Chapter 30: Brian Does Hollywood
Previously on Family Guy Mallque Chronicles
The pre-theme opening parodies typical cliffhanger endings in American dramas and action television series.
As we zoom in at the Mallque Griffin house as we see Lois finishing listening to call of her house home.
"Oh, my god tell your father not to start the car!" Lois shout to Chris to not let peter start the car. As we zoom in to the family car exploding in five different camera angles.
Then we zoom in to an interrogation room with Frank Jr integrating a prep.
"Do you want my badge number? Here. Here's my freaking badge number!" Frank Jr slams his badge at the prep as he falls on the floor as he looks at the cop who hit him.
As we zoom into New York with Peter and Lois arguing with the judge about a case.
"I can't lose this case.' Lois argues with the man about the case.
"Lois, the case is over already over." Peter replies to Lois saying that the case is finished.
Then we zoom in to Chris finding Tyler died by blood lost as he cries in pain.
"Who did this to you?" Chris asked his dead friend while sobbing.
Then we zoom in to Persephone researching something threw a microscope.
"In all my years of research I've never seen a virus reproduce this quickly." Persephone said as her awe at the virus that she was researching
The we zoom in on Peter, John and Cleveland wear the pastel suits as they were whilst driving a speedboat around a "Miami-like" environment is an homage to the 1980s television show Miami Vice, as they jump out of the boat screaming as it crashs then explodes.
While Brian's remark that "everyone I told about the file is dead" is a reference to The Net as he walks the restaurant with dead bodies on the floor while talking to someone on his cellphone.
Then we zoom in on Meg trying to defuse a bomb.
"What do you mean, cut the blue wire? They're all blue wires!" Meg explain to her contact that the bomb has a lot of blue wires.
Then we zoom in on Menma and Rage shoot someone with their guns.
Then we zoom in the hospital with Frank is in a coma with Lois, Meg and her twin daughters Maddie and Rosie.
"Face it. He's never coming out of that coma." Rosie explain it to her mother that frank not going to wake up. As Lois slaps her in defiance, then Frank Jr appears with the whole Mallque family as he slaps Lois back for hit her little sister. Then they proceed into kick her ass like Jay and silent bob strickback movie.
Stewie shooting at the helicopter and falling through glass is much like the helicopter scene from The Matrix. Then it explodes leaving Stewie scream at his doom as he falls into the class window of the top of the building.
Then zoom in to Frank Jr reading a letter to the family that explain about where brain is and who is he doing.
"Brian's gone to Los Angeles to find himself." Frank Jr said as stair at the void
Opening Credits
It seems today that all ya see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those good, old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely
Lucky there's a Family Guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh n' Cry
He's
a
Fam
-ily
Guy!
End
Meanwhile, the Mallques and the Griffins were having breakfast as Peter was coming with a box of Brian's stuff so he can throw it away to hide his pain of losing his friend.
"Peter, don't throw out Brian's things it's not like he's going to be in Los Angeles forever." Lois said as she was bathing Stewie and Frank Jr in the sink.
"He just needs to find himself, grandpa." Frank Jr said as he scrubs his back in the sink as he continued Lois's argument.
"he's not coming back, Frank Jr. you both saw him. He just walked out on us." Peter argued back at his wife and grandchild as he is saying that Brian is never coming home.
"Boy, did we have some good times!" Frank said as he signs in to the room as he remembers all the good times
Cutaway
We see Frank, Peter and Brian playing with a Frisbee at the park.
"Here it comes, buddy!" Frank says as he throws the Frisbee at Brian as he happily catches it with his mouth.
Then Brain throws it back at Peter; however, it slices his face in half, revealing a part of his bone, along with his eyes on the ground.
"Oh, God! Oh, God! (Screams) What are the odds?!" Peter shouts.
Cutaway Ends
"Well, if he does come back I want everything to be just how he left it." Lois said she was join by Meg as she and Lois were washing the scalps of their son's heads. Until they complain about their mother's work on the care of their scalps.
"Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk." Stewie said to Lois.
"Yeah mom! This is scalp is sensitive. You're washing a human baby's head, not scrubbing off the walls of your chores." Frank Jr said to his mom Meg as Frank walks towards the table asking anyone in the kitchen of whereabouts of john and Tyler?
Frank Jr response with, "they went on a search for Brian trying to bring him home. I heard that they are looking for him around the world by now?"
"Brian can be anywhere and I mean anywhere, they looking anywhere?" Frank Jr said.
Flashback
John and Tyler fly around the world with a chopper.
"Is that Brian?" Tyler points Argentina.
"No" John answered.
"Is that Brian?" Tyler asked again as he points Tanzania.
"No!" John answered.
"Is that..." John was interrupted.
Flashback Ends
As Persephone comes in with a letter from the person they were talking about.
You guys, we got a letter from Brian." Persephone explain that the letter from Brian.
"Tell him I'm not here." Peter said as he trying to hide from Brian not know that it's just a letter. As Lois and Meg were done cleaning their sons and they asked to see the letter. Until Stewie screamed as we see that a fork is stuck on Stewie's butt.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, there. All better?" As Lois apologies to Stewie as she kisses the wound to make Stewie feel better.
You know, you are some piece of work, lady. If you... Actually, yes, it is." Stewie said as he was ranting until he felt better from the kiss as he now feels foulest.
As Lois grabs the letter she reads out loud to the family to hear, "Greetings form California. I've been very busy." Then Meg took a crack at the letter as she continued reading, "I'm having a great time trying to make it as a writer in L.A. It's just as easy as everyone thinks it is. I've been working the room at a lot of Hollywood parties." As Meg and Lois ooh in excitement.
"Look, Brian is in Hollywood! You Guys Got To go there!" Frank Jr said as he called John and Tyler in their chopper to go Hollywood to find Brian there.
At a Random Hollywood party
We join Brian talking to famous celebrates in Hollywood.
"Bobby, loved you Inraging bull. Hey Jodie, how's the baby? Heh all right." Brian said as the scene revealed to the viewer that in Order to pursue his screenwriting ambition, Brian moves to Los Angeles, California, but he works a menial job as waiter. As He Returns to the kitchen to get refills on food for the guest of the party.
Brian as a waiter walks up to the chief and replies, "Hey, I need more cheese puffs, Manny. Looks like Oprah's off the wagon again. And skip the toothpicks. She'll just hurt herself."
As another waiter comes to Brian to talk about something that happened to one of their follow waiters, "Hey, Bri, did you hear about Jason? Paramount bought his script."
As Brian looks in shocked of the news that he just heard as he replied, "They bought Death Spares Not the Tiger?"
"Hundred grand. Pretty Good, Huh?" the waiter said as he comments on how good was the work on Jason's script.
"Sheesh! He's been in L.A. How long? Unbelievable. You know, he actually called the main character "john Everyman"? C-Come on. Well, good for him." Brian said as he and the other waiter pick up their food to walk back to the party to give the food away. As Brian takes a deep breath and the smiles as he leaves to join the party to get his big break until he bumps into Keanu reeves.
"Keanu reeves. Wow! You know, I don't usually gush so you'll have to forgive me, but when I was writing coast guard—that's what I do—I'm a writer. Anyway, when I was writing coast guard I couldn't think of anyone other than…" as Brian is trying to goat Keanu into take his script.
As we now notice that john and Tyler landed out of the window sealing dress in the tuxes to surprised Brian until they notice that a woodpecker lands on Keanu's head
"Uh-Uh…there's a woodpecker on your head." John said
"Yeah, he comes and goes." Keanu said as the woodpecker come as he pleased
At the Mallque/Griffin house
We join they family watching TV and thinking up a plan to see Brian in Hollywood.
"And Now back to Kids Say the Darndest Things." said The TV Announcer as we zoom in to the program. As we seeBill Cosby and a little girl talking about what is the darndest thing she said in life?
"It's okay. Take your time. Then what happened?"Bill Cosby asked the little girl.
"He... he said he would kill me if I ever said anything." Little Girl replied
"Do you remember what he looked like?" Bill Cosby asked.
"Yeah. He had a scar on his arm. And he had a big, stupid doo-doo head!" Little Girl said as she pouts about her situation.
"A big, stupid doo-doo head!" Bill Cosby said as he starts doing a silly dance as everyone in the audience's laughers.
"Honesty, the things children come up with." Meg said as she laugh at the kids active rolls in the show.
"If you have a child you'd like to exploit for a trip to Los Angeles why not have them try out for our show? Next auditions will be in New York, Chicago, and Quahog, Rhode Island."TV Announcer said it show random clips of some the kids that appeared in the show.
"Hey, maybe Frank Jr and Stewie could get on that show." Chris replied he response on his idea to see Brian.
"Eh! You must be 'shrooming." Stewie said as he thinks it's not going to happen.
"Yeah! We can get a free trip to L.A., catch with John and Tyler to see Brian." Persephone said as she trying to pump everyone to Chris's idea.
"Jeez, I haven't been to California since me and Jake lived with my other family?" peter said as he flashbacks a time with Frank's father, Jake G Mallque Sr.
Cutaway
Peter and Jake enters a broken-down shake with Charles Manson and followers inside.
"Guys, We just got invited to a party at Sharon Tate's house! You guys can come but you got to promise not to embarrass us" Jake suggested. Manson and his followers murdered Tate and four others later that day.
Cutaway Ends
At the Mallque/Griffin house at day time.
We join Stewie as he interrogates Frank Jr and his Muppet doll Kermit the frog.
"Talk, damn you! I know you two been plotting to foil my plans of world domination. Who are you two working for? The Libyans? The French?" Stewie said as he slap Kermit like a bitch as he tried Frank Jr but they wouldn't budge. The he moves to the toy chest.
"If torture won't work perhaps a little tenderness will." Stewie said as he pull out miss piggy out to even the game.
"MMM! I like your taste in women. Yes, I think she and I are going to have a good time together. Stewie said as he makes out with miss piggy in front of Frank Jr and Kermit.
"Damn, you are a sick little weirdo aren't you Stewie?" Frank Jr said in disgust as he look away from this freak show make out edition.
"Yes, you like this, don't you?" Stewie said as he trying to break miss piggy into make her a whore.
"Oh, God, Look at me, having sex with a pig! I've become my father!" Stewiesaidwhile making out with a Miss Piggy doll as his question his behavior to his father peter. While Frank Jr quickly gets untied to attack Stewie until Lois comes in to the room.
"Come on, you two. Let's your sailor suits. You two got to look cute if you both are auditioning for national television." Lois said as she trying to get Frank Jr and Stewie ready for the audition for Kids Say the Darndest Things in order for the family goes to Los Angeles.
"Lois, we told you. There's no way… national television, you say?" Stewie said as he stop at the news of being on television live as he walks to his toy chest.
"Coast to coast? Well, that could be the ideal place to unleash my mass-hypnosis device on the unsuspecting public." Stewie said as he agrees to the auditions for Kids Say the Darndest Things in order to unleash a mind control device on the world.
"Oh boy, here we go again!" Frank Jr said as he spoke like Yogi Bear with a green hat that floated above his head, a black tie, then he rolls his eye at the audience as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.
"oh, I always love these little sailor suits. Or we could do nice corduroys and sweaters." Lois trying to get Frank Jr and Stewie's option.
"Or you could make yourself useful and wipe my button. Circular motion one finger—and don't you look at me!" Stewie said as he gave Lois a command to clean his butthole with one finger while threating her.
As Frank Jr rolls his eye at the audience with a smug look as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.
At the Hollywood carwash
Brain, John and Tyler have jobs at a carwash. As they were washing cars they notice someone waiting for this specific car.
"Oh, my god, that's Michael Eisner." Brian said as the person waiting for this car to be clean was Michael Eisner.
"Well what do you know, it's him! John said as he finish clean the seats of the back of the car.
"Maybe he'll be Brian big brake in this stinking city of lights." Tyler said as he finished clean the bumper of the back seat.
"We… we'd take it from here, Julio." Brian asked Julio that he, John and Tyler would take care of the rest of the cleaning. As they signal Michael Eisner that they are done clean his car.
As Michael Eisner was eating his donut with a cup of coffee as he walks towards the car.
"uh… here you go, Mr. Eisner." John said to Michael Eisner as he cleaned the left wheel bumper of the car.
"It's, uh…it's been brianized. You might notice that new script car I hand-wash comes with a smile, an air freshener, and a copy on my can't-miss, coming-of-age teen comedy set in Wisconsin." Brian said as he still hoping to become a director, presents to each of his customers a script of his own screenplay.
But Michael Eisner, he ignores Brian's offer of the script and simply pulls out a Mickey Mouse hat with "Brian" on it. He then tells Brian. John and Tyler to come to Disneyland, but just before driving off, he shouts, "Bring money!"
At the Quahog INN
We join the Mallque and the griffins as they are trying Frank Jr and Stewie auditions for Kids Say the Darndest Things in order for Stewie to unleash a mind control device, and the family goes to Los Angeles. As they tom tucker and his son Jake tucker, His face is upside-down. Therefore, people use words like "freak" to describe him quite often, as he is frowned upon in society. He also went to audition for Bill Cosby's Kids Say the Darnedest Things, but due to his appearance, he was skipped. This provoked Tom to promise Jake that they'd make their own TV show.
"I don't want to!" Jake cried.
"Yes, you do. Cause its normal." Tom said as he weeps at his loss.
In the audition room
"Tell us, Frank Jr and Stewie what job does a mommy do?" said one of the Kids Say the Darndest Things agents
"Oh, interesting question. More to the point, how does one define "job" without branding oneself with useless labels?" said Stewie as Frank Jr went to slip some coffee, then he look at the agents of the show looks on their faces on that response.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid Stewie answered your question with another question." Frank Jr said
"Um… how old do you think daddy is?" the agent asked Frank Jr this time.
"42!" Frank Jr said the answer but then sees the look again.
"Oh, uh… uh… I mean… I mean… daddy's old! I think he's seven." Frank Jr said in a childish voice.
They All laughing at that response.
"Yeah, that's it. That's what you want to hear isn't it? Yes, yes. Jump through the hoop. Daddy's feet smell! Oh… jackasses." Stewie said under breath as he grin with Frank Jr while rolling their eyes. they both return with the agent to their parents.
"Mr. and Mrs. Mallque/Griffin, they are adorable. Congratulations. Frank Jr and Stewie are going to be on the show." said Kids Say the Darndest Things agent as the Mallque/Griffin Family won the trip.
"Did you hear that guys? We are going to Hollywood. Where the people are sexy and clever and they always say something funny right before the commercial break." Peter said as he waited for the joke but it ends quickly with a black out.
While the Griffins are on the plane to Hollywood, they were trying to get to their they pass a man who is now piss off at Frank Jr and Stewie
"Oh, great. I always end up sitting next to a damn baby."The random Man said as he now complains about sitting next to Frank Jr and Stewie.
"What? What did you just say?"Stewie said as he and Frank Jr are piss off by the man who insulted them.
"Stewie, stop fussing." Lois said as she trying to calm them down and put their seat belts, but it doesn't work.
"Not now, Lois." Stewie said to shut up Lois.
"Hey, big man, turn around." Stewie said as he slaps the man head to get his attention.
"If you've got something to say, say it to our faces dude!" Frank Jr said as he getting up in the man's face.
"Oh, you can't hear me now? All right, that's it. We were going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're our bitch." As stewie said as he and Frank Jr are now going to annoy the man for the whole trip to L.A.
"Waa! Waa! My ears are popping, and there's no way to console me! I'm hungry and possibly teething! Maybe Stewie's wet. Who knows? I'm just a baby. Waa! Waa!" Frank Jr said as he make the man feel that he is in hell by kick the back of the man's seat.
At Encino villa apartments with a 1st month rent is FREE! Sign.
We join Brian, where he stays with his gay cousin Jasper. After menial jobs, such as waiter and car washer, he check his messages for any clients.
As the machine beeps as it replay all the messages that Brian have for him as he goes to the refrigerator to find some food.
"Yeah, uh… this is a message for Brian. This is Jack Nicholson." Raveling Jack Nicholson on the message as Brian grabs some left over Chinese food
"Uh… listen, I read your script and it just, uh… you know, jumped right off the page." Jack Nicholson said as Brian to get excited as his tail waggles.
"Uh… I think it's something I'd be excited to be a part of, so, uh… call my, uh… but…" Jack Nicholson said as he laughing as it reveal to be a prank caller with some else.
"Listen, I'm just jacking you, man. Me and my buddy Phil just found your script at Starbucks" as the fake Jack Nicholson said
"Tell him it sucks." Phil said in the background of the message
"Yeah, it sucks! Give it up, loser. And don't put your number on the cover, you stupid." As the prank caller own Brian by massage
"Hahahaha, I'm Hungry." Phil said as he hang up.
As Brian signs as John and Tyler return from working on waiting on guests at elite Hollywood parties, the phone rings as Tyler answers the phone.
"Jasper's residents." Tyler said on the phone.
As we zoom in into a car with the Mallque/Griffin family with Frank Jr on the phone.
"Who the hell is jasper? Where's John, Tyler and Brain?" Frank Jr asked on the phone.
"Junior? It's us. Jasper's my cousin. I'm using his place while he's working at club med." Brian said as he took the phone answering Frank's question as he pass it to john.
"Are you on a cell phone?" john aske Frank Jr as to how he got a cellphone as he just a baby.
"Yeah, we're in L.A." Frank answer as he took the phone to hi.
"What?! Uh… what a terrific surprise." Brain said as he felt nerves.
"Brian, can we see you and the boys for dinner?" Lois asked as she has the cellphone but it was yank back by Frank Jr.
"Yeah… Yeah, You're not too famous to get together with your old family, aren't you guys?" frank Jr said as he is excited to see his dog and his two brother figures.
"Well, I, Uh… Uh… I was invited to the premier of the new, uh… the new Val Kilmer picture but I'd much rather take you guys out to dinner." Brian said as among the magazines that Brian lampoons are Val Kilmer from Movieline and Kevin Costner from Movieline and he chosen Val Kilmer for the lie.
"How about Musso and Frank's, 8:00?" Tyler said as he took the phone to tell the family to where they are going to eat.
"Okay. See you later, Mr. Big shot…" Frank jr said as the car hit a bump then he accidently ate his cellphone.
"Oh, crap. Junior didn't push "END." This going to cost me a fortune." Peter said as he panics about the cellphone in his grandson's stomach.
As Brian hand up the phone as he, John and Tyler relax on the couch trying to think, Jasper comes back from Club Med with a Filipino boyfriend,
"Brain, J-man and Big T! Okay I'm back. Tell me everything. I'm sitting, I'm hearing. That's Ricardo, Ricardo, Brian, Ricardo, John, and Ricardo, Tyler. He doesn't speak any English." Jasper said as Ricardo returns from the kitchen with the Chinese food and gives it to Jasper.
"Can I? MM-MM-MM-MM-MM. Catching up—okay me first. I'm in love… ooh, too much dressing. He's from the Philippines. I know, I know, I'm a rice queen. So how's the writing thingie going you guys?" Jasper asked as he admitting to Brian that he is a rice queen.
"Terrible. We can't even get my foot in the door." John said as he mops in his game boy as he is now play Pokémon silver.
"Oh, okay, I have somebody you guys have to meet. He's a producer. He's great." Jasper said as he gives Brian hope.
"Really? Oh, thanks. That would be great." Brian said as he is finally get a break in his life.
"So, do you guys like sex in the city?" Jasper said as he ask the group about the show
"Yeah, it's an all right show."
"I wasn't talking about the show. Ooh, I'm nasty!" Jasper said as he inmates horn honking from a truck as he continued, "Someone send me out to sea."
The Hollywood walkway
We see they family looking for famous land markers with Meg's star map shows "the actual gutter where the policeman fell over laughing when Eddie Murphy told them he was just giving the transvestite a ride home," referring to a notorious 1997 incident.
As frank Jr belly rings as peter answers it as he treat Frank Jr as His new cellphone.
"Oh, I think that's for me. Hello" Peter said as he press talk on junior belly.
"Hey, hey, peter, its quagmire." As it reply as quagmire threw Frank Jr's mouth.
"Oh, hey quagmire." Peter reply as he hang his grandson to his ear like a cellphone.
"Guess what? Last night I had sex with a black chick." Quagmire said as a black couple pass bye hear what quagmire said as junior freaks out.
"Uh, uh, uh, uh, we gotta go." Frank Jr said as he hits his tummy to hang up
"Huh. Sorry." As peter and Frank Jr apologies to the black couple.
"What? All he said was "black chick." Dude!" the black lady said to calm them down that it was cool.
"Yeah, I know, but your boyfriend looks like one of your typical angry black guys and I didn't want me and my Grandpa to offend him." Frank Jr reply as he not trying to get in a race war.
"Hey, we cool, G'?" peter said as he trying to make the black guy feel better by doing a hand shake.
"Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? All right." Frank Jr reply as the black couple leaves in disgust.
As we join Brian, John and Tyler meeting the man that jasper said that will give Brain a director job for movies.
"I, Uh… I was thinking Halle berry would be perfect as the camp counselor all the kids want to get with." Brian said trying to show his art.
"Jasper was right. You're very talented. You know, I'm Having a brainstorm here. Have you ever thought about directing?" the producer said as he complement Brian's work.
"Oh, just every waking hour!"
"Well, I got this movie. I'm not going to lie. It's a low-budget movie, but the script is solid. My director dropped out and I need somebody who's smart, ambitious and not addicting to meth." the producer said as he complement Brian's work.
"Well, I am smart and ambitious."
They all laughing at that joke.
"Seriously." the producer said.
"No, No. he's Clean." Tyler said as he confirms that Brian is clean.
At Musso & Frank's Grill.
The Mallque/Griffins dine at the Musso & Frank Grill, an actual Hollywood attraction. Brian is correct that writers Ernest Hemingway and William Faulkner drank there. Peter wonders where the screenwriter of the 1982 sex comedy Porky's frequented.
"Oh, boy, this is great. All that searching—that emptiness I felt back home—gone. I think I've finally found my life's calling, you know?" Brian said as to finally gotten over his problems at quahog.
"Oh, how wonderful. You know, Brian, I've always found your writing to be a little hackneyed and stilted, but I guess that's why I'm not working out here in Hollywood, huh? Oh, congratulations on all your success." Lois said as she chuckles while Frank Jr, John and Tyler look in disgust as to what Lois has said as she is still bitter from the play they took from her back in the chapter 14 "the king is dead!"
"uh…Th-Thank you." Brian thank Lois for the bitter comment.
"Yeah, still butt hurt huh Grandma?" Frank Jr said as he rolls his eye at the audience with a smug look as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.
"Yeah she still butt hurt." Frank said as he too made a sarcastic comment.
"Hey, you know what might be a thrill for you guys?" Brian ask the family for a thrill in Hollywood.
"Ooh! Ooh! Eating a pebble!" Chris said in excitement as he try to guess it.
"Ooh! Ooh! Trying to bring you home before something horrible happen here on Hollywood." Frank Jr said as he is still trying to bring Brian home.
"Yes, but I was thinking about stopping by the set to see me in action."
"Brian could we really?"
"Well, you, oh, you do know somebody in the business."
"As the family laugh and cheer for this moment."
"Yes, well, I'm in the business, too, you know. Me and junior are going to be on television."
"Great!"
"What the hell, how this happened?"
"Whoa, really, you two on TV, wow!"
"Yes, and when I make my appearance I promise you'll all be talking about it at the water cooler the next day you guys."
"Yeah. Well, good luck with that. And congrats Frank Jr on your big break since it was you who push me forward to reach my dream."
"Yeah, well, good luck with that." Yutz."
Then the cellphone rings in Frank Jr tummy as he answers the phone.
"Hello. I'm trying to reach Peter Griffin and Frank G Mallque Junior." Said the women in the phone.
"You're in the junior." Frank Jr said
"Mr. Mallque, are you happy with your long distance service?" asked the women in the phone.
"Yes, and I'm sick and tired of you people always calling during dinner." Frank Jr said as he sick of this phone service
"I demand to speak to your supervisor." Frank Jr said as he asked for the supervisor of this phone company
"Hold, please." Said the women in the phone, while on the line with his phone company, Frank Jr hears the 1977 Barry Manilow song "Looks Like We Made It".
"Oh, Junior, I love this song. Open your mouth."
Looks like we made it…
As Lois and everyone is jamming to the song. As Frank Jr rolls his eye at the audience with a smug look as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.
As we join Brian arriving at the set of the movie he directing which was at a small house in L.A.
"Brian. Right on Time- I like that. Come in" the agent said as he lets Brian in the house.
So you ready? Ready to shoot your first scene?
I sure am. Where's the set?
Second door on your left.
As we enter the bathroom, where a naked man name Paul puts on his robe as he reads his lines at his seat. As Brian and the agent enter the room where a robe wear women name Jenna walks towards them.
"So… this is some kind of shampoo commercial, right?" Brian asked to what he is working on.
"Do I have to sleep with the dog or one of those two boys in this one?" Jenna asked Zack into who she is sleeping with!
"Hey can someone fluff Paul? He got, like, a wind sock thing going on." Said the camera-man as he looks at Paul's junk.
"So this is some kind of shampoo commercial, right?" Tyler and john said as they both realized that this isn't a commercial, but a porno movie. As the scene turns to black.
And we are back with john, Tyler, Brain and the agent. As the trio figure out that this is a porn movie sets, where they are going to make a porno.
"Look, Zack, I'm… I'm sorry." Brian said he apologies to the agent who is name zack.
"There's just no way Brain can do this."
"I mean, I've been around, you know, I've… I've licked my share of peanut butter, but… I-I just… I think you need to find yourself a new director."
"Are you sure?" zack said as hope they didn't leave.
"We just can't do this." John said as he, Tyler and Brian were leave towards the hallway.
"Come on. Is this any more degrading than washing cars? At least here, you can be creative." Zack said to The Trio at the hallway.
Look, I… I want to make this perfectly clear. There is absolutely no way I would possibly consider doing something like this. Brian lecture zack as he not going to do this until he, John and Tyler look at the door of the bathroom to see Jenna undress to see her hot body.
"unless Brian saw a script first." John said as he asked for a script to show Brian.
"Of course." zack said as he gives the trio a script, they read as they go until they finish to comment,
"you know, this isn't bad." Tyler comment as he like this script.
"It's kind of like bang the drum slowly except the drum's a chick." zack said as the trio think of make this movie awesome.
At the L.A Highway
We join the Mallque/Griffin driving their way to Brian to see him work on the set. As Peter took the wheel as they are speed toward to their destination.
"peter, slow down. Brian said he was going to be on the set all day." Lois said as she trying to calm him down so they can arrive safe and sound.
"ah! "On the set." Listen to you mom! Two days in Hollywood, and you sound like a contract player." Meg said as she and Lois laugh at their experience in Hollywood. As sirens blaring as Frank Jr sees the Los Angeles Police Department trying to pull them over.
"oh, crap—the L.A.P.D." Frank Jr and Peter said as they pull over as Peter is beaten by the Los Angeles Police Department in a manner similar to Rodney King, although he asked them to beat him as a photo opportunity.
"Aaaa, aaa, aaaa, aa, aa, owwww." Peter said as he getting an ass whopping by the L.A.P.D. as Frank Jr films it.
"come on, Grandpa, want to save some tape for the Hollywood sign." Frank Jr said as he is done film it and telling his grandfather it's time to go, As the L.A.P.D. stops hitting peter.
"okay. Hey, thanks a lot you guys."
"Hey, our pleasure. Have a nice vacation, sire." Said the L.A.P.D. officer as he and his partner walk away until he kicks peter in the stomach as he is trying to get up.
"ooh!" peter said from the blow In the stomach.
At the house where the set of Brian's film.
Yes… Yes… Yes… Yes… Yes… the women said panting until somebody said,
"Cut!" as it revels to be Brian, directing the movie while John films it and Tyler checks sound background.
"uh, okay. Uh, nice take, Jenna." Brian said as we turn toward Jenna and Paul in bead trying to make the sex scene.
"but, uh, let's try giving the lines a little subtext this time. Your husband's always away on business and you feel increasingly isolated and unloved so you begin to think maybe you should go back to graduate school and finish your dissertation and that's when you notice the cable man has taken his pants off.' Brain said as he is trying to make art with a little bit of the hanky pankey.
On the set of Brian's film, the Mallque and the Griffins arrived as they aew in the awesomeness of the movie set experiences.
"oh, wow! A real movie set!
Hey, this house looks kind of familiar?
"I'll bet Samuel L. Jackson is here. Since "he's in everything," Chris asks if Samuel L. Jackson is in the film As a nod to Jackson's reputation as the "hardest working man in Hollywood.
"There's Brian!" Persephone said as she points where Brian is where Jackson is, in fact, in the film.
"All right, now, Samuel, when you lay her down in front of the fireplace, I want you to enter from… oh my god!" Brian said he trying to make a scene with Samuel L. Jackson until he spots the family
"Uh, h-hey, you guys." John said as he pulls the family off the set
"Hey, John. Can I be in the movie?" Persephone asked
"Well, actually, one of the Jacuzzi girls didn't show up. How long can you hold your breath underwater, sweetie?" as one screen writers asked Persephone about her air breathing
"Real long one time at hatch pond…" Persephone asked
"No! absolutely not. This is a closed set." John said as he tries to make his family leave and not get involved in this movie
"You gotta leave." Brain said as he too tries to make his family leave and not get involved in this movie
"Get these people out here… Now." Tyler said as he gets security to make his family leave and not get involved in this movie
"Oh, what? Now that you guys are big directors, we embarrass you guys?" Peter said
"No! No, I-I mean, yes." Brian said as he tries to make an excuse.
"Does anyone else smell Astroglide?" Stewie asks as he mentioning a lubricant commonly used in pornographic movies.
At the CBS building
The Mallque and the Griffins are in the dressing room preparing Frank Jr and Stewie for the show.
"you both are going to look so handsome." Said Make-up Artist as he is brushing Frank Jr's hair.
"oh, look at these crow's feet on your face, Stewie." Frank said as he looks at Stewie crow's feet as it made him look ugly.
"My god, you stay up past 7:30 and you pay for it in the morning." Stewie said as he looks around his face for more wrinkles on his face to hide it before the show.
"Who the hell does Brian, John and Tyler think they are to us man?" peter said as he, Frank, Meg and Lois talk about the trio behavior.
"Well, Maybe he thought we'd get in the way." Meg said to calm down her father and her husband.
"It wouldn't be the first time you've disrupted a performance." Lois said as frank flashback on peter disrupting a performance.
Cutaway
The musical CATS was performing a song and dance as Peter drives on stage and hits an actor with his car.
(Audience groans)
"Oh, jeez! Oh, God! Oh, God! I didn't see it! It jumped right out in front of my car! Oh, I am so sorry!" Peter apologized.
Cutaway Ends
"I think we just have to face it, Pops. Brian and the boys are big- time Hollywood directors and we're just simple small town people.' Frank said as he finally admits that they are not going to see their favorite dog and boys again.
"Um, all right, one more. One more. Rob Lowe." Stewie asked his make-up guy as to who in Hollywood is gay.
"Straight." Make-up Artist answer him.
"No!" Stewie said in shocked
"Yes." Make-up Artist said
"Come on, stop!" Stewie said as he is trying not to hear this.
"Ho-hum." Make-up Artist said to Stewie as the answer is true.
"Pull over." Stewie said as Frank Jr herded their conversation.
"Absolutely." Make-up Artist said.
"Really?" Frank Jr asked as if Rob Lowe is really straight.
"Yes." Make-up Artist said
"Oh, well, he hides it well." Stewie said
"Yeah, he wishes." Frank Jr said as he made a called to Jasper to asked him the truth about Brian's job.
At Kids Say the Darnest Things show where the duo of Frank Jr and Stewie begin.
"Stewie—That's a Funny name—Stewie. It's like stew, only with an "E" at the end."Bill Cosby said he introduce Stewie first into his show as he makes a joke about stewie's name with the audience laughs at the joke.
"Hmm." Stewie said to that response with a bland look.
"I meant it's funny, Stewie. See, I had and uncle named Stewie and he used to sell bicycles." Bill Cosby said as he was interrupted by Stewie.
"look, I'm sorry. Aren't you supposed to be asking me a question? Or at least introduce my Nephew to the show? Stewie said as he is trying to move the show into he's direction.
"Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?" Bill Cosby asked Stewie about candy.
"Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?" Stewie said in anger.
"I love candy! When I was a little boy we would play stickball."Bill Cosby asked
"no, no, I'll wait. Oh, are you finished? I'm sorry. You know it's my fault, really. I was under the impression the name of the show was Kids Say the Darnest Things, not Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up." Stewie said as he tries to shut up bill for trying to upstage him on the show.
"ask me what I want to be when I grow up." Stewie said trying to move the show.
"And we also used to play brock-broke." Bill Cosby asked Stewie as he ignore stewie's last statement as he replay a part of fat albert.
"enough of your blather. Good evening, world. From this moment on, I will be your…" Stewie auditions for Kids Say the Darndest Things in order to unleash a mind control device on the world, the host Bill Cosby grabs Stewie's device and unwittingly foils his plot.
"ooh! What you got there? Oh, you get to skiing now!" Bill Cosby laugh as he muttering and chortling as he examines the googles and asking what they are.
"Give… Give that back to me! They're of no use to you!" Stewie shouted as he wants his googles back as he tries to reach them.
"oh, I'm going down the mountain. Goo-Goo-Ga-Choo!" Bill Cosby said as he pretends himself as a skier, he trying skies down a mountain as the audience all laughing.
"No! Don't listen to him! That's not funny! That's just saying what happens when you go skiing! Ah!" Stewie shouted as he wants his googles back as he tries to reach them. But He falls on the floor. As he is get up he rubs his bruised knee.
"here I go, down the slope. Oh I'm going Zip-Zop-Zoopedy-Bop!" Bill Cosby said as he still pretends himself skies down a mountain threw loops as the audience still all laughing.
"stop it! Stop applauding him! He's not even using real words anymore!" Stewie shouted to the audience from laughing as he wants his googles back as he tries to reach them. As Bill Cosby sits down as he introduces Frank Jr next after commercial.
"we'll be back with a little boy with a red tail from quahog who get himself into trouble with his talking dog and baby uncle!" Bill Cosby said to the audience as he muttering nonsense syllables.
"no! my segment's not over!" Stewie said as he is tries to get his segment to continued.
"Come on, little fellow. You like to jump rope, don't you? Bill Cosby asked as he accidently hypnotized Stewie into his will.
"I like jump rope. Stewie said in a robotic, child-like voice.
"All right, so you gonna just sit here and enjoy it." Bill Cosby said.
"I'm going to sit here and enjoy it and I like pudding and Ghost dad was the best movie I've seen since Leonard part VI." Stewie said While he was hypnotized, bill got stewie into says Cosby's film Ghost Dad was the greatest movie since Leonard Part 6 another Cosby film. He also says he likes pudding; beginning in the 1970s, Cosby had been the spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding.
As the audience applauds as Stewie went to sleep on bill chest until Frank Jr went on stage. He grabs the googles from bill's face.
"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second." Frank Jr said as he stop the clapping
"What?" Stewie said as he wakes up from his hypnosis
" oh just saved your bacon, also Save some power for your hypno googles, Stewie. 'Cause I just figured out a much faster way we can get John, Tyler and Brain back home." Frank Jr saids
Stewie face palmed.
"CRAP!" Stewie said.
Frank face palmed too.
"Aww no!" Frank said.
"Oh yes! Stewie? dad? Go grab a large rectangular mirror, a tape cassette, and a monkey wrench, and meet me at the Woody Awards. COME ON, EVERYBODY! Right this way." Frank said
The Mallques and The Griffins followed Frank Jr to the left of the stage as the audience applaud.
"GLORY, WE CAN'T GO TO THE WOODY AWARDS! SOMETHING TELLS ME IT'S NASTY! JUNIOR? Frank shouted to Frank Jr to come back.
"JUNIOR, WHO THE HELL PUT PUDDING IN MY SOCKS LAST NIGHT? I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO IT WAS!" Stewie shouted to Frank Jr into who was responsible for the pudding in his socks.
"JUNIOR? JUNIOR!" Stewie and Frank said as they shout Frank Jr name. As The two looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.
"AAWW, HERE IT GOES!" Stewie and Frank said as they ran left side of the stage as the curtains open up to the next scene.
At jaspers apartment.
"good news, good news!' jasper said as he got some news for Brian, John and Tyler.
"What, more people I love think We're arrogant jerks?" Brain said as he feels bad for what they did on set in front of their family into think they just blow them off.
"You're more than that Mr. Nominated-for-an-adult movie-award for-best-new-director." Jasper said as he holds a letter for the woody awards.
"A woody? I'm up for a woody? Brian said as he looks at the letter.
"Come on! Call your family! I bet they'll be really proud of all of you."
"No. I'd rather they think about us as jerks than smut peddlers" john said as he didn't want them to know what they did in hollywood.
"Boys, they're your family. They'll love you even if you made a couple of crappy movies. I mean, Blythe Danner still loves Gwyneth Paltrow. Ooh, score one for me!" Jasper said as he cheers himself on his own score border.
At the E!'s Adult video awards.
Joan and daughter Melissa Rivers host the Woody Awards red-carpet arrivals, just as they have done for other award shows.
"Welcome back to E!'s adult video awards preshow. It's good crowd here tonight, mom." said Melissa Rivers as She introduce her mother, Joan rivers.
"It sure is, Melissa. All the studs and sluts are arriving." Joan rivers said as we zoom into Brian arriving with Jenna Jameson.
"Brain! Brain!" Joan rivers said as she got Brian attention for an interview.
"uh, hey." Brian said in response.
"you're nominated for three of the seven films you directed yesterday- Add Momma to the Train, The Purple Head of Cairo, and. Uh… what was the third one?" Joan rivers said as she congregates Brian for mall his movies except the third one.
"uh, You've Got Male Genitalia." Brian said the last movie name.
"you know, I was asked to star in a porno once but I couldn't because you know, most of my body is less than 18 years old." Joan rivers said as she wheezing chuckles as her' interview with Brian parodies her age and earlier stints on The Tonight Show.
"oh, yeah. What was that, like 30 years ago?" Brian asked as Tyler look at her cord.
"Your mic isn't plugged in. you're… you're not even on television right now are, are you?" Tyler said as he is suspected this at the awards. As Joan cries as she said in her mind she is on tv.
Inside the E!'s Adult video awards.
The next awards is for best original score in an adult film and the nominees are rod jones…
As rod jones stand up as he waves his hand to sultry jazz playing as the screen shows himself toning the music and sound of the movie he made with performed on synthesizer!
Walter murphy…
as Walter murphy thumbs up to the audiences as he stands to identical song playing as the screen shows himself performed on synthesizer making music while listen to it on headsets.
…And John Williams.
as John Williams cross his fingers while dramatic theme playing as the screen shows himself lavish orchestral score (one of Williams' trademarks).
While we join Brain, John and Tyler on the bar drinking their problem away. Until…
"Well, you've come a long way from hiding from the vacuum cleaner." Frank Jr said as he surprised Brian with the entire family.
"Lois, Peter, Frank, Meg and Frank Jr!" brain said in shocked.
"Persephone!" john said as she ran up to john as she hug him.
"Chris, Stewie! Come here and give me a hug man!" Tyler said as he was drunk off his own ass.
"hey, buddy. Hey, how are you, Alfred Hitchcock's… Eh? Eh? You like that one, dick hurtz? Ah, I'm sorry me and Frank are already drunk." Peter said drunkly.
"H-How did you guys know… I..?" Brian ponder on to how his family found out.
Lois said that Jasper tells them the truth about Brian's job, and Peter and Lois arrive at the Woodies; the porn version of the Oscars.
"Brian, why didn't you tells us?' Frank asked Brian why.
"I thought you guy's be ashamed of me." Brian said as he glums around his martini.
"oh, are you kidding? I ought to knock you out for not bringing us here sooner." Frank said as he struggles on meg's shoulder.
"look at the pair on that one, Lois. Bigger than your head." Peter said he look at a lady with the biggest jugs as sized of Lois's head.
"so you guys aren't offended by this?" Brian asked this.
"Well, I can't say I approve, but…" Lois said until Frank Jr interrupted her.
"We love you, guys. If this is what makes you guys happy we support you, no matter what!" Frank Jr said as he will never give up on his family.
"Wow, I never thought that you guys cared so much about us?" john said as he and Tyler cried from heard that speech from Lois and their little brother Frank Jr.
"my god. I-I thought I needed to get away from you guys to find what was missing in my life, but… the only thing I'm missing is my family. How could I ever have become involved in this filthy, degrading business?!" Brian said as he was comfort by family at last as his life was whole again.
"and the award goes to Brain griffin." The MC said as he announced Brian's name.
… just in time for Brian to accept his award. As Brian rush to the ceremony to get his woody award.
"Whoo! Whoo! Oh-Oh wow! My god! This is unexpected. I want to thank my incredible production team of John and Tyler who have been me from Shaving Private Ryan all the way to Welcome to my face…" Brian said as he took his speech paper from His Coat.
As we join Frank Jr and his family in the background of the bar.
"He live with us back in quahog." Frank Jr said to a random guy at the bar.
As the random guy looks up and down of the figure of Lois griffin and Megan Griffin.
"You two got a nice wiggle, babies. You want to be in a movie? Huh? Little Girl-Girl action, maybe?" the random guy said as he is trying to get Lois and Meg into a porno movie.
"Ah! Frank! /Ah! Peter!" both Lois and Meg said as they trying to get their husbands to defend their honor.
"good luck, buddy. I've been barking up that tree for 16 years, 17 years for my pops." Frank said as he and Peter drinking their martinis.
"sorry sir but this family is getting out of the porn business! Come guys let go home." John said as he carried Persephone in his arms as he and the family go home.
In an airplane going back to quahog. We join the Mallque/Griffins on the plane.
"wow, that was a wonderful trip and everyone has something to remember it by.' Lois said to Brian at the front seat next to him as we move towards the kids, with Chris and Tyler with big sun glasses and a giant pencil, John and Persephone with Hollywood tee-shirts, Stewie with a palm tree hat, Frank and Meg with twin Oscars trophies. At the end Peter kidnaps Jenna Jameson, ties her up, gags her, and takes her home with him. Until Frank Jr hit his grandfather in the head.
"you're going to love it at our house in my room, Jet Jameson." Frank Jr said as he used the Hypnosis googles on her to change her mind as she begins to fall in love with him. As the plane flies under the sun as the chapter ends.
Chapter ends.
Okay and THAT IS IT for this chapter! Hew...I'm exhausted.
Well...I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for pen123, Thank you all for cutaways, favoring, having me on alerts, and for reading ^_^