December 2nd
Evan left for his away mission to M5R-990 before Jennifer woke up the next morning. He'd left a note on his pillow, something he often did when he had to go while she was still sleeping.
"Back tonight … try not to miss me too much. Oh, I noticed day 1 was gone … it was a good reason for saying yes, am I right? Evan."
Smiling she shook her head at his teasing. She did miss him when he was off world – another facet of the Lorne radar was that she always felt off kilter if he wasn't in the city. She didn't have the gene, artificial or natural like Evan did, but maybe the city itself was aware when one of its sons was absent and she picked up on that.
"Fanciful much?" she thought ruefully. Folding Evan's note she slipped it into her bedside draw before glancing over at the time. "9 oclock!" She was late for her shift. Scrambling out of bed she hurried through her morning routine. At the door her eyes landed on the advent house. The temptation to look for day 2 was strong but she just couldn't spare the time. "Tonight," she thought, happy to have that small pleasure to look forward to.
She had no inkling that anything was wrong … even when Colonel Carter called her up to her office late in the day Jennifer didn't' suspect it was for something personal.
"Doctor Keller, please, have a seat," Sam invited.
Jennifer sat carefully near the edge of the sofa like one seater. It was the same set of comfy chairs and low table Elizabeth always used when she wanted to put someone at ease. Did Colonel Carter have a reason for wanting to put Jennifer at ease?
"Is something wrong?" she asked hesitantly, glancing away from other familiar touches the city's new leader had retained from the old to eye Colonel Carter warily.
"At this stage we don't know for sure," Sam replied. "Major Lorne's team dialled in right on time for their scheduled return – they sent through their IDC but before any of the team came through the wormhole shut down. When there was no further communication we attempted to dial in. The connection failed on that attempt and two subsequent attempts before we finally got a lock. Colonel Sheppard took his team to investigate but by the time they got there, there was no sign of the Major or his team."
"Evan's missing?" Jennifer struggled to get her head around the news. This must be what being ambushed felt like – an attack out of nowhere you were ill prepared for. She swallowed back the instinctive protest that Evan couldn't be missing and told herself he was fine. John would find him and the others holed up in a cave somewhere, one of those made of some substance the radio signals couldn't penetrate through. They were always finding places like that, why not this time?
"I don't think we should make any assumptions at this stage," Colonel Carter advised gently. "When Colonel Sheppard radioed in his report he indicated there are a few places where it's possible Lorne and his team could have taken refuge, assuming something happened that forced them to retreat."
Jennifer nodded but it wasn't an agreement to anything. She didn't understand how Evan's team could have dialled in, sent their IDC, and then just disappeared. Had there been a fight? Was that why they'd run from the gate instead of coming through? They would have been so close though - surely closer to the gate and a return to Atlantis than any kind of refuge on the planet. "Colonel Sheppard told you I'd be worried, didn't he?" she asked, not sure how mortified she should feel about that.
"Colonel Sheppard requested I give you an update personally," Sam replied, nothing in her demeanour judging Jennifer. "I assumed it was because you and Major Lorne are particularly close?"
It was a question but not one she was being compelled to answer. That's why it surprised Jennifer when the words "he asked me to marry him" came out without her volition. She blushed. "Not something you need to know," she added, embarrassed.
"No," Sam agreed, smiling. "Major Lorne would have indicated his intentions to Colonel Sheppard and I imagine eventually John would have fed that up the line to me."
"He would?" Jennifer's brow rose in surprise. John knew Evan was going to ask her to marry him before she'd known herself?
"It's not regulation but most officers inform their commanding officers of events likely to alter their conditions or preferences of service," Sam explained. "That way we won't do something untoward like assign Major Lorne to an off world alpha site for months without considering his family circumstances. His entitlements change too – the military looks after its own and once you marry someone in the military, you become one of our own."
"Oh," Jennifer said, feeling stupid. It wasn't that she forgot Evan was a military man, just that she didn't feel the impact of that when it was just the two of them, away from the public eye. "Of course," she smiled weakly.
"So are congratulations in order then?" Sam queried, adding when Jennifer looked confused. "You said Major Lorne asked you to marry him, not that you were engaged."
"He wouldn't let me answer," Jennifer's lips trembled, her mind supplying flashes of possible outcomes that would have her regretting the delay. She should have told him yes when she had the chance. "Not until Christmas Day."
Sam smiled, clearly charmed by the romantic situation Jennifer presented. "Don't worry Doctor – we'll have the Major back long before then."
"You'll let me know if you hear anything?" Jennifer asked, standing, feeling unsure what she should do next.
"Of course," Sam said reassuringly. "Colonel Sheppard is due to check in again in an hour."
"All right," Jennifer nodded. "I'll just … I'll be in the infirmary." She gave Colonel Carter a half-hearted smile, wanting to stick close to the control room so she'd hear the report first hand. She couldn't do that though – the infirmary was her responsibility.
It was tough to work through the rest of the afternoon and on into the evening without hearing anything positive. Colonel Sheppard's team had checked in regularly, always reporting no signs of Major Lorne's team before they moved on to the next potential hiding place. As the evening progressed she began to fear she was facing a night without knowing Evan's situation. The uncertainty ate at her, the worry fuelling a headache that pulsed at the back of her eyes.
"Are you all right Doctor?"
Jennifer looked up from the file she'd been staring blindly at to see Marie looking at her with concern. "I'm fine," she said automatically.
"It's quiet tonight," Marie pointed out. "I'd be happy to cover the last hour of your shift."
"I -," Jennifer sighed, realising the nurse had a point. She was tired, distracted – not at her best. They had only one in-patient, recovering from a simple broken ankle they'd successfully pinned the day before. She wasn't needed there. "Thank you Marie," she said gratefully.
Instead of heading for her quarters, Jennifer went to see if Colonel Sheppard was back yet. Even though she didn't want the other team to have returned – that would mean it was too dark on M5R-990 for them to continue searching – she desperately wanted to talk to John herself. He'd tell her if there were any worrying signs, wouldn't he?
The light in Sheppard's office was on … Jennifer rushed through the doorway without knocking, noting that John didn't look surprised to see her.
"We didn't find them yet," John pre-empted her question. "But we didn't find anything alarming either."
"Then where are they?" Jennifer demanded.
"If I knew that I would have gone and got them already!" John shot back impatiently. Rubbing his face tiredly, he shook his head. "I'm sorry Doc … it's been a long, frustrating day."
"He didn't leave any clues?" Jennifer asked in a low tone.
"No," Sheppard said starkly. That was the kicker, the one worrying point. Evan Lorne was a very capable soldier and leader – very protective of what he considered his. If he'd had any kind of chance he'd have left something for the teams from Atlantis to find. The fact that he hadn't could mean nothing, but Jennifer feared the worse.
"He didn't leave anything to go on because he couldn't," she murmured, her eyes glittering with sudden tears.
"Don't go getting blubbery on me Doc," John protested, holding up his hands as if he could ward off a crying bout with will alone.
"I don't get blubbery!" Jennifer glared at him.
"That's right, you don't," Sheppard agreed, looking satisfied enough that Jennifer realised abruptly that he'd manipulated her by angering her tears away. "Look, we still have a few places to search," he said. "We'll head out at first light. In the meantime, there's no point in worrying."
"Maybe for you," Jennifer said sadly. "I don't see how I could not worry – trying not to would be even more pointless."
"I know," John shook his head. "If you want something to take your mind off of this tonight, Teyla would love to have you join us – it's just movie night, whatever Rodney managed to snag for us on the last download."
"That's kind of you but I don't think I'd be good company."
"The offer's there if you change your mind," John didn't seem surprised at her refusal. She and Evan spent time with the other couple regularly, enough to feel they knew each other well enough to understand reactions in a situation like this. John and Teyla had their first date the previous Christmas Eve too, brought together by Elizabeth's tree – that created a special bond.
"Can I come with you tomorrow?" Jennifer asked hopefully.
"You know why that's not a good idea," Sheppard dismissed. "Besides, we find Lorne and he realises I brought you into an unknown and potentially dangerous situation and I'll have to do my own paperwork from now on."
"But if you find him and he needs me, you'll let me go?" Jennifer persisted.
"If needed," John agreed.
Jennifer took that as the best she was going to get. "I'll leave you to it then," she said, her mind on getting back to her room so she could start that worrying sooner rather than later.
"Hey Doc," John called her back.
"Yes?"
"Did Lorne ask you something ... important recently?"
Jennifer smiled at John's inept attempt to be cagey will still finding out what he wanted to know. "He did," she returned, knowing it would annoy him for her not to explain further.
"And?" John shot back, frowning.
"And I haven't answered yet," Jennifer admitted.
"Oh," Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck as he sussed her out. "I ah … I thought you guys were solid."
"As solid as you and Teyla?" Jennifer returned.
"Ah … yeah," John shifted, uncomfortable with the personal focus being turned on him. "I wouldn't have guessed you'd hesitate."
"And I didn't," Jennifer felt the need to take a deep, steadying breath, sure that every time someone asked her in the future she'd have the same rush of sick emotions before she could answer. "He wouldn't let me answer yet – he was determined I take plenty of time to think about all the reasons I should say yes."
"Now that sounds like Lorne," John smiled and Jennifer felt sudden guilt for suggesting John wouldn't be as worried as she was about Evan. They'd been CO and 2IC for more than two years and Jennifer knew they were friends as well. John took responsibility for everyone but it got very personal for him when it was one of his inner circle – Evan was very much a part of that.
"I wish I'd said yes anyway," she admitted.
"We'll find him tomorrow – you can say give him the right answer then," John said confidently.
"I hope so," Jennifer murmured, the two exchanging glances that were too full of concern for the other's liking.
Back in her quarters the first thing Jennifer saw was her advent house … it made her sad that Evan wasn't there to see her reaction to day 2's message but at the same time sitting in front of the little structure and searching for the number two made her feel closer to him too. He'd meant her to have whatever the message said today, regardless of where he was. She couldn't still feel so connected to him if anything bad had happened – she had to hold on to the certainty of that.
The second day was harder to find but eventually she spotted it … an ornate two carved into a snowflake pattern on one of the windows. The tiny scroll behind it looked the same as the previous day.
"I'll always love you … whether you say yes or not, although obviously I'd prefer it if you do say yes."
She laughed through her tears – that sounded so like Evan, so self-effacing, such a mix of confidence and modesty, competence and unpretentiousness.
"I'll always love you too," she said it aloud to give it power, imagining that she could send the thought out to the city and beyond. "You better be okay Evan Lorne or I'll never forgive you!"