Once the medical staff had gone, Finn and his mother looked at each other for a few moments.
"This is crazy," Finn said finally, breaking the silence. "I can't be eighteen."
"I sometimes think that too," Carole replied. "My little boy is all grown up. But it's true."
"I believe you. I mean, I have to, right?" He swallowed. "How's Quinn? You didn't say when I asked before."
"I – I have no idea," she said. "I haven't seen Quinn Fabray since graduation. I don't know if you have either, we had a barbeque last week but she wasn't there."
"It's just – the doctor said my girl called for help." Finn's face fell. "Oh, you mean we're not together anymore," he said. "I guess it's been a long time and our team does kinda suck. She must've found someone better."
"Actually, you found someone better," Carole said, smiling encouragingly. "She probably helped save your life, too."
"Huh." I found someone better? Better than a super-pretty and popular head Cheerio? Finn tried to think, but he was so tired. "Was that her, before?" Might explain why she was here – but how did that happen?
"Yes," Carole answered. "That's Rachel. I guess you didn't know her back then."
"No..." Not know her. Feel bad about how his buddies picked on her, yeah, but it's not like he could have done anything about that or talked to her. What had gone on with him that he was now dating one of the school outcasts? This is all too much to take in.
"She's going to want to see you, you know." Carole looked over at the closed door, through which they could hear the sounds of an argument. "That would be her now, actually."
"That's – loud." The girl sounded very insistent.
"Hospital soundproofing can only do so much." Carole touched Finn's hand. "But you need rest. I'll talk to her."
Carole went to the door, and opened it carefully to block those outside from coming in as she exited and closed it behind her. "Finn needs his rest, Rachel," she said to the distraught young woman outside.
Rachel wiped her eyes. "What's going on, Carole? The doctor said something about amnesia."
Carole took her hands in her own. "As far as we can tell right now, Finn has lost the last few years of his memory," she explained. "He didn't recognize Burt, and he thinks it's September two thousand and nine. I've told him when it really is, and he's accepted that he's older than he thinks he is, but he's very confused."
"That's – oh my god." Rachel's tears started to flow again. "So that's why he asked for Quinn, he thinks he's still with her. Does he remember me at all?"
"It doesn't seem like it," Carole responded. "I did tell him, though."
"Is he okay? Other than his memory, I mean?"
"Vitals seem fine and they didn't detect any brain damage. Physically, he seems fine. The doctor said they're going to run more tests." Carole tried to comfort Rachel. "You probably saved his life, getting help so quickly," she said. "And in all my years as a nurse I've never known a doctor who would completely commit to any prognosis."
"He's alive and awake," Rachel affirmed, twisting her hands in Carole's. She swallowed. "I need to see him," she said forcefully.
"He needs rest, honey. He just came to. And amnesia is usually just temporary – there's no point in causing him a whole lot of stress about something that's probably just going to fix itself."
"Just for a few minutes. I've spent the last four days terrified that he was never going to wake up, and I need to see him. See his eyes and hear his voice -" Rachel broke off and wiped her eyes. "I'll try to be calm, I promise. Carole, please."
"Okay. But not for long."
Finn was starting to nod off, but was roused by the door opening again. The short dark-haired girl came in, with his mother behind her.
"Hello," the girl said hesitantly as she approached him.
"Hi," Finn said.
"Your mom says you don't remember me," she said.
"No," Finn answered lamely. "Not really." This sucks, he thought. The last thing I remember is I thought I was getting somewhere with Quinn, and now I have a totally different girl that I don't even remember talking to, and she's not a girl I could have seen myself with. That the others would have even let me be with. Isn't she supposed to be all loud and annoying? "I've seen you around school, a bit." Pretty sure I slushied her for football initiation, but that doesn't really count. What the hell was I doing slushying a girl I don't know anyway?
She moved to the right side of his bed, and held her right hand out to his. "Rachel Berry," she said quietly.
He raised his hand to take hers. "Finn Hudson." He grimaced at his own stupidity. "I guess you knew that." Carole closed the door and left them alone.
"Even back then." Rachel sat down next to him, still holding his hand. "How are you, Finn?" she asked.
"Things are a little foggy but I think I feel okay," he said. He looked at the girl. She seems nice, I guess, he thought. Kind of intense but nice. He noticed the stitched cut at her temple. "Your head, is that from the accident?"
"Yes, from a bit of stray metal," she said. "It'll heal soon."
"I'm sorry," he said. What do you say to someone like this?
"It wasn't your fault, Finn," Rachel stated. "Some lunatic was weaving through traffic and sideswiped us. There wasn't anything you could have done. You're an excellent driver."
"Oh." Finn swallowed. Guess that's changed too. "They say... you kind of helped save my life," he said slowly. "By getting help so fast. Thanks."
"I'm just so glad you're okay."
"Aside from the fact that I don't remember you, or most of the last three years, yeah, I'm fine," Finn said wryly. He looked at her more carefully. "You sounded more upset outside. This must be really hard for you."
"Oh, you heard me." Rachel reddened. She rested her left hand on the rail of the hospital bed, with her right hand still idly holding Finn's. "Well, I spent the last four days praying that you were going to wake up, so I suppose I can't get too picky about things when you do."
"You were worried." Finn's voice was husky.
"I was terrified," Rachel admitted. "Worst four days of my life."
Finn met her eyes for a moment, then dropped his gaze. His eyes were suddenly caught by the sparkle coming from her left hand. "Is that -" his eyes widened and he thought his heart would stop. "Are we engaged?"
Rachel reflexively pulled both hands away, then sighed and put her left one back. "Yes," she said, looking down at the ring.
"Are – are you pregnant?" Shock and fear filled Finn's voice. Did I get with her and knock her up, that's why we're together?
"No," Rachel responded, confused. "Oh. No, nothing like that," she stated. "And it's just an engagement, we haven't talked about when or anything."
"It's just, engaged at eighteen – and I don't..." even know you. Finn cut himself off before he finished. But Rachel could tell where that thought was going, and flinched. She swallowed.
"I guess it is kind of crazy, when you think about it like that," she replied, her efforts to stay calm becoming increasingly obvious. She gave a thin laugh. "I even said so at the time, but you convinced me otherwise."
I – what? "I'm sorry, it's just that – I know I'm eighteen, I mean my mom says I am, and becoming a father then would be scary enough, but I feel like I'm only almost sixteen... well it doesn't matter because you're not. Engaged, though, that's pretty serious too." To someone I'd've been thrown into the dumpster for even talking to – what the hell has gone on?
"Yes." Rachel was clearly uncomfortable. "I should go," she said. "Your mom says you need your rest, and the time you're missing is a lot to take in. And they say memory loss is usually just short-term, so you shouldn't stress yourself about it or what you do and don't remember." She met his eyes, and touched his hand again. "I am so glad you're awake, Finn," she said, tearing up. "And I'm sure the doctors will do everything they can for you." She paused. "Is it okay if I visit you again? Tomorrow?"
"Yeah, okay," Finn mumbled.
"Okay then. I'll see you tomorrow." She leaned forward and cupped his cheek with her hand. "I love you, Finn," she said, her eyes moist, her face full of emotion. "Whether you remember it or not, I love you. And if you ever need anything, I'm here."
There was really nothing Finn could say to that, so he just watched her leave.
Rachel managed to hold in the tears until she left Finn's room and closed the door behind herself, but then they spilled over, and she put her head in her hands and cried. Arms went around her: Kurt, who had been waiting outside. She clutched at him.
"Let it out, diva," Kurt said softly, steering her away from Finn's room to sit in some chairs at the far end of the hall, as Carole slipped back into Finn's room to check on him.
"He's alive, he's awake – but he doesn't remember me," she sobbed. "I'm happy, I'm sad, I don't know what I am. It's all too much."
"So he's really lost his memory?"
"He's back to right before he joined Glee." She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief Kurt offered. "The doctor and Carole say this sort of loss is usually just short-term, but how can they know, they didn't have any idea it was going to happen in the first place. And it's so hard, I've been so worried about him, all I want to do is kiss him and feel his arms around me. But I've looked into his eyes and heard his voice, even if they seem different, so I guess that'll have to be enough for now."
They stood up as Carole came down the hall and rejoined them. "Finn's going to sleep now," she said, and the others nodded in acknowledgement. "But he says you told him about your engagement, Rachel?" she asked, concerned.
"I had to, he saw the ring and panicked. At first he thought it was because I was pregnant, so I had to reassure him that I'm not."
"Funny, he's not too far before when Quinn told him she was pregnant," Kurt commented.
"Did he see your ring?" Rachel asked Carole.
Carole touched her wedding ring in sudden agitation. "No, I don't think so," she said. "I hadn't thought of that. He didn't recognize Burt, that's what started me asking questions about what he could remember. And his old attitude to our relationship was not good, he was so hung up about his father." She paused, thinking.
"We should hold off on telling him for a few days," she decided. "If it's just short-term amnesia it'll come back quickly and we can avoid going through all of that again. Fortunately all the staff here use my first name since they know me, and he'll need to stay here for a bit while they run tests and observe."
"Where's Dad?" Kurt asked.
"He went back to the house to get a few things for Finn," Carole said. "I'll talk to him, explain why I'm taking my ring off around Finn for a few days." She sighed. "Taken all together my boy has had such upheaval in his life in the last three years," she said. "If he doesn't start remembering some of it soon it's going to hit him hard, taking it in all at once. It was just me and him for so long, in the same house, and now he has a stepfather and brother and a different house. Graduated high school, heading off to college in New York. Engaged."
"He has handled it," Rachel said.
"Over time, he did," Carole replied. "Maybe I'm just being protective, but... I'm his mother, that's my job and it always has been." She looked down the hall at the elevators, which had just disgorged some others of the New Directions: Mike and Tina, followed by Will Schuester and Emma Pillsbury. "Kurt, can you talk to your friends, tell them what's going on? Finn's asleep and nobody, not even you Rachel, is going to disturb him again until tomorrow. I have to talk to the doctors again, so I'll see you at home."
Carole went off to the medical station, leaving Kurt and Rachel behind to face the others. Rachel sank into a chair, her head in her hands.
"I'll talk to them," Kurt told her, resting his hand on her shoulder to try to offer some comfort. She gripped his hand briefly in acknowledgement, then let him go.
More of their friends were coming out of the elevators: Puck, Blaine, Mercedes, Brittany, Santana. Kurt took a deep breath and walked down the hall to talk to them.
"Well, how is he?" Puck looked relieved but wanted answers.
"Finn's awake. Well he's gone to sleep, Carole says, but it's actual sleep. No more coma."
"That's great," Mr. Schue said, and the others echoed this. "Have you seen him?"
"No. Just Carole and Rachel, and Carole says he's off-limits until tomorrow. The bad news is... he seems to have some memory loss," Kurt sighed.
"Shit," Puck said. "How much?"
"He thinks it's 2009," Kurt answered. "He's lost almost three years." The others groaned.
"When in 2009?" Puck looked alarmed.
"Early September." Kurt noticed Puck's dramatic relief. "Why is that good?"
"This version of Finn doesn't want to kick my ass," Puck said. "Okay I deserved it, but been there done that, and if he doesn't remember doing it it's good he doesn't remember what it was for."
"Well maybe you should be a little more concerned about what else he doesn't remember," Kurt spat out, upset at Puck's obtuseness and apparent self-centeredness. "Like his family." He glanced down the hall where Rachel sat alone, slumped in a chair. "And his fiancée."
"It's before he joined Glee," Mercedes said sadly. "He won't remember any of us except the football players and the Cheerios."
"So isn't that great, Puckerman, when he gets out the two of you can go right back to throwing kids into dumpsters, like the good old days. Bring on the slushie facials." Kurt blinked back a few tears that were threatening to come, and Blaine put his arm around him for comfort.
"Hey, I'm sorry, Kurt," Puck said. "But you know I didn't mean it like that. Yeah, he'll know me, 'cause he's known me since we were kids. But excuse me for not feeling sad because the best and oldest friend I got has finally woken up, okay? Anything else, we can handle, we've been through a lot before." He looked over at Rachel, who seemed to be staring at the floor. "Though it's still gotta be hard on Berry, and she was already a wreck." They all knew Rachel had haunted the hospital since the ambulance had brought the pair of them in, sleeping either in a chair in Finn's room or alone in his bed at his home where news would come first.
"Right now she's just trying to have it be enough that he's alive and awake," Kurt said. "We all are. And you're right, it's so much better than the alternative. But it's hard, yes. Carole won't even let me see my brother right now since he doesn't know me and she doesn't want to have to tell him yet that she's remarried. And Rachel's just had the love of her life act totally stunned that he could possibly be engaged to her."
"She told him?" Santana asked.
"He saw the ring, she had to say something," Kurt replied. "And apparently the first person he asked for after he woke up was Quinn, and you can imagine how well Rachel took that."
"I'll go see how she is, Kurt," Mr. Schue said. "It's tough dealing with something like this alone." He broke from the group and approached Rachel.
"Rachel?" He touched her shoulder. "Kurt told us." Rachel nodded her head, biting her lip. "You'll get through it, I know you will," he said. "Both of you." He stepped back as Rachel rose, and he gave her a hug.
"Well he's awake," Rachel managed to say, her face twisted with conflicting emotions. "And the memory loss may just be temporary, they don't really know anything."
"That's the spirit," Mr. Schue said, doing his best to be encouraging. "Why don't you join the rest of us, Rachel," he said. "There's no reason you have to deal with this by yourself." Rachel nodded and walked with him back to the group, where she was greeted with hugs.
"How does he look?" Puck asked.
"He looks good," Rachel answered him. "Tired but otherwise alert. Like himself, mostly." She frowned a little, not wanting to get into what was missing from that 'mostly'. "But he's very confused."
"I have an idea," Mr. Schue said. "Look, none of us will be able to see Finn until tomorrow, so we need to distract ourselves. Why don't we put together a number for him? It'll be a way to sort of reintroduce him to us and what we've been doing without too much pressure. Something new for us so he'll enjoy it even if he wakes up tomorrow and remembers everything." The group perked up and responded positively. "And I'm sure you're just dying to sing to Finn, Rachel," he went on, nudging her.
This won a genuine smile from Rachel. "Well yes," she admitted. "I sang to him when he was in the coma but I have no idea if he heard me. It was really more to keep myself sane."
"Well working on this can help us do the same. Kurt, can you talk to his mother about it? Even if we have to wait until after he's out, it'll still be good to work on something for him, redirect all this energy we've got wasting. Nothing too symbolic or meaningful, just something fun to lift his spirits and ours." He smiled at the rest of them. "Now I know most of you have graduated but... choir room, everybody." He pointed at the elevator with both arms. The others responded with general laughter and moved off. He looked encouragingly at Rachel, who hadn't moved. "Come on, it'll keep you busy." She nodded.
Mr. Schue gave Rachel a ride, hoping to talk to her further, but she listened to her iPod the whole way to the school, frowning as she flicked between songs. She turned it off as they pulled into the parking lot. He looked askance at her, concerned by her silence.
"I'm trying to find a good song," she said seriously, the studious driven Rachel of old coming through despite her obvious physical and emotional exhaustion. "I have a copy of Finn's drum practice playlist and I've been listening to it for the last few days." Her voice broke a little at the end of that admission. She swallowed back a few tears.
"That's a good thought, Rachel. Any possibilities?"
"Some," she said. "I need to check with Noah. I'd like him to sing lead."
"Not you?"
"Noah can connect with the old Finn more easily and help him relax," she replied. "I heard what he said and he's right. Finn's awake and that's the essential. Anything else we just have to deal with." But her tone was noticeably grim.