Author's note: okay so...here it is! Not sure I like it though...but I'm not sure I like the first chapter either; ...anyway I hope you guys like it...I really do...

Disclaimings thingy: the same as before I don't own Ouran neither do I own these two little boys or Haruhi.

Warnings: Twincest (it's yaoi dude), angst angst angst...No heartwarming stories here.

It's been three weeks now, and everything is going smoothly

It's been three weeks now, and everything is going smoothly.

We're still in the host club, me and Hikaru. We're still doing our brotherly love act. The only difference really is that…we really do all those things we tell the girls about. Hah it's been great!

Hikaru's always around…well almost. Sometimes he disappears, but not for long or anything! Just for a split second or so.

I don't know what he's doing at these times though…but…it's probably nothing…I hope…

…

He broke up with Haruhi!

I know I shouldn't sound so happy about it but…I can't help it. I know she got really sad and heartbroken but…Hikaru's my twin, he belongs with me! She's a pretty girl she'll find someone new. I'm sure about it.

I mean, I would never be able to find someone else. Hikaru's the only one for me, I don't think I'll ever love anyone else…I know I won't.

Don't get me wrong! I didn't force Hikaru to break up with her. He did that by himself…she started crying and asked a lot of questions…I felt so sorry for her. But…at the same time I felt like screaming and jumping and all that. I was so happy! I had to shut it all in of course. I couldn't let everybody see that I got happy about it. So I looked just as sad as everybody else. Thank god I'm an actor! I could hide my smile underneath that sad frown and worried eyes. But…when Hikaru turned around and walked up to me…my inner smile faded fast.

He looked so sad, like he was about to cry.

When he saw me he broke that sad face and smiled at me, taking my hand and led me out to our awaiting ride…he was acting.

…

I guess he still has feelings for Haruhi but…he knows that I would let him be with her, it's not like he has to be with me or anything.

I'm sure he's happy…he has to be. I mean…he's smiling…and he's the one with all the crazy ideas. You know…toys and…positions…and all that stuff.

Not that I'm complaining! I like it! I mean…he's really good in bed.

I'm just saying that…he got to like it then, right? It's not like someone can come up with all that…stuff…if he didn't like it…right?

Anyway he's smiling and he really likes to cuddle too. He's the one that always pulls me back when I'm thinking about giving him some space. He almost gets mad then. But that's just Hikaru. He gets mad easily and irritated too. It wouldn't be the same if he didn't.

…

He says my name too…in bed then I mean…always, he always does. I love it when he does that. It sounds so…lovingly…I just love it, and I know that he loves when I say his. I know that because he always groans when I do and…and he…gets even more, how should I put it…excited?

…

Anyway I shouldn't write too much about this stuff here. I mean what if someone found it and read it…that would be horrible! They would…no! I won't think about it. It would just ruin my mood.

And also Hikaru has been off for quite a while now, he said he needed to take a piss…I wonder what he's doing?

Maybe I should check on him…yeah I think I will, and as I said I really shouldn't write too much in here.

Kaoru shut the book and put it back in his backpack…he was gonna find a better place for it. But he just didn't wanna risk it to be found and read. As he said that would be horrible.

Well anyway he needed to find Hikaru. He had walked away during their favourite show, and missed the whole ending.

'I hope he hasn't grown bored with it…' Kaoru thought as he walked out of the room and headed for the stairs to their room.

On his way up he tripped a little, letting a small whelp out, but he managed to regain his balance before he would fall and hurt himself badly. Now it was just his right foot that hurt a little. He stopped and massaged it for a while, smirking when the idea of Hikaru doing just that –and probably more– went through his mind.

He finished the stairs with this in mind and headed towards their bedroom door when he halted from Hikaru's familiar voice…talking to someone…he sounded serious.

Kaoru's smile faded as he remembered his brother's tone as the one he uses when he talks with…Haruhi.

He soundlessly walked up standing by their bedroom door listening to his brother's conversation, already feeling guilt erupt inside his chest, clutching his sweater in an attempted to block it out.

"…well what am I suppose to do Haruhi?"

Just as he had predicted, he was talking to her.

"I can't do that…he would leave then…"

Kaoru's eyes widened. They were talking about him.

"He was about to kill himself! You already know that, so how the fuck can you tell me to end it?"

He had told Haruhi about that? How much did she know? Kaoru let his left hand stroke the small, hardly visible scar on his right hand.

Hikaru sighed heavily.

"You know I would've spared myself for you but…Kaoru wants me, and I panicked when he said he would leave I…I had to make him stay! I can't live without him…god Haruhi…what have I done?"

Kaoru bit his lip drawing blood. He was such a fool! How could he ever have thought that Hikaru was happy? With him, his sick, disgusting freak of a brother? Of course he wanted the sweet, caring and normal Haruhi.

Hikaru took a shaking breath on the other side of the door. He was sad…and broken…he wasn't happy, how could he ever have thought that?

"I need to go back, I've been away to long."

Oh shit what was he to do know, there was no way he would be able to get down without Hikaru either hearing or seeing him. His breath quickened, he struggled hard to make it stay silent…or as silent as it could be.

"I'll call you soon okay. Thanks Haruhi, I…I don't know what I would've done without you."

Kaoru's eyes watered, it hurt in his chest again. Hikaru's voice was so warm, so caring, so lovingly.

"Yeah…I love you too…bye."

Kaoru felt the tears falling down his cheeks as he heard the last part. Love. He loved her. He loves her. Not him.

Hikaru and Haruhi…not Hikaru and Kaoru

Hikaru rose from their bed, sighed and walked towards the door.

On the other side Kaoru caught his composure, wiped away his tears and backed away some. He then made some obvious noises, and opened the door before his brother had a chance to.

"There you are! I wondered what happened to you. Let me guess…you got diarrhea?

Hikaru looked startled by seeing Kaoru there. It was obvious he was afraid of the fact that Kaoru had heard his phone call, which was very much true…not that Kaoru would let Hikaru know about it.

"Hey!" Kaoru swung his hand in front of him as to catch his attention.

"Anyone in there?"

Hikaru flinched a little and then broke into a fake smile, which Kaoru answered with a sad one covered up as a reassuring one.

"Sorry about that Kaoru." He said smiling, knowing Kaoru wouldn't ask for any explanation besides those words.

"It's okay." He answered simply, following his brother's assumption.

"So…you missed the show. Want me to tell you about it?"

Hikaru shook his head at this, smiling sweetly at Kaoru.

"No need…you're always so caring Kaoru." He said still smiling softly at him.

No I'm not!

"Where did that come from?" Kaoru said faking a sweet laughter.

Host smiles all the way.

"Well you are. You always want me to be happy."

No I'm not! I'm your misery, stop praising me!

"Heh, if you say so. What do you wanna do now?" Kaoru said giving his best host smile.

Hikaru didn't answer him.

It made Kaoru nervous, his host smile failing him some.

"We can play videogames." He said as a way out, turning halfway from his brother.

Hikaru caught his arm and swung him into his arms, startling his younger brother.

"I will never leave you." Hikaru said into his ear, kissing his neck right after.

Kaoru whose host smile had gone by now, let himself being held by his love. How he hated one-sided love.

The embrace grew tighter and Hikaru's face pressed against Karou's neck.

"I will never leave you Kaoru. I love you Kaoru."

He sounded so weak as if he was afraid that Kaoru would break.

"I know Hikaru…I love you too."

Kaoru's arms wrapped themselves around Hikaru pulling them even closer.

He let his brother overwhelm him with his passionate kiss, filled with guilt and agony.

He let him rip off his shirt, kissing his bare torso. He let him push him down to the bed, sucking his neck. He let his brother make him moan and scream, and he would moan his name as often as he could. Just to hear him groan and shiver. Just because he knew how much he loved when he did so. He let him cuddle him after their love act which held only love from one of them and agony and guilt from the other.

He would let him ease his guilt and his agony. He would let him do whatever he pleased as long as it eased his misery…that he brought him.

He would keep the facade up.

He would let him drown him in his guilt and he wouldn't say a word about.

He would look the other way when his disappearances would come more frequently.

He would act as nothing was wrong when they became more than just split-of-seconds and more like split-of-minutes and eventually split-of-hours.

He would pretend he didn't see the looks he and Haruhi were about to share ones more.

He would keep on smiling, he would keep the facade up, because he wanted Hikaru to be happy.

It doesn't matter if Hikaru's with Haruhi, if they fuck each other, or kiss, or touch, or…love each other. As long as Hikaru comes back and fuck him too, and kiss him too, and touch him too, and tell him he love him too…even though it all would be a lie, it wouldn't matter. Because Kaoru would keep the facade up and eventually everything would turn out alright. Eventually Haruhi would like to settle down. She would want Hikaru to leave him…but Hikaru would never leave him. That's what he promises over and over again, and it's the only thing that's not a lie. And when Haruhi's gone…he'll love him.

So he'll keep the facade up…until that day he'll keep the facade up.

Keep the facade. Keep it up. Don't let it break.

He will love me. He will. He really really will. You'll see…he'll love me…he will…

Author's note: well...what did you think? Was it to overdramatic? it was wasn't it? this whole story is isn't it? well well I might might might write another epilogue to this one...not sure about that though...and the idea for that one is even more angsty...it's completly angst really.
-sigh- well...this ones weird too! Fuck! I really suck as this huh? ...and yes I'm in a bad kinda depressive mood today, had a stupid fight with my mom and all...-let's make a Tohru roar!- ...and now I'm not making any sense again TT

anyway I hope you liked this one anyway and that I didn't dissapoint you completely! also please review and tell me what you think about it 3 nice (I repeat nice) critism is welcomed!

- naoto-san (-- I think I'll start with that now ((the signature)) ...stop begin such an idiot! ...sorry TT )