Mentions of SELF-HARM in this chapter, so I advise if this is triggering or makes you feel uncomfortable you don't read.

Hey everybody!

Tags to episodes 1.22 2.01

Also taking a bit of creative licence for this chapter, Sheriff Jody Mills is going to know Sam, Dean and Bobby and what they do.

Thoughts are in italics

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"No worries son. Now are you coming in with me or are you saying in the car?" Bobby asked as he turned the car off

"Ill come in." Sam said before opening the door and emptying the water he had drank earlier and some bile

"Sam!" Bobby said coming around

"I'm alright I just think the car ride made me a little un-easy." Sam said

"Why don't you lie down in the back on the way home, that way you can't see the traffic and just in case you do pass out you are already lying down." Bobby suggested

"Sounds like a plan to me Bobby." Sam said standing up and walking towards the store with Bobby

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Sam and Bobby walked into the store and Bobby walked directly to all the places where the parts were.

Must come here often.

In about 15 minutes they had all the parts Dean needed for the impala at the moment and they were heading towards the checkout. Sam was hoping it was going to take a little longer as he didn't want to get back into the car even though it wasn't even that long of a drive back to Bobby's house. Sam was zoned out and didn't hear Bobby calling his name saying that he was leaving.

"Sam lets go." Bobby said

"Sam?"

"Sam!" Bobby said raising his voice a little

"Hmm, oh sorry Bobby." Sam said

"It's okay don't worry about it. Let's just go before your brother freaks because we were taking too long." Bobby said

Sam followed Bobby out to the car and just like Bobby suggested he laid down in the back seat while Bobby put the car parts on the passenger seat.

"You comfortable back there Sam?" Bobby asked

"Yep." Sam said

"Alright, just say the word if you need me to pull over, okay?" Bobby asked

"Okay. Hey Bobby can I ask you a question?" Sam asked

"Shoot." Bobby replied

"Does Dean blame me for wrecking the Impala and killing Dad?" Sam asked

Jesus that kid thinks all of this is on his shoulders.

"That's a loaded question. Sam you told me that the truck driver was possessed. He ran into you on purpose, he was trying to kill all three of you. So don't for a second think that the accident was your fault because it wasn't. Dean is in a fragile state right now and he is just taking his anger out on anything he can, he will get over this and he will go back to being your big brother again. But you just need to give him some time to work through his emotions, even though if you asked him he wouldn't admit to ever having feelings." Bobby said

"I just wish I had seen the truck Bobby. The sound of crushing metal and then Dean and Dad weren't answering when I was calling it just made me think that I really had screwed things up this time. Maybe the best place for me is really back at Stanford where I can't hurt anybody or get them killed." Sam said letting a single tear fall

"Sam, you have always been and will always be my son. Family don't end with blood. No matter what happens you and your brother will always be welcome. I know your head isn't on right, right now and that's okay, with everything that's happened as of late I wouldn't expect anything less from you." Bobby said

"Thanks Bobby." Sam said

"Anytime Sam." Bobby said

Bobby and Sam continued driving in silence and when they arrived back at the scrap yard Sam went straight inside and Bobby went to give the parts to Dean.

"I got all the parts you asked for." Bobby said setting them down on the ground

"Thanks Bobby." Dean said

"You and Sam are going to have to talk and it is going to have to happen soon Dean. He is absolutely petrified of being in a vehicle, every time another car would pass us he would wince. As I said earlier he is shutting down and in the process he is shutting everyone out. I managed to have a little chat earlier with him but not much came from that. He blames himself for not seeing the truck in time even though the truck driver was possessed. He thinks you don't want him anywhere near the impala. He even told me that it would be better if he went back to Stanford because at least there he couldn't hurt you or anybody else." Bobby said

"He can't honestly think that he would be better off back at Stanford." Dean said

He does Dean. This isn't something that you can brush off as 'just being Sammy'. This is serious Dean; I don't want him hurting himself because of all the guilt." Bobby said

"I can't do it today Bobby I just can't." Dean said

"Tomorrow morning then?" Bobby asked

"Fine. Im going to bed now anyways." Dean said

"Just where I was headed too." Bobby said

Sam heard Bobby go into his bedroom and then Dean go and flop down onto the couch. Sam however, was up in his room sitting on his bed. He was trying to figure out a way to say sorry to Dean and try to put this behind them. But his thoughts kept taking him back to the point where he didn't think Dean even wanted to forgive him.

Failure.

Dean doesn't want me anymore.

I wrecked the Impala, his baby and I ruined it.

Did I kill Dad?

Sam got up and went into his duffle bag to the bottom where he had made a little pocket a few years back to hold a secret that only Jess had known about.

His blades.

Sam grabbed them out and then put the contents of his duffel back in and went to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He didn't want to kill himself but he was looking for some control and this is what was available to him right then. He sat down on the bathroom floor with his back up against the bathtub and he began to make cuts on his wrists. When he started to feel light headed he knew he should stop and clean up. He first cleaned off the cuts and then went and started cleaning off the floor completely forgetting to bandage his wrists and then making sure that all of the blood was out of the washcloth so nobody would question it.

When he was done cleaning everything up he went back to his bedroom and sat down on the edge of his bed.

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Should have another chapter up today!