Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys

Chapter 2

Party Poison's hand moved slowly across the front of their Firebird Pontiac, black paintbrush travelling slowly around the stencil. It had been quite some time since he had put his art skills to practice. The days of Umbrella Academy had long since passed and there was rarely time to sit around drawing when there was drac-hunting and all-round butt-kicking to be done. However, now he had the chance to lose himself for a short while in the simple movement of a brush. He could forget the world around him and all the terrible things that he had witnessed, if only for a short time.

He was interrupted in his work as Show Pony came roller-blading up to him.

"What are you up to, Party?" he asked, his voice soft and almost feminine but PP knew that people underestimated him at their risk.

"Just painting 'the poison spider' on the Firebird," Party Poison answered, painting the final strokes before looking up.

"Cool," said Show Pony, "Are you coming in now you're done?"

PP nodded and followed as Show Pony skated into the old diner. They didn't go into the secret backroom with the pirate radio equipment, but instead sat down around one of the old tables where the other Fabulous Killjoys, Bittersweet and Dr Death Defying were already sat eating breakfast (that's if you could call it 'breakfast').

Bittersweet was eating from a tub of chocolate ice cream – where she had found it, the others had no idea. Jet Star and Kobra Kid were sharing a foot long sausage, the meat of which was from an 'unknown animal.' Fun Ghoul was stuffing his face with cold fries that were so covered in tomato sauce you could barely tell what they were. All Doctor Death Defying was having was his usual dose of whisky.

"Want some, PP?" Kobra Kid asked, holding up the limp end of his sausage. KK's mouth was so full of food that if Party hadn't known his brother so well and watched the gesture, he wouldn't have had a clue what Kobra was trying to say.

"I think I'll pass," Party Poison said, in reply, wrinkling his nose in disgust, "Besides, if I'm going to die then it's going to be fighting Better Living, not through food poisoning or clogged arteries."

"Your loss," Kobra said, swallowing before taking another huge bite.

"I've found some apples," Show Pony said, emptying out the plastic bag he was carrying onto the table. The others, all except Bittersweet (who continued to eat her ice cream), stared in amazement at the slightly over-ripe red apples in front of them before turning to look at Show Pony.

"Apples? Where the hell did you get them?" Jet Star asked, "I didn't even think they grew in California anymore."

"They grow at a little oasis five miles off the road to the east. I've checked them with the geiger counter and they're safe to eat. The water there is poisonous but the fruit's alright. I fed some to a mouse last week and the mouse is still fine, so I reckon it's safe to eat." This was all the information the others needed and they all quickly grabbed an apple. Even Dr Death Defying put down his flask and stuffed his mouth with the juicy fruit without a second thought.

Bittersweet's face was incredulous as she watched the Fabulous Killjoys who, from all her experience so far, had constantly eaten complete rubbish – anything that was defined edible was acceptable (and what the Killjoys defined as 'edible' could be debated). So what were they doing, scoffing their faces with this strange food, hence the healthy option? It made no sense. Bittersweet was contemplating the reasons why (brain-washing? Better Living drugs hidden in the food?) when Party Poison grabbed the tub of chocolate ice cream from her hands.

"Hey!" Bittersweet moaned, "That's mine!"

"Ice cream," PP said slowly, "Baaaaaaad. Apples. Goooood. Eat. Now. If we're looking after you, that means we have to watch the nutrition in your food, make sure you're eating the right stuff, you know?"

"Nutrition? You were the one, just yesterday, who was nibbling at a mouse! Besides, I don't want any of that nutrionally-balanced healthy tasteless rubbish. I had enough of that Better Living stuff at home."

"But this isn't Better Living food. This is real food, no processing whatsoever, just what people used to eat before most the food plantations burnt in 2012. No Bittersweet, this food has actual taste. Now eat it."

Bittersweet reluctantly reached out her hand, muttering "Fine," under her breath, picked up the red round thing, sniffed it and tentatively took a bite. Her face screwed up in disgust before she had even tasted the apple, but once she had taken a bite, the disgust changed to confusion.

"This thing tastes weird," Bittersweet told them, "I've never tasted anything like it. What's it made from?"

"Pixies," Fun Ghoul said brightly, "It's what comes out from their ar-"

"Language!" Kobra Kid warned his friend, "Besides, she doesn't know any better. For all Bittersweet knows, that could be true."

"What's a pixie?" Bittersweet enquired innocently.

"Never mind," Jet Star sighed, staring pointedly at Kobra Kid, "Stop it. Apples grow from the ground, Bittersweet. You don't make them."

Bittersweet took another bite.

"They're nice," she decided, "But I want my ice cream back as well, PP. I'm having a balanced diet that way," she said, grinning cheekily.

Bittersweet and the six outlaws happily ate their apples.

"I wonder if breakfast is always so educational," she wondered.

"Right," Dr Death Defying said, putting down his microphone at the end of his late night broadcast, "You guys need to figure out a route. Most of the roads are out of the question. There'll be all sorts of spy equipment and cameras from Better Living. They can't know where you're heading. I mean, you're sure to have a few run-ins with Dracs and they'll probably know you're heading to Battery City, but we don't want them to be certain, or to know that you're heading to Better Living's American HQ. Who knows how many Dracs they have, or what else they've got in store."

"Well," Fun Ghoul said, in all seriousness, "A map would be a good start."

"Your genius and intellect never fails to amaze me," Dr D said, rolling his eyes, "C'mon. Focus. Wipe that grin off your face. Bittersweet shows more maturity than you sometimes, and she's still got a bedtime."

"Getting her to sleep was a nightmare," muttered Fun Ghoul, "I wanted to tell her the story of Cinderella but she just gave me the evils and threw her pillow at me."

The others laughed.

"She might be ten but she's definitely smarter than you," Dr D told him, "But yeah, you're right. A map would be a good start."

Dr D reached over the cluttered desk, sweeping aside several empty bottles and picked up a yellowing map with teared edges.

"We're here," Dr D informed the group, pointing to where Zone 6 met the Bad Lands, "And you need to get over… here."

Show Pony stared down at the map.

"You know," he said, "If the radiation wasn't so lethal out in the Bad Lands, I think I might actually just walk away into them. Just leave. Most of the people choose to take the drugs. Why do we risk our lives to try and save people when most of them don't want to be saved? It would be nice to just get away, not to have to worry or care anymore." He looked up at the others' blank faces.

"I'm just saying," he said, shrugging, "Besides, I don't need to go into the Bad Lands. I don't need to go anywhere, for that matter. It's not like I'm coming with you. Here is about the most secluded and the most left alone place by BL/Ind." His face reddened as they continued to stare at him and he shut his mouth.

"Aaaaaaaanyway," Dr D said, clearing his throat to break the silence, "Don't use this road, this road or this road…. Or that one."

"Are there any we can use?" Kobra Kid asked, "If we're mainly going to be driving in the desert, who knows how many cactus punctures we'll get?"

"The wheels for the Firebird are strong," PP told him, "They'll survive fine in the desert. Probably."

"Stick to the smaller roads," Dr D continued, not looking up from his map, "I'll do my best to guide you from here and warn you of any potential dangers. I suggest you take a zigzag approach to confuse any unwelcome Draculoids or the like."

By 'I suggest,' the Fabulous Killjoys all knew that this was their plan, no two ways about it. It was a good idea, after all, and Dr D knew his stuff when it came to creeping around unnoticed.

"We'll set off tomorrow at first light," Party Poison declared, "We've been packed for days but let's run through the checklist anyway, just to be safe." The others nodded.

"OK, so we need the Firebird, food, food utensils, water carriers, map, petrol, spare tyres, stuff for our camp, a radio for contact, guns, hacking equipment and… that's all. All sorted."

"What about a compass?" a voice asked. They all turned around and saw Bittersweet standing at the door. All eyes shot straight to Fun Ghoul, who had suddenly chosen to grab a piece of paper to hide his face behind.

"You told us she was asleep!" Kobra Kid said to FG.

"She was!"

"No, I wasn't," Bittersweet insisted, "I just closed my eyes and breathed softly. You're far too easily fooled, Fun Ghoul."

"Outdone by a 10 year old," grinned Jet Star, "Now this, I will never forget. And I thought my 'She has an afro' excuse was terrible!"

"You know what, Bittersweet?" Dr D said, "A compass would be just great." He turned to Show Pony and shrugged saying, "God knows how they got this far without the intelligence of a child that they all seem to lack.

"And as for you…" he said, turning to Bittersweet, "Bed. Now. You'll need some sleep for the early start tomorrow." Bittersweet groaned before nodding and scurrying off.

"Speaking of bed, I think you all better get some shuteye. Travelling is tiring work after all. You're going to need as much rest as possible to stay alert and safe."

The others all nodded, and Kobra Kid turned to Fun Ghoul (who had now removed the paper from his face).

Grinning, Kobra Kid asked, "Now do you want us to read you a bedtime story, FG?"

AN: I don't like this chapter as much as the fist one. Sorry if it's a let down.