A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed/favorited/followed since the last chapter, it is appreciated. :) This story will be a bit slow to get started, but keep in mind that in the end, this is a Cullen/Amell story, so expect that. It has been some time since I have written so, if anyone has any suggestions, or has events/scenes they would like to see, go ahead and review and let me know. Any sort of feedback is appreciated :)

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This is How We Are

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Chapter 2

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Solana

One more try.

Image clear in my mind, I felt the familiar warmth of magic flow through my veins, the awkward, yet surprisingly un-painful feeling as my body conformed to the shape it was willed to.

Two feet went to four, senses heightening to unparalleled heights, the aftermath of the magical affect prickling my skin. Staring down, I saw the familiar fur-coated paws of a wolf.

Not the shape I wanted.

Snorting in disappointment, I quickly reverted out of my animal form, sitting down and allowing my mana to regenerate before trying again.

Shapeshifting magic was difficult. I had been practicing it for over ten years now and have still only managed to learn a handful of new forms.

To become a shapeshifter, you must copy an animal's soul. That's what my mentor used to say. Sadly, it is even more complex than that. You must copy an animal's form within your mind, and then focus your magic to will your body to take a new form. It's very taxing on ones mana and body.

Some animal forms are more difficult to learn than others. Typically animals that are most similar to the human body type are the simplest to learn, such as other mammals. Reptilians, birds… those are the difficult ones. Lore about old shapeshifters claims that the most masterful ones have learned to shapeshift into high dragons.

Sadly I am far away from that point; however it is a personal goal.

Shapeshifting magic, and other naturalistic magic has always fascinated me. Magic utilized by Dalish Elven Keepers to bend the earth is truly remarkable. As I understood from my readings, shapeshifting magic also originated from the ancient elves.

I had always excelled in the primal magic field, and was also able to pick up a bit of force magic when I was still in the Circle. However, the practice of more naturalistic magic was not only impossible due to being confined indoors, but also not encouraged. Only modern fields the Senior Enchanters would say.

I was reaching high with my new shape. A wyvern. I had already captured one and copied data of the animal's form not too long ago.

Now I just had to will my body to take its shape. It's never as easy as it seems, considering my body seems much more willing to conform to the much more familiar wolf form.

One more try.

Once again, I focused my magic, clearly visualizing every contour of the blue and yellow wyvern's body, tapping into the data of the animal's soul that was stored in my head. I felt a familiar tingling feeling as my body began to morph and conform to its new shape.

Seasoned shapeshifters are able to morph into a new form within seconds, but when you are just starting out or learning a new shape, it can take an upwards of a minute to complete the spell and completely morph your body. I was able to morph into familiar shapes with ease, but new and unfamiliar ones took some time to focus my magic and achieve the spell. And the constant, infernal whispering of the Calling made it even more difficult to focus.

At first I thought I had once again taken the shape of the wolf until I looked down and saw several sharp talons in the place of furry paws, soft webbing adorning my ankles.

I felt myself swell with pride. I was successful.

I bounced in excitement in my new form, feet hitting the earth with an ungraceful thump before focusing my attention on a nearby target dummy. Lifting my left foot, I swiped at it with all my might, razor sharp talons ripping it apart with ease.

The wyvern was a powerful animal. While it is no high dragon, I felt proud of myself to be able to take the form of such a formidable beast. I wonder if Morrigan would be impressed.

"Maker! What is that?!"

Startled, I reeled up my head, turning to face the origin of the voice. The fearful eyes of a soldier stared back at me, shakily holding his sword out as he slowly backed away from me.

I guess the people here were not informed of the type of magic I practice.

I couldn't deny that the situation brought me some degree of amusement, but I did not want to be responsible for scaring Inquisition soldiers. I reverted back to my human form, which was always a great deal easier than the original morphing. I watched the soldier's expression change from fear to shock at my transformation.

"Wh-what are you?! Stay back!"

I held my hands up in an effort to show that I was harmless, taking a few steps towards the surprised man, who backed up a few more in response. "Just a normal mage, practicing some magic" I spoke diplomatically "Carry on, soldier"

"Uh-uh, yes." He stammered "Sorry. I didn't know" Hearing that I was a mage didn't seem to calm him much, but he left without any more trouble regardless.

Can't say I was surprised that the religious individuals that make up the Inquisition were untrusting of magic, especially in spite of the Mage Rebellion.

"Do not worry" A calm male voice spoke behind me. "The people here are wary of mages, but they have been getting used to our presence."

I turned and came face to face with a middle age, elven man. He was relatively tall for an elf, around the same height as myself, and somewhat lacking in the hair department. Along with his comment that suggested as such, the subtle pulls of the fade that seemed to radiate around him gave it away immediately that he was also a mage. He lacked the vallaslin markings that most Dalish elves had though, perhaps he was also a Circle mage?

"Yes, I suppose I shouldn't be practicing my magic so publicly here… I try to begin every morning with a short training session. Keeps my skills sharp" I offered him a polite smile. "I don't believe we have met though, my name is Solana Amell."

"And my name is Solas, I've been… assisting the Inquisition with their endeavors" He replied calmly, his tone smooth. "So you are a shapeshifter? Impressive magic, for a human. It is rare to see a Circle mage practicing an art that is so often condemned by your chantry."

I chose to ignore that subtle, backhanded compliment. Although I found it odd that he believed that, considering that the only other shapeshifters I have met have also been human. Although Morrigan did say that the magic form originated from ancient elves, and is still practiced by some Dalish Keepers.

"I suppose" I shrugged. "But I am no longer a Circle mage, I am a Grey Warden. The Wardens do not disallow any type of magic as long as it assists in fighting Darkspawn."

"So I have heard" He replied with a degree of disdain. "Although I am curious where you have learned such magic, I highly doubt many other shapeshifters exist amongst the Wardens."

"I was taught by an old friend" I replied truthfully, although I did not elaborate further. Morrigan made it clear that she did not want to be found when she left after the defeat of the Blight, and I did not seek to give away unnecessary information about her person which might put her in the spotlight.

"Although I do not practice it myself, I have encountered many mages that have mastered the art of shapeshifting in my time." He continued in his calm tone. "Although I have not seen the magic used lately. I am pleased to see the art still exists, even if it is through a human Grey Warden."

I narrowed my eyes at him. What is with this guy? "Do you have a problem with the Grey Wardens?"

"The Grey Wardens tamper with, and attempt to destroy forces they do not understand. Wanting to protect the world from being ravaged by Darkspawn is a commendable purpose, but they do it… poorly." He spoke somewhat snidely.

What does he know about Grey Wardens? Would he rather we not exist and the world be destroyed by the Blight? I did not intend for a conversation to escalate so quickly with a person I had just met, but I couldn't let this person smear what I had spent the last eleven years of my life fighting for.

"Then perhaps you should enlighten us so we can do it better, since you seem to know so-"

"Am I interrupting something?" The mirthful voice of Hawke spoke behind us. "It's like a mage party over here; I couldn't miss out on all the fun."

"Ah, no, I was just leaving" Solas spoke, returning to his polite tone. "It was a pleasure to meet you Grey Warden."

The Elven man took his leave without another word, calmly, yet confidently walking towards Skyhold's throne room and leaving Hawke and myself alone in the courtyard.

Can't say I was unhappy that he left. I had expected that the other mages here would be the most welcoming. How wrong I was.

"Such a charming fellow, isn't he?" Hawke spoke with a degree of sarcasm the moment he was out of earshot.

"He's… something. That's for sure." I responded wryly.

"Anyways" Hawke continued. "I was sent to collect you for the War Council meeting. The Inquisitor wants you to attend."

"Of course. I will go immediately." I spoke with a subtle nod of affirmation. "Has Alistair been informed? He was still sleeping last I saw…"

"It took several knocks to wake him up, but yes he has been." Hawke replied, her amusement clear as day. "With any luck, he's already there."

"Ah… that does sound like him." I couldn't hold back the small smile that crept onto my face.

"Anyways, come along now Cousin. We wouldn't want to keep the beloved Inquisitor waiting."

…

Cullen

"I received word from Prince Sebastian Vael of Starkhaven, Inquisitor." I heard Josephine speak up. "He has agreed to help the Inquisition with anything we might need. He also included a fair sum of gold in his response to us; it is currently in the vault."

"Great! Having Starkhaven's assistance will be beneficial indeed." Maxwell responded with optimism.

I was only partly listening to them as I attempted to decipher the maps provided to us by Solana and Alistair. They appeared to be markers of all the secret Grey Warden bases in Orlais and Fereldan. Many of these were not represented on normal maps.

I placed another small pin on the war table map, marking the location of the Grey Warden foothold in the Western Approach. Maker, there are a lot of them. How come Blackwall couldn't tell us about these sooner?

I looked up when I heard the creak of the door opening and felt my stomach tighten when I saw Solana enter, Hawke and the other Grey Warden named Alistair close by her side.

"I found them." Hawke said, grinning from ear to ear. "Are we ready to start?"

Maxwell turned his attention from Josephine to acknowledge the three newcomers to the room. "Welcome to the War Room, Wardens. I'm glad you were able to join us here." He spoke, his arms outstretched as if gesturing to the entire room. "This is where we meet to determine the Inquisition's next course of action. Since you two are so deeply involved in the current conflict with the Grey Wardens, I had hoped you would be a part of this discussion."

"Of course. I would be concerned if you did not involve us." Solana responded in a polite tone. "I trust those maps we provided have been useful so far?"

"Ah, yes they have. Cullen has spent much of the morning further investigating them." Maxwell said, gesturing towards me. "Have you been able to find anything yet Cullen?"

"Not yet, unfortunately." I responded as professionally as I possibly could. "I've just been mapping out the locations of the Grey Warden bases that we know of… I am a bit confused about this map though." I pointed to one of the more cryptic maps that laid out on the table. "I'm not sure what it means."

I looked up at Solana, who appeared mildly surprised at my willingness to make eye contact with her. Or perhaps it was discomfort, I couldn't tell. That was probably the most coherent sentence I've ever spoken around her. She might be surprised at the fact that I was no longer the stumbling fool she used to know me as.

"Oh, that one." She responded somewhat quietly, moving closer to the table. "This is how we determined that the Calling was only being heard by Grey Wardens within Orlais. Something that Alistair had figured out, actually."

I did not know much about this Calling that Grey Wardens supposedly heard. Leliana had briefed me on it before the meeting, but I couldn't pretend I knew what it felt like without hearing it myself. Only that it was bad that all the Grey Wardens are hearing it.

My gaze shifted from her to her Grey Warden friend, who continued for her. "We were able to determine that only Grey Wardens within these boundaries." He pointed towards the thick red line that encircled much of Orlais on the map. "We contacted some Grey Wardens we knew in Fereldan and the Free Marches, and they confirmed that none of them were hearing the Calling prematurely. Only the Wardens in Orlais."

"I see." I responded somewhat neutrally. "We have a Grey Warden in the fortress - Blackwall… he has not mentioned hearing anything about a Calling as of late."

"Nor has he said anything about corruption within the Grey Warden ranks, or secret Grey Warden bases." Leliana added on.

"Ah, well, only high ranking and senior Grey Wardens are given maps of all the Warden bases and footholds that are present in Thedas." Solana responded. "Alistair and I are - er, were both high ranking within the Order. It's possible that the Warden here is not." She stared down briefly at the maps on the table. "… It is strange that he is not hearing the Calling though… every other Warden we know in Orlais is…"

"Wait, did you say Blackwall?" I looked to Alistair, who was staring directly at me. "My old mentor Duncan mentioned a Blackwall once. He is a senior Grey Warden, and a very respected one within the Order."

"That is an interesting revelation." Leliana said, her voice laced with suspicion.

"Yes, I had been wondering about that…" Maxwell said in a neutral tone. "I will talk to him."

Odd. Blackwall had pledged to help the Inquisition, and had even provided us with the Grey Warden treaties in attempt to help our cause. He is a very reserved man, but I don't see why he would keep these kinds of things from us. Perhaps there is more to the story of why he was helping random villagers on the Storm Coast instead of being with the rest of his Order.

"During my last encounter with Corypheus, he was able to control the minds of the Grey Wardens that were nearby where he was being held." Hawke added on. "Perhaps he is able to pick and choose which Grey Wardens hear this fake Calling, similar to how he can select which ones he controls."

"It's certainly a possibility." Maxwell responded. "As I said, I'll speak with him and see what he has to say."

A moment of silence fell over the group before Solana spoke again. "Anyways, I think that we should investigate some of these bases. We heard from a contact of our that Warden Commander Clarel is no longer at the Warden Keep, it's possible that they may be continuing their activities in one of our lesser known bases…"

"I would agree with that." I responded. It seems like a decent lead. Solana's head jerked to look at me, as if shocked that I was approving of her suggestion.

"Indeed." Maxwell said. "Leliana, do you think some of your people could investigate these locations?"

"Of course" Leliana responded. "I will send some of my scouts to check into this immediately."

…

"Commander" I briefly glanced up from the report I was reading, silently regarding the messenger that was addressing me. "I've come to deliver you a report from Josephine regarding Prince Sebastian Vael. He has offered to provide us with some soldiers from Starkhaven."

There was always something to do. In the aftermath of the War Council meeting, I had to go about my daily routine at Skyhold. First, running the soldiers through their training drills - exhausting work I might add. It is amazing that some of them are still alive considering the skill, or lack of thereof, in training. After that, it's off to my office to go through paperwork until the day is done. It's a lot of work, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to give it up.

"Thank you. You may set it on my desk." I responded as he hastily did so, briefly pausing to glance up at me. "That will be all."

I glanced up again to see the familiar face of Hawke enter the room as the messenger hurriedly left. She winked at him as they passed each other before casually approaching my desk.

"I don't even get a 'hello'?" She spoke with mock hurt. "And here I thought we were friends."

I sighed. It has been a long day; I wasn't necessarily interested in dealing with Hawke right now. "Hello Hawke"

"Sooo, Commander of the Inquisition. Fancy title there." She spoke with mirth, choosing to ignore my somewhat begrudging greeting. "Quite the step up from Knight Captain too. You are enjoying our lovely Inquisitor's leadership more than Meredith's I trust?"

I huffed out a dry laugh in response. "Do you even have to ask?"

"I figured." She said, waving her hand in a dismissive manner. "It's not necessarily a high bar."

"Is there something I can help you with Hawke?" I asked, unamused.

She grinned at me. "Just catching up with my favorite Templar from Kirkwall."

I sighed. Hawke isn't a bad person, her heart has always been in the right place, but sometimes she was just so… excessive. "Right. Is there something you wanted to know?"

"Ever since my dear cousin has joined this little Inquisition, I'm reminded of something..."

I froze, feeling my jaw go slack at her comment. She wasn't really going to talk about Solana with me was she? How would she even know about our previous relationship?

"I recall you saying something to me in the Gallows soon after I recovered my family's lost fortune. What was it you said? Oh yeah!" She repositioned herself into a mocking, thoughtful looking stance, thumb rubbing her chin as if in deep contemplation. "'I knew an Amell once…'" She said in crude, mocking mimicry of my voice. I felt the heat rise to my face. "'She was a special woman, never met her like again…'"

I felt my jaw tense up, cheeks burning as if they were on fire. I sincerely hoped that I did not look like a tomato, although I think that was too much to hope for.

"Aww, you're blushing. That's cute." She smiled at me, blue eyes dancing with mirth. "No need to be embarrassed. I was just… curious, and now my question has been answered."

"It's not what you think." I responded quickly, unable to make eye contact with her.

"Oh?" She spoke, moving closer to me. "Then what is it then?"

"I… that is private." I sincerely was not interested in speaking with Hawke of all people about what I thought of her cousin.

"Ohh, I see. Did you two perhaps have a little tryst back at the Circle? I hear sexual tension runs high in there."

"Maker's breath, no." I felt my cheeks burning even more. Hawke was a bold one, that's for sure.

"Then…" She leaned in closer, placing her hand firmly on the stack of reports that laid loosely on my desk. "What is it then? People don't say those things 'just because'"

I sighed, standing up in attempt to garner more distance between myself and Hawke. "If you must know, since you seem so insistent" I replied with reluctance. "I had a bit of a… youthful crush on her when we were both still at the Circle in Fereldan."

I watched Hawke's mouth split into a grin. "Aww, that's adorable." I felt my cheeks flare up once again. "But…" She gazed up at me, her grin subsiding. "You don't still have that crush, do you?"

"No." I lied.

Her mouth twitched into a small smile in response. "I see." She replied. "Don't mind me, I was just curious." She waved her hand dismissively. "And don't worry; your secret is safe with me."

I sighed again, walking back over to my desk. "If you don't mind… I have a lot of work to do."

"Of course, Commander" Hawke spoke with a degree of mirth, a wry smile pulling at the corner of her mouth as she casually moved towards the door.

"And Commander" Hawke spoke again, pausing at the door and glancing over her shoulders at me. "Should you require a break from your work this evening, you should join us at the tavern… Solana will be there." She winked at me before shutting the door behind her.

I groaned. Maker, why did it have to be Hawke that figured it out of all people? I knew I never should have said that to her. I can only hope she stays true to her word and doesn't tell everyone in Skyhold.

…

Solana

To see so many happy, inebriated people in one room almost felt unnatural. It has been some time since I have even set foot in a tavern, let alone participated in the consumption of alcohol. The Inquisitor had insisted that we join him for drinks this evening. Eases and tension and breaks down barriers he had said.

I was unsure of how I felt about that, but I obliged anyways. I've never been horribly social, and moving beyond just idle acquaintanceship with the leader of the Inquisition, the fabled Herald of Andraste, was somewhat unnerving to me to say the very least. This was aside from the fact that I did not drink much. It was not so bad though. As expected, he wanted to hear the tale of how I earned the title "Hero of Fereldan", which I obliged to, although I played it down a great deal. My version of the tale was not nearly as grandiose as Alistair's.

"Ah, here we go!" Maxwell exclaimed, ungracefully plunking two more mugs down on the table. "Only the finest ale the Inquisition has to offer"

"Oh yes, it is quite nice." I grasped the mug, holding it up to my face and sniffing the contents. It faintly reminded me of the smell of rotting Darkspawn. Maybe not so nice.

I hesitantly took a sip of it regardless, out of politeness if nothing else. Fortunately, it did not taste nearly as bad as it smelled.

I glanced over at Alistair, who was currently chatting with a rather imposing looking Qunari. I had only known one Qunari in my life, and this one… was not similar to him in any way. Aside from the presence of horns, it was immediately obvious that this particular Qunari held very different values. It was difficult to imagine Sten drinking and laughing like old friends with a person he had just met, although the thought did bring a smile to my face.

Maxwell took a seat across from me, taking a quick swig of his ale. "So, before you became a Grey Warden, you were a part of the Fereldan Circle?"

I nodded, although somewhat hesitantly. Considering recent events, I worried on where this conversation might be going. I was trying my best to keep my mind off of Cullen and related matters. There were more important things at hand. "Yes, I was."

"How would a Circle mage become a Grey Warden? I can't imagine it would be easy to get in contact with the Order, I hear they keep a pretty tight lock on the mages there."

"Ah, it's a pretty long story."

Maxwell spread his arms in a welcoming gesture, mouth cracking into a grin. "Well, I'm here, and we have all night."

"It's really not that exciting, but as you wish." I responded. "My friend… well, someone I thought was my friend found out he was going to be made tranquil."

"Tranquil? Where they cut off all ties to magic in a mage, right?"

I nodded in affirmation. "Yes, all ties to magic and emotion. A magical lobotomy if you will. Anyways, this friend had developed a relationship with a priest initiate that resided at the Circle." I continued. "These sorts of relationships are… forbidden, but he chose to pursue it anyways. When he found out he was going to be made tranquil, the two hatched a plan to escape the Circle together… and they asked for my help to do it."

"I see. I imagine that did not end well."

"No. It didn't" I responded, shaking my head to emphasize the point. "I did not approve of their relationship, but I didn't think I could stand to see my friend be made tranquil. I agreed to help them. I assisted them in breaking into the Phylactery Chamber, where my friend successfully destroyed his own phylactery. Without his phylactery, the Templars would not have been able to track him, he would have been able to escape with ease. But..." I took a deep breath before continuing. "But, the Templars, they knew we were up to something and ambushed us outside of the chamber. My friend… he used blood magic to escape, but I was left behind. I was going to be punished in his stead, but it just so happened that a Grey Warden recruiter was present at the Circle. Duncan… He… conscripted me into the Grey Wardens, and I have remained one ever since."

"That… well… I'm sorry that happened, to say the very least." Maxwell said, offering a sympathetic smile. "Did you want to join the Wardens at the time?"

"Truthfully? No." I responded, taking a sip of my drink. "I had always been curious to see what was outside of the Circle Tower, but not in that fashion. It felt a bit like going from one cage to another. But in time, I grew into it. Now I can't even imagine not being a Grey Warden."

"Indeed. I felt similarly when I first obtained this mark-" Maxwell held up his right hand, I felt a tug of magic as it briefly glowed an iridescent green. "But I have since realized all the good I can do with it¸ and the good I can do by leading the Inquisition."

"So" I said, taking the opportunity to change the subject before he brought up Cullen. "You've heard my life story, how about yourself? What led you to become 'The Inquisitor'?"

I already knew this story… sort've. Leliana had explained a bit on what happened at the Conclave, and how they had ended up here at Skyhold. It would still be interesting to hear his side of it.

"Ah, now that is an interesting one" He spoke, folding his arms on the table and leaning towards me. "Would you believe that I started out a prisoner of the Inquisition?"

"Really?" I replied. How could the elevate someone who began as a captive to a position of leadership? "That seems so… bizzare, considering you are technically the leader now."

He nodded. "Indeed. My family, House Trevelyan, is actually a noble family from Ostwick. We have fairly strong ties to the chantry, so I was sent as an ambassador to the Conclave to help negotiate a peace treaty between the mages and Templars. I'm presuming Grey Wardens knew of the Mage-Templar war?"

"Yes." I responded. "It was a bit hard to ignore quite frankly."

I'm sure I would have been right there with my fellow mages had I not become a Grey Warden.

"Well, something happened. I'm not quite sure what, but there was an explosion at the conclave – the one that formed the Breach." Maxwell continued. "It killed the Divine, and everyone else who was present at the Conclave… except for me. Cassandra thought, and reasonably so, that I was the one responsible for it."

"And then Cassandra did what she does best: Brutal interrogations." A voice from behind interrupted in a mirthful, yet matter-of-fact tone.

I turned towards the voice to see a blonde-haired dwarf, one lacking a beard nonetheless. I recognized him from my first meeting with the Inquisitor, but I never got his name.

"Well, yes, but it's not as if she had no reason to suspect me." Maxwell responded, waving off the dwarf's comment.

"Sure, sure. I'll ask you again next time she decides she wants you bound and gagged."

"How do you know she hasn't already?" Maxwell winked, mouth tugging into a coy smile.

The dwarf coughed out a dry laugh in response. "You and me both know you haven't gotten to that stage yet. But keep trying, you'll get there."

I had half expected Maxwell to be offended at this man speaking so boldly to him about what appeared to be his love life, but instead he threw his head back into a hearty laugh. "What can I say, I'm patient. But anyways, Solana, this is Varric."

Interesting, he chose to use my first name instead of my title this time. Not that I minded, I disliked the fact that many often chose to address me with a title instead of my name. It was a welcome change.

"At your service, Warden." The dwarf called Varric responded, dipping into a small bow. "Anyways, I did not mean to interrupt our lovely Inquisitor's story. Please continue."

"As I was saying." Maxwell continued. "I started off as a prisoner, but once it was quickly proven that I was not responsible for the explosion and this mark-" He gestured to his right hand. "Has the power to close rifts and, with some extra magic, the Breach as well. I didn't become the official leader until just recently, but that's the jist of how it happened."

"And no matter how many times I hear it, it still sounds too crazy to be real." Varric responded with a chuckle.

"But seeing is believing is it not?" The immediately recognizable voice of Hawke spoke behind us. She casually walked around us and seated herself at the other side of the table. "Come now Varric, we've run into stuff at least half that crazy in Kirkwall."

Varric barked out a laugh. "You can say that again."

"Since we're trading stories, our master storyteller should tell the one about how our lovely Knight Commander turned into a statue." Hawke said, glancing between myself and Varric. "I'm sure my dear cousin would love to hear stories of Templars gone crazy."

"All right, all right." Varric responded. "But I think we need some more drinks for this one."

…

I groaned, pushing myself up to prop myself on the baseboard of the bed. I rubbed my forehead, wiping off the small beads of sweat that had formed. I couldn't sleep…

Although I had more to drink tonight than I have in a long time, it was not related to the alcohol. The Calling… at some times, I could barely stand in. The whispering, the songs, they grow so loud that I cannot block them out.

Meeting and spending time with the members of the Inquisition today was nice, I admit it was one of the first times I was able to let my guard down in some time. But it did little to take my mind off of the ever persisting presence of the Calling.

I looked over at Alistair who was snoring slightly on the other side of the bed. He had passed out soon after we had returned from the Tavern. I carefully reached out and stroked his hair, causing him to stir slightly in response. He looks so peaceful when sleeping, but I know he hears it just as loudly as I do.

I sighed and got out of bed. I'll take a walk; that usually helps clear my head.

…

Cullen

The night was peaceful and quiet as always. One perk to my quarters and office residing on the battlements is that it had the best kind of view. I would often come up here to clear my head, and I certainly did need it today.

The Inquisition's work is never done. No, it has only just begun. And it showed too, not a day went by where I didn't have piles of paperwork to go through and multitudes of drills to run the soldiers through. And now, the presence of Solana has served to be an even larger distraction.

I still had feelings for her. Even after all these years. I wanted to deny it, but that would be denying the cold, hard truth.

And people were already starting to figure it out. Hawke never struck me as overly perceptive. Vocal, yes, but not perceptive and even she had already voiced her suspicions. It worried me that others might know as well.

It would be better if she wasn't here. For me, at least, perhaps not for the Inquisition. I know how respected she is by denizens and organizations all over Thedas. Even those wary of the Grey Wardens respect her for her heroism during the Fifth Blight. And I could not deny that the maps provided to us by her were a great help indeed.

Yet for me, she was a distraction.

Despite our little interaction since her arrival, I found my thoughts frequently drifting to her throughout the day. I should be thinking about more important things, not some mage that I had crushed on during my Templar days.

I had told myself that I would talk to her. It was plainly obvious that she did not trust me, and I, quite frankly, was not entirely comfortable around her either. I thought that talking to her would hopefully put both our minds at ease so that we could focus on more important matters. I wanted us to be able to see each other as normal people, maybe even be friends. Yet… I could not work up the courage to pull her aside and do so.

I, the Commander of the Inquisition, am allowing myself to be defeated by my fear of a woman with a pretty face. Embarrassing.

I sighed, leaning over the edge of the battlements, inhaling the clear fresh air of the night. The wind was chill, causing my exposed skin to prickle as it blew gently against me. At least I can clear my head out here.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I nearly jumped when I heard the door creek open, indicating that there was someone else out here. At first, I assumed it would be a guard. I was certainly surprised when the short dark hair and familiar robes of Solana Amell came into view.

The Maker does have a sense of humor.

Upon spotting me, she jumped, a surprised expression flashing across her face. She probably didn't expect to find anyone else out here either. "A-ah, I'm very sorry, I didn't know you were out here."

"Wait." I called out as she turned to leave. I almost didn't say anything, but it was either not or never. I couldn't chicken out again. Time to make things right.

She stopped, staring over her shoulder at me without saying a word. "Can we talk?" I asked, moving closer to her, hoping she didn't notice the beads of sweat that were forming on my forehead.

"I… um, sure." She cautiously moved towards me, stopping a couple feet away, light blue eyes warily meeting my own. "What did you want to talk about?"

I sighed. She's been avoiding this, I know she has. "I figured we would have a lot to talk about, considering…"

How do I put this?

Her eyes narrowed slightly, her look growing increasingly wary. "If I'm not mistaken" She spoke. "Last we spoke; you said you never wanted to see me again. You called for the execution of myself, and all mages - many of which were my friends mind you. What more is there to talk about after that?"

Under that attempt at a spiteful tone, there was a degree of hurt that was present too. I knew what I said back then was hurtful, but has it really bothered her this much after ten years?

"I never called for your execution…" I responded, momentarily avoiding eye contact with her.

"But you would have, had I not been a Warden." She responded in a quiet tone. "I would have been just another evil mage that needed to be annulled to you. How do you expect me to take that? We're both part of the Inquisition now and we have to work together, but that doesn't require that we be friends."

"I'd like us to…" I responded in a tone that sounded far more longing than I had intended. At least I had gotten over the stuttering thing – for the most part anyways. She looked at me in response, seemingly shocked that I would even suggest such a thing. Maybe this was a bad idea… "Apprenti- I mean Solana, I was in a poor state of mind when you found me at the Circle Tower. I had watched my friends get murdered by abominations, and then tortured myself. It was difficult to see anything past my own hatred for them."

She shifted the weight on her feet slightly, eyes downcast. I heard her mumble out a quiet "I know" in response.

"I'm not that person. I was never that person. It is more difficult to trust mages now, but I realize that not all mages are like that. You're not." She looked back up at me, blue eyes swirling with an unreadable emotion. I took a deep breath and continued. "My point is I regret the things I said to you back then. They were the ramblings of a mad man, and I am sorry you had to be on the receiving end of them."

A moment of silence passed between us. My face began to pale with the fear that I had just laid out my emotions regarding the most vulnerable experience of my life, and she would shoot me down. I never knew her to be that type of person, but I had no idea how she had changed since I knew her at the Circle. I felt my breath hitch in my throat when I saw her open her mouth to speak, nervous of what her response would be.

"I… I understood why you had acted the way you did." She responded. "I cannot say with certainty I would not have acted the same, had I been in your situation. But you can also not blame me for distrusting you after that."

I exhaled the bulk of air I was holding in. "No, I don't." I responded truthfully.

"The innocent mages had suffered just as much as the Templars during Uldred's attack on the Tower. Going back there and seeing the people I had practiced magic with, grown up with, known as friends dead on the ground was one of the hardest experiences of my life…" She responded quietly, once again avoiding eye contact with me. "Then to see you calling for the deaths of the few remaining mages that were saved… it wasn't easy."

It dawned on me that I had never even thought about the mage's side of what happened at the Circle Tower. I was so blinded by my own hatred at the time that I never even thought that Solana had suffered similarly to what I had, returning to see the place she grew up in destroyed, and many of her peers dead.

"For what it's worth." I responded "I am glad now that the Knight Commander did not agree to my request."

"I am too…" She replied in a pensive tone.

A moment of silence passed before she spoke again, light blue eyes fixating on my own. "While I am not certain that we will ever truly be able to be friends, I accept your apology, Commander." I felt my muscles tense at the use of my title instead of my actual name. Not something that ever bothered me when others used it, but somehow it did with her. "I hope that we can work together with no bad blood between us."

"Yes, I hope so too." I responded wistfully.

I had wondered why she was choosing not to bring up the other things I had said to her that day. The confession of my feelings. Perhaps it was out of politeness or maybe she had simply forgotten, I did not know which. A part of me was glad that she didn't, but the other part wanted to talk about it too.

"I… I should get back to my quarters." She said, fidgeting slightly with the arm hems of her robes. "Alistair will worry if I am gone too long."

I felt a brief pang of jealousy shoot through my body at the mention of her Grey Warden friend. They are together. The rumors are true.

Not that there was any chance of an 'us' even if they were not.

"Right" I cleared my throat in attempt to sound formal. "I should get back to mine as well."

She smiled sweetly at me. The same smile that used to make my heart flutter so many years ago. It still did, even if it appeared more forced this time. "Good night Commander." She said before turning to leave.

"Wait, Solana." I spoke, taking a few steps towards her. "It is… it's good to see you again. Truly."

"… You as well, Comman- Cullen" I perked up at the use of my name instead of my title. "…Perhaps we can talk more another day..." And with that, she shut the door behind her, leaving me alone on the battlements.

Healing our relationship will take time for sure, but this was a step in the right direction. We were both wounded by the events at the Circle of Fereldan.

I will never expect her to return the feelings I have for her, even if the thought pains me. But I do hope that she is wrong, and that we are able to at least be friends.

…

Six months.

I had been a loyal Templar of the Circle of Fereldan for six months now.

It has been long enough that I was now given daytime shifts amongst the occasional night shift. While the nights were calm and quiet, I did find myself preferring to keep watch over the mages during the day as opposed to patrolling silently by myself in the night.

Today, I was assigned to my favorite guard spot. The Apprentice floor.

I silently stood watch in the corner of the training room watching the young mages practice their spells. A Senior Enchanter paced calmly around the room, observing the efforts of his students and correcting them where needed. Jalen, I think his name was? He was a nice man; skilled in magic, calm, patient.

Regardless of the multitude of young mages in the room, I still found my attention drifting to one in particular.

Apprentice Solana Amell. I never did forget her name.

I had not spoken to her since I caught her in the process of breaking the Circle's rules several months ago, but I did stay true to my word and keep her violation a secret.

I was ashamed to say that all it took was a pretty face and a cute smile to make me fall for someone, but it was the truth. I hated to admit it, but I had developed something of a crush on this mage.

Upon the realization that what I thought of her was more than just a passing physical attraction, I prayed relentlessly, hoping to scald the thoughts from my mind. I did not want to have feelings for a mage. I couldn't. However I have since come to terms with the fact that I did have these feelings, and that simple praying was not enough to make them go away. I hated it, but at the same time it felt oddly good to care for another in such a way.

Either way, I could never act upon these feelings. Even if she were to feel the same for me by some bizarre chance, it was against the rules for Templars and mages to have such… relations. So I resigned myself to watch in silence, with the expectation that this was just a minor crush that would leave me with time.

I watched her, poised elegantly a few yards away from a practice target, a book in one hand and the other free, facing palm out towards the target. I felt the familiar prickling feeling of the Lyrium flaring in my veins as a ball of energy slowly manifested in her palm. A strong bolt of lightning was sent hurdling towards the target, leaving a prominent black scorch near its center.

"Very good Apprentice Amell!" Senior Enchanter Jalen praised. "You have quite a talent for the Primal fields"

Closing her book, Solana turned and offered a small smile to the older man. I felt my heart flutter slightly at the action, even though it was not directed towards me. "Thank you Senior Enchanter, I really enjoy practicing in this field."

"I would be happy to teach you some of the more advanced spells, if you'd be interested." He spoke to her, a touch of pride at the success of his student evident in his voice. "We don't normally teach these spells to Apprentices, but I think you will do just fine with them."

"I would really like that Senior Enchanter, thank you!" She beamed at him. I smiled quietly to myself, it was nice to see her so happy.

I continued to watch in silence as the Senior Enchanter conjured a large hunk of stone, levitating it above his hand briefly before sending it flying towards the target. After some direction, he instructed Solana to attempt the same, which she managed with ease.

I can't say I was surprised she was successful. I had a hunch from the moment I met her that she would be one of the more skilled Apprentices.

"Very nice!" He said, voice swelling with pride at the success of his student. "Unfortunately, I can't continue to attend to you personally Apprentice Amell, as there are others here that need instruction, but here." He handed her a relatively thick book which she eagerly took from him. "This book has instructions about some of the more advanced Primal spells. Read through it at your leisure and feel free to attempt some of them if you like."

Book in one hand and the other free for casting; I continued to watch as she slowly practiced the new magic she had learned from the book. Some spells she was immediately successful at, others took her a few attempts, but she always managed to get it right in the end. It was somewhat entrancing that with each cast, the force from the magic would cause her hair to flutter gracefully behind her. The look in her eyes when she weaved her spells was so focused and determined. I was supposed to be watching everyone in the room, but I found it difficult to take my eyes off of her for long.

An hour had passed and the class had finished. Solana opted to stay afterwards and continue practicing her magic, something that was permitted so long as a Templar remained in the room. I volunteered.

Another hour passed, and I had missed dinner, yet I didn't mind. It was rather nice, even the feeling of the Lyrium in my veins in response to the magic was somewhat soothing, as long as it was only her magic causing it.

I found my thoughts drifting to wonder what she looked like under her robes. Her soft, milky skin completely exposed for me and me alone. Mine to claim.

No. Stop. I can't be thinking about these things.

"Um, ser?"

Startled out of my own thoughts, I glanced down to see the light blue orbs of Solana staring up at me. "Y-yes?" I stammered out in response.

"I, um, I just wanted to let you know that I was done practicing for the night." She said in response. "Thank you so much for letting me stay late."

"It's- it's not a problem. A-anytime…"Why oh why can I not speak clearly around her? This is so embarrassing.

I watched her quickly glance from side to side before settling her gaze on me again. "You're the same Templar that caught me in the library back then, aren't you?" She asked in a whisper.

"Ah, um, yes, I suppose I am…" I responded quietly, awkwardly shifting the weight on my feet.

"Thank you, again, for that, and thank you again for looking out for me today. I really do appreciate it…" She spoke rather timidly. It seems she's not nearly as confident in social situations as she is when practicing magic. It was a bit cute. "Do you uh, mind if I know your name, Ser? I don't know if we're allowed to know the names of Templars… but I'm curious…"

"Of-of course." I stammered out, somewhat shocked at the subtle offer of mutual acquaintanceship on her part. "You… you can call me Cullen."

She smiled sweetly at my response which made my heart flutter. "Thank you. My name is Solana, in case you have forgotten…" Of course I haven't. "I hope you have a good night, Ser Cullen."

With that, she turned and walked quietly out of the room, the book the Senior Enchanter gave her clutched tightly to her chest. I found my gaze wandering south as I watched her leave the room. Her skin looks so soft… I only wish…

No. No. No. Stop. I can't be thinking about this.

Maker. I need to pray.

…

End Chapter 2