Chapter Two
A/N: Thank you for the reviews, follows and favorites! I appreciate you all more than I can say!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Only a couple of hours had passed when Meredith bolted up in the bed gasping loudly for air. Her hands were up by her throat, pulling at the neck of her scrub top. Her eyes darted around the darkened room, and her panic increased. She jumped off of the bed and threw the light switch on the wall. She hunched and placed her hands on her knees trying to steady herself.
"Dr. Grey?" Andrew called to her, quietly, but received no response other than the loud, ragged, gasps. As he came to awareness that something was wrong, he jumped off the bunk and went to her.
"Dr. Grey…Meredith…" he said a little louder. She did not respond. He carefully touched her arm. He wasn't sure if she was sleepwalking and didn't want to make things worse. He bent down to look into her eyes. She seemed to see him, so he stooped in front of her so he could make eye contact and placed both hands on her shoulders.
"Dr. Grey, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Are you sick?" He did a cursory exam, but did not see any signs of injury. Her breathing was rapid and upon checking her pulse, he found it was extremely fast. From his limited psych training, he suspected she was having a panic attack. He rubbed her upper arms. She still wasn't responding, but she also wasn't fighting him. He guided her over to the bed and sat her down. He kneeled in front of her, holding her hands.
"Look at me." He spoke firmly, but gently. She raised her eyes to meet his. "Take slow, deep breaths. Just like me." He took a deep breath in and let it out. "Come on, Meredith, breathe with me." She took a few deep breaths. "I think you're having a panic attack. You're fine. Nothing bad is happening. You're safe." He continued to breathe with her. He checked her pulse again, and found it to be coming down. "Everything is fine, just keep breathing." Her breathing slowly normalized, and when she seemed to be back under her own power, he let go of her hands and sat next to her on the bed, rubbing her back for support.
"Better?" He asked, softly.
She sat, head down, staring at her hands. She nodded and wiped her face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." Her voice was quiet and sad.
"Don't apologize. Panic attacks are rough. Does that happen often?"
She gave him a tight smile. "No, must've been a bad dream. I'm fine."
He suspected she was lying, but didn't want to push it. He didn't need to, however, because he had another way to connect with her.
"I used to get them, too." He said quietly.
She looked up at him, eyebrows raised.
"After…the thing happened." He said, referring to when Alex had badly beaten him.
"Oh." She said, looking down, not wanting to remember that awful time when Alex almost went to jail, saved only by Deluca's selflessness.
"They started when I was in the hospital, and I would wake up panicking because I couldn't see if someone was in the room…" his voice trailed off as he felt her stiffen beside him. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't talk about this."
"No, it's okay. I want to know." She said, not looking up.
"Okay." He said, then continued. "But then after I was home, they stopped…for a while. After Sam left, they started up again."
She looked up at him, her eyes wide in recognition. "Do you still have them?"
"No, after a few weeks, they stopped again." He paused, wondering if he should continue, then decided to risk it. "What caused yours in the first place? Was it when that patient hurt you?"
She was silent, once again looking down. She knew Deluca was a good guy and she was sure she could trust him. She did not like talking about this, but she knew she needed help.
"I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me. I shouldn't have…"
Just then, the urgent notification clanged on her phone. She read the display and hurriedly slipped her shoes on. "Trauma in the pit. Let's go." She stood and grabbed her lab coat, once again all business, and rushed from the room with Andrew in tow.
They arrived in the pit and went to the trauma room. Owen was working on the unconscious patient.
"What've we got?" Meredith said, authoritatively. She quickly donned a yellow trauma gown and gloves while Deluca did the same.
"Twenty four year old female, unrestrained passenger in an MVA. Unconscious at the scene. GCS ten. Blunt force trauma to the chest and penetrating abdominal injury." Owen gave her the bullet while Meredith and Andrew went to work examining the patient.
It was quickly determined that this patient needed the O.R. urgently. They mobilized the patient and headed out towards the elevators. Helm was heading in their direction.
"Helm, I've got a trauma patient. Cover my post-ops."
They ran to catch the elevator, leaving Helm by herself. She gesticulated with her hands, indicating that she was annoyed, as the elevator doors closed.
"We're all going to have to work fast," Owen said. "She's already lost a lot of blood, so we're going to have to scrub fast and get in there."
The elevator doors opened and they rushed off to scrub while scrub nurses draped and prepped the patient.
The three doctors scrubbed silently, each mentally preparing for the surgery ahead. After a few minutes, the three entered the room, with Owen taking point.
"Scalpel," he commanded, and made the first incision.
The three doctors worked feverishly for several hours, ultimately successfully saving her life. They were back in the scrub room, washing up afterwards.
"Great job in there. I'll go notify the family." Owen said as he finished washing, and left the scrub room, leaving Meredith and Andrew alone.
"I was in a plane crash." She began, very quietly, staring ahead.
Andrew finished washing, and turned to face her.
"My sister was killed. Those of us that survived were out there in the woods for almost a week before we were rescued. The wind was too strong, so we lost our fire the first night. The nights were…so long, and dark and so cold. The noises….it was awful. We could hear animals, we knew they were close, but we couldn't see anything. Each day, we would say todays the day we get rescued. But then the night would come again, and we didn't know if we would make it until morning. When we finally got home, that's when the panic attacks started. I couldn't turn the lights out at night for months. They got better, and eventually went away. They didn't happen after Derek died. I think I was too numb. But they started again after Alex left."
He had known that she was in a plane crash, and that is how she had become part owner of the hospital, but he was privy to no other details until now. He was shocked by the reveal.
"Oh my God. I had no idea." He thought for a minute about his own panic attacks, and how he would stay awake for days to avoid them. "Is that why you've been working so much lately?"
She turned and looked up at him, surprised that he picked up on that. "Yeah."
"So you're not sleeping?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No, not much." She admitted.
"Meredith, that's not safe, and you know that. I can write you a prescription…"
She waved him off. "No. No medication. I have to be able to hear the kids if I'm home, and I can't take it when I'm on call here."
He shook his head almost imperceptibly, in awe of her strength. "Hmm. It's not easy, is it?" he said, kindly.
She tilted her head slightly. "What isn't?" she asked.
Sympathy took over his face. "Being you."
She managed a weak smile and shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek, which she quickly wiped away. "No, it's not."
His heart went out to her. She was there for everyone; her family, her friends, and her patients. She was always giving of herself, and here she was, so badly in need and so alone.
"You've got to get some sleep, Meredith."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I know, but…I just can't!"
He thought for a moment, needing to find a way to help her.
"What about your sisters? I'm sure they would want to help."
She waved him off before he finished the sentence. "No. I don't want anyone to know."
"Okay." He said quietly. "I will do what I can to help you. Can you get someone to take the kids tonight?"
She stared at him for a moment before answering. "I can ask Maggie. Amelia has too much on her own plate right now."
"Let me know when it's all set, and I'll come over tonight and help you, all right?"
She still felt a little unsure opening up to him, but decided it was worth the chance.
She nodded. "Okay."
He smiled at her and touched her arm for support. "I'll see you later."
He exited the scrub room, and Meredith exhaled deeply, hoping she made the right decision.
Several hours later, Meredith was at home in the living room when the doorbell rang. She was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, her hair down. She crossed to the door and opened it for Andrew.
"Come on in," she said cheerfully. "I ordered a pizza and I got a couple of movies we can watch. There's beer in the fridge. Help yourself." She headed back in to the living room and went to the couch, Andrew following her, carrying a bag with him.
"Meredith, you're not entertaining me."
"Sorry! Give it a few minutes!"
He scoffed. "No! I mean that's not why I'm here."
"I know," she said softly, sitting on the couch. "I'm just worried. What if this doesn't work?"
He walked over and sat next to her. "Then we will find something that does. But I really think this will work."
The doorbell rang. "Pizza." She jumped off the couch and headed to the door, returning a moment later with the pizza, which she set on the table in front of them.
"Pick one." She held up the movies, and Andrew selected one, hoping it would help her to relax a little.
They sat together, eating pizza and watching the movie until he caught her yawn.
"I have an idea. Why don't you go take a hot bath, and I'll make you some tea." He decided it was time to take point.
She looked at him and knew arguing was pointless, happy to have someone to tell her what to do. "Yeah, okay." She said, sounding resigned.
"Good." He smiled at her.
As she headed up the stairs, he pulled a box of tea which claimed to cause drowsiness from the bag and headed to the kitchen.
A half hour later, he had her seated on the couch and drinking tea.
"Thanks. This is really good." She said, yawning.
He smiled. "So, do you want to sleep here, or in your bed?" he asked.
She sighed. "In my bed. I don't sleep well on the couch."
He stood, and reached a hand out to her. He saw her chew on her bottom lip. "Meredith, it's going to be okay. Come on."
She nodded reluctantly, and took his hand. She saw him grab the bag from the floor. "What's in the bag?"
"Just a few things I thought might help." He said, as they headed up the stairs and into her room.
Andrew had never been in her room, and felt a little uncomfortable being in such an intimate setting. He decided to focus on the task at hand, and was all business.
"Okay, Dr. Grey, make yourself comfortable," he said, reaching into the bag.
She looked at him quizzically. "What happened to Meredith?" she asked as she sat on the bed.
"I think I'd prefer to call you Dr. Grey when I'm, uh, in your bedroom." He explained nervously as he took a few candles out of the bag.
She sat, watching him as he lit the candles, and dissolved into giggles.
He smiled despite his nervousness, happy to hear her laugh again.
"What's funny?" he asked, lighting the last of the candles and grabbing a box out of the bag.
"Nothing!" she said, but started giggling harder.
He turned to look at her, amused. "What? Come on, tell me!"
"I was just thinking that I haven't had a boy in my room in a long time, and you're so nervous!" she said, continuing her laughter.
He chuckled. "Okay, that's not helping," he said, which only increased her laughter. He gave into the laughter as he worked to set up the box he had removed from the bag.
She finally calmed down. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the box.
"Sound machine." He caught her look of apprehension. "It works for some people. Can't hurt to try."
Meredith looked around at the candles. There were quite a few of them. "And the candles?" she asked.
"Lavender. To induce sleep," he said, looking around to make sure everything was as he wanted it. "Okay, Dr. Grey, time to lie down."
She again giggled. "Andrew, you're going to have to call me Meredith." She paused, still sitting up. "I honestly don't want to sleep."
"I know, but it's going to be okay." He said again, gently.
She started to protest, but he stopped her. "I'm going to be right there with you, and we are going to keep the light on. Now lie down."
She regarded him warily, but did as he instructed.
He grabbed a couple of pillows and placed them against her back. He took a blanket and covered her, tucking in the pillows tightly to her. "We're going to try to trick your brain so it doesn't think you're alone," he explained.
He turned on the sound machine to ocean sounds. "Is this okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, that's nice." She said.
He sat in a chair near her bed. "Get some sleep, Meredith. I'll be right here if you need anything."
He watched her for several minutes, hoping it would work and she would fall asleep. Suddenly, she struggled and broke free of the blankets. She sat up and looked at him. "This isn't working. I know this isn't really someone here with me, and I can't trick my brain if I know it isn't real." She motioned with her head for him to get in the bed.
"What? No, Dr. Grey…"
"Come on, Deluca!" she pleaded. "Please! It's the only thing that might work."
He closed his eyes tightly for a second, telling himself that this was a bad idea. But once again, his body betrayed him and he was going to her, even though his brain had not yet warmed to the idea.
He lie down next to her, and she reached over and grabbed his arm, pulling it around her. Strangely, that motion had a calming effect on him and his awkwardness was quickly forgotten.
"Get some sleep, Meredith. I'm going to stay awake, and I will be right here. Everything is fine."
She allowed herself to relax into him. "Andrew, I'm really glad you opened that door last night." She said, groggily.
He smiled. "So am I, Meredith."