Alicia Lives

Four Months Later

Alicia's Reality

Alicia and Cary stood outside their offices, mid-argument over merging their firm with Diane.

"I'm tired Cary," Alicia said exasperated.

"You're not tired because of work!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" she said, defensively.

"You know what that means. You put on a good front Alicia. You have done a better job than most would have. You recovered from those bullet wounds faster than anyone expected. You fought through and came back to work a month after it happened - a medical miracle. To most people you seem fine. But Alicia, at some point you have to face the fact that even though that bullet didn't kill you, a part of you did die that day!" It was time for brutal honestly, and he wasn't backing down to the glare she shot him.

"Will died, he's gone, and you have to face that. Top it all off with the fact that your oldest son is leaving for college in the next few days. When was the last night you actually got enough sleep? Alicia, this merge is just an easy out for you because you're worn down from all the personal trauma in your life!"

"So you think my wanting to merge with Diane is because of Will? Because you think I am looking for an easy out? You think I'm tired because I haven't gotten over Will being gone? How dare you Cary!" She pointed a finger at him.

"I have moved on from Will. You weren't there all the nights in the hospital after hours of physical therapy when I cried myself to sleep. I cried enough in that month to last a lifetime. I had hours to think about him, and to make my peace with his death. I closed that book three months ago when I left that hospital. I'm tired because we are barely floating above water. We have worked endless hours for seven months, and it isn't working. I want to merge with Lockhart, Gardner, because it's smart. It's smart for both firms. With you and I and Diane on the same team we can vote Canning out. Then it will be our firm anyway. Having Diane as a third partner is smart. So don't you dare blame my wanting to merge on my personal life."

"What if Canning and Lee can pull together more votes than the three of us? What happened to running our firm the way we want? Working our way to the top?"

"We will make it to the top faster if we merge. Look Cary, I don't want to argue anymore. I think it's smart to merge. Let's just put it to a vote tomorrow. I have to get some things done for work, and then I have to go attend my son's graduation, and dinner party. Which may or may not be a disaster by now because I couldn't take the afternoon off to prevent my mother and mother-in-law from taking over!"

"Okay, tomorrow then."

Alicia turned to walk back into the building

"Alicia"

"What?" She turned and looked at him, her features more calm.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought up Will."

"Cary, it's okay. It's part of what makes our partnership work. We are both honest with each other, and not afraid to tell the other one what we think. If there's one thing I've learned the past four months, it's that you should always tell the people you care about the most, what you really think. You may not get a second chance."

/

Later that night after everyone had gone, and Grace was in bed, Alicia sat on the sofa pondering what Cary had said.

"You're not tired because of work." He's right. I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm so extremely tired. I feel like I haven't breathed for months. I have put Will out of my mind for the most part, but today was one of the hard days. One of the days I just wish he were back, still alive. But this tiredness has come on strong the past week. Along with the recurring pain in my neck. It's probably just stress. If it's not gone by next week I'll go see the doctor. No need to worry anyone if it's nothing.

She got ready for bed, and fell into a deep sleep, brining on a very vivid dream.

"Alicia"

"Hey Will!"

"So how's your first week with us been?" He stepped into her office and sat on the chair across from her.

"It's been good, really good! Thanks again for hiring me!" She smiled over to him.

"No problem! You're doing a great job on this case for Diane."

She looked away. "I don't know about that. Does she yell like that to other associates?"

He chuckled, nodding his head. "Yes, actually she does. But only when she feels threatened, or thinks someone is overstepping their boundaries. Don't worry about it. I thought the whole thing was hilarious. It's not often that I get to see Diane scramble. Keep up the good work!"

His smile seemed so real, she could almost reach out and touch him. He seems so close she could smell his cologne. But this was only a dream. Her mind jumped to a few months later when he'd come and sat next to her outside the court house after Peter lost his first appeal. All he'd said then was that he was sorry. Now in her mind he was saying more. Probably things she'd wished he'd said.

"I'm sorry. I really am. Are you okay?"

"Thank you, and yes. I wasn't really sure I was ready for him to come home yet. I planned on him being in prison for ten years." She turned and looked at him.

"Well for what it's worth, what Peter did to you and your kids, wasn't okay. I just wish I could take all the pain and hurt away. I wish I could make it so that he would never be able to hurt you again. You put up a great front, but your eyes deceive your words. I learned all to well how to read those eyes back at Georgetown. You deserve someone who really loves you, who really cares about you."

"What are you saying Will?" Completely caught off guard she turned to face him.

"I'm saying that…" he paused. "I'm saying that I care, and if you need someone to talk to, I hope you know you can talk to me. You deserve to be happy Alicia!"

Her mind jumped ahead again to nearly a year later.

"You want to know what my plan is? My plan is I love you. I've probably loved you ever since Georgetown. So call me back."

She imagined calling him, and waking him up in the middle of the night.

"Hello"

"Will,"

"Alicia? I… I didn't think you would call me back tonight. What time is it?"

"It's three in morning. Will, I'm sorry to wake you, but I'm standing outside your front door. Could you come let me in?"

"You're here?" he said, pushing the blankets aside, heading for the front door.

"Yes"

As soon as he closed the door behind her she kissed him. The next thing she knew they were in his bed together. An hour later as they lay there together tangled up in each other, he was the first to speak.

"So I take it you got my message?" A broad grin spread across his lips.

"Yes, and we need to talk. But I am tired right now. So can we just go to sleep and talk about things in the morning?"

"Alicia, it is morning!" She rolled her eyes, and playfully slapped his arm.

"I know!" She closed her eyes curling her body into his.

"I have to tell you something before you fall asleep," he said.

"What?"

"I love you, and I am not going to let this go. I am not losing you again."

"Again?" Her eyes opened again.

"Yes again. I lost you to Peter at Georgetown, and I'm not losing you to him again. I am going to fight for this Alicia. What ever it takes, I'm here. I am willing to make as many plans as we need. I'm willing to fight through all the "noise". I want to go to the parent teacher conferences, and the soccer games. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I want to be with you… because I love you." They fell asleep in each others arms.

When she woke in the morning she was still in her bed, at her apartment. The other side of the bed was still made, the sheets cold.

She was struck by how real the dream had seemed. It was like he was right here next to me. Cary is right, I am not over him. What am I going to do? No time to ponder. I've got to get to breakfast with Diane, and Cary.

She crawled out of bed. Darn neck pain. I'd really rather just stay here and sleep all day.