"Belarus, will you marry me?"

Her eyes shone with happiness. "YES! YES YES YES YES YES!"
And they start passionately making out like in those bad romance movies again... until the Disney police tell them that there are children here...

They then ran off into the park where they... started doing flips!

But then a drunken Searand appeared. His wittle tummy is all betta nao. So he can DRINK. so he's drunk.

"Hey... guys, I have a soorpraiz fur joo..."

"OOH IS IT A TOASTER?" said America.

Belarus fish slapped him. "America, you're ruining the moment!"

America apologized.

Searand stumbled over to them and reached into his pocket. He took out a toaster.

"ALL TOASTERS TOAST TOAST," he said... "It's dangerous to go alone; take this!"

Searand handed the toaster to America.

"Thanks..." America said slowly, then led Belarus away.

"No problemo señor... you will need this on your epic quest," Sealand whispered to their retreating shadows.

Just then a wild Norway appeared with a violin and SLIT SEALAND'S THROAT! OH NOES! D:

Norway, see, was on a killing spree because Denmark divorced him.

Bad Denmark... who would pass up somebody who's hot and Norwegian?

That's Denmark for you.

America and his fiancee went back and started planning their wedding.

"There's gonna be pooooonies, and floooooowers, and poooooonies, and rainboooooooooooows, and flooooowers... and pooooonies..."

Then, somewhere we cut to Iggy's grave... but something magical happened. Dem magical browwwz resurrected him... OMG IGGYS ALIVE AND HE WILL KILL YOU WITH HIS COOKING AND BRITISHNESS AND BROWS AND WHATNOT.

England stood over his own grave, looking himself over. "Whatho! I actually look quite decent pip pip cheerio!"

Suddenly his lover ran out of the bushes. He had just been coming to leave flowers over England's grave.

"Mon cher!" France ran into England arms and they hugged each other really really tightly.

France was crying tears of absolute joy. "I thought you were dead, Angleterre..." he whispered.

"I was..." England pulled back and looked France in the face. "But now I'm back with you."

So they frolicked into the meadow, where they met the antagonist of our crack-induced story, CHINA (aru).

China approached the happy couple and aimed a glare straight at England's face.

"YO OPIUM ARU."

England jumped, startled, and slowly turned to China. France looked from over England's shoulder at the Asian nation standing before them.

He brought them over to a computer... which was a blank word document with a youtube link.

"Click the link, aru," he said.
.com/watch?v=XZ5TajZYW6Y

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahah... aru"

England glared daggers at China.

And China disappeared... capturing poor France in the process.

"No! France!"

China's retreating shape bore France's screams of absolute disconsolation.

England's eyebrows nearly glowed with raeg.

"—"

His scream was cut short by a sharp pang of pain that suddenly shot through his abdomen.

About ten minutes earlier, two nations had come across a strange cave in the middle of the English countryside.

"I'm tired, Germany, let's sleep in here," the first nation said. He punctuated this statement with a very drowsy yawn.

"Very well, Italy," the second nation grumbled.

The two hiked off into the cave. As soon as Italy's bare feet touched the cold stone of the inside of the cave, he threw himself onto the floor and fell into a very deep sleep. Germany found an outcrop that could serve as a temporary bed, laid down, and closed his eyes.

I see it! It's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life! Pasta valley! Look, Romano! Let's go! Wow, this grass is so soft! Come on, slowpoke! Hee hee! Ve~ look, Romano, we're so close now! It smells wonderful!

The morning rolled in like a shipment barge.

Italy woke up and found that he was in an entirely different room. He must have sleepwalked all the way here. Question was, where was 'here'?

"GERMANEEEEEEEE! AAAAHHH, I'M ALL ALONE! GERMANY! GERMANY, ARE YOU THERE? AAAHHHH..." Italy sat down and curled up into a ball. Soon he fell over onto his side and was lying there like an armadillo.

Germany was woken from his yogurt-swimming dream by screams that sounded a lot like Italy. He immediately ran as fast as he could to the source of the racket.

Italy heard Germany come in and uncurled from the fetal position. He looked around him for the first time, observing his surroundings like Germany always told him to in training. Little dolls of all his friends/enemies were lying on the counter. Lying on the counter with them was an adorable lil doll of England, complete with the brows, and a box of needles right next to it.

Italy looked over the scene and thought he recognised it. Ve~ those pins are supposed to... heal the person in the doll wherever you stick them, right? Ooh, I'm going to try it on Mr. England!

Germany wasn't watching Italy very closely, he was preoccupied with the creepy, Satanic atmosphere of the place, so he didn't object to what Italy was about to do. Italy picked up one of the pins and stuck it right into the England doll's chest. Maybe his heart needed some healing after what had happened... it was all over Twitter.

So then Italy, proud that he has done a good deed, screamed, "GERMANY LOOK THERE ARE THESE MAGIC DOLL THINGS OF ME AND THE OTHER COUNTRIES AND THERE ARE NEEDLES AND IF YOU PUT THEM IN THE DOLLS IT WILL VE- HEAL YOU! HERE, I'LL TRY IT ON MYSELF!"

Italy cheerfully took one of the needles and stuck it into the Italy doll's chest. Instantly, he crumpled to the ground in absolute agony.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! G-germany..." Italy's eyelids began to flicker until they closed.

Germany was over there in a split second. "Italy, breathe!"

Italy didn't respond. He let out a long, shuddering breath and was silent.

Germany looked around in a panic and saw the pin in the Italy doll's chest. He jumped to his feet and pulled the pin straight out of the Italy doll.

He turned back to Italy, who was spluttering and coughing. Legs shaking, Italy got up from the floor and went over to the voodoo dolls.

"G-germany... I don't think those dolls bring pain relief..."

"No sh*t, Sherlock," exclaimed Germany.

Italy suddenly remembered. "Oh, I stuck a pin into Mr. England to try and soothe his aching heart! Did you hear? It's all over Twitter!"

"Yeah I did. Poor France, kidnapped by that batsh*t insane China..."

With that they unstuck the metal pin.

Meanwhile, England fled to his other best friend America. America and his fiancee Belarus decided that they were tired of the DisneyLand experience, and went to DisneyWorld in ORLANDO!

England knew where they were because he is a "Twitter stalker."

America just tweeted:

with my fiancee in ORLANDO. Going to Seaworld and Disney. Having a great time, and Belarus's beauty makes me #speechless.
5 minutes ago.

America just tweeted:

Orlando. Magic. At. It's. Finest. #speechless

England, being a twitter stalker, immediately ran to America. Maybe he will mend his broken heart.

"America, France was taken away by China! I need help!"

"Hmmm..." Belarus mused. "Russia lives pretty close to China, maybe he knows where the hostage is."

So, Bela, America, and Iggy ran to Russia to see what the hell was going on.

"Oh, Russia!" Belarus said after jamming her finger into the doorbell about a million times.

Russia recognised the voice from those past days where she would come and ask him to get married over and over and over again. It wasn't a pleasant memory.

"Hello sister! How are you doing?" Russia forced a smile

"This is my fiancee, America. Isn't he shizzy?"

Russia was left #speechless for a second. "You actually... got engaged?"

"Yeah. And it's not to you, you stupid hobo vodka stoner ignorant stupid bum Russian Bieber cut lice ridden, no good son of a—"

"Honey!" America interrupted her, "Remember, your blood pressure..."

"Right honey," Bela sulked back next to her lover.

England got down on his knees and clutched Russia's legs.

"OH PLEEEEEEEASE! HELP ME! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS STUCK WITH YOUR BATSH*T INSANE NEIGHBOR, YOU NEED TO HELP ME! AAAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH IT'S TEARING ME APART, RUSSIA!"

"Oh and America, why did you hit Bela?" said Iggy.

"I DID NOT HIT HER I DID NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. O hai China."

China randomly appeared...

"is there a party going on? WHY WASN'T I INVITED?" China screamed while pounding his fist on Russia's beautiful kitchen counter.

"What? How did we get into the kitchen?" said Belarus.

"Motha. Russian. Magic. At. It's. Finest. #speechless," said Russia.

"I should tweet that," said America, the one who won't stop TWEETING.

"You're a dude, America, not a bird. Stop tweeting, it's unnatural." Russia scoffed.

"You gonna start in on me, Russia? Huh? Huh? Wanna mess? That's right, I didn't think so."

Russia rolled his purple eyes. Belarus stared lovingly up at America with those same eyes. And then stared at those creepy-ass eyebrows Iggy has.

"CHINA, TELL ME THE SECRET HIDING PLACE NAO OR I WILL TROLOLO YOU. AND IT WILL MESS YOU UP."

"Ooooh, I'm so scared, Russia aru."

At that instant, Russia opened his mouth and the richest voice and the most paralyzing tune in the world came out: .com/watch?v=32UGD0fV45g

"IT BURNSSSSSSSSSS... China used his magical powers and disappeared... leaving a map... that looks like this: .

There was a little star in the section marked "Kyrgyzstan." And a little writing in a Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencil. It said... 秘密的藏身之处 .

"Does anybody here know Chinese?" exclaimed a stressed-out Belarus. She wants to know many languages... including Chinese and Finnish.

"LEMME USE MAH SMARTPHONE HERP A DERP," said America.

But he couldn't type in the characters.

"DAYUM."

"Lemme go on Amazon and buy a rosetta stone for chinese."

So he did. Hours passed and they finally found out what it meant.

It meant, "Secret Hiding Place."

"LETS GO EVERYBODY. WOOHOO ADVENTURE YAYZEEZ," shouted a presumably high America.

So America, Belarus, Iggy, and Russia set off on their epic adventure.

TO BE CONTINUED