the ocean. "What's wrong?"
Makoto opened his mouth to say something, but the look Haru shot him made him rethink his words. He stopped walking for a moment and Haru stopped next to him. Then all of a sudden Makoto launched into frantic pacing back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Haru watched quietly for a moment before reaching out and catching Makoto's wrist. "You're really starting to worry me."
"You're worried?" Makoto cried, throwing his hands in the air, "How do you think I feel?"
He resumed his frantic pacing, wringing his hands together in front of him. Rarely had Haru ever seen Makoto upset at all, and he didn't think he'd ever seen him this upset.
"Just when I think I know what's happening, you tell me I'm in love!" He stops abruptly in front of Haru, his eyes wide. "In love? Me? Did you ever think that was possible?"
"Of course I did," Haru replied reasonably, "And so did you. You've always wanted to fall in love."
"But I wanted to fall in love with someone who would love me back." He placed his hands over his face for a moment before dragging them down.
"You're upset because you think they won't—"
"I'm upset because it makes sense! Love makes sense. That's it. I love someone. It makes perfect sense." Makoto dropped to the ground suddenly, laid back and draped an arm across his eyes, "I'm a fool."
Haru stood stunned for a moment. He had known Makoto for more years than he could probably remember and although Makoto was kind and outgoing, he knew nobody knew Makoto the way he did. In fact, he secretly prided himself on the way he knew Makoto. And yet, here Makoto was, upset and panicked and Haru had no idea what to do.
He sat down carefully at Makoto's side, "You're not a fool, Makoto, don't say that."
"I'm a fool, " He repeated back. Then he sighed, moved his arm away from his eyes and met Haru's apprehensive gaze, "Sorry, Haru. Let's just forget this happened, okay?"
Before Haru could even consider a response, Makoto was standing above him with a hand outstretched to him. Haru took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. They took off again in silence. But, Haru thought to himself, I never agreed to forget about this.
Finally, finally the reason had clicked in Makoto's mind. Haru was right. He was in love. He had heard over and over again that when you know, you know, but he had never believed it. Yet here he was, suddenly in love and he just knew.
He also finally realized why people called it falling in love. It was because you got that awful, terrible feeling in your stomach just before crashing down, like when you fall. And not only had he fallen in love hard, but he had crashed down just as hard, if not harder.
What could be worse than falling in love for the first time with someone who would never, could never love you back?
It simply reinforced Makoto's hatred of the freefall.
The next morning Makoto was determined to act like nothing had happened the day before. It was very rare that he lost his cool and he would never do it around anyone other than Haru, but that didn't mean he should have done it.
"Good morning, Haru-chan." He called, walking into the bathroom like normal and extending his hand to Haru who, as always, was soaking in the bathtub in his bathing suit.
Haru took Makoto's hand with no words, but he didn't miss the way Makoto glanced away momentarily.
Makoto turned to walk out, but Haru caught at his wrist, smiling to himself. He turned Makoto around and without a second of hesitation he leaned forward and kissed his best friend right on the lips.
"H-Haru!" Makoto sputtered after they broke apart.
The small smile remained on Haru's lips. "I take back what I said yesterday. You are a fool, Makoto."
Makoto stood stunned, staring at his best friend. His mind, which had been racing for weeks now, came to a screeching halt. Seeing the look on his face, Haru continued.
"You think I can't figure out what's happening? You think that I can't tell it's me you've fallen for?"
"H-Haru…" Makoto said again. He lowered his eyes, a bright red blush covering his cheeks. "I'm sorry Haru, I-"
"Makoto, you fool," Haru stepped up to him, "Did you really think I wouldn't catch you? After all, I'm the only one who knows you're afraid of falling."
And just like that, Makoto tipped over the edge. He didn't just fall; he plummeted towards the ground at a rate he didn't think possible. But waiting at the ground with his arms wide open was none other than Haru. And as Haru leaned up to kiss him again, successfully stopping his freefall, Makoto realized for the first time that he wasn't afraid anymore.