Couples Therapy

Chapter 2

The next two days went by easily for Laxus. Mainly because he went out on a job, hoping that if he was gone for a day or two, the demon would forget all about her new dream and go back to droning on about her usual stuff; babies, singing, marriage, how he never did nice things for her anymore. The safe stuff.

That couples stuff was anything but.

And on the day he returned, the demon was so swamped at the bar that she hardly even greeted him. So, as he'd left his bodyguards behind for the job, he went to sit with them. Freed was ecstatic to see him and Bickslow was focused in on Lisanna, who was sitting with them.

Ever though, just sighed.

A lot.

It was very noticeable.

Laxus turned his headphones up, glad Mira wasn't around to confiscate them.

But she kept sighing, just about every time Lisanna giggled. Which was a lot. She always thought Bickslow was just so funny. Needless to say, Laxus never rightly got that.

"What's wrong, Evergreen?"

Oh, and though she was very well indoctrinated in the world of Bickslow, the deep rules and roots of the Thunder Legion were still clearly lost on Lisanna. Had to be. Else she'd have known not to ask that.

Even Bickslow gave Lisanna the eye for that. Freed actually sighed himself, preparing for whatever was going to come next. And Laxus thought about strangling her for her transgression.

Ever started talking before he finished weighing all the pros and cons.

"Well," she said as she sat her hand fan down on the table before glancing around at all four of them. "I'm sure that you know, since it's your stupid brother that is acting like such a jerk towards me constantly."

"No," Lisanna said slowly. "I didn't even know that the two of you were fighting. What-"

"Lissy," Bickslow grumbled as he leaned down brush his lips against her ear. "Knock it off. We don't ask her things. Or even seem interested in her life. Else she'll talk about it."

"I can hear you," Evergreen complained.

"I wanted you to. I was just talking about Lissy's ear because she likes it."

Lisanna shivered slightly when he kissed her ear. "I do."

Bleh. Laxus was glad he hadn't eaten yet or else it would have all come back up. Ever was bad enough, but watching Bickslow and Lisanna… If he kept thinking about it, vile would come up with or without a meal.

"The point is," Ever went on, "that Elfman's acting like an ass."

"That's not nice," Lisanna said, glancing away from her boyfriend to stare at the woman. "What'd he even do?"

"I do not know about you," Freed mumbled softly to Laxus. "But I'm starting to dislike that one."

"Been saying that forever."

"I can hear too," Lisanna complained as Bickslow just stuck his tongue out at them.

"Elfman is all mad or whatever because he thinks that I keep standing him up for dates."

"Are you?" Lisanna asked.

"What difference does that make?"

"Ooh, are you guys talking about Elf?"

Mirajane was over there then, bringing Laxus his standard beer as she was finally somewhat less busy. Great. Damn her and her ability to rightly guess what he needed it and when he needed it.

"No," Laxus tried, but it was drowned out by Ever who just sighed.

"It's nothing," she said with a shake of her head. "Just that your brother is a horrible person and-"

"Why do you make dates with him if you're only going to break them?" Lisanna wasn't giving up. She received a flick to the head from Bickslow in retaliation. Even he was growing tired of her.

"Because, Lisanna, sometimes I have lapses of judgment."

"This is actually quite the improvement when you really think about it," Freed said then. "I mean, to say that she breaks dates with him at least acknowledges the fact that they do date. Or at least make them. How long did it take her to get that far?"

That made Mira smile. Then she made Laxus shift some so she could sit in his lap.

"Demon-"

"Hey, Ever, did you hear about how I fixed Lucy and Natsu?"

"Why would I even care to hear about that?"

"Fixed them?" Lisanna frowned. "What was wrong with them?"

"What's right with them? Am I right? Huh? Huh? Nothing?" Bickslow pulled his tongue back into his mouth. "I hate you guys."

"Remember? How I told you that they came to me seeking guidance and I gave it to them?" Mira was all smiles. "Laxus was there too."

"I was," he grumbled. "So I know first hand that is not what happened."

"It's exactly what happened."

"Is not."

"Dragon, are you arguing with me?"

Growling, he took to looking off. Stupid woman.

"Now," Mirajane said, sitting up real tall in her boyfriend's lap. "Ever, I might just have the perfect cure for you and Elfman."

"Don't you have to get back to work?" her boyfriend complained.

"I'm on break."

"You're in the middle of a rush!"

"Shush, Laxus."

Freed narrowed his eyes at Mirajane then. "I think you forget who you are-"

"Shut up, Freed," Laxus sighed. "The sooner she gets it out of her system, the better."

"Look, Mira, whatever you're up to, I'm sure that you mean well, but I'm really just not interested," Ever said. "At all. I mean, you're like a total conflict of interest here, right?"

"Yes, sure, whatever," Bickslow groaned. "Just get her to shut up, someone. All of them."

"Bicks." Lisanna made a face at him. "You're being a jerk."

"Sorry, Lissy."

"Don't apologize," Laxus grumbled. "If you're rude, maybe they'll all scram."

"Dragon."

Sigh.

"Sorry, Mirajane."

Freed frowned. "You Strausses have ruined everything, I hope you know."

"You guys just aren't going to make it easy to talk here, are you?" Mirajane complained. Then she sighed. "Well, I guess with Elf not here, it would be useless anyhow. This is couples therapy, after all."

"This is what now?" Bickslow frowned at Lisanna. "You're therapy-ing me without my consent now? What is this world coming to?"

"I'm not doing anything!"

"So," Mirajane said, clapping her hands. "You and Elf are going to have to go out to eat with me and Laxus and-"

"Eat with Laxus?" Ever picked up her fan once more. "Well, I suppose I could-"

"No." Laxus wasn't playing that time. "We definitely aren't doing that, Mirajane."

"Lax-"

"No. I'm not paying for more people to eat out."

"It's different this time. You like Elfman and Ever."

"Moderately."

"Dragon-"

"I said no."

"Fine." She huffed slightly. "We'll just have to have dinner over at your apartment. I'll cook, of course."

"G-Go eat dinner at Laxus' place? Yes, yes, yes!"

"No, no, no," Laxus growled over the sound of Evergreen's shrieking. "Mira-"

"Too late. I'm making your favorite, anyhow."

"You're really getting on my nerves."

She just slipped out of his lap. "How's tomorrow, Ever?"

"Perfect. So perfect."

"I wanna go. Me and Lissy should have an invite," Bickslow complained.

"And me," Freed said. "I can find a date. I-"

"No." Mira turned to walk off again. "Just the four of us. If anyone else shows up, they're going to be turned away. I'll tell Elfman, okay, Ever?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure. If he has to come."

"I think that's the whole point," Lisanna said.

"No," Laxus groaned, having to resist the urge to bang his head against the table. "The whole point is for Mirajane to ruin my life. And, as always, she's doing it very well."

"I've never eaten over at Laxus' place before," Elfman said as he walked along next to his (sometimes) girlfriend. "I've never even been there."

"I have. A few times." Ever was in an upbeat mood just from the thought. With a frown over at Elfman, she said, "Don't you try and embarrass me. Got it?"

"Why would I try and embarrass you? What sense does that make?"

"Fine, Elfman. It doesn't matter if you're trying or not. Just don't do it. Got it?"

He just sighed. "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

It was Laxus that answered the door when they arrived at the apartment, though he just glared out at them, hardly opening the door. In a soft, harsh tone, he spoke.

"Let's get one thing straight; the demon is my life. She wants this, so we're doing this. You idiots are going to come in fighting and then, before dinner's over, make up and tell her it was her doing. Because that's what she wants. Either that or I break your kneecaps. Got it?"

"Whatever you want, Laxus!"

"I would never lie to my big sister!"

Growl. "Look, Elfboy you either-"

"Laxus, is that them?" they heard Mirajane call from somewhere in the apartment. "Let them in, silly. Dinner's just about ready."

More growling. Then he took a step back. Better than arguing with her, anyhow.

Inside, Elfman was shocked to find that Laxus' apartment wasn't a dump. He figured that he didn't care much for the place, considering that he was gone so much. It was nicely furnished and decorated and…and…and he was dating Mirajane. Made sense when Elfman remembered that.

It was kinda awkward too, as they stood around in the living room. Evergreen was gushing out her love and admiration of Laxus while he stood off to the side, sipping a beer, seemingly indifferent. And Elfman just sat on the couch, waiting for Mirajane to call them to the table. She'd said that they should sit and talk, then gave Laxus a weird wink, but so far, that hadn't happened. Not that Elfman was complaining…

"Are you all getting along in there?" Mirajane called at one point. "I don't hear any counseling!"

"Counseling?" Elfman repeated. "Why would you hear any counseling?"

"Why exactly did the demon tell you that you were here?" Laxus asked with a slight frown.

"To eat! Like a man!"

Ever sighed. "There will be a lot of that, yes, I suppose."

"But this counseling business-" Elfman tried, but Ever had gotten back to fawning over Laxus and the other man never cared to talk to him anyhow.

When it was finally time to get down to eating, Elfman was more than happy. Mirajane spent little time cooking at home for him and Lisanna anymore, as she was either working or with Laxus. Not to mention, he and Ever hadn't been on a proper date in weeks and, well, having a double one with his manly big sis was just swell for the big guy.

As for Laxus, he was just dismayed that the demon had, once again, taken away his headphones and refused to give them back until they gave Evergreen and Elfman a proper therapy session. And, well, if she wanted therapy, he was gonna give her some therapy.

"So Ever," Laxus started not soon after they'd sat down to start eating. "Is the reason that you're so adverse to Elfman and you dating openly because you don't think he's up to your standards or because you have horrible daddy issues? And can you pass the salt?"

Everyone just looked at him.

Narrowing his eyes at Mirajane, he said, "What? Is it some sorta faux pas to ask for some damn salt now? Huh? I hurt your feelings?"

"Laxus," Ever whispered. "Why would you-"

"Well, that's how you do therapy, ain't it? Hit it straight on the head?" At least in his world where he really wanted his headphones back, you did that. "Get it done. Quick and easy. So which is it? Personally, I'd go with the first one because it's true, but hey, who doesn't have daddy issues these days?"

Elfman looked to Mirajane. "What's he going on about?"

But she was just shooting daggers at her boyfriend.

"Laxus," Mira hissed. "Come speak with me in the other room. Now."

"Unless it's to give me a blow or get my headphones back, no. You wanted therapy and, well, I'm givin' it the best way I know how. Deal with it."

"Laxus-"

"There you guys go again. Counseling. Therapy. What? You think there's something wrong with someone in this room?" Elfman flexed. "'cause I know it ain't me! Men don't need therapy!"

Ever was still just staring at her idol though. "Do you think…I have…d-daddy issues? Or-"

"I think, in my very unprofessional opinion," he began as Mira looked ready to strangle him, "that you have commitment issues. I was much the same. Then I found Mirajane and that all went away. Clearly, Elfman ain't the one for you. And if we can move on from this sham of a counseling session now that I've resolved everything, I want the salt. And if not that, at least some damn dessert."

"Wait a minute." Elfman glanced around. "You guys are trying to counsel me, aren't you? Well, it ain't gonna work! I don't have nothin' wrong with me. Never have, never will. And neither does Ever."

"Once again, in my unprofessional opinion," Laxus started, still ignoring the demon's daggers. "You've got a very strange fixation on the idea of men. Not to mention, you have low self-esteem. I mean, hell, even Bickslow could probably score with Ever and be done with her. But you? You just keep lettin' yourself get dragged along. And for what? So we could all sit here and pretend to have some bullshit conversation so that the demon feels better about herself? I mean- Ow, Mira!"

"What? I didn't-"

"I kicked you," Ever said before kicking him under the table again. Laxus turned his angry gaze onto her.

"And why the hell would you do that?"

Honestly? Impulse. Which she was regretting then as Laxus was, after all, the greatest man to ever live in her eyes. But still. He was starting to tick her off.

"I-I-"

"Because you're ruining everything!" Mira though wasn't apologetic in the slightest. "We were supposed to ease into things. Not just lead off with a bombshell."

"What bombshell? Everyone in damn Fairy Tail has daddy issues. I thought that was obvious. And I'm not even a real psychologist."

"Psychiatrist," Ever whispered.

"No, I think he had it right," Elfman said. "The first one sounds a lot more manly."

"Whatever," Laxus growled. "The point is, Evergreen, that you got a choice here; either your with Elfboy or you're not. Personally? I would choose not. But I can't live your life for you. And if you want him, fine! No one cares. You guys have built up this big cataclysmic event, but it's not. Everyone knows that you've been fucking, hell, longer than anyone in the damn guild. So just come out with it. I'm not disappointed in you or whatever. I got snagged by a Strauss too."

"And she's about to clobber you if you don't shut up," Mirajane warned stiffly.

"Just…tell the poor guy if you're for real about him or not," Laxus said finally. "And give me the salt while you're at it."

Ever still only stared. "I don't…"

"This is all so confusing," Elfman complained. "Men don't talk about these things!"

"Thanks a lot, Laxus." Mira sat back then, crossing her arms. "Now I'm down one."

"Down one? I've fixed them. If Ever would just open her damn mouth, we could move on. And do we just not own salt or something?"

"I thought we were here to talk about you, Elfman," Ever spoke up then, looking across the table at him. Laxus glanced at her too, but that was because he searching the crowded table for the salt shaker and was looking in her general direction. "Not me."

"I thought we were here to eat."

"No one's stoppin' ya," Laxus grumbled. "Demon, your turn. I gotta go find some salt. I gave them all the expertise I have."

"This was your expertise?" Mira complained. "Telling Ever she has personal issues and saying she should break up with my brother?"

"I am a complex individual-"

"Go get your headphones out of the bedroom. And put them on for the rest of dinner. You're not allowed to listen or talk to anyone from this point forth."

"Finally," he said, pushing up from the table. "I thought you'd never say that."

"Wait, Laxus," Ever said then. "I… You're right. I shouldn't just lead Elfman along."

"Yeah, I know. Still leaving. Headphones, you know?"

"But, I still don't think it's fair that you guys are saying only things about me. Elfman does things to me too," she pointed out.

"Like what?" Mira asked.

"Well, gee, how about every time I invite him over, he breaks my things? Or moves my things? Or eats all my food? Or-"

"You can't fault me for being a man," Elfman complained.

"Now, Elfman," Mira started as Laxus made his escape. When she saw him take his plate with him, she knew he wouldn't be back. Maybe that was for the better… "She raises good points too. You are kinda of…abrasive at times."

"That's because men are abrasive!"

"Stop yelling," his sister went on. "And no, they're not."

"Laxus is."

"Right now, Laxus will be lucky if I don't kick him out of the apartment tonight."

"Isn't this his apartment?" Ever asked.

"I don't understand the question."

Elfman slammed his fist down on the table. "Men don't talk about this! I don't want to do this anymore. Can't we talk about something else?"

"I'm helping you, Elfman," Mira told him. "You and Ever."

"We don't need help."

"Yes, Elfman, you do. I mean, do you not wanna be as happy as me and Laxus?"

"You just kicked him out of the kitchen," Evergreen pointed out.

"But that's different. We're not a couple right now. We're both psychologists."

"Psychiatrists."

"Whatever!" Mira took a deep breath before saying, "Elfman, I know how much it hurts you sometimes, when she turns you down for dates. Or makes dates and then cancels."

"Or just doesn't show up," Elfman added. "That one kinda sucks too."

"I've done that, what? Once?" Ever defended.

"At least five times."

"Yeah, well, things come up."

"But that's the thing," Mirajane said. "Things shouldn't just come up. Not like that. Do you or do you not love Elfman?"

Scoffing, Evergreen looked off. "That is a very loaded question."

"Does that mean no?" Mira asked. "Because if it's no, then what are we doing here?"

"You made me come here," Elfman complained.

"And I just came to be around Laxus. Which, apparently, is over." Ever huffed. "You know, this was a really bad idea. Maybe-"

"No, it's not." Mirajane wasn't giving up. "This is my calling. And…and… You guys are ruining!"

"Mira," Elfman sighed as she teared up some. "We're not trying to. It's just… This is how Ever and I are. We can't change that. We don't need any help. We love each other. Even if she doesn't wanna say it."

"Freed's right. You Strausses are a hassle," Ever replied with a frown. "But… Elfman's right, Mirajane. There's nothing to fix. We're fine. And…I won't break dates so much anymore."

"And I'll try to not break your stuff." At the look on Ever's face, Elfman added, "Try harder, I mean."

"Then that means I've now officially fixed two couples." Just like that, her tears were gone and Mira was clapping, ignoring Ever's scowl at her words and Elfman's confusion.

"I'm all the way in the other damn room, demon," they heard Laxus growl from somewhere. "And even I know that's not what happened."

"Oh, hush, Laxus."

Still though, from in his bedroom, where he was suffering through dinner with no salt (seriously, were they just out?) it was hard to deny the weight that was lifted off his chest. Lucy and Natsu, Mira had gotten lucky. But clearly, Elfman and Evergreen had shown her that it wasn't just simple to fix things between two people. And some things just didn't need fixing.

He figured that would be the end of that. He'd even go out and buy her some new guitar picks. Maybe a new amp. Get her back into music and off therapy.

Simple as pie.

…Or at least he hoped.