Ross leaned against Chandler and Joey's apartment door. The silence of the apartment was too silent for him. Although at the moment nothing seemed to matter.
Ross had never seen Chandler break down like that. He had never seen so much pain and sadness in someone's eyes in his entire life. He looked so broken, like his entire world had been shattered. Monica hadn't told him much other than he was so depressed that he didn't see the use to continue living.
In that exact same moment Monica walked out of Chandler's bedroom her face still tear strained. It took every ounce of energy she had to carry him downstairs and into his bedroom. But she knew that she couldn't give up because she knew it was a million times harder for Chandler.
"Mon," Ross said softly breaking the heavy silence that bestowed them. "We'll get him through this." Ross said confidently, but in a soft whisper.
Monica sighed and looked over to the kitchen counter where her note once laid and saw that Ross and Rachel's were still resting there. "Ross you need to read this," Monica said reaching over and handing him the note.
Ross shot a questionable look to his sister before taking the note out of her and. He unfolds the paper and begins to read.
Ross,
I really don't know what to say. I know that I have been a crappy friend up until this point. No I will always be a crappy friend. I mean for the love of god I told Rachel that you were over the top in love with her. That all the proof you really need. But I promise that I won't be here much longer to screw your life over.
I guess I just really wanted to say that you were an amazing friend. But there's nothing I can do to meet the expectations that life has for me. Don't bother trying to save me from the darkness, it has already killed me. I will never be the man that you all used to know I'll be different. So why should I go on?
Please don't be upset over this, I'm not worth it.
Chandler
Ross knew that Chandler had low self-esteem, but he didn't realize that it was this bad. Chandler was basically implying that he was worthless, not worth the tears. But little did he know that his heart had been shattered at his friend's attempt at suicide.
Chandler was a better friend then he was making himself out to be. Even if he did cover up his true feelings with sarcasm he could be a very comforting person when he wanted to. Ross always went to him when he needed advice about things. But so did Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Rachel. It wasn't just the advice he was good at. In times of distress he would know the exact thing to say when you were down. And all of them appreciated him for that.
"I'm gonna stay here with Chandler." Monica said breaking Ross from his reverie. "Can you give this to Rachel?" Monica asked holding up the last note that was left on the counter. Ross nodded weakly and took the note from Monica's hand.
"Watch after him, he needs our help." Ross said weakly before walking out of the apartment.
Once in the hallway Ross looked out the small window at the end of the hallway and he could see the heavy raindrops on the window. Perfect weather for the occasion, Ross thought bitterly.
[-]
Rachel paced apartment 20 as the previous events from that night played in her head. Monica's haste, Chandler's broken figure, his break down. It was so joyous before then. So normal. But their world had been flipped upside down.
She didn't understand. Chandler knew that he could talk to them. Or did he? He spent so much of his time trying to make his friends happy that he had forgotten about himself. He had said that night that he had to do 'what he needed to do'. What was he thinking? That it would make them happier if he left? That he though they didn't need him anymore? Rachel just didn't know.
Chandler has been known to bring himself down a lot. He would always make self- deprecating jokes. So of course naturally the gang played along. They didn't mean most things that they said, they were just joking around.
They all knew he was very sensitive. Even if he tried to cover it up, they had all seen him on the brink of tears. His dysfunctional childhood had left him with deep scars, so deep that no matter how many jokes he told, no amount of foundation would cover them up.
Rachel's head snapped up when she saw Ross walking into the apartment. Not knowing what to do she ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck and began to sob into his shoulder. Life just wasn't fair nothing about it was fair.
"Rach, I know that you don't want to do this right now, but you need to read this." Ross said handing Rachel the note.
Rachel,
I hope you know that I love you. If you don't then I'm sorry I never told you before when I actually could.
I thought it would get easier. I thought that I would win the battle. But I lost, and I lost horribly. I've only known you for about a year and a half but I feel like it has been an eternity. You are one of the strongest people I know. You fought for your dream and you have it. I'm just sad I won't be there to watch you be strong.
Please don't be sad because I've left. I was a burden to you and you know it. So I beg of you just move on. Don't cry, don't mourn…just move on. Because I'm not worth the tears or the heartache. Just move on.
Chandler.
Rachel clamped her hand to her mouth as she finished the note. It killed her that he had used past tense. That he would already be dead by the time she found the note. "I'll be there to help you," Rachel whispered, unheard.
[-]
Monica glanced over at the clock on the wall of the boy's apartment that read: 5:30 AM. She'd checked on Chandler about an hour ago but was getting antsy again. She had tried too hard to get the image of Chandler slipping off the roof out of her head that she used it as excuse to check on him. But it was true, her best friend's attempt had been haunting her mind ever since it happened.
Monica looked up when she heard Chandler's door open. She was surprised when he stumbled out of his bedroom wearing a very pained expression.
"Help me," he whispered.
AN: Yea I know quick update but I was in a very, very bad mood. And here's a funny fact. I wrote the first chapter about three months ago. I had intended for it to be a one shot but it would involve me killing off Chandler and I don't know if I could handle that.