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Hey Y'all! Sorry! Holidays are busy! I also don't have a lot of computer time. I'm supposed to focus on school this next semester because next year I will go to high school! Finally. But I will lie (with guilt, but not really) as much as I can to update. That's why I am about to fall asleep. I took the labtop at 12:14 and it is now 4:22. My fingers hurt from typing. I am not going to read over this chapter because my eyes are drooping. Sorry if it sucks. REVIEWS. I am not trying to be to demanding, but I would like more reviews. I looked at my stats and I got so much more hits and favorites then I did reviews. I thrive on feedback. I have other stories to work on, if no one likes this one I will try and work on them, but this one is the most fresh in my mind. So please tell me what you think. It makes me smile :D and thax for those of you who did! In other news, I need to know if my music for the chapter sucks for all of you. I will make a playlist if you like them. So listen to the chapter songs and tell me if they suck. And if you have a song that you think goes tell me. AND I'm looking for a good Beta! Sorry for the long note! Now read!
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C H A P T E R T O W
Song: Chase This Light- Jimmy Eat World
"He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day." – Religious Proverb
"A ROOM MATE! I can't have a room mate! I had this room rented out just for me! Why didn't daddy just build me a house on campus?!" She screeched.
There were three things that I was positive Rose was good at. Shopping, Sex, and bitching. Bitching was taking place.
"Everything in this room is me! How could this happen? No one puts their shit in this room." She wadded up the notice and threw it in the pink fuzzy trashcan by her silky red bed. It was sickening… poor Emmett. He needed a session.
I looked around the room. It was true. Her father had paid good money for her to have her own room. She had even painted it. The whole place screamed 'High class hoe!' or 'A Pepto-Bismol Valentines Day!' seriously. Pink, red, pink, red…
The rest of our parents had decided that living in a dorm room was part of the learning experience of collage. It would build character. I wasn't too open to the idea, but I didn't argue with the smart man that was my father. After I met my roommate, Emmett, dorm life had been awesome. Plus this was Forks Prestige. The rooms were pretty fucking nice.
Alice jumped off of Jasper's lap on the love seat. Her dancers like steps were quick across the room. She reached into the trashcan pulling out the paper and smoothing it out.
"She can't be that bad. She is going here after all." Alice began reading aloud. "We are excited to inform you that a roommate will be joining you this semester. Isabella Marie Swan will be your new companion. So lets welcome, welcome, welcome!" I snorted at the note's attempt at making this situation cheerful and good. This poor girl would go through hell. That is, unless she proves herself. This was the kind of life that would bring me my future patients.
"She's from Arizona." Alice mused. "She will need some time to get used to the weather." Alice was an over all nice girl, but she was still best friends with Rose so she had a bitch of a reputation.
"Great I'll be living with some weird desert girl." Rose grumbled.
"That was original." I couldn't help saying the comment. Did she just say 'Weird desert girl?'
Rosalie's ice blue eyes shot me a death glare. Jasper stuck a fist in his mouth to keep from laughing.
"Arizona has good tea." Emmett blurted. The attention went from me to him. I liked him, but he was dumb as a rock. It was a good thing his family had money or he wouldn't even be in this school. Now I see what he and Rose had in common.
"Shut up Emmet. I have a crises going on and all you can think about is stupid canned Arizona Tea!" the rambling went on from there and I decided to evacuate before the explosion.
"I'll see you guys later. I'm going running." I didn't give them time to answer.
I remembered why we were all huddled in Roses' room once I stepped into the hall way. It was drop off day. The once peaceful, boring, white hallway was not empty.
We lived in Forks and we had connections. There for, we had moved in a month ago to settle in. There was no one to bother us.
The Apocalypse has come.
Tearful good byes, Crazy tastes of freedom, boxes, and people. Tons of people.
I shot across the hall way. I wasn't quick enough.
"Hey Edward!" I grimaced at the sound.
Mike Newton was a sad case. He moved to Forks from California when he was 10. He was not accepted so he tried his best to be in with the popular crowd. After winning a basket ball game for the school in 8th grade he was welcomed. His money helped him too. I knew… his life was propaganda.
We live in a world where image is everything. It was engraved deep in my cerebellum.
Be Civil.
"Hello Newton." I said in a politely. Not friendly, that might give him the motive to start a conversation. I was just polite.
He had run toward me and was now slightly flushed. His baby face was a little red.
"So! College girls, huh?" He smiled, sticking his hands in his pockets and rocking on the balls of his feet. I new, from my studies, it was a sign of nervousness and/or stalling.
"Actually they are the same girls we went to high school with. Just a little older." And easier… if that's possible. I wasn't going to get his hopes up.
Now he felt stupid and had a need to get out of the exchange. It was manipulative, but mission accomplished.
"Yeah well, I'm going to go unpack." He said quickly before striding away.
I sighed in relief and all but jumped into my room. I had seen Lauren coming.
Behind the closed door, I took a moment to breath. I had never been the type of kid to cry every night while he was away at summer camp. But right now, I would love to be anywhere but here. For the first time in a month I realized that I'm in collage. This is what I had been afraid of, all the kids coming here. It might just break me.
I don't know what it was. It felt ten times more judgmental then ever.
I think that I was uncomfortable with the temptation. All my life I had been under supervision. I had seen the world, but only from the first class point of view. I remember sometimes wishing that I could hop on a coach plane and go to Austin Texas. I wanted to play the piano on 6th Street and beg for money with the rest of the musical bums. They all wanted to get off the street; I just wanted to get in it.
And here is where I ended up, where I was expected to be. It made me nauseated: the way I did what I was told.
Now I see that I can do what I want, I can disappoint. Yet I wasn't, and that's what got me.
Not only was I confused; I was scared shitless.
The gas station girl's voice bounced into my head. It was a smart voice, but it was troubled. I realized that I was thinking everything she was. I had helped her with her issue. I should practice what I preach. Then again, the advice I had given her would not help me. I didn't have to worry about being normal. I was judged in the good way if not falling into the line of the stupid word.
I don't know what to say to help myself.
I had always been the shoulder you cry on, not the one who cried on the shoulder. It goes to show; even the therapists need therapy.
I sighed, I had always thought too much.
I cleared my head and grabbed my sweats. Running would help.
After all, I had dreamed of running.
BPV
We had parked a good distance from the dorms and I was grateful for that. All the cars were nice and shiny; they were just like the Volvo that tried to kill us. Let's hope that all of drivers are not like the stupid shiny Volvo owner. The thought scared me, seeing as how all these cars compared to our car… It wasn't much. Would I be the same case? I couldn't see any body along the road.
Tick leaped out of the car and lifted his leg on the tire.
"Get, Get!" George scolded while popping the trunk.
I looked down the serpent like road; the trees seemed to make a dome shape over the gravel. It was like a royal hall way. It was beautiful and terrifying. Like a vampire.I could make out the statue through the trees. That's where campus began. That's where I would fail or succeed.
"Sorry, we can't leave the mutt here." I turned to George.
He had my back pack on. My big duffle bag slung over his shoulder, and a box of my possessions.
"He might run away, and then I would have to go through a divorce." He grunted.
"George! You can't carry all of that stuff to campus." He looked like I had insulted his masculinity for a second; a second later he dropped the box to the ground with a 'huff.' He placed a hand on his back, wincing.
I took my backpack and the box from him. He got a grip on the duffle and Tick.
We walked down the road in a comfortable silence. The silence was comfortable, but not me. Each step I took it got harder and harder to breath. I noticed that the last time I had been walking down a road with a backpack; I had been running away from something. Now I was going toward something.
I remembered that night….
Flash back-
"Hurry up Bella!" Angela hissed. She didn't want to be heard through the paper thin walls. We wouldn't be though. The blasting speakers from the second floor helped. This place was more of a crack house then an orphanage.
Now that I was back, I realized that I would rather be at the group home then here. It had been the best one so far. Mr. Mack was dead now. The home was no longer running. I'll be damned if I was staying here again.
I grabbed the old ripped plaid backpack. I stuffed all the cloths I had into the bag. The sense of urgency was in the air. I worked quickly. We could get caught any second.
I turned my head to see Angela lying on the poor excuse for a bed, with her arms crossed. She was just staring at me. Her eyes turned into slits and she was soon glaring. I didn't have time for this. Was she not the one who was just yelling at me.
"What are you doing? Are you crazy? Hurry up!" I snapped.
"I can't go." It was barely above a whisper.
A normal person would have told their best friend that they were being stupid. A normal person would have dragged her off the bed. A normal person would have flushed all the drugs and everything that was leaving them behind right down the toilet. A normal person would not have understood. A normal person would not make this a good bye. Of course, I was not a normal person.
"Okay." I whispered. I whispered so that maybe she would listen better. Maybe she would see her mistake.
"You're still gonna go without me?" I could see the tears glistening in her dark eyes.
"Yes. I'm 15 years old. I have to grow up, and this isn't the place to do it." I said calm voice. I was surprised that I was not crying like her. She was the only one I've had for awhile now, the only family. And I was about to leave her. If she survived I should be grateful.
This was not normal. I should be crying. I should be bawling. I should be weeping. I should be staying. But, I was not.
I zipped the backpack. A rat scampered across the floor. I followed the sound and caught sight of the night stand. It was covered in what I thought was magical; was it magical? After all, it was holding Angela back in its clutches of ecstasy.
I sighed and walked across the room. I took one last hit, enjoying the lifted feeling. I promised myself, "This is the last time." It was so hard to walk away.
The devil had slowly led me into this life. Little temptations became an obsession. Now look at me. The only way out was to run. A life of security and safety was all I dreamed about.
Angela was standing behind me with shaky legs. Her lip ring trembled as she fought back the tears. We had learned to never show weakness, or it would be taken advantage of. I still lived by that rule. Then again, maybe it was the drugs that were making everything easier.
She lifted her shirt to show her Harmony Turtle belly ring. We had gotten our belly buttons pierced when we were 12 when we found out we would be separating. It was not unusual around here. We had been tattooed since we were toddlers with our register numbers. It was a permanent label, the permanent reminder. What harm would a belly ring do? It was her idea in the end.
Incase we didn't get to see each other again; we gave each other a Harmony Turtle. The Harmony Turtle was something you gave to a friend who had endured, but it was meant to remind you of the times that your friend made enduring a bit easier.
I copied her, lifting my shirt. We giggled for a second as she played with hers.
"We'll see each other again one day." I said. This made her turn her head and bight her lip. A sob escaped her.
I shuddered out a breath and took her in my arms. The moment didn't last.
Mr. Losson's loud boots coming up the stars interrupted us. We jumped apart. Good byes were over and our instinct took over. Word must have gotten out about my leaving. This place took you prisoner. It was mafia owned. Girls would be hookers, boys would be gangsters, and everyone was a druggie. The 'House of Hope' had a very false name. It looked good from the outside looking in. It was all a lie. And it was hard to get out of. It was poor, but it had power. If you tried to leave… you were a trader.
I couldn't believe that this was all I was good for.
Angela jumped under the bed. I broke the screen on the window and scaled the side of the building. I could hear my ragged breathing, I could taste the pollution in the Chicago air, I could feel the humid air. Was this how freedom felt?
My foot slipped on the wet brick that jutted out. My heart stopped for a second. I quickly grabbed onto the wood that hung from the window frame. The wood was cutting into my hand. I closed my eyes and breathed through my mouth. It was amazing; after all the blood I had seen, smelled, and touched, it still made me woozy.
Angela's eyes were on me. Her dilated pupils were wide. She watched my every sway, and her fingers would twitch as if she wanted to run and help.
The door flew open. I swung d my head to the side, ignoring the vertigo. I prayed that he would not see my hair that flapped in the wind.
The floor of the door caused the wood on the window to shake. I quickly readjusted my hand. I ignored the pain and refused to look. The pain was not as bad as it could have been. For a second, I was grateful that I had taken that hit.
"Where is she?! Come on you little shit!" Losson screamed. I could hear his hand clashing with her skin. I bit my lip. I was selfish, and the urge to make my self known became strong.
I could hear Angela scream before I caught a glimpse of the bed sling into the wall causing the paper to rip open to the next room.
I could hear the loud booming rap music that was now making the walls vibrate. I tightened my grip on to the gagged wood, blocking out the pain. I blocked out the Angel's cries of pain as she took her beating and interrogation. All I could focus on was the little boy under his bed in the next room. I knew his face anywhere. I had helped take care of him most of his life. He was 11 now. I hadn't seen him since I left .He had the black hair and eyes, the copper skin. He looked so much like Jake… it almost caused a flashback. It was Seth.
For a second I thought he would tell on me or run away. Most kids told about runaways because they got reworded. But I knew Seth. I loved him like a little brother. I held my breath in anticipation. Would tonight be the night that I was killed for trying to escape? Did it all come down to some hole in the wall?
I could feel myself slipping. Then I heard it.
"Bell-a!" The screech was long and agonized. It was like nails on a chalk board. It was Angela's cry for help.
I slung my foot back to the window sill. My muscles were too weak to get sling my upper torso around.
Suddenly, Seth's shaking form jumped out from under the bed. The tears were streaming down his face.
I could not hear him over everything, but I could make out the words on his lips.
"Go." His eyes were pleading as he spoke "Go."
I looked down a t the dumpster. I swayed a bit.
And so I closed my eyes and said words that I had never dreamed of uttering.
"Please God, help Me." and I let go.
The fall is when I felt it. I would die or I would make it. Either way, I would escape. The elation that I felt as my stomach dropped was like nothing I had ever felt. No drug could beat this and I knew I would never need anything again. This was the moment of truth. It was like being born again, a baptism.
Then it was over. I landed in the garbage with a loud "Thud!" Pain came in tiny pricks, but it was unavoidable. I had no time to focus on it. I was alive. I felt the need laugh out loud. Something held me back.
The silence
It wasn't the world around me was still noisy, just not the world that mattered. I could hear the cars and the sirens. I could hear people yelling from there houses to shut up. I could here house parties and gangs gathering at the end of the street. I could here a stray cat hissing in the distance.
But no sound came from the room. I had landed with a "Thud!"
Shit
I ignored the sore stiffness of my body and pinched my nose to block the stench, burying myself into the trash. A rat picked at my shoe.
I remembered the first movie that I ever saw. Mary Poppins ended up being my favorite. I had seen at a charity event when I was 2. I had always dreamed that my own Mary Poppins would come and save me. I had memorized the song that she sang when the children were sad.
I whispered the lyrics.
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…."
Mr. Losson came to the window. My voice jumped into the back of my throat, causing a lump to rise. Now the tears came. They were tears of fear.
His cold black eyes scanned the outside and roof tops. I moved my hair and a can in my face and stuck my white hands deeper into the trash. He would surly see my paper white skin against the blackness of the night that was as black as his eyes.
My heart beat painfully against my rib cage. When his eyes dropped to me, it stopped all together. When they went on I sighed and it hammered, not in anticipation, but excitement. And then he ducked back into the window.
I jumped out of the trash can and sprinted. I did not trip; I was going so fast I imagined my feet picking up of the ground. I climbed the chain fence wincing when metal came in contact with my injured hand. But nothing could wipe the grin off my face. Not a thought. I came to the condemned building beside cloths line. The building was covered with graffiti. A blue spray can was on the ground.
I felt giddy with happiness. I picked up the spray can and shook it, laughing as I added my thought to the wall.
Escaped
House of Hell
O5
A pit-bull that belonged to an old lady down the street began to bark. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hopped the fences through people's back yards and ally ways to avoid the people on the street. I hopped and jumped until I finally found a street light. I ran toward the light it was the star of Bethlehem.
I felt myself come out of the shadows and under the light post. There were Cars, people, lights. I was in civilization. Life was around me. It was time to find my own.
End flashback.
"Hey Bella! Slow down!" I whipped my head around at the sound of my name. He was far behind me. Tick was choking on his collar to come and join me.
The damp air cooled my overheated skin, which confused me.
I realized I had run the whole way. I turned slowly. I could make out the fountain with the thinking man statue perched on the top.
As I caught my breath I really looked at the situation. My fingers were tingling. The campus was like street light at the intersection.
I could see right now, that no one wore a blue, plaid, and duck taped backpack. I wanted to be normal like them. I wanted to blend in.
There is no such thing as normal.
I lifted my head at the thought.
Right now I was falling out of the window. I would survive or I wouldn't. Either way, I would be moving on.
George had caught up to me. I jumped when I saw him right next to me. He stared at the statue and tilted his head to the side, taking it in. Tick barked at it.
"You ready?" He sighed.
"Yeah" I think.
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