Chapter 2

My dreamless sleep was beginning to fade away from me, I was too cold, and the temperature was begging to make me feel exposed. I pulled my eyes open, the room was still dark but the beginnings of sunlight were illuminating the edges of the furniture. His arms were around me, his stomach was pressing against my side and his legs were entwined with mine.

The quilt was in a heap at the bottom of the bed, I must've kicked it off in my sleep. I realised his body temperature was the cause of my awakening. This closeness was making me uncomfortable; the usual ease I felt when in his arms evaded me tonight.

I gently untangled my legs from his and slid from the cage of his arms. My feet touched the soft carpet of Edward's bedroom; I took a few steps towards the wall length window, gazing out towards the forest. It seemed never ending.

The happenings of the previous week were running circles in my mind. But the circles were far away. I couldn't quite make out one thought from the other, they were there, but they were fuzzy. I tried to see my memories clearly, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. "What's wrong?" Edward asked his voice laced with concern.

I turned around to see the concern on his face, matching the tone of his voice. "Im fine" I said sleepily "I just woke up early that's all" Barely making a sound he got up of the bed and crossed the room to me, he took my hands in his.

"You've been sleeping less and less recently" he said in the same concerned tone. "I think this has affected you more than you're letting on, won't you please consider talking to someone about this?"

Ever since Edward had me safely back at home he'd been pleading with me to go see a shrink. He thinks if I keep things to myself I'll go crazy. But I don't want to talk about what happened, how can I? I just want to forget it, how will bringing it all back up make me feel better? How am I supposed to put my thoughts into words when they're not even clear to me?

"Edward im fine, stop worrying" I wrapped my arms around his body and pressed my cheek against his smooth chest. I felt his lips gently touch the top of my head, his hands behind me were rubbing gently on back, I wanted him to stop. I didn't like it, why didn't I like it? I usually felt so comforted by his touch.

I pulled away from him, still holding on to his sides with my hands, trying not to distance myself from him too much. "Maybe I should try and go back to sleep" I admitted, he seemed pleased by this "What time is it?" it couldn't be after 6am, my surroundings were begging to come alive around me but the darkness of night still touched every surface.

"It's 5:05am and much too early for you to be up" he said with a playful grin. In one swift move I was off the ground and in his arms. He carried me to the bed and placed me down on the mattress, taking care to be gentle with me. He climbed in next to me, but instead of cuddling up to me he pulled up the covers and tucked them around me. He must've realised I was cold; he wouldn't come close to me if he thought it would cause me discomfort.

But my eyes were still open; I was looking out the huge window. I imagined I was running through the trees with Edward but I was just as fast as him. I was running so fast I would be a blur to the human eye. I was a vampire, I was strong, I was invincible. If I was a vampire no one would be able to overpower me, they'd have to catch me first. But I was a frail little human, you didn't have to be a vampire to overpower me, I wasn't remotely strong. I wished I was powerful, I wished I was fast, I wished I was beautiful. Right now, being a vampire seemed like a pretty sound deal.

But I knew Edward's opinion on this matter. As far as he was concerned, changing me wasn't a solution, it was tragedy. But one way or another, if I wasn't a vampire, then we wouldn't be together forever. Something would separate us. Whether it was an illness, or accident, or a sadistic vampire after my blood, something would separate us.

Invincible and immortal, that didn't sound like a bad idea right now. The sound of Edward humming pulled me out of my revere. He was humming my lullaby, pretty soon I would be asleep, I needed to talk to him first.

I was a little apprehensive to approach this subject with him, but I needed to voice my opinion, I tried to tell him how I felt in a way that maybe he could understand. "You know," I began "if I was strong I could protect myself" he stopped humming and sighed, the sort of sigh that said "not this again". I continued "you wouldn't have to worry about me, and we could happily go about our immortal lives without the constant fear of being separated. You know it makes sense Edward."

He was still and silent, he looked up at the ceiling, possibly figuring out another excuse in his head. He turned his head to face me, his dark eyes – almost black from thirst – were on mine. "Is that what you're worried about?" he asked, "That I won't be able to protect you?" I looked at him with a blank expression. Of course he would think this whole idea was me doubting him, his self-doubt has no limits.

"I know that I slipped up, I know that I should've got there sooner, I should've stopped him…" he took a deep breath in, like he was nervous, like he was about to admit to murder or something. "Bella, I will never forgive myself for letting him get his hands on you, I'll never stop being sorry for not getting to you in time, and I'll never stop feeling the guilt I feel when I think of what you had to go through" I was taken aback by his sudden confession. "I promise I'll keep you safe, you don't ever have to be scared again. James has been…" he searched for the words "…taken care of. No one will hurt my Bella; I won't ever let you down again."

This sudden outpour left me speechless. Did he seriously think that I doubted him? Did he think I didn't trust him with every fibre of my being? I knew he would protect me, I didn't doubt him for second, and this wasn't his fault!

"Edward" I began "this wasn't your fault okay? I don't blame you for one second. I trust you with my life, with everything I am, you know that. Please don't doubt yourself." His eyebrows creased in a look of disbelief "I know you'll protect me, I don't doubt that. But I don't like the fact that my safety is the responsibility of someone else, I'd feel much happier in the knowledge that I could protect myself." Will he understand that this isn't about him? For on second could he just put himself in my shoes and try to see things from my point of view?

He was silent again. He knew I was right, he knew I made perfect sense, and he knew there was no reasonable excuse to give me this time. He looked into my eyes for what seemed an eternity before he finally spoke. "Go to sleep darling, it's too early in the morning to have a conversation with such depth. Hush now." And with that he resumed his gentle humming. No fair! He knew just how to shut me up.

Soon I would be asleep, back into the realm of unconsciousness where the darkness took over. Maybe I would be able to dream with the sound of my lullaby around me. But I won't forget, he can't avoid the subject forever. I rested my head back onto the pillow and closed my eyes.

A/N - All characters and the odd stolen few lines belong to the great Stephenie Meyer. I couldn't help but pinch a few lines from New Moon, because Bella was right, something WILL separate them ;)

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