The car ride home was quite, and soon Justin found himself sneaking glances at the man beside him, at the wheel. Would he tell Michael? Would he want Justin to rid them both of their child? All of those thoughts passed through Justin's mind as Brian drove, and it was making his heart ache painfully. He knew that if Brian asked, he couldn't say no, it was Brian's baby too, but it still pained him that there was that chance that he'd want to get rid of it. Everyone talked about having kids one day, even Daphne when her mom got pregnant again with her sister Clare. Justin had to admit he'd even thought of it when his little sister was just a tiny baby and his mother asked him to babysit. Molly was so sweet and little, Justin couldn't help but think of what it'd be like if he had one. And now he was. With Brian Kinney, of all people.
If Brian didn't know any better, he'd say Justin was working himself up. From his seat next to him, he could see the distress on the boy's face.
'Hey Justin, why don't you sleep for a while? We're still a long way away from home.' Brian suggested, watching as Justin's eyes drooped. Soon, Brian could hear quiet wheezes leaving the boy, and it was doing strange things to his heart. As he pulled up on his street, he glanced over at Justin. Sighing, not wanting to wake him up, Brian shifted and picked the boy up in his arms. He don't know why he did it, but as soon as he did, he started to make his way home.
With Justin lying on his couch, Brian waited patiently for the blond to wake. He could see the peace on the boy's face, and it was warming to know that his dreams were at least some sort of rest from the day's drama. He knew when Justin did wake up, there would be a lot of discussion, and not the kind that Brian was used too, not the Account type, but the "baby" type. When the blond did wake up though, all Brian could think about was, had he eaten? He could see the slight dark rings under his eyes, and wished he could just let him sleep, but they had to talk sooner or later. Even though Brian was hoping for later, he knew that, that wasn't going to be the case by the sudden wide eyes from Justin. God, why couldn't he have just been more careful in the first place? Just then, Brian knew that it was going to be sooner, meaning now, that they were going to talk.
Justin sat across from Brian in his loft, playing with his fingers as he tried to avoid Brian's eyes, which were fixed on Justin's stomach. He couldn't help but look at it, knowing that somehow, Justin was pregnant. That somewhere along the line, Brian had made a mistake, and that was affecting not just him, but Justin and someone who hasn't even been born yet.
'What do I do?' Justin asked in a quiet voice. Brian sighed, standing up in sympathy and pulled Justin into a hug. Something was bugging him more right now, and that was fear. But the words were getting caught in his throat.
'How many people?' Brian asked, knowing the answer already, yet asking it anyway. How could he ask that?
'Just you. I only want you! But you don't want me, so what do I do?' Justin asked, frustrated.
Shifting his hold on Justin, he sighed. That cannot be happening! How can Justin be… ugh! Brian's head was spinning, but he decided it was best to try and keep his anger under a little control, especially when Justin hadn't done anything wrong, and in his state, he needed the least of drama he could get.
'Listen, I'm going to help you. Just… don't tell anybody, okay, at least for now?' Brian asked his hands on the blonds shoulder. If there was something they couldn't use right now, and it was judgmental bastards who don't know jack shit about the situation. Heterosexuals, Brian thought absently and sarcastically, internally smirking.
'It can't stay a secret for long! Soon, I'm going to have to tell people, I'm going to need money! I'll have to get a job, and a house and not to mention-' Justin began to hyperventilate.
Brian saw Justin's face and pushed him back down on the seat, waiting for his breathing to control itself. God, he's worse that a fucking dyke!
'And what?' Brian asked, curious. Justin looked up into Brian's eyes, fright and fear clouding them. Was he frightened at what Brian thought? Why would he be frightened? Brian never judged people, even the worst people, only if they give him a reason to.
'How the hell am I going to do this?' He whispered, while a thin layer of moist covered his blue eyes. Brian cleared his throat loudly, quickly removing the lump from his throat, in fear of the blond realising it was there.
'How are we going to do this, you mean? This kid is just as much mine as Gus is. More so! Gus is Mel and Lindsey's kid, not mine.' Brian sounded defensive, and it scared him because he knew he was being just that.
Justin glanced down, tearing his eyes away from the gorgeous man in front of him. What he saying he wanted to keep the baby? Or was he just feeling responsible?
'Sorry. I just didn't think… I mean we never really… I never thought you'd…' Justin stumbled over his own words, turning a deep pink in embarrassment.
'…Wanna keep it?' He finished for him, watching Justin's head snap up. Hope mixed in with fear inside him.
'Well why would you? I thought you'd freak! That you'd abandon me when you found out and that…'
A tear escaped Justin's eye, sliding down his cheek until it dropped onto Brian's arm, which was extended out to him. Brian didn't even notice it, vaguely feeling the hot liquid on his skin.
'And what? That I'd leave? That you'd have to deal with this by yourself? Were you even going to tell me?' Brian replied softly, watching Justin closely. He could see the how much this was hurting Justin, and he never wanted that.
'Stop being ridiculous! Of course I'd have told you! When have I ever not told you something?' Justin answered defensively, angry tears now spilling from him.
'I'm not being ridiculous!' He half-yelled. 'Before Gus, I swore to myself I'd never have kids. Now Lindsey's had Gus and you're…' He gestured to Justin with his hands, not knowing how to finish. Why was he getting so angry for? He's the one who took a liking to the blond boy, the one that fucked him, and the one that unintentionally tethered them for life. Brian was just beginning to realise how much was going to change, and how much he was going to have to let it, but that didn't mean it was any less scary, and any less confusing.
Justin stood, bringing Brian with him, and bought his hand to the back of his neck, kissing his lips hungrily. Brian returned the kiss willingly, forgetting his past thoughts, his hands winding up the blonds back. Justin hummed against Brian's tender lips, the pleasure building inside both men with growing speed. Just as their pleasure in the moment reached a peak, the phone began to sound.
Justin panted, breaking the kiss breathlessly to glare at the desk, where he knew the phone would be. Brian could feel his lips pulling in a slight pout as cold air whipped across his now sensitive lips.
'Are you going to answer?'
'No. Let it ring… I don't care right now.' Brian resumed his activity, pushing Justin gently, leading him ever so slowly backwards.
Clothes dropped and forgotten on the floor, they managed to reach the edge by the bedroom. Making sure to mind the steps, Brian lifted Justin onto his hips.
It seemed to Justin that Brian was deep in thought, he could tell by the furrowed eyebrows and the way he was suddenly gentle. Justin ripped his lips from the older mans, his hands clasping at the back of his brunet hair. He could feel the tingles from Brian's touch on the back of his thighs, numbing the area blissfully.
'What's on your mind?' Justin panted, smiling as Brian lay them down on the bed. Brian hesitated, watching the blond below him carefully. Should he tell him? No, it'll only worry him, and Brian's not ready to see him worried.
'Nothing…' Brian said before sighing. 'It's just that, this… b-baby… who do we tell?'
He rested his chest on Justin's, before leaning away to look at his face. Justin cleared his throat. It was obvious that Justin had been thinking of that, and Brian had decided not to worry him with his thoughts.
'Well… maybe Michael… and Debbie? Lindsey and Melanie should know, I mean Gus will be half related to this baby.' Justin answered, thinking over everyone Brian was close to. Brian let out a short laugh, leaning his head on Justin's collarbone.
'The munchers...' He whispered, laughing humourlessly. 'What about you? Who do you want to tell?'
Brian thought it was only fair what he got to tell people, taking into mind that he was the poor fucker that would be carrying the kid. And Brian thought he'd eliminated this problem when he found out he was gay.
'Urm… I wanna tell Daphne, if that's okay? I mean she's my best friend! And I've going to have to tell my parents sooner or later. They don't even know I'm gay, now I'm going to drop this on them!' Justin replied, tears hugging his eyes.
'Justin… we don't have to do this. All you have to do is say the word; we don't have to put you through this.' Brian offered, saddened by the boys tears. He didn't want to force Justin into anything he wasn't ready for, and this seemed like one of those things no one could be ready for.
'I couldn't kill my child Brian, regardless of who its father is, or what my own father will think. This is our child, our decision… our mistake.' Justin's head turned away from him.
Brian watched the blond as a tear escaped, and knew exactly what the boy was thinking about. In fact, he was right. Justin thought Brian was only being kind to him because of the situation they were in, that he was only sticking around because he felt responsible. But he was wrong. Brian felt something strange in his normally closed up heart when he looked at Justin, and it scared him. He did feel responsible, because he was. Justin's only seventeen, how is he supposed to look after a child? Brian wanted to tell him it would work out, that everything would sort itself out, for the better, but he bit it back. No one knows what will happen in the future! Especially their future, giving the current problem they're facing now. No one in the world is going through the problem they are, and most likely never will.
Justin continued to avoid Brian's face, so Brian climbed on top of him. Justin wriggled under him, a smile tugging at his lips. Raising his hands, Brian placed them over Justin's eyes gently, tenderly caressing the skin there and erasing the tears. It shocked Justin enough to still his wriggling body, his eyes open wide, yet only seeing a slight shadow because of his human blindfold.
'There, see? You don't have to look at me. And you're wrong. It's not a mistake. It's a bump in the road and we are going to adapt, we're going to swallow our fucking stubbornness and deal as best we can. Because me, you, and this baby is going nowhere. Maybe in eighteen years when it's old enough to move out and stuff, but that is a long way yet.' Brian chuckled, watching the watery smile travel to Justin's lips.
Justin raised his hand, and Brian removed his hands, just as Justin's eyes fixed with his.
'This is really happening, isn't it?' Justin mused, breathing deeply. Brian smirked, tilting his head to admire the boy. All the while they remained in a steady locked gaze, both refusing to look away.
'Well Justin, you know what comes next don't you?' Brian whispered, causing Justin to begin wriggling again. Brian chuckled.
Without waiting for any answer, Brian got into action, smiling.
Hands on him, Brian let his fingers search the body beneath him, reaching down to stroke his hipbones, causing them to jerk upward. A tortured whimper left Justin's lips, and Brian gave under the beautiful noises pouring from him. He could almost taste the eagerness from the blond, and it was driving him insane. Justin reached over to grasp the essential, 98% effective piece of rubber, making sure it was securely wrapped this time. Just as he let go though, Brian took over lustfully, kissing Justin as he pressed against him. As his pale legs wrapped around Brian, Brian took him again, watching the pleasure-pain mould his face.
Listening to Justin's heartbeat, Brian worked into the same beat, and soon they were both in sync with one another, moving together as one. Their noises clashed together in their unique melody. Warmth was spreading through Brian, coursing from Justin in waves. Brian's feelings only got stronger, and his heart got tighter as the emotion weighed it down. Soon Justin was gasping, and Brian knew what he'd hit inside him. Working on that special spot, Brian got Justin to his peak, and soon their gasps were mingled together in release.
Brian began to place tiny kisses across Justin's neck and collar, and within minutes they were both engulfed in sleep. One last thought echoed in Brian's head just as sleep over came him… "Do I love him…?"