Finally assured that Rachel had fallen asleep Ziva walked down the stairs to her son. Already worrying a bit about what he had to say. His voice had sounded so sad and nervous when he asked her. She hadn't seen him this unsure he could talk to her since he was little and had wet his bed on the first Halloween he had gone trick 'n treating with his sister and father and had been a bit too scared of the costumes around him. And frankly when she walked through the hall and into the living room and saw his shoulders were hanging low just as his head, her heart seemed to sink to her stomach. Before she even sat down she turned to her son and asked
"Nathan, what is wrong? You look so sad"
"I need to tell you something that umm… I have been keeping from you and dad"
A thousands thoughts ran through her head. They seemed to spiral from worrisome to worse to even having her heart start to bounce faster.
"I know I should have told you the moment I started. But I was scared and I kept thinking it would not be okay, that I would not be okay and that…" Nathan had started to speak faster and faster, his breaths became shorter and tears sprung into his eyes.
"Nathan, Honey, breath it's okay" Ziva told him while she put her hand on his back softly rubbing up and down trying to calm her baby boy down. "Look at me" He did the first tear falling from his eye. "It's okay, you can tell me" she said while whipping the tear away. It hurt her so bad to see her son hurt like this. His words still hanging in her mind. 'that I would not be okay' when he almost flinched away she pulled her hand back.
Nathan saw this as his mother becoming scared, sensing what he was about to say. He wanted to shut up at that moment. Not tell her after all. It maybe better that she didn't know. Though now he took this step and sat down with his mom he couldn't turn back. Deep breath.
"It's been five years, I know you won't look at me the same, I just hope that I'll still be enough for dad and for you mom. Okay." Another deep breath before he blurred out his deepest secret "I'm a dancer, dancing is my life I know you and dad hoped on a football player but I love dancing so much more. I have been taking classes for the past five years."
Silence was all his mother gave back to him. Her son a dancer? Why had he hidden it form them? Was he good?
"Why….?" She started to say as the other thing that he'd said came to mind. Her hand rose to her mouth covering it. He thought he wouldn't be enough for them. A feeling Ziva had known as well growing up, the pain and shame of knowing you'll never be enough. When she had been pregnant with Eden she had promised to her and all her future children that she would not let them grow up like that. They should have been able to do what they love, and get her support. Yet, here was her son in front of her, saying he hope she would still find him enough still love him. She had failed as a mother.
When the tears started to stream down her face Nathan thought he had his answer. Eden had been wrong. She didn't see him as himself anymore. He wasn't enough anymore. It hit him deep in his heart and he couldn't stay. He almost jumped from the couch grabbed his school bag that was still by the door opened the door and at the last minute he grabbed his jacket before running out. Into the night.
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