Naomi turned over in her bed, keeping her eyes shut tightly. Sleep was starting to seep away from her, even as she was trying to desperately hold on to it, to not wake up. She sighed and, blinking, stared at the empty spot beside her. It had been two days since Emily left, two days without seeing or hearing from Emily, and already it was killing her slowly, like some crude parasite, gnawing at her insides.
She had vowed to herself that she would wait for as long as it took, wait until Emily was ready. But now, only two days in, she was beginning to realize that she couldn't do it.
Naomi rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. She stripped out of her T-shirt and underwear and stepped into the shower to let hot water splash down onto her face.
She thought of Emily and of the life they could have had together. Now it seemed as though their lives were drifting apart for good. She tried to imagine what a future without Emily could possibly look like, and the realization that this was a likely scenario made her feel as though she was drowning. She felt incapable of breathing and turned her head upwards to increase the amount of water pouring down onto her face, because why shouldn't she just die right here and now?
Half an hour later, she was in the kitchen, fully dressed and sipping black coffee. The hot fluid made her feel a little better, but was not able to melt the icy feeling in her chest. Naomi could think of only one thing that might help her clear her mind: her journal. She had never been one to write down every single thing that happened in her life, but she did find that putting her thoughts into written form sometimes helped sorting them out. She sat down on the sofa and flipped trough the small, leather-bound book. She had started the journal many years ago, and sometimes the entries were months apart. There had been times, though, when she had written in it every day, and ever so often her feelings for Emily had been the subject.
Naomi reread her last, very short entry, which she had written three days ago:
I need to win her back. I love her. She is my life, why couldn't I just see that before? I will tell her the truth about how long I've had feelings for her. I know I swore never to do so, but at this point, what is there left to loose?
Naomi sighed and picked up a pen. She wrote down the date and then hesitated. Writing things down always seemed to make them more true, and she was not sure she was ready for their final breakup to be true. She sighed again and then started writing:
I have lost her. Emily left two days ago and I haven't heard from her since. I have gone longer without talking to her, that is not the point. But it just feels so final – I don't know what to do! What is there left for me to do?
In that very moment it struck Naomi like a bolt of lightning. She had the answer. She swallowed hard; she had never done anything as scary as she was about to do. She picked up her phone and texted Emily: "Meet me at the coffee shop in an hour. I just need 5 minutes, I swear, then I'll leave you alone."
Naomi sipped at her coffee while staring out of the window. She felt nervous and scared. When Emily finally entered the coffee shop, she gave her a quick wave and the redhead answered with a tiny nod. Emily sat down in the chair opposite of her and looked at her with a pained expression. "What's this about, Naomi?" she asked.
"I have something for you," Naomi said, suddenly calm. She took the leather-bound book out of her bag and placed it on the table.
"Is that your…?"
"It's my journal, yes. I want you to…" Naomi took a deep breath. "I want you to read it, Emily. I put in some post-it notes," she said, pointing at the yellow bits of paper sticking out of the book. "I marked the interesting entries and I also marked a few things that I ask you not to read."
Naomi took the journal and handed it to Emily. "Take it, Ems, please."
Emily stared at her in disbelief. "Naomi…"
"Give me this one last chance to explain myself. If reading this doesn't change anything for you, I swear I'll leave you alone and never mention the subject ever again."
Emily took the journal. "I… don't know what to say, Naomi."
Naomi shook her head. "Don't say anything. Just read it." She stood up. "And please, Emily, take good care of it and for Christ's sake, don't let Katie steal it from you!"
"I… Yes, of course!" Emily said faintly.
"Alright then," Naomi said. "Call me."
Then she turned and left.
Emily opened the journal and skimmed ahead to the page with the first yellow post-it note, which read "This is the first interesting entry."
Emily took a deep breath, removed the post-it note and began reading the entry, which was dated several years back and was written in a child's handwriting:
I saw her again today. She is pretty and funny and I wish I could just talk to her, but I don't think she even knows I exist. Today this one guy tripped and fell and tore his jeans. Everybody laughed at him, except for her. She went up to him and helped him to his feet. She even gave him some tissues to wipe the blood from his knees. I've never met anyone like her... Her name is Emily.
Emily felt her heart beat accelerating. She loves me, she realized and felt tears burn in her eyes. She really does.
Emily flipped through the pages, reading every entry marked for her by Naomi and leaving out the rest. When she finally reached the part where Naomi started writing of her fears of being with Emily, she stopped reading. She had read enough.
Naomi heard the bell ring and answered the door. Emily was there, holding the journal out to her with both hands. Naomi took it. Their hands touched and in that moment Naomi felt that everything would fall back into place.
"Forgive me, Naomi, for not forgiving you sooner," Emily said and the rest, as they would later say, is history.
Author's Note: After rewatching the Emily/Naomi storyline so many years later, I changed my mind about it… maybe because my own views on relationships changed. So this is it, five and a half years later: the second part I never intended to write. Thanks for reading, please share your thoughts! Cheers!