"You missed the Initiates Jump," Az tells me as she sits down. I had wondered why she was so late; I'm almost done with my food.
"Shame. Who came down first?"
"Abnegation," Az grins. "Third year in a row. What are they putting in your water over there?"
"That is not something I want to think about," I grimace, pushing what's left of my banana pudding around on my tray.
"They should be coming through any time now. Want to stay and watch?"
"No, thanks," I tell her. "I told Fanny and Liz that I'd take Adele this afternoon; we're working on walking." I yawn. "And napping. We're working on napping."
"Bad night?" she asks quietly.
I take a moment to wonder at how much better her subtlety has gotten before saying just as quietly, "It happens. Adele usually wears me out, though, so I should be okay tonight."
"You and that kid," Az says wistfully. "When are you two going to have your own?"
"No," I say, stacking my trash and standing, relieved that the other subject has been dropped.
"No? No, what?" she laughs.
"No, we're not having this conversation again."
"But they'd be so cute! All redheaded and chubby with Eric's scowl."
"And they'll still be cute if we wait a few years."
"I want to be an aunt before I'm dead!" she calls after me as I dump my tray and head out towards the Pit. I flip her off and listen to her laugh behind me.
"I haven't fed her yet," Fanny says as soon as I scoop Adele off of the floor. She's been eating so much, I'm surprised she doesn't weigh more than she does, but I suppose that happens when a one-and-a-half-year-old is suddenly at eye level with your knee, when she manages to stand at least.
"But I just came from the commissary," I whine. "And it's nap time."
"Are you sure you're the adult in this situation?" she asks, sharp tongued as she always is. "She hasn't been fussy today, so I let her play while I fed and put the others down for their naps. Take her to the commissary and let her look at the people, and stop feeding her the chocolate cake."
"She likes the chocolate cake," I say innocently.
"She's a baby. She likes anything you put in her mouth. Now, get out. It's my nap time now that everyone else is asleep."
"I hate you so much right now, Fanny," I say as she closes the door in my face. I huff, and say to Adele, "I don't really hate her, but I was really looking forward to a nap, cutie-pie. Let's go get you some food, yeah?"
"I'm back," I say as I take the same seat next to Az and settle Adele in my lap; she's gotten tall enough that she can see over the lip of the table.
She hasn't moved, too engrossed with making bets with Harper. She looks over at me briefly, and coos at Adele, but her attention doesn't really leave the table where the new initiates have settled. I feed Adele a few bites of peas, and try not to doze off at the table. After ten minutes of constant background noise, I'm ready to give up and sleep on the table, but Az nudges me with her elbow and thrusts her chin in the direction of the initiates.
Eric is standing over the end of the table, eyes focused on my brother. Tobias is frowning, which means Eric probably is too, but I'm not about to break up a potential fight in the middle of the lunch rush. One of the things I've learned over the last year is that neither of them likes to be wrong, and neither of them likes to be called out on it.
"Those two fight like wet cats," I sigh. "They'll be alright."
"Well, whatever that was, I think Eric just scared the shit out of the initiates."
"He probably did it on purpose," I snort, wiping Adele's face. Her eating has started to slow down and I can tell that she's just about as ready for nap time as I am.
I clean up the front of her shirt and stand, ready to leave for the comfort of my bed. Adele sits heavily on my hip, and I wish Az and Harper a good afternoon before slipping out of the chaos that is Dauntless meal time, and head for the room that Az and I still share.
I get to sleep for maybe an hour before I'm woken up by someone pushing me over and climbing into bed with me. I expect it to be Eric, stopping by between one meeting or another, but when I turn over, it's not him. It's Tobias. A frown's been carved into his face, and I imagine Eric is the one to have put it there, and he lays his head on my pillow and doesn't say anything for long enough for me to doze back off. When he does start to speak, he does it quietly, quietly enough that I'm not awake enough to understand what he's saying until he starts talking about Max.
"Whoa," I say, tapping him on the chest. "Why are we talking about Max?"
"Were you asleep the whole time?" he asks rudely.
"Yeah, that, not happening," I tell him. "You're the one that crawled into bed with me, Tobias, and you are the one that started talking without making sure I was awake. Do not bitch at me because I don't know what's going on."
He sighs through his nose and deflates bonelessly into the mattress.
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright," I say, "Now, what about Max?"
"He's started pushing me for a leadership position again."
"Does this have anything to do with the fight you almost started in the commissary?"
"Eric started it," Tobias grumbles.
"You both started it," I say, rolling my eyes. "What does Eric think about it?"
"He agrees it's not his business, but when Max tells him to do something, he kind of has to."
"So Max tells him to go bother you about it so Max himself doesn't look bad," I sigh. "Max is such a dick."
"Don't I know it."
"So what are you going to do?" I ask, sitting up so I can lean over the side of the play pen and make sure Adele is still sleeping. She hasn't moved an inch since she fell asleep.
"I'm going to keep saying no. Max can bother me all he wants, but he can't change my mind, and he can't make me take the position."
"Why do you think he keeps coming back to you?"
"Hell if I know."
"Maybe he'll find someone to bother in this new group of initiates instead."
"I hope they all fall in a hole and die," he groans, rolling over to bury his face in my pillow and flinging an arm across my waist.
"That bad, huh?"
"I've got a Candor that doesn't know how to shut her mouth,-"
"When do they?"
"-and an Erudite that's already proven he's an egotistical jackass,-"
"They usually are."
"-and an Abnegation that can't keep her nose out of anyone's business."
"You and I both now that when an Abnegation leaves, it's for a good reason."
"It's Andrew Prior's daughter."
That makes me pause. The Priors had been our neighbors, back before Tobias had left and I stopped having anything to do with anyone other than, unfortunately, Marcus. They had always seemed nice, polite at least, but I never really knew them either.
"Do you think…."
"What?"
"Do you think she could have left for the same reason we did?"
"Olivia," he sighs, "it's always possible, I guess. No one ever gave Marcus a second thought."
"It's not like we gave them a reason to."
He's quiet.
"Doesn't she have a brother?" I ask.
"I don't know."
"Huh."
I wait until my last full day at the compound to go snooping around the initiates. They've been in training for three days, and I've hardly seen Eric, except to sleep and sometimes eat, or Tobias, who immediately locks himself in the control room when he's done with them. I'm getting a little lonely. I know they've been taking their lunch break about one every day, so I make sure to drop Adele off in the nursery with Fanny, and park myself outside the weapons range to wait.
Right after one, the first of the transfer initiates comes out the door, a taller boy with dark hair, and a girl with wide shoulders and a short nose follows him. They don't pay much attention to me other than to look me over, but I can hear them whispering as they walk down the hall. A handful more come out in a group, two tall boys following a dark skinned girl, a couple holding hands. The last one out the door is a small mousy girl with long brown hair. She has a bruise on her face, but the skin on her elbows is also split so she must be doing something right.
I wait until all of them have left the hall before I enter the range. Eric is throwing knives, one after another after another at the target board; my brother is collecting those that have fallen. I watch them both for a moment, and I know they aren't happy with each other, but they're going to get along if I have anything to say about it. I clear my throat, and wait for them both to look at me before I point towards the door.
"We're going to lunch," I tell them.
"Olivia," Tobias sighs, "we've got to clean up here, and I've got to go to the control room to make sure everything is okay."
"Leave it," I say. "The initiate that did the worst this morning gets to clean it all up, and the control room will be fine without you for one day."
Eric sighs, drops the rest of the knives in his hand into the bin where they're stored, and heads toward the door.
"No objection?" I ask, only mildly surprised.
He shrugs, "I'm hungry."
"Well, alright then. Come on, brother dearest."
He scowls at us both for a moment, then drops his own knives in the bin like he's given up on life, and trudges toward us.
"I want some goddamn cake," he say.
"You can have my piece," I say, and the three of us head in the direction of the commissary.
As soon as we're seated, Tobias and I swap banana pudding and chocolate cake; Eric slides a third bowl of pudding my way, and I feel kind of bad because I don't have a piece of cake to give him, but he waves me away just like he always does.
"So how are things going?" I ask. I'm not about to let them stew in silence.
"Alright," Tobias says.
"Poorly," Eric counters.
Tobias opens his mouth to argue, but I beat him to it.
"Ah-ah," I say. "We are not about to start a fight in the commissary. Use your words, not your volume."
"You spend too much time in the nursery," my brother says.
"I spend too much time with 209," I say. "Why are things alright and why are they poor?"
"They're doing well for transfers," Tobias says. "They just haven't gotten the hang of everything yet."
I look at Eric.
"They complain about everything," he says. "They act like nothing is worth their time, like there aren't any consequences if they fail. That's not how it works here. That's not what Dauntless is about."
"So they're not measuring up because they're not sure if they want to be here," I say, and even Tobias nods reluctantly. "So how do you motivate them? How do you make them take Dauntless seriously?"
"They're not ready for a Challenge yet," Tobias says immediately.
"No one's ready for a Challenge the first time," I say, "but you're right; they'd get their asses kicked."
"Maybe not a Challenge," Eric says, "but they need something."
"Maybe you should talk to Az or Harper about it," I suggest quietly. "The initiates, how many of them had the same reason for getting out as we did? We had to fight for a spot because we were so afraid of the alternative, but it may not have sunk in for them yet. Ask Az why she transferred over; she may surprise you."
"Has anyone ever told you," my brother starts.
"I swear if you finish that sentence, this pudding is going all over your face."
Neither of them do, but they both snicker, and by the time they have to collect the initiates to return to training, they're both in much better moods.
On Wednesday, I'm stowing my patrol gear in my locker, making sure that everything is clean and intact, when Tank comes around and leans on the locker next to mine. She's been the same old Tank, loud and laughing and funny, until no one is looking, at least. She gets quiet, lonely, stands off to the side as is something heavy is weighing on her mind when she thinks no one is paying attention to her.
"What's up?" I ask.
"I'm going to go get a new tattoo tonight," she says. "Want to come hold my hand?"
There is no way I would turn her down.
"You need your hand held?" I ask, raising my eye brows.
"Not really," she says, "but come with me anyway."
"Sure. You want to eat first?"
"Hell yeah."
Tori has Tank take off her pants and lay on her back so she can stencil a surprisingly delicate flower pattern across Tank's thigh. I hold her hand just like she asked, though she really doesn't need me too. The needle moving across her skin relaxes her greatly, and I'm enthralled by the ink moving across her skin when Tank says,
"The reason I've gathered you both here today," Tori snorts, "is to tell you that I'm pregnant."
Tori stutters back away from Tank's thigh, and the noise of the gun halts so the only thing left in the room is our silence. Tank has her eyes squeezed shut, like she's expecting a bad blow, and I suppose that's what rejection can feel like.
"Really?" I ask quietly.
She nods without opening her eyes.
"And this is a good thing, right?"
"I think so," she says, taking a deep breath, and forcing her body to relax.
"Oh my god," Tori says. "Oh my god."
"Is that a good 'oh my go', or a bad 'oh my god'?" I ask.
"Oh my god," Tori says again, eyes wide like she can't believe what she just heard.
"Tori!" Tank snaps.
"I get to be an aunt!" Tori says. "Oh my god, a baby!"
Tank and I both laugh, and I pretend that I can't see Tank wiping away tears.
I crawl into bed that night later than I had planned to.
After Tori had managed to finish with Tank's tattoo, having to pause every once in a while to marvel at Tank, the three of us headed out into the Pit to see if we could find anything to satisfy Tank and Tori's sweet tooth. We managed to snag some chocolate from one of the cooks in the commissary, but not before Tank let it slip that she was eating for two. Then the cooks felt like they didn't have a choice, but they congratulated her all the same.
Eric is already asleep when I slip into his apartment, laid out across his bed with an open book propped on his chest. I change out of my patrol uniform, which is getting more and more comfortable as summer fades, and into one of Eric's shirts. I pull my hair down, let it fall over my shoulders, and try to slip the book out from under Eric's hand without waking him.
I fold the corner of the page down, and set the book on his dresser, he's reading The Old Man and the Sea again, and turn to find him watching me. His eyes are heavy, like maybe he isn't quite awake, but he smiles at me anyway. I climb on to the mattress, and let myself collapse on top of him. He's warm, the same furnace that he always is, and as I settle in to use his shoulder as pillow he says,
"Out late."
"Was with Tank 'nd Tori," I mumble through a yawn. "Went to find some chocolate."
"Hmm."
"Sleep time. I've got to be up in the morning."
"Unreasonable," he says, wrapping an arm around my back and turning over so he's lying on me instead.
"Absolutely unreasonable," I agree.