Sebastian's POV

'I win again,' I grin, while Benjie whimpers angrily. Seeing him in this state is the highlight of my day. He snatches the chess piece of out my hand and puts it back where it was before. For a moment, his whimpers stop as he puts my chess piece a step back from where it previously was, all so he can make a different move. He moves one of his pawns, with a wide grin on his face, thinking he has won. His green eyes light up and he folds his arms, looking at me with great satisfaction.

'Oh no!' I say, pulling a shocked face.

Benjie laughs and his excitement makes his face turn pink.

'Oh but wait,' I say, reaching my hand out for my own pawn. I move it forward and sigh heavily, 'checkmate.'

All at once, Benjie bursts into a wail and he takes his head in his hands and begins to pull his black hair so hard that I'm sure he'll end up bald. He complains about how it isn't fair and starts to mess up all of the pieces until they are strewn all over the floor of my room.

'Benjie, calm down,' I say, 'you were close. Maybe you'll beat me one day.'

His expression turns into an angry frown, 'but I wanted to win today!' he says loudly, 'I never win! Why don't I ever win, it's not fair, it's not fair! Nothing is ever fair!'

I smile at him, but this doesn't stop him, so I reach out and take him in my arms and start swinging him around the air. His cries soon turn into giggles and his face is less like a grumpy old man's, and more like a normal six year old. I lightly let him fall onto a bed of cushions and fall to the floor myself, tired from all of the swinging. My breaths are short and rapid and I put a hand to my chest as if it will help me regain my breath.

I look at Benjie. He's rolling around in the silk and velvet cushions without a care in the world. As I watch him, I smile, but it fades. There are times, like these, where I wish that I was him-but I never wish that he is me. I could never wish that on Benjie.

I get up from the floor and begin to pick up all of the strewn chess pieces so neither I nor him step on them and yelp in pain-which has happened many a time before. As I have my back turned, I hear my door open, and the rhythm of the clack of heels against the floor makes me stop cold. I dread having to turn around and look at her. I can already hear my heart thumping wildly and my palms sweating. The sound of her comes closer and I know that she will speak soon.

'Benjamin!' she snaps, 'get up from there at once. What on earth are you doing, rolling around like an animal?'

'It's fun mama!' Benjie beams back at her.

'Get up this instant,' she says in a demure and dry tone.

'Ow!' I hear Benjie wince, and I know that she is pulling him up by his arm. She never knows how to handle him well.

I know that I cannot have my back turned to her forever, so I spin around slowly to face her, looking down as I do. I don't want to look her in the eye. And I don't want to see the expression on her face when she looks at mine.

'Oh for god's sake,' she mutters, looking at the discarded chess pieces on the floor, 'what were the two of you doing?' My arms tense as I hear the disgust in her voice, that is always there with everything she says. She could make anything sound nefarious, and it did its job in making you feel like a criminal or a beast.

Benjie grins at her, 'Seb was playing chess with me!'

'His name is not Seb,' she corrects him. She says my name in unnecessary emphasis, and her nose wrinkles as if it smells of something rotten, 'it is Sebastian. And he is too old to be playing games with children.'

'Chess is not a children's game,' I say.

She glares at me. I know she is glaring me and I don't even have to look up from the ground.

'Sebastian, do not look at the ground when you speak with me,' she demands.

I inhale and exhale sharply before looking up at her. There is a flicker of revulsion in her eyes and I feel like crawling into a hole.

'Good,' she says, smiling almost cruelly. I am squirming and nothing I can do will hide it. She seems to be enjoying this as her smile tightens. 'And do not argue with me,' she says, as she ruffles Benjie's hair. He touches her hand and puts it to his face, like he's relieved to have contact with her.

I keep my eyes on her, even though I want nothing more than to look away and perhaps jump out of the window. 'Forgive me, mother,' I say, 'It will not happen again.'

When I say, 'mother,' her hand flexes.

'I should hope so,' she says, looking at me up and down. She keeps inspecting me, and her disapproving look turns to disappointment.

I bite my lip and my heart thumps harder, and as she opens her mouth, worry tremors through me.

'I will ask Miere to find something suitable for the dinner tonight,' she says, 'we want you to look your best. After all, how many girls from noble families are exactly lining up at the door for you?' Her smile is kind as she says this and my chest twists.

She pats Benjie's head, 'come one now, my dear,' she says to him as she takes his hand in hers, 'let us go and see your papa.'

Benjie follows her eagerly and he tilts up his head to speak to her, 'is Seb-Sebastian, coming with us?'

She makes a sad noise and and strokes his face, 'oh no, my dear,' she said, 'he will not be seeing your papa today.' She flashes me a look that I cannot quite discern, but it does nothing to help my perturbation. Within moments, the both of them are gone and the door shuts loudly behind them, sending a shudder through me.

I exhale heavily and my body loosens. I shut my eyes tightly and open them again before rubbing my face. I can feel the bumpy, dry skin and remove my hand. As I walk over to my desk, I accidentally step on a chess piece. I bend over to pick up the crystal pawn and hold it between my thumb and forefinger. I look ahead and I see my reflection in the mirror.

Before I know what I have done, the crystal chess piece shoots through the air and hits the mirror sharply, making it crack. I don't move, but I keep looking at my reflection and my jaw tightens. But I cannot waste time. I have to clean up the icy shards that have speckled the floor before anybody notices what I have done.