All in all, Sam had to admit that it was every bit as bad as he'd thought it would be.

Okay, okay, so maybe it wasn't all bad. After all, the trip home had actually gone rather smoothly. It had taken no time at all for Sam and Quorra to convince Rinzler to stand with them on the Portal platform (since, after all, Rinzler had pretty much been Sam's shadow for the last few cycles spent on the Grid). And Sam supposed he should be grateful for that reprieve, since all hell seemed to break lose the minute they arrived back at Flynn's Arcade.

Now, Sam knows he has only himself to blame for not remembering one teeny tiny important fact about programs and the Real World: when they first arrive, all programs are buck naked. Yep, you heard correctly. Rinzler materialized without a single article of clothing to his name (and yet still wearing that ridiculous helmet on his head – how the hell did that happen?), and if that wasn't bad enough, the program still sported the same cat ears and tail, the existence of which Sam couldn't even begin to explain.

Sam was seriously beginning to think the damn things stuck around (literally, ha ha) just to piss him off. I mean, it wasn't like Sam thought they were…distracting…or anything. Because he so didn't! And it also wasn't the least bit true that Sam's hands occasionally twitched with a wicked urge to tweak one of those long ears or grip that fuzzy tail and just start stroking…

Ahem.

Anyway, after finally chasing Rinzler all around the arcade, trying to get the ex-program to stay still long enough to put some clothes on him – and yes, Sam behaved himself, thank you very much – it led to an impromptu petting session, as Rinzler seemed to think that 'dressing time' equaled 'petting time'. Go figure.

It had only gotten worse once they were able to get him outside, Rinzler wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants ensemble covered by a long black hooded trench coat that Sam's dad had had in his chest-of-drawers…presumably for rainy days but Sam and certainly never seen Kevin Flynn wearing anything like it. Regardless, it kept Rinzler's tail and ears from showing, which should be enough to keep him from being too conspicuous – except, of course, this was Rinzler Sam was talking about and the former program apparently couldn't go five seconds without doing something attention-worthy.

First, it was Rinzler's reaction to the sun. Unlike Quorra, Rinzler didn't seem to like the brightness...at all. In fact, when they all took their first steps outside Rinzler fell into a protective crouch and his hand went instinctively to his back as is to grab his Identity Disc, only to make whimpering noises when he couldn't find it. Sam even swore that Rinzler was hissing for god's sake, acting like that round yellow ball in the sky had somehow mortally offended him.

After Sam had rubbed Rinzler's shoulders for a few minutes and Quorra stood to the side, making soothing noises, they were eventually able to maneuver to the corner to wait for the cab to arrive. Sam had only brought his Ducati and it certainly wouldn't be enough to hold all three of them for the trip back to Sam's apartment.

Finally, after successfully managing to keep Rinzler from climbing one of the nearby trees lining the street, the cab arrived, and not a moment too soon as far as Sam was concerned.

Although Rinzler hesitated, studying the vehicle in front of him with his head tilted to the side and radiating a strange sort of confusion, he got in obediently enough when Sam tugged on one of his arms.

Once inside, though, Rinzler refused to stay still, twitching every few seconds with the motion of the vehicle, and it wasn't long before the peculiar cat man was trying to climb in Sam's lap and lean his covered head out the window to watch all the fascinating things outside as they went by.

The cab driver kept eyeing them from the rearview mirror, sneaking peeks every now and then and beginning to frown at Rinzler's antics. When Rinzler finally started hissing at Sam for not letting him have his way, the cabbie apparently couldn't stay silent any longer.

"There a problem back there, young man? Something wrong with your…friend," at the end the cab driver hesitated, his eyes widening a bit when the middle-aged man caught the abortive flick of Rinzler's tail beneath his coat.

Nervously, Sam pulled Rinzler to him and allowed the ex-program to finally sit in his lap, if only to help keep that wayward tail under control. God only knows what was going through the driver's mind already.

"Uh. Ahh," Sam winced when Rinzler's helmet hit him in the chin as the program attempted to get comfortable and curl himself around Sam as much as possible, "We…yeah, we're fine, mister. My buddy, here, just has a bit of a phobia about cars – was in a bad accident once, you know – and he also gets motion sick, so I'm…um…just trying to make him feel a bit more comfortable. Wouldn't want him to get sick and throw up all over your nice interior, right?"

Sam glanced around as he said the last, taking in the rips and tears in the leather of the seats, and secretly thought that a little vomit certainly couldn't make the inside of this particular car any worse. And the driver himself, Sam noticed, wrinkling his nose, looked like he could really use a bath…or two…or three.

The cab driver grunted, his eyes still flicking between Rinzler's squirming and the road ahead.

Sam shared a worried glance with Quorra, communicating silently as both of them hoped desperately that Rinzler wouldn't do anything else to further attract unwanted attention.

They had almost made it back to Sam's apartment when it happened.

Rinzler, now radiating perfect contentment as Sam held him in his arms and slowly stroked along the cat man's back, started doing what any feline would do in a moment of perfect contentment: He arched his back into the caresses and began purring. Loudly.

Which, of course, made the cab driver scowl in confusion and start looking around to see where the peculiar sound was coming from – and when he finally traced it to Rinzler, the man gaped silently for a few seconds before opening his mouth as if to speak.

Thankfully, this occurred right at the very moment Sam spotted an all-too-familiar modified storage unit. It was Sam's apartment! Silently thanking any higher power he could think of, Sam flashed the cabbie a forced smile and said, "Hey, looks like this is our stop. Thanks for the ride, man!"

Tossing a couple of $20's in the driver's direction – and hoping it would be enough to keep the man's mouth shut – Sam opened his door and pushed Rinzler off of him, ignoring the angry growls this caused, and then stepped outside himself. Ignoring the cat man for the moment, Sam turned to gesture for Quorra to follow both of their examples and exit the vehicle.

Only to see that Quorra was biting his lower lip and shaking her head slowly, regretfully.

"Sam…look, I think it would be best if you stayed with Rinzler by yourself for a few days. It's obvious he feels safest with you, and I think you'd be the best person to help him get…acclimated. Okay? I'll come back to visit you both in a few days," Quorra said firmly, her bright blue eyes pleading with Sam for understanding.

Sam felt his eyes widen and he opened his mouth a few times in distress, only to find that, to his chagrin, he couldn't find anything to say. It was crazy…there was no way he could deal with the psycho former program by himself…

But Sam could clearly see that Quorra was determined, and so squaring his shoulders, Sam finally just nodded his head and planted a wide smile on his lips.

"Sure. Sure, Quorra. It'll be fine. We'll be fine. I'll just call your penthouse number if I need you…" Sam trailed off, feeling abruptly overwhelmed by the monumental task ahead of him.

Scooting over and reaching out a hand to squeeze Sam's closest arm in reassurance, Quorra replied gently, "Yeah, Sam. You'll both be fine. And I promise to come by and check on you soon."

Then Quorra closed the open cab door and turned to tell the curious driver her own street address. As she drove away, Quorra turned to wave at them both from the back window and then she the cab finally disappeared around the corner.

Sighing, Sam clenched his hands into fists in a futile attempt to stay calm. Already, Sam could feel tendrils of panic beginning spread through his body, making him shake and have to close his eyes and take a few deep breathes.

Then Sam felt a warm touch on his shoulder, and opened his eyes to find it was Rinzler. The former program was rubbing gently, apparently trying to comfort Sam the same way Sam was always comforting him.

Touched, Sam smiled lightly as he reached up and finally did what he'd wanted to do for what seemed like…forever.

Sam pulled back the hood of the trench coat and took one of those black ears between his fingers. He then began to rub slowly and carefully, an odd feeling of heat building in Sam's stomach as the soft fur stroked along his skin.

Rinzler gave an odd hiccupping purr when Sam started to touch him this way, a sound Sam had never heard him make before. The cat man stepped closer, leaning into Sam's petting while his rumbling grew louder. It seemed like Sam could feel the familiar vibrations reaching all the way down inside of him and making him want to…

Jerking his hand away like it had been burned, Sam turned away and began marching in the direction of his apartment's entrance.

"C'mon, Rinzler. Let's go inside," Sam called, not bothering to look back and see if the former program was following.

It was official.

Sam was completely screwed.