I don't own New X-Men. I do own a rather sick mind though. Have fun.
"Hey, Roy!" shouted Sal. "Order up!"
Roy gawked at the stack of pizzas in front of him. There had to be at least two dozen of them on the counter. "Damn Sal, this is enough to feed the whole city! Where all do I have to go?"
"Just one place."
"Just one?" exclaimed Roy. "You kidding me? Who the hell could need thirty pizzas?"
"The Xavier Institute," replied his manager with a smirk.
Roy turned white.
If we had an opening sequence, it'd go here.
Xavier School Insanity
Chapter 2: The Fuse is Lit
"Life sucks," muttered Roy as he drove through the sleepy town of Salem. His Volkswagen Beetle was filled to the brim with pizza, and even worse he now had to visit "freak" university. Sure, he never had a problem driving past there before, but that was before that bald headmaster of theirs came out on television and revealed that there was a whole school for mutants on those grounds. To make things worse, the school had gone from catering to at most a dozen adult students at a time to taking in hundreds of little mutant kids who hardly had a handle on what they could do. For all he knew, the town could be ground zero for some punk with radioactive sweat or something.
Then again, he heard they gave good tips.
As Roy pulled up to the gates, he noticed that the majority of the driveway was packed. Then he noted the "tours" sign. "Great," he muttered. "More freaks."
Roy got out of his car and rang the bell at the gate. "Hello?" came a teenaged voice.
"Uh, yeah it's the pizza guy."
"Pizza?"
"Yeah, pizza. You ordered 30 pizzas."
"We didn… hey what are you… ahh!"
Roy was treated to a slight scuffle.
"Yeah we ordered pizza, we'll be right out," said a new female voice. In fact, it seemed almost to have an echo.
The front door of the mansion opened, and out walked a pale young girl with bleached blond hair. And then another. Three more followed. They were identical, from the sweatshirt/mini-skirt outfits they were wearing to their cold, pupil-less eyes. They walked, in step with each other, to a slightly weirded out Roy.
"Thank you for the pizza," they spoke, simultaneously. "Here is your money, you may leave now."
"Uh, thanks…" said Roy.
Roy turned to leave, but upon counting the bills turned around with a start. "Hey you cheapskates, where's my tip?! I must have driven fifteen miles to get all the way out here!"
The Stepford Cuckoos, as the girls were affectionately called, turned around, prepared to use their telepathic skill to make Roy think he'd just been given both a $20 tip and some rather demeaning sexual favors. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how deep they were willing to drill into his psyche) for Roy, Beak stepped out of the mansion.
"Hey, why didn't you tell me you were ordering pizza, and why the hell did you smack me on the head back there?!" he shouted at the girls.
However, Roy didn't hear any of that. All he saw was a five foot tall baby bird-looking thing yelling stuff. Had he known the boy's nickname, he would agree that the name "Beak" was quite appropriate. Well, that coupled with something other than a feeling of extreme fright would have helped.
"Screw it, never mind! Just take your pizzas and let me the hell out of here!" screamed Roy.
Roy unloaded his pizzas on the driveway and hopped into his car. His Beetle peeled out of the driveway at top speed.
The Cuckoos' eyes regained their pupils, allowing them to speak individually.
"Barnell, ruined our fun!" snapped Esma, the most "individual" of the quints.
"Damn, why do people always do that when they see me," sighed Beak. "Oh well, give me a slice will ya?"
The pupils immediately disappeared again.
"OURS!" they growled, grabbing six pizzas each and running out onto the grounds.
Beak thought it was a little strange that they'd be so infatuated with pizza. He'd assumed they were from a more distinguished background than he'd ever know. However, the smell of the pizzas was intoxicating, and Beak hadn't eaten all day.
"Hey, no fair! Didn't living in five bodies at once teach you to share?!" Beak shouted as he chased after them.
"Hey, Roy!" shouted Sal. "Order up!"
Roy gawked at the stack of pizzas in front of him. There had to be at least two dozen of them on the counter. "Damn Sal, this is enough to feed the whole city! Where all do I have to go?"
"Just one place."
"Just one?" exclaimed Roy. "You kidding me? Who the hell could need thirty pizzas?"
"The Xavier Institute," replied his manager with a smirk.
Roy turned white.
If we had an opening sequence, it'd go here.
Xavier School Insanity
Chapter 2: The Fuse is Lit
"Life sucks," muttered Roy as he drove through the sleepy town of Salem. His Volkswagen Beetle was filled to the brim with pizza, and even worse he now had to visit "freak" university. Sure, he never had a problem driving past there before, but that was before that bald headmaster of theirs came out on television and revealed that there was a whole school for mutants on those grounds. To make things worse, the school had gone from catering to at most a dozen adult students at a time to taking in hundreds of little mutant kids who hardly had a handle on what they could do. For all he knew, the town could be ground zero for some punk with radioactive sweat or something.
Then again, he heard they gave good tips.
As Roy pulled up to the gates, he noticed that the majority of the driveway was packed. Then he noted the "tours" sign. "Great," he muttered. "More freaks."
Roy got out of his car and rang the bell at the gate. "Hello?" came a teenaged voice.
"Uh, yeah it's the pizza guy."
"Pizza?"
"Yeah, pizza. You ordered 30 pizzas."
"We didn… hey what are you… ahh!"
Roy was treated to a slight scuffle.
"Yeah we ordered pizza, we'll be right out," said a new female voice. In fact, it seemed almost to have an echo.
The front door of the mansion opened, and out walked a pale young girl with bleached blond hair. And then another. Three more followed. They were identical, from the sweatshirt/mini-skirt outfits they were wearing to their cold, pupil-less eyes. They walked, in step with each other, to a slightly weirded out Roy.
"Thank you for the pizza," they spoke, simultaneously. "Here is your money, you may leave now."
"Uh, thanks…" said Roy.
Roy turned to leave, but upon counting the bills turned around with a start. "Hey you cheapskates, where's my tip?! I must have driven fifteen miles to get all the way out here!"
The Stepford Cuckoos, as the girls were affectionately called, turned around, prepared to use their telepathic skill to make Roy think he'd just been given both a $20 tip and some rather demeaning sexual favors. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how deep they were willing to drill into his psyche) for Roy, Beak stepped out of the mansion.
"Hey, why didn't you tell me you were ordering pizza, and why the hell did you smack me on the head back there?!" he shouted at the girls.
However, Roy didn't hear any of that. All he saw was a five foot tall baby bird-looking thing yelling stuff. Had he known the boy's nickname, he would agree that the name "Beak" was quite appropriate. Well, that coupled with something other than a feeling of extreme fright would have helped.
"Screw it, never mind! Just take your pizzas and let me the hell out of here!" screamed Roy.
Roy unloaded his pizzas on the driveway and hopped into his car. His Beetle peeled out of the driveway at top speed.
The Cuckoos' eyes regained their pupils, allowing them to speak individually.
"Barnell, ruined our fun!" snapped Esma, the most "individual" of the quints.
"Damn, why do people always do that when they see me," sighed Beak. "Oh well, give me a slice will ya?"
The pupils immediately disappeared again.
"OURS!" they growled, grabbing six pizzas each and running out onto the grounds.
Beak thought it was a little strange that they'd be so infatuated with pizza. He'd assumed they were from a more distinguished background than he'd ever know. However, the smell of the pizzas was intoxicating, and Beak hadn't eaten all day.
"Hey, no fair! Didn't living in five bodies at once teach you to share?!" Beak shouted as he chased after them.