The paramedics finally arrived with their bags, Jane's shirt was slowly getting blood soaked and he was actually wondering whether his trousers were gonna have to be the next item that he was gonna have to use. When they surrounded him he gratefully stepped back and allowed them to work, hovering around them.

"Go get the board." one requested.

He left while the other worked. "Miss…." the remaining paramedic asked.

"Teresa, her name is Teresa." Jane's voice shook chest heaving, the sight of all that blood kept reminding him of other things, other times, other people he cared about being ripped from him.

"Teresa, can you hear me?" the paramedic asked.

Lisbon didn't move, head still lolling to one side her eyes remained at half mast almost like she was gone.

Jane felt sheer helplessness and he always told himself he'd never feel like that again. Of course it would be Lisbon to make him feel like that, but he would never have dreamed in circumstances like this? "She opened her eyes and looked at me a few minutes ago." Patrick told them.

"Did she talk? Was she aware of her surroundings?" he asked bandaging up her neck trying to stem the flow of blood.

"No, I'm not sure about the second. I don't think so, she stared at me really intensely. I don't know if she recognised me." placed his hand on his forehead unwittingly covering his head with her blood. "I work with her."

The paramedic nodded and his partner returned.

"Her BP is really low." the paramedic murmured to himself. "She's completely unresponsive." They continued to speak to Lisbon continuously but she didn't respond. She was rolled onto a stretcher and wheeled out. Jane followed and gained startled looks from the shoppers outside, he then realised he was shirtless and covered in crimson red blood. They walked outside into the winter cold and although he wasn't covered he didn't feel the frigid bite of the air, his whole focus was for Lisbon.

(X)

He arrived at the hospital with the paramedics and he was given a patient details form to fill in. Even with his incredible skills of concentration knowing that Lisbon had been possibly fatally shot…..he closed his eyes….not fatally shot, just wounded, quite badly but not fatally! Anyway knowing that she was in there in a lot of trouble sent those skills into the wind leaving only panic and desperation in its wake. He sat down and entered his memory palace trying to gain some normalcy, it was dark and oppressive, nothing like the loud carnival of his past. The last time it had remotely resembled this had been when he found Angela and Charlotte after their murder. He had spent time rebuilding it in his mind as in a fit of rage he has burned it down and refused to return hating the roots which had ultimately created the person he was and the reason for his families demise.

He sat down and looked at the form, the pen feeling like a dead weight in his hand. "Name - Teresa Lisbon." he whispered. "Easy." next came date of birth . "28th April….." he frowned what was the year? Why didn't he know the year she was born? He tried not to dwell too much on that as he filled in the rest of her form as best he could. It unsettled him how many of the easy questions he couldn't answer, as far as he knew she didn't have known allergies and he didn't know if there were any illnesses in family or mental health issues. Not that Teresa would ever be affected by such things. She was strong and resilient. Tough….he was reminded of seeing her lain on the ground in a pool of blood, her eyes glassy and unfocused. He dropped the clipboard to the floor and wrapped his arms around his head, images of Lisbon dancing through his memory palace with a flaming torch tormenting him. A nurse passed him.

"Are you finished filling that in Sir?"

He looked up at her pale. "No not quite, I'm feeling….I can't concentrate."

"It's perfectly understandable, we see lots of people trying to deal with their spouses injuries less serious than this."

"Oh she isn't my….." he faltered, for him to be able to get any information he may have to pretend to be some sort of relation. "She isn't weak, my wife. She'll be fine." he told her found himself twirling his wedding ring on his finger and felt sick.

"Just hand that in reception when its completed will you?"

He nodded and picked it up again. In his memory palace he could see a mischievous Lisbon singing Naughty naughty Patrick Jane, then laughing like she knew something he didn't. He returned to perusing the form and answering as questions as he could.

(X)

Jane paced in the relatives room. The form filled in, partially full of lies as he filled in his details as her next of kin, he had called the team. They were all on their way. Thankfully it had been Cho who answered the phone. Grace would have dissolved into tears no doubt. The woman was as strong as many men he knew but at times like this she felt it deeply. And Rigsby, he just didn't have the tact to be able to break this to the members of the team so yes, Cho had been the best choice. After telling him Jane could tell that he was affected, could almost see the surprise on his face. Followed by the anger and then by the indifferent mask he hid behind. Anyone who knew Cho knew he was anything but indifferent, especially to his friends.

The doctor came and spoke to him briefly, Lisbon was being sent for emergency surgery to remove the bullet embedded in her…. The breathe shuddered from him, this was why he didn't carry a gun they were dangerous! He rubbed his face and collapsed into a chair the doctor had gently advised him that the didn't know if she was going to survive the surgery. They didn't know if she would have brain damage or some other kind of impairment. All he could do was sit and hope, or pace and hope. So that is what he did, shirtless, covered in her blood he alternated between pacing so much he felt like he had highway hypnosis and sitting hands fisted in his hair. He had never felt so impotent or helpless, well he had... but he didn't dwell on those times, the dark thoughts almost sent him over the edge.

The door opened suddenly and Lisbon's team walked in. Cho looked stony faced, more sombre than usual Rigsby had a look of extreme trouble he was fidgeting which he did when he was stressed and Grace paled when she saw him, took in his blood streaked chest and burst into tears.

"Rigs." Cho murmured.

Rigsby nodded and enveloped Grace in his arms.

Cho meanwhile approached Jane, took off his jacket and handed it him. Jane took it gratefully and slid it on. The arms slightly too short but it covered what it needed to.

"What happened?" Cho asked and crossed his arms his face impassive but his tone was cold and hard.

"I don't know I got there and she'd already been shot, she'd already lost a lot of blood." he told him buttoning it up.

Cho nodded stiffly and sat down.

"Where is she?" Rigsby asked rubbing Grace's back as she now cried silently.

"In surgery to remove the bullet from her head."

Rigsby swore, more tears surged from Grace and Cho looked ready to kill.

"Where was she shot?" Cho seethed his hands patting his legs rapidly.

"Below her right ear." Jane murmured. He'd got about that much info, and the fact that Lisbon may not survive before the doctor left again.

"Must have been an upward trajectory." Cho fumed almost shaking with rage.

Silence fell dark and oppressive, no one willing to broach the subject that played upon their minds. Was she going to make it.

"Look guys." Jane began. "I told the doctors that I was her husband." he admitted.

They all stared at him dumbfounded.

"It's the only way they would tell us anything. Just play along ok?"

The three people looked dubious but since they had far bigger things to worry about they nodded in agreement.

"Now all we can do is wait." Jane murmured and began to pace.

4 Hours Later

Only Jane and Grace remained at the hospital. Cho unaccustomed to inactivity informed everyone he was going to investigate the case. Rigsby left with him, to possibly stop the man from going too far, although he didn't say that was his reason. Jane felt like he had paced a grove into the floor, he also felt queasy after watching Grace go back and forwards while he moved. In his mind his memory palace was in danger of being torched again. Lisbon was still there waving her torch around uncaring of what caught and burned. If someone didn't come to tell them something soon he was going to go crazy, and he didn't use that phrase flippantly! After feeling that he was going to scream a doctor knocked softly and walked into the room. "Mr Jane I have news regarding your wife."

Jane took a step towards him trying to ignore the blooming in his chest as someone referred to Teresa as his wife.

"Mrs Jane has survived and we have induced a come to allow her brain to heal."

"Will it heal?" Grace asked softly.

"We are hopeful." was the only reply the doctor was willing to give at this stage.

"Can I see her?" Jane requested.

"She is currently in recovery, in a little while she will be moved into her own room and a nurse will take you to her.

Jane shook his hand. "Thank you."

The doctor nodded and left. A short time later a nurse appeared and escorted them to Lisbon's room. Jane's heart was pounding with anticipation as he slowly approached the room. His chest felt tight and a high pitched siren was being to ring in his head.

"We have induced a come so don't expect much." the nurse reminded softly before departing.

Jane and Grace nodded.

"You first." Grace coaxed.

Jane's hand hovered over the door handle, he had a flash back to his wife and daughters murder. The blood, the destruction, his heart pounded harder.

"Jane?" Grace questioned at his distressed face.

He was jerked back to reality, began to wonder why he kept drawling parallels between Angie and Teresa. They were so much different, and Lisbon was going to be ok. Angie unfortunately didn't have that choice. He realised this as a stalling tactic and thrust the thought away. "I'm ok." he steeled his spine, clutched the door handle and pushed the door open.

Jane caught his first sign of Lisbon, she was lain on her back surrounded by machinery, she was entirely still. Half of her head bandaged. The visible half was very pale and her eyes closed. She didn't look restful, she looked ill and Jane had to clench his jaw to hold inside his scream of injustice.

"If the bandage wasn't there she would look so normal." Grace whispered.

Jane didn't reply, all he could see was blood. Lisbon's blood. Angie's blood. Charlotte's blood. Too much blood covered him, it was never his own! The thought angered him. "Being still isn't Lisbon!" he snapped. "She's a whirlwind running around never stopping. Her quick mind always ticking over doing two or three things at once." he walked towards her and sat beside her, clutched her hand and bowed his head.

Grace walked over and put her hand on his shoulder in silent support.

"I'm sorry." he whispered closing his eyes trying to block out the pain.

Grace walked to the other side of Lisbon's bed and sat down. "Should we update her on stuff do you think?" Grace asked.

Jane shook his head solemnly.

"What do we talk about?"

He shrugged, depression descending over him like a shroud.

"How about we sit in silence for a bit?" Grace asked sensing that Jane either had nothing to say or was too upset to talk. Personally she was leaning towards the latter.

(X)

Jane stayed by Lisbon's side for three days. He hadn't moved to shower eat or change. The guys had brought him a change of clothes. He went into the gents toilet to change, freshen up then he returned. Grace admitted to Rigsby and Cho that she was worried about the effect that this was having on Jane. Many times she brought him something to eat you couldn't tell if he had eaten anything, it certainly didn't look like it. Not even the thermos of tea and cookies.

Jane meanwhile didn't notice the people coming and going, his eyes never left Lisbon almost like if he was looking at her nothing bad would happen. It always seemed that she'd get hurt when they were apart so he refused to budge, then she'd get better! He had zero sleep for days now and he was beginning to feel it. His eyes kept drooping and no matter how many times he blinked it was impossible to shift it. He focused his mind, but that too was futile as his memory palace had burned long ago, pixie Lisbon running around with her torch destroying palace and his mind with it. Without his knowledge sleep enveloped him into a warm embrace, it soon turned cold as a familiar dream engulfed him. A dream in which he was a spectator to his family's murder.

Jane stood watching himself as he goaded Red John on TV, he stood in a non descript black room. He felt anger at the image of this cocky man who knew nothing goading someone that dngerous! He left the room and climbed into his car and drove to Malibu, if he could get to his home quick enough then he could protect his family.

It was dark when he arrived, the house shrouded in darkness. He opened the door, why was it unlocked? Panic urged him on and he ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. He checked on Charlotte first popping his head into her room and saw her sleeping soundly safe. He walked in, kissed her blond curls, inhaling the scent of her strawberry shampoo. He then went to the room he shared with his wife. He almost fell to his knees when he saw her too, sleeping soundly he walked in and kissed her gently. When she didn't wake he shook her shoulders gently.

"Angie, love wake up." he whispered.

Her eyes opened, dusted with sleep, he saw terror in her face when she looked at him, she tried to roll away and screamed high and shrill. Her arm began to hit out.

"Angie what's wrong? Its Paddy!" he told her urgently.

Angie still suddenly, eyes closed and unmoving.

His daughter disturbed by her mothers screams appeared at the door. He stood and opened his arms. "C'mere sweetie." he urged.

She stared at him wide eyed. "Mommy?" she whispered at her mothers still form and the crimson stain on her stomach.

"It's ok sweetie, come to daddy." he urged. Everything was ok, his wife and daughter were safe!

Meanwhile his daughters face was horror stricken when she heard the word daddy, she turned and ran. He stood up to follow her and caught sight of his reflection in a mirror. He froze, who was the stranger looking back at him? He couldn't get a in detailed look as all the edges were blurred but he didn't recognise the face as his own.

The room darkened further and seemed to spin the light of the moon illuminated his hands. They were a dark red. He spun and saw his wife sprawled across the bed in a familiar pose, the light that once danced in her eyes extinguished, they were flat and lifeless as they stared up at the ceiling…..and he was covered in her blood. He ran from the room, stumbling as he did so. Charlotte, she had to be safe, she had to be! Maybe she had hid! Maybe she got out if the house! Please please! He pleaded to a deity he didn't believe in. He burst into her room and he saw his baby girl. She looked almost like she was asleep. A sob burst from him, she was still, too still. He felt the devastation raw and unrelenting.

"NO! I didn't do this!" he screamed at the heavens. The metaphorical blood on his hands all too real. He began to approach his child when a stranger appeared behind him. She looked behind him and almost snarled. "What have you done?"

He spun and automatically reached behind his back pulling out the gun he didn't know resided there, saying in a voice he didn't recognise as his own said.

"And you Miss Lisbon makes three!"

"How do…."

She had no time to finish her statement as without his volition he raised the gun aimed at her head. His brain screamed at him to stop but his body disobeyed and he shot her point blank in the head. Laughing insanely as he did so.

"NO!" he screamed sitting up, his chest heaving, sweat pouring from his head. He sat back in the seat catching his breath. That was why he didn't sleep, cat naps were best. The dream didn't invade them. He ran his hands through his hair and looked at Lisbon in the darkness. It took him a few moments to realise that the eye which was uncovered was open blinking tiredly obviously confused.

A/N wow so long since i updated this, i dunno why i didn't i meant to but jst didn't, but im back and will update again, sooner than last time but i am busy wi uni atm and other stuff but it wont be months, i jst need to find time to write! Sorry this isn't very good and feels fragmented i need to get back into my rhythm x