Thing were boring as hell at Sonic's house.
"I wonder where Sonic is?" Tails asked.
"I don't know," Cream the rabbit replied. "Amy, do you know where Sonic is?"
"I haven't got a clue," Amy Rose replied.
"Fuck, I don't fucking know where he is either" said Knuckles the echidna. "Shadow, this is fucking weird. Wanna help me find Sonic?"
"Sure," Shadow the hedgehog replied. "Let me get my gun." Shadow got his gun and the two left, leaving Cream, Tails and Amy alone.
"It's so strange for Sonic to up and leave like this," Amy said. "And he didn't even tell me where he was going!"
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" Amy and Tails called, heading for the door to open it. They exchanged looks.
"It's Sonic-"
"OMG SONIC IT'S YOU YOU'RE BACK I MISSED Y-"
"-9000," Sonic 9000 concluded as Amy opened the door, bewildered.
"Sonic...9000?" Amy stammered, beholding Sonic 9000's shimmering metallic splendor. "Who...what are you?"
"I'm Sonic's robot clone and I have a human brain, a human heart, and a human...that's not important. What's important is that Sonic had to go away on some weird-ass secret assignment, so I was activated to take care of things in his stead. I don't even know where the fuck he is. It's fucked if you ask me, but I don't make the rules." Sonic 9000 paused to take a hit from his vape pen.
"What's that?" Tails asked, pointing to the vape pen in Sonic 9000's hand.
"This is a vape pen, for vaping," Sonic 9000 replied matter-of-factly.
"Vaping? What's that?" Tails asked, eager to know more.
"Vaping is like smoking, but there's no fucked-up bullshit like tar so it's totally healthy," Sonic 9000 replied. "This is a nicotin-free e-liquid I'm using, though. I vape for the aesthetic qualities."
"So cool..." Amy blushed, but Sonic 9000 pretended not to notice. He's a smooth operator.
"Anyway, I threw Dr. Robotnik in jail," Sonic 9000 went on, getting comfy on the couch, his robot ass fitting in nicely to the impression Sonic's butt had left in the couch through the years.
"Wow! You really got Dr. Eggman?" Tails exclaimed, jumping to hug Sonic 9000.
"HIS NAME IS ROBOTNIK!" Sonic 9000 screamed, bitch-slapping the fuck out of Tails. Tails whimpered like a fucking pussy but he learned his lesson.
"But yes, I got his bitch ass. He wasn't shit," Sonic 9000 said.
"Wow...the Sonic I know could never pull that off..." Amy whispered in awe. She was getting horny, horny for a robot.
"But I'm not here to sit on my fucking ass and vape all day," Sonic 9000 declared, getting up. "I'm here to fight evil in place of original Sonic, and I'm fucking gonna do it, until there's no more evil left in this world!"
Suddenly, the TV just turned itself on. "What the fucking shit?!" Sonic 9000 declared.
A ghastly, mostly green giant robot appeared on the TV screen, with two giant claws.
"It's ZERO!" Amy and Tails exclaimed, simultaneously again. They exchanged weird looks again.
"Whatever that stupid fuck's up to now, I'm gonna beat his fucking ass!" Sonic 9000 declared. "Come on gang, let's roll!"