Author's Note: Thanks so much for the review on chapter 1, I'm glad you like it so far!
Warning: Slash, angst, language.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything; the song is Some Things I Know by Billy Gilman (I changed a her to his at the end of the chapter). Don't sue me.
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James O'Connor. He's been Amanda's best friend since seventh grade. At first, I resented him, mainly because I felt like he was taking my place in Amanda's life, in her heart. But maybe there was always a little crush, lying just below the surface, and I was trying my hardest to fight against it.
Until now, anyway.
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I don't really know James. I mean, he knows I'm not his biggest fan and I can see that it hurts him to be disliked by someone who doesn't even know him, but I think I felt that, that was the only way to deny my feelings. I had to push him away.
If I got to know him I'd probably like him even more.
I stare at him in English when I don't think anyone is watching.
I see the way he chews on his lip when he's trying to concentrate and trying to understand but he doesn't quite get it yet.
I notice the way his eyes sparkle with laughter when someone tells him a joke.
His entire face lights up when someone makes him smile, and I find myself wishing, every time, that that smile was directed at me.
I've been telling myself for a year now, that eventually I would get over it, but at this rate, I don't think I will.
This… infatuation with James… it's here to stay.
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Lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, To Kill A Mockingbird open and lying across my chest, listening to my iPod, I hear a knock on my door and I sigh, sitting up, pressing pause and calling for them to come in.
Zack smiled at me, "hey Mike."
I smiled back as Zack sat down next to me, putting his hand on my knee.
"Is everything okay Mikey? You've been… different lately. You're worrying me."
My eyes met his and held briefly before I looked away, "I don't really want to talk about it."
Zack sighed and ruffled my hair, "…that's fine. Just… you're okay right? Nothing that won't resolve itself in time?"
I brought my knees into my chest and lent my chin on them, "I'm just… I miss Mandy. We never get to spend time with each other anymore. When she's not busy with school and running, she's with… with James. And—and I just miss her."
"You know you're always welcome to go along when she's out with James, she's offered enough times."
"Maybe I want James to myself. Maybe I want to be his friend and I want to spend time with just him. Maybe I just—shit, dad… no, I…"
"Mikey, you know you can tell me anything. I'll still love you, and I'll help as much as I can."
"What does it matter? I mean, it's not like James is gay. I shouldn't even be gay. I should be—I should be normal."
"Mike, you are normal. Being gay isn't a disease, you should know that."
"But dad, it's so much easier for guys who are straight, because people expect them to like girls and they do. They can love someone and at least know they have a chance."
"You have a chance with James too. You don't know what he feels."
"Yeah, but I can assume."
"Assumptions can be wrong, Mike."
"But—"
He cut me off, "Mike, look, talk to James. Get to know him, become his friend, then find out where you stand with him. At least then you'll know if you like him as he is and not who you think he is."
I looked up at Zack and smiled a little, "thanks dad"
He smiled and gave me a hug, "no problem kiddo, come down soon for dinner, okay?"
I nodded and closed To Kill A Mockingbird, marking my page.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, smiling slightly.
James O'Connor. That kid's got my heart.
And who knows, someday maybe I'll have his.
There's some things in life I need
Water to drink, air to breathe
A place to rest when I need sleep
When I'm hungry, food to eat
As sure as I need the Lord above
That's how much I need his love
And I need shelter from the cold
Some things I know
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Author's Note: I hope you liked it, review!