L
Watari leaves the room, and the door slams behind him. Im left standing in the middle of the room. Yawning, I stretch my dead arm and leave the tiny bedroom, to finally face the others, who by now, believe they will be murdered in their beds by the crazy kid who now lives among them…
As I walk into the living room, all eyes turn towards me. I try very hard to ignore them as I move to an empty seat and climb up onto it, perching back on my heels. I flash them an annoyed glance, and they turn away quickly. They're watching the news. The reporters are reporting on a police case, investigating a couple of brutal murders. My attention is automatically fixed on it. "The police are saying that the two victims were a couple living in an isolated cottage with their 13 year old son, Lawliett, who disappeared after the murders, but there is a some evidence to suggest that he was present during the murders, and left afterwards." I don't show any reaction to this, but they are of course, talking about me. None of the other kids know that my name is Lawliett, so as long as they don't describe me, they can't use this against me anyway… "When we first started investigating these murders, obviously we thought that the boy had murdered his parents and then ran away, but the evidence we found, including adult footprints and finger prints that didn't match Lawliet's on the scene, also the fact the victims were killed with a knife, and the father at least was a very able police officer himself, with training for situations like that. We don't believe the kid was strong enough to overpower his parents. After speaking with his classmates and teachers, he is described as a very skinny, and sort of sickly looking child, definitely not the sort to hurt anyone. Anyway, as he has gone missing, we are concerned that he may have been kidnapped by the killer or he may even be dead. We ask the public to look out for him, and if you see him, please report it right away. Something strange about this case, is that after searching the house, not a single photo of the child was found. The only evidence he lives there is his small bedroom. He is however described as thin, middle height, very pale complexion, with longish black hair and black circles under his eyes. He was last seen wearing a plain white top and blue trousers. His eyes are almost black. And Lawliett, if you are out there watching, come back home. You may be able to give a good enough description of the killer to catch him. That's it for the news today, thank you and goodnight." And they had to describe me didn't they. Everyone slowly turns around again and I shift under their searching eyes. A girl spits accusingly.
"you sure do look a lot like that… don't you L?"
"Huh? He does. How'd you end up in this orphanage L?" another chimes in. I sigh a little. None of these kids are stupid, otherwise they wouldn't be here (it's an orphanage for gifted children) they won't believe me if I lie, no matter how good at it I am.
"My parents were murdered…" I confessed. "And they told me to run so I did, but watari found me before the authorities did. It was pure chance" they don't say anything for a while, but they carry on staring. Someone shouts
"were they just as strange as you? Might explain why someone would want them gone." Everyone laughs.
"Yeah you look bloody weird",
"you sure you didn't kill them?",
"did they die from looking at your face? They probably thought their son was the devil."
The room erupts into laughter at the cruel, and rather unnecessary jokes. I just get up and leave, not looking back at them, they'd probably just carry on, and make fun of me for the tears crawling down my face, and after all, showing emotion is a crime that deserves to be punished…
I spend the majority of my time, sitting alone in my room, rocking myself, back and forth, staring at a blank space on the wall. Whenever I leave, the torment continues. It's usually just verbal, but as the months go on, some of them start being aggressive. Im tripped up in the hallways, punched, kicked and they sometimes lock me in the small cupboard under the stairs, where I stay until either roger or watari find me, which can take a while. Much of the time, they are accusing me of murdering my parents, and other times they just make fun of my strange appearance. As I walk to the kitchen one day to grab some cake, a boy comes up behind me. I turn to see who it is. His names Randy, and he's the ringleader, If you like, of the group of kids who torment me the most. He shoves me purposely as he walks past. "Hehe" he snorts as he does so. I clench my fists and restrain myself from punching him in his stupid little face.
"Oh helloo L. didn't realise you were there." He grins maliciously. "Yeah, obviously. You wouldn't purposely be a twat would you?" I retort. He swivels angrily to face me.
"Don't get sarcastic with me, you worthless little runt. I laugh, and duck as he tries to thwack me in the face with his clenched fist.
"Im stronger than I look you know…" I mutter as I swing my foot towards his face in a roundhouse kick. I don't miss, and he falls backwards into the kitchen worktop. At that moment, roger comes in to see what the noise is.
"What's going on in here? He demands. Randy obviously doesn't want everyone to know that he'd been losing a fight with me, so he backs down.
"Nothing." He grumbles, and gives me an angry sideways glance as he leaves the kitchen… I realise that he won't actually let this go.
Over the next few weeks, the teasing gets worse. And so does the violence. Im been given a black eye and various large bruises up and down my body, but they threatened me into telling watari and Roger that id got them falling down the stairs (which I did when they pushed me).
But one day, they decide that's not enough to put me in my place. As I walk down the narrow hallway from the bathroom to my room, I hear footsteps behind me. I spin around, and im smashed against the wall. My head hits a wall mounted candleholder, and blood runs down my face and colours my quivering lips. Standing around me are 3 boys, so much larger than me, and they're holding baseball bats. Randy is the one holding me by the throat against the wall.
"What's up L? You going to cry to your mummy?" they all laugh violently, "oh wait, she's dead isn't she? Ha-ha, sorry!" I wanted to point out, that their parents were all dead too, but I was struggling to breathe.
"What have I ever done to you?!" I cry. Well, apart from kicking you in the face.
"Your weird, and you always beat us at everything. You're nothing but a skinny, insomniac know it all and we think you need to learn your place. You've had this coming for months. Your constant crying and complaining about us, when all we've done is make a few jokes! And I didn't appreciate the kick either." he pulls my hair up off my face and pulls my head tight against the wall, then he swings the bat at my knees, and lets go. I crumple to the floor, and scream in agony. Blood still trailing down my pale skin, turning it red. The other boys step forwards and swing they're baseball bats at me, one hitting me in the shoulder, and one on my throat. They're Psychotic! I choke and spit blood. Im near enough unconscious, but they don't stop.
"Come on guys, we need to take this outside. If he bleeds anymore on the carpet, someone will notice." The ringleader grabs my arm, and twists it, incredibly hard, I hear my shoulder pop, and then everything goes black.
Watari
Walking down the hallway towards Ls room, I notice a bloody handprint on the wall, smeared along it, and a little blood on the floor. I run to Ls room and hastily open the door, without knocking. He isn't here? I check everywhere, but he's not here. I panic and run to the office.
"Roger! Ls gone! And there's blood on the walls and floor outside his room. I think someone's attacked him!" Roger looks alarmed but is on his feet and out the door with me immediately.
"EVERYONE IN THE LIVING ROOM NOW!" roger yells, and quickly, everyone obliges. Whoever's missing must be with L. three boys are missing.
"Where are the others? I know somebody knows!" B pipes up.
"Outside. Beating L up." He's so calm about it, it's disgusting. I race out to find them. And I hear filthy laughter behind some trees. Suddenly, the three boys emerge, holding baseball bats and they all have bloody hands.
"ROGER! CALL THE POLICE!" I yell and he does. The boys don't even look worried.
"Inside now!" I order, and they obey. I scramble in the direction they came from, and im horrified by what I see. Lying with his knees tucked up to his chest and bound with wire that's across his back and cutting into his bare flesh is L. They've removed his shirt and beaten him with sticks, stones, and the baseball bats... His arm is twisted in an unusual angle, dislocated, and his knees are red with blood. He also has a crimson line running from his mouth. At first glance, I think he's dead, but then I see him breathing, ever so slightly, his chest rises and falls unsteadily. I use a sharp stone to release him from the bindings. I know I can't move him too much, he might damage a bone even more. I pull out my phone and ring the ambulance… which arrives half an hour later.
L
Im worthless, im a coward, and they should let me die. These thoughts just swirl around inside my head as I lie there in Watari's arms, semi-conscious, in excruciating pain, physically and mentally. The attackers are all arrested and confess to the assault, so they're all being sentenced to time in jail. But that doesn't really fix what they did to me. Waiting for the ambulance, I wake up, suffering so much from the pain that Im convinced I will die, and im still hoping I will... Watari holds me gently, and stays calm for me. He wants to distract me from the pain Im feeling, so he mumbles comfortingly,
"L, listen to the bells. Concentrate on them!" he's referring of course to the ringing bells in the orphanages bell tower. It's a simple thing, but it helps me, to just listen to them almost takes my mind off the pain completely. He knows just what to say. His aim is to keep me awake, but in a calm state. I realise that at least one person in the world still cares enough to comfort me there. I whisper to him,
"One day, I will become a detective, so that I can solve crimes, like the murder of my parents, and attacks." He smiles at me and nods. The bells… are ringing so loudly today…
Despite his efforts, I pass out, as the ambulance can be heard just around the corner…
Watari
"Ok L, grit your teeth, this will hurt a bit" the doctor chimes as she prepares to fix Ls dislocated shoulder.
"I'll be fine..." he frowns, and bites his lip.
"Right. Three, two, one..."
His shoulder makes a hideous CRACK as she pushes his arm back into place, he grimaces, but compared to the beating that damaged his arm in the first place the pain is minimal. He just sits and looks at his feet. Obviously, he's irritated he cannot sit in his usual manner while the doctors check him over because it will make their jobs hard, and beside, with his injured knee caps it would be difficult for him to do anyway.
"You alright?" she asks him and he just nods slightly, and doesn't say a word.
"Ok, I just have to go and speak with your guardian for a moment, wait here, we'll be back." I leave the room with her, and I give L a worried glance as I close the door. He won't be alright really for a very long time.
"The cartilage in his left knee is damaged. He will need an operation to fix it. His right wrist is broken and he's had to have stiches on some of the cuts on his back. He may also suffer from coughing fits and sore throat from being whacked in the throat. And I think you may have noticed that the damage is a bit more than just physical. He will probably need some therapy after this, but I will leave it up to you to talk to him about this." She says regrettably.
"I understand, I'll talk to him about it. Thank you." I breathe wearily. She picks up on my tone.
"And are you ok? Maybe you should rest too. There's no use worrying about it, it won't help him recover any faster." Her voice and facial expression are soft and sympathetic.
"No, its fine. I won't be able to relax until I know he's ok. I should have picked up on the bullying and this would never of happened."
I guiltily sigh. She smiles a little and reply's with
"it wasn't your fault. Children fight and bully and sometimes it gets out of hand. That's just the way they are. And the kids in your care didn't have the best start in life, and so they take out they're problems on others to an even greater extent. It is not your fault" her voice is gentle, yet firm. She smiles again, and walks down the corridor with clipboard under arm, to alert the surgeons that they are needed as soon as possible.
I let out a tired and heavy breath, and return to Ls room to find him standing, with difficulty, staring out of the window, with an emotionless expression frozen in place. He does not react as I enter the room, nor when I try to talk to him. He just stands there, not even trying to hide his depression anymore. He is broken, filled to bursting with terror and demons lurking within him. I place my hand tentatively on his shoulder, the uninjured one, but he flinches away as if it has been hit with a bullet, and im sticking a needle into the wound. "L, it will be time for the surgery soon..." I venture. "Ok" he barely whispers. I glance to his hand in the cast to fix his broken wrist, and to his back where I know stitches hold together the raw and cut flesh caused by the stones, the bats and the sticks. And as more evidence of his emotional pain I realise how he is standing with his shoulders hunched up defensively, and as he turns and walks to sit down on the bed, he walks slowly, with a limp, and as if he has a hunched back. Making himself as small as possible. This is all my fault…
L
The surgery will lasts 2 hours approximately, im told as I start to drift off. The anaesthetic drags me down into an unwilling sleep. Im horribly vulnerable, as I see the light turn to a blur and in the faces of these stranger, entrusted with me while im asleep, I see randy and the others, beating me, kicking and punching, and slicing me up piece by piece with stones and laughing. Binding me with wire way too tight, so that it cuts into the flesh on my back already raw from being dragged around and cut. I struggle to stay awake, but the drug takes me over, and I feel like im falling into icy nothingness. A dreamless sleep as the faces disappear completely…
Every step I take hurts, every breath I take hurts, and I regret each second my heart beats. My back is covered in scars and although my knee is almost healed and my wrist has long ago recovered, im far from fixed... When I leave the hospital, everyone at the orphanage stare as I pass them, they laugh as I walk hunched and worriedly defensive because im terrified that I will turn to be smashed against the wall and beaten black and blue once again. Every time someone walks towards me, I crumple myself against the wall, or I twitch if they so much as accidently nudge me. The only person who still tries to talk to me is Watari, but I have nothing to say to him. "You need a therapist L. they will help you…" he argues but I refuse. I know it won't help me. Nothing can. Im too far gone now.
The only thing that hasn't really been affected by the attack is my school work. I continuously score better than everyone else in tests, and my levels in all subjects are leaps and bounds above everyone's. I do actually triumph at this fact, because in a way it proves that I am better than everyone else at least academically. But still, the bulling continues, and my self-confidence disappears completely. And as children come and go from the orphanage, they are dragged into the spiral of hate by the others and take up the task of ruining my life that the previous kids left behind. Nothing changes. Nothing ever will here…
2 years later. Watari
"Watari it's been 2 years since we tried to get him help, and he wasn't having any of it. You need to just let it go, or confine him somewhere..." roger reasons. "Where can he go?! He has no family, and no other orphanages want to take kids like him, they can't handle it." Seeing Rogers face I add "And we are not sending him to a crazy hospital." He isn't crazy, he's morbidly depressed. The situation worsened greatly after Randy and his minions almost beat him to death. On various different occasions I caught kids bigger than him holding him against walls or pinning him to the floor. Each kid caught is sent away to live elsewhere but new kids take their places and continue. He almost never leaves his room now, and that's where he does school work, and that's where he sits up at night in the corner of his room rocking backward and forwards, crying or staring at a random space on the wall. He did indeed take an interest in solving crimes, and proved to the police that he had extremely superior deductive skills than any of them, and worked with them, from his room, through a computer and has now helped to solve over 25 crimes on public record, yet the police still do not know his name, face or age. We usually just leave him be, but one day, I find something in his room while Im looking for him that causes me to realise the severity of his condition. Despite Ls scruffy dress sense and the rest of his appearance, he's abnormally tidy for a 15 year old boy, and as he never sleeps, his bed is always very neat, and his pillows are always straight. So it strikes me as odd that his pillows are out of line, he'd obviously moved them. I move toward the bed, I lift the pillows up to straighten them. Under the pillows L had hidden
A small bloodied blade and tissue, and the blood was fresh…
L
I clutch my arm with the tissue, not even bothering to be gentle. I want it to hurt. I deserve it. Looking into the mirror I see just what the last 2 years have done to me. My night-black hair is ruffled and my face is sunken from undereating. My eyes bulge slightly and the bags under my eyes are so dark now that at first glance, it looks like eyeliner. I look skeletal almost. My arm spots the tissue with a dark maroon colour. Well I've heard that this helps some people, I can't really understand how but, I deserve the pain. When the bleeding stops, I wrap the bandage back up my arm, and pull my sleeve down over it. Despite the fact I don't really eat, I've grown considerably taller now, but I tend to walk with my shoulders and back slightly hunched. I suppose I developed it because of paranoia that I will be attacked again, and it never went away.
As I tred slowly back to my bedroom, I notice that the door is ajar. Pushing it open further, I see Watari, standing by the bed. He doesn't look at me when I come in, but he knows im there. In his hand is the blade that id hidden there not five minutes ago, and when he does turn to look at me, he wears a distraught look on his face. "How long have you been doing this?" he whimpers. Im at a loss. "I…Um... Three months." I choke.
I look at my feet, unable to make eye contact. "Why would you do this? Why? This is getting ridiculous Lawliett! You have to stop!" when I don't respond, he launches forwards suddenly and grabs my wrist and pulls me forwards. He promptly rolls up my sleeve. And I don't resist him. There's no point. He sees the bandage which has thin red lines of blood seeping through. "L. L look at me!" He grips both of my wrists a little too tight and I wince as he's pressing on a cut. But I don't say anything, and I don't look up. "L Lawliett! Snap out of it! Please let me help you. Say something! What would your parents think if they were here?" I raise my eyes to his slowly and I lower my eyebrows angrily. I yank my arms backwards. "YOU CAN'T HELP ME! CANT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? My parents are gone, if they were here I wouldn't be like this. But they were taken from me and you can't help! Just leave it alone!" I rage at the top of my lungs. A deep anger spreads through me and I can't hold it back. Watari doesn't deserve this but I can't stop. His face is shocked and deeply concerned, but also a little angry, but not at me. I can tell that he is angry with himself. And I notice im annoyed at myself too. I break down. I sprint from the room, slamming the door on Watari yelling after me. I nearly knock people over in the hallways, but I ignore their disgruntled shouts and leave the building, without putting on shoes or a coat, despite the heavy snowfall due to it being the middle of winter. I run through the woodland area to be alone, and I fall carelessly onto my knees. I hang my head low, and hold my head in my hands, as I did two years ago when I hallucinated out here, alone. I breathe in and out, in shaky, and heavy breaths. I back against a tree and curl my knees up to my chest. My wrist aches and my lungs burn from the cold, but im ashamed that Watari found out about the self-harm. What if he tries to send me away? I tremble with worry and the cold. He's right though. My parents would be so disappointed with me. But I can't bring myself to care that much, about anything.
Watari
What should I do?! He's cutting? I never thought it would come to this. I've failed. I promised when I met him that no one would ever hurt him again, and since then he's been hurt to the point of no return, and now it's himself doing the damage. I don't think it's the actual bulling now that's upsetting him, he's just so broken. It's such a waste of his intelligence for him to be reduced to this. I stare at the blade in my hand. L, im so sorry…
I drag my feet as I leave the room and I debate following him. But I think he needs time to think alone for a while. I decide instead to talk to roger about it. "Roger, about L..." I begin as I creak open the office door. "What about him this time?" "He's started…harming himself" I answer hesitantly. "Oh." He responds. "Well what do you want to do about it?" "I honestly don't know what we can do..." I rub my eyes tiredly. "I just thought you should know. We will have to keep a better eye on him from now on and confiscate anything he could hurt himself on. Like sharpeners and razors" "Understood Watari" "thank you roger. I must go and look for him now."
L
I have no idea how long I sit there before I hear footsteps crunching in the snow towards me. At first I think its watari but I make eye contact with their owner. Walking towards me in a girl with long wavy, blonde/ginger hair and striking green eyes. She has rosy cheeks and almost elfin features on her face. For a second my mind begins to wander. She has a kind, worried expression on her face. I've never spoken to her, but she's a new resident of the orphanage and she is the only one here that doesn't bully me or sneer when im nearby. She, in fact, always smiles at me kindly and I've even heard her argue with the other kids because she disproves of the way im treated. I know her name is Elsie. She knows my name is L.
"Hey L" she says in a slightly sing-song voice. "Are you ok?" she cautiously asks. "Oh hi Elsie. Yeah, Im fine thanks." I reply politely but with a slightly depressing tone. "Hmm, are you sure? NOPE you look like shit. I think I better sit here with you for a while." She babbles jokingly, plonking herself down right next to me in the snow. I laugh a little at her sarcasm. "Ok, thanks I guess?" "Your welcome. So what are you doing out here on your own? I saw you run out so I followed you. OMG IM SUCH A STALKER! Aha!" she giggles. "Im not sure you want to know, it's a bit of a downer." I bet. But she chirps "yes I do, I think you have something to get off your chest and im a good listener. Now spill..." so I tell her everything, starting from my parent's deaths, the fight in the kitchen with randy, the beating in the hallway and the bells. I tell her of everything that happened before she arrived. As I speak her eyes are opened wide with shock and sadness for me. Her smiling mouth is in a sympathetic frown. I come to what happened in my room before I left the house and I hesitate, but she urges me to continue. "I cut myself... and Watari found the evidence… now I can't bring myself to face him because he might think there's something wrong with me, and send me away, but I have nowhere to go and no one who cares about me here, except Watari.." she puts a delicate finger to my lips. "From now on, you'll have me." She asserts firmly "im your friend now. I understand you, and you're such a sweet person. I can sense it. But you've been broken here. I want to help you heal." She beams. She's so beautiful when she smiles… I smile back, a genuine smile that I haven't used for a long time.
"First, let's get you eating! "She orders. Pushing herself off the ground and grabbing my hands to pull me up with her. She drags me in the direction of the house. "What are we doing?!" I exclaim. "Hehe, a kitchen raid..."
We steal all the ice-cream in the fridge, every bit of candy in the kitchen, and the majority of sugar in the cupboards. We run to my room with our stash. We sit and talk for hours. She tells me about her family dying in a car crash while she was in the back seat. She was the only survivor, as her younger sister was also killed although she has a younger brother who wasn't in the car at the time. She tells how she went from orphanage to orphanage but always felt out of place because she was considerably smarter than all the other kids, and got teased because of her hair- though she adds she reckons they were all jealous of her smarts and fiery hair. She insists that I eat at least half of the tub of ice-cream and some of the candy, which I do, and I hang onto every word she says. "How old are you?" I ask, realising I didn't know this simple fact about her yet. "Im Fifteen "she answers. "You? "She asks. "Fifteen" "mmm. If Watari knows you've got a girl in our room this late, you're in trouble!" she chuckles. "No, he'd be glad im talking to someone my age." I retort, squeezing my eyes together as a result of an extreme brain freeze. "I suppose so." She grins.
Over the course of the next hour, we know everything about each other. Backgrounds, secrets, favourite songs even foot sizes came up somewhere. By the time she sneaks back to her room its 3 in the morning, and Im feeling happy enough to maybe get some sleep tonight. I lie my head down to the pillow and smile up at the ceiling. Slowly, I drift into a calm, content sleep, and I don't wake up until mid-afternoon the next day…
Watari 4 months later
I hear a loud noise coming from the Living room so I decide to investigate. It's a girl's voice, but I can't make out what she's saying. My first thought is that someone is fighting, but upon entering the room, im surprised to see Elsie and L sitting together. He's sitting back on his heels arms draped casually over his knees, and she's turned to the side, leaning against his legs. And they're both laughing. It's such an odd and beautiful sight to see him laughing. "Seriously? He did that?" she asks, still laughing. "Oh yeah, he did. My cousin never was very bright." He grins. "Hello you two." I chime in. "what's so funny?" I question. "L was telling me about the time his cousin set fire to his t-shirt by accident, then jumped into a lake to put it out..." Elsie pipes up. "oh is that so?" I smile. So how long have these two been friends then? I wonder. I had noticed a slight change in Ls attitude recently. It was so sudden, I was caught completely off guard. "Well, I will leave you two alone then..." I sneer at L, and wink at him. He reads it how I want him to. Get in there L. He lowers his brow at me and rolls his eyes. I reverse out of the room. It nice for the both of them to have someone to talk to… Elsie hasn't had a great life either…