"Byakuya? well this is a pleasant surprise"

Byakuya found Kyoraku where exactly he would suspect to find him. Outside under one of the blooming sakura tree's with a couple of bottles of sake as he waited for the rest of the seireitei to wake up. It was just after dawn and Byakuya thought it was too early but that was just Kyoraku.

Byakuya had done many things in his existence. Some were predicable, others not so much. He had however never socialized to the point where he had formed friendships. He had considered Renji and Ichigo his friends but that was really as far as it went.

The Kuchiki remained quiet and sat down beside Kyoraku. The older man continued to lay there with his sakkat over his face and one of the bottles of sake still in his hand.

"I would like to ask you about something"

Byakuya finally spoke. His voice was low and quiet. His silver eyes gazed out over the horizon as the sun slowly rose and the rays of yellow danced on the mountain tops. The soul society was really rather beautiful and organized. Each barrack isolated to their own square, the maze of walk ways that linked each of the thirteen met in the middle that was dining room. There was something sweet and romantic about it. The thirteen divisions were all centred. No matter what disagreements they held no matter the personal vendetta's they met in the middle to assure their home remained safe and unified.

"Sure kiddo what's bothering you?"

Byakuya doubted he would ever get used to that. Kyoraku had watched him grow up. He was even there before Byakuya was born. He and Ukitake were the ones that took over his training when his father fell ill. When Sojun Kuchiki passed away Kyoraku and Ukitake were there to pick up where his father left off and it wasn't just with training. They were there when Byakuya needed someone.

It would have surprised anyone but Byakuya was a rather emotional child. He showed anger and sadness so easily and when his grandfather Genrei wasn't able to deal with such a thing Byakuya had form comfort and solace in the men that had helped raise him. He was sure that they would have been disappointed in how he had turned out. The cold bastard he was.

"Are you disappointed in the way I grew up because of the rules of my family?"

Kyoraku removed the straw hat over his face and sat up. He looked at the raven haired man that he had watched grow from a child, even from a baby. Byakuya was not the emotional type. He would have never purposely gone out of his way to ask such a thing. There was no way that Kyoraku was disappointed or ashamed of Byakuya. Byakuya was an incredible Shinigami. He worked hard for everything. He pushed himself and protected the soul society with his life and the soul reapers in it. Byakuya refused to die and he did everything he could to emerge victorious. There was no reason to be disappointed.

"If this damn patch wasn't in the way I would be able to look at you and you would see my answer instead of me having to tell you. So I guess I will just say it. I'm not disappointed in you Byakuya. Nobody here would be. You have rules and you obeyed them the best to your abilities"

Byakuya did feel slightly more at ease but it still didn't take away what he was feeling.

"I can not cope with this Kyoraku. I can not pretend that I am all right when I am not"

"Hey you're scaring me a bit here kid. Talk to me. What's going on and do I need to get Jushiro?"

Byakuya shook his head. He didn't need to be worrying Ukitake when he was battling his illness that was becoming more aggressive with age. It would have been too selfish and despite what every one else thought Byakuya did not lack a heart. He cared about those who mattered to him the most.

"Please do not concern him with this. I am suffering from existential depression. I did not think I would be over come with such a debilitating disorder but I have been. I feel I have no place here. I have never bothered to get to know anyone here. I have done nothing my family have expected of me. I do not know what I am supposed to do"

Even though Byakuya felt as if his heart was breaking into a million pieces. Even though he mourned an easier time and even though he felt as if he should cry he didn't. His voice didn't even change from his calm and smooth baritone. If someone he cared about and someone that cared for him would they offer him an embrace? a hug? would they even know he was falling apart on the inside if he didn't say anything? would anyone really know him that well?

"First things first. I'm going to request you take some time off. Nothing serious, just a few days. I know you're not going to like it but it will give you some time to do what you feel you need to do. Get to know Renji and the others. Secondly don't worry too much kiddo. I've been through it"

Kyoraku was right. Byakuya didn't like the idea of taking a few days off but he actually thought it was a fair enough statement. It would give him some time to be able to talk to Renji and maybe Rukia and Ichigo. If anything dramatic happened he knew he would be able to fight. He was still the division six captain and Renji was still his subordinate and he was still Byakuya Kuchiki he was just going to be a more mellow Byakuya.

"When did it go away?"

Kyoraku smiled and relaxed back against the tree and placed the sakkat back over his face. He was still having moments of depression for him. It was very brief flashes but they had been happening for as long as he could remember. It was worrying that it was happening to Byakuya. Kyoraku was going to have to have to keep an eye on him in a subtle manner but with any luck the few days he gave to Byakuya would be used wisely and there was some sort of ease that would go over him.

"When I found what I needed and wasn't even looking for it. You just have to figure out what you want most and who you want it from"

Byakuya found it rather cryptic but he understood what Kyoraku meant. He was going to feel odd not being in the barracks but it was deserved and it was needed. Byakuya was rather serene with the idea of time off.

With that Byakuya left. He knew that Kyoraku wouldn't say anything to anyone about it. He didn't even need to say it. He knew where he was going he just didn't know what he was going to say. Byakuya was not typically talkative he wasn't particularly overly understanding to most and he wasn't able to be around others for long periods of time without becoming frustrated. Byakuya was a curious individual that most wouldn't understand him or then no one would bother to understand him, except perhaps Renji.

He had considered Renji to be the best subordinate in the soul society and he didn't think that just because he was his lieutenant he thought that because it was true. Renji was incredibly loyal and honest. He took orders well and he trained hard. There was never a time Byakuya was not proud of him. Even though the other had been at the end of his blade before it didn't mean that Byakuya thought any less of Renji then what he had in mind.

Byakuya felt rather foolish for not giving Renji the time of the day that the red head had given him. He was sure that he had given Renji enough time to do what ever it was that he was doing with Ikkaku. Which was still puzzling to Byakuya but he would receive an answer for it later.