The Ritual of Naming
by Rob Morris
1981
The young Summers' couple had been on vacation. Joyce wasn't due to deliver for another few weeks. The baby had other ideas.
"Sedative! I don't care what I said before!"
The hospital was too far, and no doctor was available. But a proper gentleman walked up, and offered his help.
"I've some small medical training in this field."
Happily, it proved to be enough, and a baby girl was born, either to be an only child or the first of two, depending upon who and when you asked. In any event, Hank and Joyce sought to express their gratitude by naming the baby for this kind man. His first and surnames were out for a girl, though. Then, the man had an idea.
"Some years ago, I was a gentleman's gentleman. What you would call a butler. My employer, prior to his tragic demise, took upon himself the care of his teenaged niece and younger niece and nephew, who had been orphaned. They were all dear to me, but most especially the younger niece. With her uncle's passing, she was separated from her siblings and placed into horrid foster care. She took up narcotics, and was lost to us before we could intervene. She had a good heart before all that. I tried so to watch over her. I firmly feel she had a great destiny before her. Could you perhaps name the child after her?"
Joyce nodded and smiled, and Hank with her. So it was that Buffy Summers was born. As fate would have it, no child was ever named after-Mister Giles French. Word had it he returned to England and oversaw the reformation of his wild second cousin-Rupert. The Slayer never did find out who bought her most favorite doll.
Watching is, after all, a family affair. Joyce suddenly tensed up.
"Why do I still feel like I'm-Hank!? What did you do to me?"
A moment-or so-later-the affair had a new guest, as well.