Kate had a very restless night. She tossed and turned until 4:11 am when she finally decided to take some pain pills and have a glass of wine to try and relax. She started a hot bath before texting Castle: Can't sleep. R U awake?

She waited for a couple of minutes for a response, but to no avail. She sincerely hoped it was because he was sound asleep and not just ignoring her text. Hopefully he was resting peacefully and not out cold due to a drunken stupor.

God, I've made such a mess of things.

She pulled out her copy of Heat Rises, needing to feel close to Castle, wanting to be surrounded by his words. Kate pulled off her tank top and sweats to gradually descend into the heated bubbles. She visibly relaxed as the hot water cascaded over her bruised knees and strained back. Maddox had certainly done some damage to her body. Her ribs ached and she could still feel the imprints of his fingers around her neck. She leaned back and closed her eyes momentarily.

He filled her vision… Castle… Sandy, thick hair, piercing blue eyes, hawk-like nose, pronounced chin, full, soft lips.

She sighed. If things had gone the way she hoped last evening, Rick would be with her right now, … whispering sweet nothings into her ear and sharing this intimate moment with her.

Kate pictured him kneeling behind her, leaning over the back of her claw-foot tub, his bare chest curling into her back, his lips hot and heavy at her ear.

"Would you like me to wash you here?" and his large hand grabbed the washcloth and dipped it into the bubbles, making it slightly wet before he traipsed the rag up her forearm, over the crook of her elbow and up to her collar bone where his lips replaced the rag and lightly brushed across the protruding bone.

His voice, deep and desperate, sent tingles racing along her spine. "Or would you prefer me to wash you - - here?" and his hand lifted the wet tendrils at the nape of her neck to stroke her upper shoulders and back before sensuously moving forwards to her delicate throat where his lips landed possessively on the hollow of her throat, sucking and nipping until she writhed in passion.

"Or should I wash you where I really want to?" and Kate bit her lip as his hand descended daringly between her breasts to teasingly administer to her scar, brushing erotically over the sides of her perky mounds.

Jesus, Kate.

She opened her eyes to bring herself back to reality and grabbed the book to try and lose herself in Nikki and Jameson's story.

XXXXX

Rick woke up with a doozy of a hangover. He groaned as the sunlight shimmered through the blinds and struck his eyelids. One eye grudgingly opened to take a look at his bedside clock: 9:19 am.

Uggh. He felt terrible. He'd fallen into bed around 2:30 am after consuming the rest of the Pere Magloire brandy. His mouth was dry from the amount of alcohol he consumed. His head throbbed to the cadence of Aerosmith's, "Walk This Way." He rolled over groggily and pushed himself out of bed. He stumbled to the medicine cabinet in his bathroom and pulled out 4 Bayer aspirin and swigged them down with tap water; then he reached for the shower handle and turned the faucet to scalding hot.

His cell phone jingled to signify an incoming text.

Kate.

He instinctively knew it was from her. He hated how his heart immediately skyrocketed at the prospect of hearing from her… He wished he could erase her from his mind for a day and find some inner peace, but that was an impossible feat.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

And God help him, he wanted her, … in every single aspect of his life.

He picked up his Iphone and noticed 2 earlier missed texts. He glanced at those messages first. 4:11 am, Kate sent: Can't sleep. R U awake? He felt a twinge of guilt knowing he'd contributed to her anxiety and inability to sleep.

Another text came in from Alexis around 8:30 am saying that Grams was picking her up and bringing her home early from the graduation party.

Rick smiled, wondering why she was cutting short the celebration.

He then read Kate's latest text: I meant everything I said last night. I'm ready for us. Plz call.

He threw the phone on the bed and stripped off his boxers.

He stepped into the large ceramic-tile shower and winced as the scalding water burned his skin. He didn't turn it down though, reveling in the physical pain it caused, as it gave him a brief respite from his emotional pain.

He leaned forwards under the spray and put both hands against the shower wall.

Memories from last night flooded his mind:

Kate looking hot-as-hell soaked to the skin in a black leather jacket and skinny jeans- wet, silken strands of hair clinging to her flushed cheeks… Kate grabbing his face with her slender fingers and pressing her lips against his.

Rick moaned as he could still feel the sensation of her luscious lips pressed urgently against his. His groin tightened remembering the way she fit perfectly against him.

He reached for his shampoo and began cleaning his hair.

He couldn't help picturing Kate's surprised expression as he forcefully stopped the kiss and asked her, "What happened?"

After telling him that Maddox got away and she didn't care, he'd finally heard the words he'd been longing to hear for 4 damn, long years… Those powerful words that had kicked him in the gut. "I just want you."

But his heart refused to believe her, … from past experience, how could he?

The scent of sweet cherries seemed to infiltrate the shower stall as he remembered Kate leaning in and opening her erotic mouth to kiss him again.

And how had he responded? … He pushed her away.

Castle groaned. He was still struggling with everything she had told him last night and the fact that she had turned in her badge.

Kate's face was now burned in his memory; … full of sorrow and longing, as she told him that she quit the force. Her lower lip had trembled, and her eyes burned bright from the truth of her words. She had certainly insinuated that she quit for him, for them, - to finally give them a chance, … but did she truly mean it or was it something done in the heat of the moment?

Did her actions mean what he hoped?… Was Katherine Beckett choosing him over Johanna's case? Would he finally come first in her life? Would she truly let him love her the way she deserved?

Or, (and his stomach clenched in fear) did she only show up on his doorstep last night because of her near-death experience with Maddox? Were her feelings clouded due to that crisis?

God dammit, she has me tied up in knots.

Rick heard his mother and daughter enter the loft. He shut off the water and began to dry himself with a towel. Right now his top priority needed to be Alexis, so he shoved the beautiful detective with the heartbroken eyes out of his mind.

I need time.

XXXXX

Someone rapped on Kate's door just before 9:45 am. Her heart soared.

Castle.

It has to be him. He read my texts and decided to come over right away instead of call.

She opened the door with a flourish and her face fell as she looked into Ryan's blue eyes, wishing with all her heart that it was another pair of baby blues she was looking into right now.

"I need to talk to you about the case." Kevin strode in confidently into Kate's apartment looking dapper in his gray suit and striped tie.

"Ryan, no." She said firmly. "I've resigned. I'm done." Kate's eyes pleaded with him for understanding… She just couldn't go down that path again when it had caused Castle as well as herself such suffering.

"I hope this isn't because of Gates or because of what I did?" He asked anxiously, already hurting due to the rift he'd caused between Espo and himself, hoping he hadn't also caused an irreparable one with Beckett as well.

"No, no look. I get it. You were just trying to keep us safe."

"I still am, and this guy who threw you off the roof, he's still out there."

Kate looked pensive as she thought about Ryan's words.

"I know what this case has done to you." He said sincerely with sympathy. "I'm not trying to ask you to jump back in. I just want to show you something. That's all."

He took out a copy of an old photograph which showed a white man, early 30's, dark hair in a brown suit at a wedding celebration.

"I found a copy of the missing photo Maddox took from Montgomery's wedding album. You're familiar with the guys who ran back with Roy in the day… Is he one of them?"

"No, I've never seen him before." Kate noticeably exhaled and said, "You may want to ask Castle."

"Castle?"

"Yeah." She nibbled her lower lip. She found it difficult to tell Ryan about the catalyst that had driven Rick away.

"Before Montgomery's death he mailed a package to a friend, a Mr. Smith, who was trying to keep me safe from the Dragon. Castle's been in communication with Mr. Smith since my shooting."

If Ryan was surprised by the news, he didn't show it. "Well, let's head over to his place together then and speak with him… We've got to act quickly as this lead is just too important to let slide." He suddenly noticed Kate's crestfallen expression and watery eyes.

"Beckett?... What's wrong?"

She moved away from him and sat down on the leather couch, looking unsure of herself.

"Castle and I are not in a good place right now, Ryan… I told you yesterday that he was off the team, and I know for a fact that he doesn't want to see me."

Ryan looked contemplatively at her and realized there were bags under her eyes as well as smudged mascara. Obviously, she'd been crying last night and had had difficulty sleeping.

God, he felt terrible not realizing what state she was in when he first barged into her place. Kate was like an older sister and he couldn't stand to see her hurting this way.

He sat down on the couch next to her and asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No… It's all my fault though so please don't blame Castle."

"Look, I know it's none of my business, Beckett, but I do know Castle. He would do anything for you… He'll get over whatever happened between you two and be back to pulling your pigtails in no time."

She half-smiled. "I wish it were that simple, Ryan… I really do. I messed up big time and I'm not sure if things will ever be the same between us."

Kevin looked thoughtful. "Beckett, Maddox is still out there which means your life is in danger. I'm positive that Castle would want to know about this newest development. He would do anything in his power to make sure you're safe." He reached out his hand to Kate. "Come on, Boss. I'm not giving you a choice. You're coming with me." He squeezed her hand reassuringly as he pulled her off the couch with him. "We're going to talk to that pig-headed partner of yours."