Chapter 1
"So what are we go-gonna be doing here anyway, Rick?" Morty asked.
"We're here looking for something special." Rick said, looking about their surroundings.
"What's that s-supposed to mean?" Morty asked, stopping to think on Rick's words.
"Try not to think about it too much M-Morty."
"What's so special about this thing? Is it living?"
"N-No Morty, probably not, but regardless, the less time I spend answering your stupid questions the better." Rick said, leaving Morty behind.
"But Rick, if you d-don't tell me what we're looking for how am I going to help you find it?"
"M-Morty, stop asking questions, the thing we're looking for can't be found, it has to find us."
"Rick, you can't just drag me out of my bed, tell me we're going on an adventure and then refuse to tell me what we're even doing! I have a math test today!"
"We're in a different time zone, Morty. Even if you actually cared about your stupid test, you class won't start for a few hours anyway."
"O-okay, Rick. But just be sure we get back on time. It's bad enough I'm in summer school, but if I miss another class, I'll have to repeat the year!"
"Quit your whining, Morty. If you actually paid attention to anything I said, you wouldn't be in summer school in the first place."
"You still haven't even told me what we're doing here!"
"Ugh, fine, Morty," Rick said, rolling his eyes. "You know what bigfoot is, right Morty?"
"Y-yeah…?"
"Well he lives here."
"W-wait, what? Bigfoot lives here? He actually exists?"
"Yeah, and there's more than one of him, too." Rick took a drink from his flask.
"So we're here to capture bigfoot?"
"No, Morty, that was just for reference. Basically, every mythical creature you've ever heard of exists, and they mostly live here in Gravity Falls." Morty stared wide-eyed at Rick.
"You mean like leprechauns and unicorns and stuff?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
"Wow, Rick, that's so cool! So are we gonna find proof and reveal them to the rest of the world?"
"Don't be stupid, Morty. We're gonna capture them and sell them to the highest bidder."
"What? Rick, you can't just capture living things and then sell them!"
"Uh, yeah I can. Pet stores do it all the time. Just think of all the money we could make, Morty! D-do you know how much a leprechaun goes for on the transdimensional market?"
"Uh…"
"Enough that you could pay me back those eighty dollars."
"You didn't even pay him, Rick!"
"That's besides the point, Morty," Rick belched. "I-It's the principle of the thing."
"I can't stand that guy!" Stan yelled, slamming his fist on the counter.
"What's so bad about him?" Dipper asked. "I mean, besides using some weird bug thing instead of money."
"It doesn't concern you kids," Stan said, sighing. "Just know that Rick Sanchez is the most vile, despicable human being that has ever lived."
"Worse than Gideon?" Mabel asked.
"That little shrimp doesn't even compare to him!"
"Did something happen between you two?" Dipper asked.
"Ugh, don't worry about it. The less I think about that guy, the better. Anyway, you guys did that thing I said?"
"Yup!" Mabel affirmed. "The woods are all set up just like you wanted."
"I still don't understand why it was so important that we had to do it at three in the morning."
"Because tomorrow is the anniversary of the Mystery Shack, and I know that a group of nature tourists is supposed to be hiking through the woods today. Just think about it: All of those tree huggers, drawn to the Shack, ready to spend all their money." Stan took a deep breath. "I can almost taste the cash! Anyway, I need you kids to do some shopping for the Shack's big day" Stan said, as he handed Mabel a list. "Try to be back before noon, and if you see Sanchez, punch him in the gut for me." The twins nodded at their grunkle, and left the shack.
"Did you know that it was the Mystery Shack's birthday?" Mabel asked.
"Not really. Though knowing Grunkle Stan, it's probably just another scheme to make money. Speaking, of which, I was reading more of the invisible ink parts of the journal. Turns out that tomorrow is some sort of leprechaun ritual."
"A leprechaun ritual? What do they do? Do they sing and dance and count all their gold?"
"That's the thing! Whoever wrote it said that the leprechauns drove him out in order to protect their secrets, so I'm gonna do what he couldn't."
"Ok, but where are they?"
"Well I don't exactly know, but listen to this," Dipper said, taking his red journal from his jacket. He opened it to a seemingly blank page and took a pen with a light instead of a nib. With a click, a black light shone on the pages of the journal, revealing the contents of the page. A picture of a stereotypical leprechaun adorned the right page. "'Contrary to popular belief,'" Dipper began quoting. "Leprechauns are not found at the end of rainbows. According to my observations, leprechauns live mostly underground, with a few exceptions where they have been known to dwell in trees. They are similar in size to gnomes, but unlike them, they tend to live separately due to-'"
"Blah blah," Mable interrupted. "Get to the good stuff! Do we get wishes or their pot of gold or… ah!" Mable gasped as her eyes widened. "Do we get their unicorns?" Dipper looked sternly at his sister.
"Mabel, I don't think leprechauns have unicorns. They'd probably be too small to ride them."
"A girl can dream…" Mable sighed dreamily.
"Anyway, he goes on to say that they have an irresistible urge to repair shoes, so I figured that all we have to do is get a pair of really old shoes and leave them out in the open."
"I don't know… that seems a bit too simple to work."
"Hey, if it doesn't work, then we just gotta try something else," Dipper said, returning the journal and the pen to his jacket. "It's the scientific method. Plus, I already got it set up when we were putting up that stuff in the woods. I got a pair of Grunkle Stan's old shoes and set up three video cameras to watch them. I triggered the shoes so that if anything tries to move them, a cage will land on them, trapping them."
"But what if a bird or a squirrel moves them?"
"Don't worry, I got that covered too. Trust me, Mabel. If anything is gonna touch those shoes, it's gonna be a leprechaun."
"Rick, we must have been walking through these woods for hours. Do you even know where we're going?"
"Morty, it's not about whether I know where we're going, but if I know what we're looking for, in which case the answer is yes." Rick removed a small grey object from his jacket pocket, it began making slight beeping noises as he waved it from tree to tree.
"What's that thing, Rick?"
"Morty, I don't have time to explain all the science behind every little thing I make to you."
"What do you mean you don't have the time?" Morty exclaimed. "We've been walking for hours and you don't have time to tell me what some stupid device does?"
"Jeez, Morty. If it'll get you to stop whining like a little bitch, it measures the amount of cerebrodioxins in an area.
"Cerebro… what?"
"This is exactly what I mean," Rick said, as he returned his device to his pocket. "Basically, they're the reason why every time someone encounters a cryptozoological creature they hardly remember anything concrete about it."
"Well okay, but I still don't…" Morty trailed off as something caught his eye. "Hey, check this out Rick." Morty said as he walked to a nearby cardboard-cutout of Stan resting on a tree. "'The Mystery Shack donates a portion of our profits to aiding the wildlife in Gravity Falls. Come on Down to the Mystery and revel in the Wonder of our strange items from faraway lands. We also accept donations…' Huh. Guess he's trying to get more business by advertising in the woods to nature hikers or something."
"Who cares? Whatever he's doing, it's a scam and anyone who falls for it is probably more of an idiot than your dad. Anyways, give me a sec, Morty," Rick said, nudging Morty to the side. "Gotta take a really long piss." Rick unzipped his pants and urinated on the cutout of Stan.
"Aw, come on Rick! That's gross."
"Yeah, like I give a fuck." Rick gave an obnoxious belch. "Go look at some pinecones or something." Morty sighed as he left Rick to conclude his business. He looked about the area, unfortunately taking note of how long it took Rick to use the bathroom. He stopped as he noticed a pair of old shoes, egregiously disrepaired, sitting in the open. "What's with the shoes?" Morty wondered to himself.
"Who cares about the shoes, Morty?" Rick said as he walked over to his grandson. "We got bigger problems. I couldn't find the trace of anything I came here for."
"S-So are we going home?"
"No, Morty. I've invested too much time to give up that easily, I need you with me Morty. My entire plan depends upon you, Morty."
"Wait, Really?" Morty asked, starting to panic.
"Nah, not really. It would just make it a lot easier. Now come on. We aren't gonna find anything at the moment, I'm outta booze."