Chapter 1
Opening her eyes she felt a void that had been growing inside her the last three days and only grew bigger with every minute she was disconneted from her child. The bind she shared with her baby felt like it had been torn at by that bitch he's run off with. How did she ever think she had the right? She'd kidnapped her family; her husband and her child to the end of the world in a car no one had owned or were missing. To a place where no one had TV or cared enough to connect the images on the screen with the three people travelling across the US.
Finn she could live without. Their marriage had been dead too long for her to remember when it was really ever alive. Hadn't it all really just been a teenage fantasy? Gracie however she couldn't live without. She'd hardly ever spent more than two days at the most away from her child. Now it had been three and she was losing her mind. She didn't live in a fantasy world; she knew she'd always been intense at time probably borderline insane to get where she wanted to be. But this insanity was born out of loss and grief mixed with worry and fear.
She sat up rubbing her eyes, stretching her sore body. She'd slept on her chair on the terrace overlooking the beach and sea. The only place she could sleep. The sound of the waves could for short intervals of time keep the fear at bay so she could catch a few hours of sleep. She didn't fear for her child's life or welfare as such but she feared she'd never see her beautiful little girl again. Finn was a descent father. He'd been busy most of Gracie's life working at the garage he had here in LA but he'd never been distant or unable to connect with her. In the right mirage he'd most likely be a great father and a loving husband. Just not with her.
Finn had served her the divorce in a heap of neatly folded papers placed on the kitchen table. Such an important emotional decision neatly placed; clinical and distant nothing that mirrored the pain and tumult it really was. At first she was upset, crying, screaming and sobbing trying to call him. She wanted to kill him for being a chicken. How could he end 11 years like that? Throw away 11 years of their lives without having the decency to look her in the eye?
But then another reality shook her world. He wasn't coming home. He'd not only left her but he'd left their home in LA as well as the home they had in New York. And he'd taken Gracie with him. She'd called every single person they both knew to ask if they'd heard from him or any of them had Gracie. Only two people had seen him within the last 24 hours; his colleague, Ben, and Gracie's nanny; Olivia. They were just gone. She'd called the Police; hysterical and insanely difficult to understand. She kind of felt sorry for the two detective that came to her house. She'd been pacing, crying, yelling, screaming, howling and begging them to get her child back. In the end her agent assistant came to make sense of it all. Emma was a Godsend but nothing could ease her could have prepared her for the devastation to have your child taken from you and least of all when they person you'd shared your life with for the last 11 years was the perpetrator.
A knock on the door had her fly up and almost fall over own legs to make it inside to open the door. Maybe they'd found Gracie. She pulled the door open only to reveal a man and a woman standing outside in suits looking like Mulder and Scully. She barely even took the time to look at their faces the only thing on her mind was her child.
"Can I help you?" She snarled making the two raise an eyebrow. The man calmly cleared his voice before talking.
"Are you Rachel Hudson?"
"Berry-Hudson," she corrected them out of habit. The man nodded politely. He had steely grey eyes that clung to her face to read every expression and emotion.
"I'm agent Fowles and this is my partner agent Perry," he gestured towards the woman. Rachel didn't care about their names. She gave the woman a once over; red head with honest and direct blue eyes that regarded her with a reserved arrogance, Rachel thought.
"Have you heard anything about my daughter?" she interrupted impatiently not allowing the man to go on. He looked a little taken back with her brisk tone but then smiled politely.
"No, ma'am. We haven't but-" he was cut off by a annoyed sigh from Rachel who crossed her arms defensively over her chest.
"Why haven't you found her yet? You could find that car thief who hid in a dirt pile for a week but not my daughter?" She didn't care that they shared a look no doubt one of concern for their own safety. She knew the look of people regarding you as insane. Finn had worn that look so many times now she was immune. "What do you get paid for?" she rattled on unable to stop herself. It wasn't these two people's fault she had lost her child but she couldn't hold it back. It was like word vomit rising in her throat like bile; bitter and vile and she had to get it out. "How can it be so hard to track them down? They must have used money? ATMs, their phones, been seen." The woman held up her hand.
"Mrs. Berry-Hudson." It sounded stupid like that, Rachel thought. She was used to being called Berry on anything else but official papers and now; by the Police and FBI. The tone of Agent Perry's voice stopped Rachel from raging on. "We have found something." Hopeful of good news Rachel let her arms drop and her big brown eyes sparkled for a moment with hope. "Can we come in?" Rachel stepped aside to allow the two inside her home. The big and airy Malibu house her and Finn had fallen in love with the moment they stepped out of the car. The house bore evidence of a happy family. Pictures all over of them all together, smiling. It was all a lie. They'd been too good at smiling at the cameras instead of each other.
"Do you want coffee?" she managed to ask in a moment of sanity realizing she probably needed to be somewhat polite to these people trying to find her daughter.
"Yes please. Black." Rachel nodded gesturing to the kitchen. She preferred the kitchen to any room in this house. This was where she'd been the most. She'd loved to cook for her family and then they'd used to sit outside on the raised terrace overlooking the beach and the sea. Now it was depressing and hollow filled with memories that were all lies. Finn had long stopped loving her. Much sooner than she'd stopped loving him. Their story all over again. But at least she could hear the ocean in here and walk out on the terrace whenever she wanted to.
Rachel quickly made three cups of coffee and then sat down opposite the two agents. In the last few days she'd been familiarized with representatives of the law like never before in her life. Until now she'd hardly ever talked to a Policeman. That had all changed.
"So what have you found?" the two agents exchanged another look and Fowles took a sip of coffee leaving it to Perry to explain to the raging Hollywood star that her life was about to go ape shit. Perry was unfazed. She was 48 years old and had worked many a kidnap case in her career and specialized in cases like this; a mother and a father in disagreement over the child. One of them running away with the child to hide it from the other hurling numerous allegations at the other parent to rationalize their action to kidnap the child in the first place. She could deal with this one just fine and he could tag along learning the ropes.
"Mrs. Berry-Hudson," Perry started politely and with an even and calm voice that came with routine. "Your husband, Mr. Hudson, left you for another woman, Miss…" Perry searched her notes but she hadn't needed.
"Miss Avres," Rachel's brisk voice filled her in coldly. She was so different from her movies, Fowles mused. She always seemed so bright and bubbly but this person was so harsh and cold. He figured being left and having your child taken from you could do that to even the warmest and nicest person in the world. Perry nodded and went on.
"We have been informed that she and your husband have filed a complaint against you for assault and child abuse?" Rachel's head snapped up; her eyes were burning with rage making her look insane. She looked unkempt and her eyes were red brimmed with black bags under them from lack of sleep. Her hair was greasy and messily pulled into a ponytail but most had escaped the hair band and framing her face by sticking to her oily looking skin. Small blemishes covered her forehead and chin. She looked thin and worn out. Nothing like the sensation that was Rachel Berry; famous actress, singer and Broadway star.
"They what!" Her voice boomed in the big kitchen and she pushed off the chair unable to sit still. The information washed over her sparkling the all familiar cord of fear. Fear she'd never see Gracie again. Fear of life losing its spark without the little girl in it. She paced back and forth waiting for the agents to answer her as she kept starring at them like it was them personally who'd accused her. Perry stayed calm and Fowles felt sure they could handle this. The woman wasn't insane. She was grieving. Although the two were familiar in behavior.
"Your husband and Miss Avres filled the complaint yesterday morning in New York with the Metro Police. This is both good and bad news," Perry continued eager to calm Rachel down. Fowles knew enough about people to know that was a battle lost. Rachel reminded him of a pacing tiger filled with rage ready to strike. Her shoulders were up and her steps held a tense but graceful spring in them as she paced over the floor. Back and forth.
"How can this be good news? I have been accused of abusing my own daughter!" Rachel shrieked at them and a tear rolled down her cheek. He felt sorry for her. This was his first kidnap case and Perry had warned him it was hard. When someone took a child it was always a nightmare. A parent without what they loved most in the world was a dangerous and rash individual. They were unpredictable and would do anything to get their child back. One day they'd be in town sans their child, the next they'd be gone and never heard from again. The FBI did have a good success rate with these cases and Fowles was the best but even she'd lost a case to a rash parent running off in the night to kidnap the child back and disappear. He hoped Rachel wouldn't do that. He figured it would be harder for her as she was so famous. "I have always taken care of her while he was back here to screw this whore of his. I took her everywhere to be near her. Not to abuse her. I have only had one nanny to make it as stable for her possible. And we were settling here in L.A. so she could start school in a few months," Rachel rattled on defending herself. He felt even more sorry for her as the sadness was etched on her features and more tears rolled down her cheeks. She didn't care at all if they saw her cry. She didn't try to hide her feelings. She wore them proudly. He respected her for that. "We were gonna be a family now. He wanted to be close to her again now that the garage was going well. He wanted to have another child," she sniffed and stopped. "I guess it was all a lie he told me to come home. I wanted to move to New York with her. Not here," she gesture randomly to indicate the house or maybe L.A. "But we agreed to live her and sell the New York apartment."
"The good part is, Mrs. Berry-Hudson-"
"Call me Rachel, please," Rachel interrupted with a frustrated sigh. "I don't wanna hear his name."
"Okay," Perry smiled warmly. "The good thing is we know they passed though New York." Rachel blinked and croaked her head to the side processing the information. "For the charges to stand they have to come forward for the investigation. They will have to produce evidence to support this complaint." Perry took a deep breath. This was crucial. "They explained to the officer they were leaving town to protect themselves from you. They fear for their lives because you assaulted them both." Rachel furrowed her brow looking confused.
"Assaulted them? When? The report must say," she asked a bit more calm now.
"On the 23rd. They claim you came home drunk from a cast party to find Mr. Hudson in bed with Miss Avres. You then became so worked up you assaulted them both and put your child in danger."Rachel hiccupped with shock and stopped pacing, her mouth agape.
"A what?" They both knew it was a rhetorical question but Perry repeated anyway giving Rachel time to process the accusations. "Assault, really? I threatened them?" Perry nodded.
"According to this report. But we are more than eager to hear your side of the story," Perry said remaining calm despite the stormy expression on Rachel's face.
"This is HER doing!" She started to pace again waving her hands in the air as she talked. "I did come home that night but not from cast party and certainly not drunk. They were drunk and going at it on the sofa table. They had had a party here the night before and the house looked like shit. I had been in town all week, working. I wasn't supposed to come home till the morning after. I wanted it to be a surprise. Clearly was," she added bitterly. "I wanted to be with Gracie. I found them," she took in a deep breath to cage her rage. "Like that. Fucking in our home like it was theirs. Like she belonged here. In MY HOME!" She stopped and looked out over the terrace and water. "I was upset. Who wouldn't have been? I slapped him. She," she hissed the word refusing to address her by name. "Got hysterical and started screaming at me that I had no right. I was the one who'd been away. I'd left this long before he found her. I should be ashamed to hold on to this. I should accept him and her because she was the woman for him," she couldn't hide the disgust in her voice even if they couldn't see her face. "She's fucking 19 for God's sake. What does she know about life or being a woman? I told her and him to get the fuck out. To leave. She refused saying she'd call the Police. That they had every right to be here." Her shoulder's tensed up as she turned to face them again. She looked harsh and hateful. "SHE have a right to be in my house? To take my husband and live here? I was livid." Fowles didn't have a problem imagining her livid. White with rage. Not unlike she was now. "I wanted to hit him over and over till he could feel what I felt," she confessed without regret and her anger grew making her eyes black as she relived the memory. "But I told her if she wanted to call the Police I thought that was a brilliant idea so I could press charges for trespassing. She started to scream at him to tell me I was insane. I wanted them out. I said a lot of things in anger. I don't remember most of them. I never thought I'd know hate but I did just then," she turned again calming herself by wrapping her arms around her small body. She looked small and frail all of the sudden. "She refused to leave. He just stood there like he always does. Refusing to be a man. He let us yell and scream at each other till Gracie woke. She came out crying and calling for me. I couldn't yell in front of her. It didn't matter what my coward husband had done or with who. Gracie shouldn't have heard any of all that. It wasn't fair on her. We're both her parents," her voice was hollow and distant. She was silent for moment looking out no doubt reliving the night in her mind. After a little while she continued. "Miss Avres ran to Gracie telling her calm down and that she was here and I lost it. I pushed her away from my daughter. That vile woman was NOT gonna pick her up and comfort her. Miss Avres fell and I picked up Gracie. She was hysterical. All I cared about was to calm her down and stop it all. I told Finn to take his whore and leave." Rachel sagged her shoulders in contained rage. "Miss Avres started to scream and rant on about me being violent and insane and that I'd kill them and all sorts of things. She ran around like an insane chicken pulling at Finn to do something. When she ran for me and Gracie I put down my child to protect her. I pushed her behind me. I hit Miss Avres when she was close enough. That calmed her down. Finn rushed to her side and started to scream at me that I was insane. Completely crazy. He wanted to take Gracie with him away from me. He said I was an unfit mother and he'd fight me for her. I didn't wanna fight him. She needs her dad. She came for me so fast. I thought she was going to harm Gracie. She looked like she'd kill someone. She was so worked up about all this. What does Gracie matter to her? She can have my husband for all I care but why my child?" she almost whispered the last part sadness making her voice break and she looked up to hold back the heavy rush of emotion. it felt like her chest was going to collapse from the pain. The kitchen was quiet but for the sound of the waves outside. "She took my child," Rachel said brokenly covering her face with her hands sobbing violently. Her whole body was shaking from sorrow. Perry let her cry for a little while sipping her coffee.
"But Mr. Hudson and Miss Avres didn't report this here in LA?" Rachel turned around to face them.
"No. Finn called me two days later. Monday. He wanted to meet up and talk he said. I agreed to meet here. I came home to find the divorce papers. No Finn and no Gracie. He'd come by telling the nanny she could go home and then paid her. She said he seemed nervous but I'd told her before we had a huge fight and that a divorce was on its way so she figured that's what he was nervous about. He was never the best with confrontations. But he didn't wait for me. He left with Gracie. He took our daughter. I wasn't going to fight him to see her. I was here in LA to stay. She needs him as much she needs me. I was happy he was looking forward to spending more time with her. Even if he and I had grown apart."
"He was in New York Wednesday morning. Most likely they drove to some airport and then flew to New York where they filled the report."
"Does it say in details what I am supposed to have done to my daughter?" Rachel asked uncaring about the details of Finn and his whore's journey to New York. She figured they'd skipped town already. Who knows where they'd gone then? Perry nodded slowly.
"You sure you want to know?" Rachel nodded determinedly, a hard expression on her face. Fowles had to give it to this woman; she was strong. Most women fell apart unable to focus on anything but their child. Rachel hugged herself again. "You are said to have struck your daughter on numerous occasions, verbally abused her, locked in her room to control her and," Fowles knew what the report said. He was glad he didn't have to read them to Rachel. Perry cleared her throat and fiddled with the paper. "Have, erm, encouraged your husband to have sex in front of the child while she was fixated in a chair." It was dead silent in the kitchen as Rachel stood still unmoving unable to process these wild accusations. Her life was ruined. There was no chance in hell anything would ever be normal again. She would be the next Michael Jackson; no matter what the court said it would always hang over her. She'd never get Gracie back.
She felt so lost and alone. Her dads were coming but what would it help? Her friends were doing all they could but there was nothing she could do to make that go away. "Rachel?" Perry called her back to the present. "Do you recognize any of this?" She opened her mouth several times to answer but no voice came. How could she be accused of something so insane? She cleared her throat, tears in her eyes.
"This is insane."
"Do you recognize any of this?" Rachel finally woke and her whole face contorted into rage.
"Do I recognize to have abused my own child? Do I recognize to have acted inappropriate in front of 4-year-old daughter?" Her chest heaved with every breath and for a moment she looked like she was gonna go amok. Perry shot Fowles a look. She saw the same as he did. Rachel looked like a lioness pressed into a corner with only one choice left; attack. She then looked up chest heaving heavily, tears in her eyes again. She managed to rein herself in with inhuman strenght.
"I'm sorry but I have to ask you this. These are serious allegations. It's nothing personal. We are bound-"
"I fucking know that!" Rachel yelled at them. She was so tired of listening to the law enforcement's lame excuses of being obligated by the law. Fuck, she hated the law. She hated it all right now. Where was someone fighting her corner? When would this insanity stop? "Stop saying that! I hate it. I fucking know you're not doing this as a personal insult. The first 20 of your kind have reassured me that. But this IS personal to me! Ever insane accusation you're making on his behalf, the law or that slut is PERSONAL! It's my life you're tearing apart. My daughter has been kidnapped by my dubious wuss of a husband with some insane 19-year-old college student who barely know that first thing about life and you're telling me this isn't personal?" She was barking like a mad dog now, Fowles thought. But she was fighting. Yet again she impressed him. She wasn't wallowing in apathy or despair. She was fierce and angry. Detachment would have been a warming sign. This was of course personal. Fowles made a note on his pad. "Do you have children?" A classic. Rachel was looking to make them sympathize with her situation; she was negotiating her position. Perry nodded.
"I have two boys."
"Imagine if their father ran off with them." Perry nodded.
"I understand your situation is frustra-" Perry stopped herself reading Rachel's expression. Frustrated wasn't the word. "That's you're fighting an impossible fight. But I have to ask. These allegation are serious. We have to take them serious. If you have done this Mr. Hudson had every right to take his child and move it from the danger you'd pose to her well-being. We can't take sides, Rachel. Our main concern is your child and her safety in this." Rachel took a deep breath. She was still alone.
"I understand," she said curtly looking down at the floor.
"So do you recognize any of these allegations?"
"No, of course I don't recognize them. I have never and will never lay a hand on my child. Or accept that anyone else do. I have never locked her in her room. And I have," her whole face skewed up with anger and disgust making her look ominous. "NEVER acted inappropriate sexually in front of Gracie or fixated her in a chair to watch me have sex with my husband." It took a lot to even answer the accusations. She was repulsed even at the thought. Her face clearly mirrored that. She felt sick. She could barely contain her sorrow, frustration and fear. She felt sick. It all came up so fast she only just managed to turn her head to the sink before bile rose in her throat so fast and bitter she felt like her heart came with it. she wished it would so this pain would end. She coughed and spat, tears rolling down her cheek. Fowles got up and came to her laying a hand on her back.
"Are you okay, Rachel?" She shook her head. How could he ask that? How could she be? Her soul was torn into pieces and the most important one was missing.
"No. I want her home and safe now." Fowles got her some water and she rinsed her mouth the best she could trying to get the bitter taste of fear out of her mouth but little did it help. A barrier the size of the nation was rising between her and her child and her life would never be the same.
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