I own nothing. Enjoy!

"Come on Sammy," Dean said pulling me to the Impala, "Let's get a motel room and chill for the rest of the night."

"Okay," I said letting Dean baby me.

Ever since Dean found that note I wrote he's been acting weird. I knew that he was worried about me, but I told him I don't have anymore thoughts about killing myself anymore.

Well, that's not completely true. I still think about killing myself, but that's only when I'm super stressed, like during a hunt. I couldn't tell Dean that though. He already gave up so much to take care of me.

Dean didn't get to do so much when he was younger, and that was because of me. I never once heard Dean complain about how hard it was taking care of me. It seemed like he really liked it.

For all the years I've known Dean he has taken care of me. He didn't know that I saw him watching me when I was at Stanford. I saw him every time, and I had to fight myself to not go say something to him.

Then Jess came. When Jess and I started to get serious I saw less and less of Dean. I felt like I had completely lost him by then. I had Jess, but I still needed my big brother to help me.

Jess found out about me hurting myself a few months into the relationship. She saw the scars that were still fading on my wrist. We talked about it for hours and I had left so much out of the conversation.

Now Dean knew though, and Dean wasn't going to let me leave things out. He knew me a lot better then Jess. I loved Jess so much, but she never really knew a lot about me.

She never knew all the little things that no matter how long we were away or how many fights we got in Dean knew my heart. It hurt when I had to leave Dean to go to school, but I had to do it.

A few things had never changed though. Dean was still a kick-ass big brother that protected me. Yeah, half the time I didn't need it, but it was still good to have someone like that.

Dean would never admit that he was acting like a mother hen, but we both knew it was true. Dean was not only my brother, but my mom and my dad all at the same time. And I didn't want that to change.

I might not have told Dean all of these things, but I knew that he still knew. Dean never did do good with emotions. He was a little better at it with me than when he was with Dad.

Dad had a way to make Dean feel like he was a child again. Dean saw our Dad like he was the best thing in the world. I knew what he felt. I thought the same thing about Dean.

No matter what Dean was there for me. I never wanted to lose that, but I knew that it came at a cost. I knew that I would hurt him at some point in time, and that time is now.

He might not want to say, but he was worried about me. I could feel his eyes trained on me as I tried to sleep. I couldn't really fall asleep knowing I'd hurt Dean like I did.

Then we got the new hunt. I was looking forward to going to Bobby's and resting, but it seemed Bobby had other plans. Dean looked like he was torn between saying yes and no so I answered for him.

We drove to the town in relative quiet. The only noise was the engine and music. Dean had even kept his music down the whole time. It was starting to worry me that I had hurt him more then I thought.

Dean pulled into a diner and started to talk to me. He said that he had an idea. I was nervous about the idea, but knew that I had to hear him out first. When he said we should take a break I was shocked.

Hunting was something Dean had done his whole life. Dying in the hunt was the only thing that matched when anyone thought of Dean dying. Now he's saying he wants to take a break.

I listened as he explained that we should have a place that we could call our own and go when we needed time off. I loved the idea of having a house. I always wanted to live in a house.

Dean wasn't that type of person though. He liked traveling on the road in the Impala. He was doing all of this for me and somehow that made me happy. I was happy that he wanted to take care of me.

I wanted the big brother I used to have back and now it seemed like I got him. I got the man that used to call me a nerd, but yell at anyone else who did. The over protectiveness was nice.

I had missed my brother a lot when I left. And when I came back it was like things had changed too much. Dean was there for me, but not in the way he used to be. He was more distance.

That letter had brought him closer and forced him to act how he used to. That letter might not have been a good thing, but it was bringing some good parts that I could handle.

Now that I had my brother back I just had to wait. Dean would try to talk about what happened when I wrote that note. That was going to be one awkward conversation I wasn't looking forward to.

That conversation wasn't going to just disappear though. We needed to have that talk no matter what. Dean needed to know what happened a hell of a lot more then he thought.

I wanted Dean to know everything that I had felt when I wrote that letter. Yeah, I said that it was because I thought it was best for Dean if I was gone, but that wasn't the only thing.

The thing that made me write that not and stuff it in that pocket wasn't because I wanted to help Dean. It was something totally different. Something that Dean and Jess never knew.

Since Dean knew about the letter now I could tell him. I could tell Dean about everything that had happened. But not until he started the conversation with me about the letter.

"Night Dean," I said shutting the lights off.

"Sweet dreams," Dean muttered under his breath.