Chapter Two: It's a Logo Thing
On December 19th, it was a very sunny day. Blaine was just getting to work, it was around noon. He'd made sure that he'd had the morning off to recuperate from moving Scott and his boyfriend Stiles into the apartment. Blaine's curls were all the way to his shoulders. His beard was getting a little unruly. He was going to have to shave it. He'd not done so so far because Sam liked it. Blaine didn't know that he wanted it as part of his image. He was actually looking forward to Christmas this year for once. They were going to stick pretty close to town. Blaine and Sam had actually had a row about whether to invite Sebastian or not. Blaine didn't want him there. Even if their whole gang was going to be there. Blaine had in the end won. He put his things in his locker, and Louis came into the room. "Hey, mate." Blaine said as he moved to get out his Starbucks hat. He wished he didn't have to wear it. Blaine closed his locker and turned to Louis. "So, you didn't home last night. Scott was actually disappointed. Until he and Stiles went to bang. A sly smile played on his lips. "DId you spend the night with Haz last night?" Blaine asked. He and Louis were working the same shift, Oddly enough they usually did. Although sometimes Morgan worked with them too and they both despised her. Blaine moed to lead them out of the break room, so they could get to work.
"Yeah, I was with Harry." Louis said, as they got out to the counter. It was early, only noon, they should be swamped but they weren't. Louis moved to check to check the cup situation. He liked to make sure they were always covered with them for any rush they might get during their shift. Louis ignored the look that Blaine was giving him. "I know what you're going to say. That Harry and I are going too fast." Blaine and Sam still hadn't slept together. Other than actually sleeping in the same bed, that is. Louis had lost count of how many times he and Harry had had sex. Louis straightened and leaned against the counter. They seemed to be staying in this slow period.
Blaine shook his head, scratching his chin. "No, I wasn't going to say that. You and Haz have different views on relationships than Sam and I do. So you and Harry can progress more easily than we can. You have to go at your own pace." Blaine really was going to shave his beard later. Even if Sam loved it. Blaine had a gig in a bar in a week or so. He wanted to have a semi clean shaven face. He adjusted his cap. "But speaking of… I'm… do you think Sam and I have waited long enough? I am ready to tell him that I love him. So, I think that I'm ready for us to fuck." Blaine was glad that it was pretty much empty. He really wanted to hear Louis' opinion.
"Well I think you should at least tell him you love him. And that you're ready to talk about sex. See what he says. Blaine, I want you to know, that i'm proud of you. For trying to break your patterns. You're doing great with that. I think Sam is going to be really good for you." Louis smiled as Blaine blushed deeply. He was shy about compliments and praise. Louis thought that made Blaine even adorable. Louis shrugged a shoulder. "You and Sam have to decide when the time is right for you two to sleep together." Louis wondered if they were going to discuss why Sebastian wasn't invited to Gay Christmas. Jeff had insisted on calling it that. Louis knew why Blaine was so against it. He hated Bas, not that Louis blamed him for that.
Blaine eyed Louis. He could tell that Louis wanted to say something and was hesitating. "You want to ask me about Sebastian, don't you?" He asked, and now Lou's ears turned red. Blaine moved to fill the napkin dispensers on the counter. "He's not coming. I don't care how the rest of you feel about it." Blaine hadn't told anyone, not even Sam, what Sebastian had gotten him to attempt with his actions. Blaine didn't want to have to tell Louis, but if he had to, he so would. "You have no idea what he did to me. Well…. You do." Blaine sometimes forgot that Lou was the one who had found him after his suicide attempt. Blaine often wondered if he had hit his head after he'd started to lose blood. It was certainly possible. "I don't care if he is sleeping with Nick and Jeff. "
Louis' mouth dropped open. He hadn't known that, "Are you… wow. That is just a recipe for disaster." Louis adjusted his own cap. "I suppose it makes sense though. He's started to smell like Nick lately." He wasn't at all judging them, Nick and Jeff had to do what they could to keep their relationship fresh. Louis just knew for a fact that threesomes were trouble. He'd never even tried to have one. As hot as the idea was. He watched Blaine refilling the napkins. "Boy, what has your little brother and his boyfriend joined? We're going to be some gay soap opera" Louis was not a fan of drama. This was going to end in drama.
At the mention of his baby brother, Blaine grinned. "They're actually engaged! I'm so happy for them." Blaine was of the mind that's why Scott had wanted to get away from their dad. He knew that Rafe wouldn't approve. Scott and Stiles had been in love for years. Blaine wasn't a bit shocked that they were engaged. "I can't wait for the wedding. But they can't decide on what kind of wedding that they want. Scott wants a big traditional one, and Stiles doesn't." They'd discussed it at length the night before. Blaine was over the moon over it. He was so happy for Scott. He focused on Louis then, as the napkins were full. That was when his eye fell on Smythe.
Sebastian wasn't at all sure why he'd come to Blaine's Starbucks. He was very high on Valium right now. And not the generic, either. Sebastian walked slowly up to the counter. Blaine immediately walked away, and Louis moved to help him. Sebastian hadn't stopped getting high since Blaine had shown him what he'd done after their breakup. He was going to flunk his finals, he was sure. Sebastian met Louis' eyes. They were both quiet a moment. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what was being said about him in their circle. He hadn't even been hooking up with Niff. He hadn't been feeling like he was someone who deserved sex with two guys at once. He pulled out some cash, which was rare for him. His drug dealer only dealt in cash though. His eyes were bleary as he looked up at the menu. He was only barely aware that Louis was asking him what he wanted. Sebastian shook his head, clearing the cobwebs. He'd just woken up. "Um, a cafe mocha frappe, and a sesame bagel, Lou." He managed to say. His eyes met Lou's, and he knew what Louis was going to say. "Louis, leave me alone. They're prescription and I'm fine." Sebastian knew that Louis didn't believe him. Sebastian kept his gaze on Louis, trying to keep his gaze serious. He didn't want to hear an anti drug lecture. "You have no idea what I'm going through." Sebastian couldn't believe that he'd driven someone like Blaine to try and kill himself. It was…. It was horrible.
"You do not get to do this." Louis told him, as he went to get his coffee. "You don't get to be hurt about what Blaine told you. You don't get to do the 'oh woe is me' thing, do you hear me?" Louis hadn't ever really given Sebastian shit for what he'd done to Blaine. Louis didn't know how Bas could live with himself. And clearly he couldn't. "You were the one who hurt him. You don't get to be the one in pain. You…. you should feel guilty. You caused him to try and kill himself. You were the first person he let in after Kurt, and you crushed him. Do you know how much that hurt him? You… you don't get to do this!"
While Sebastian knew that he deserved that, he didn't think doing this right now was the best thing. Sebastian handed Louis the money for his food and coffee. "Now is not the time and this is not the place, Louis." Sebastian got why he was so upset. Blaine was his best friend, his family. Sebastian put the change in the tip jar. It's not like he needed it. Sebastian gave him a glare. "I'm not saying that I don't deserve it. I do. I treated Blaine like shit. You are right to be angry. But you don't get to bitch at me like this in public. I was the one who made the mistake of coming in here, but that could have waited." Glaring at him, he turned and left.
As soon as he walked out, Blaine came back, his eyes wet with tears, and he wasn't happy about it. Bas shouldn't be able to affect him this way. He had moved on completely. His watery eyes met Louis'. Blaine wondered when he was going to be able to be around Smythe and not want to kill him. Blaine knew that no one expected him to forgive Bas for what he'd done. It was hard, though, since they were in the same circle of friends. Blaine was sure that if it came down to it, Smythe would be the one to be ostracized. N one really liked him since what he'd done to Blaine. Blaine knew he wouldn't ever forgive Sebastian for what he'd done. It wasn't as bad as what Kurt had done, but it had been bad enough. Blaine hadn't been able to believe that the second person he'd let in had hurt him as well. Blaine just hadn't been able to get past it. But Blaine knew that that was to be expected, with what Sebastian had done to him. His eyes were full of tears, and he moved to wipe them away. Blaine took a wobbly breath. "I want, for once in my life, I want to be able to see him and not cry." Louis didn't have to say anything, just reached for Blaine's hand. He squeezed it. Blaine had to see Sam. "I'm going to go and Facetime Sam since we're slow. I have to talk to him." He said, and they shared a look and Blaine moved off to the break room. He pulled out his phone, his hands shaking as he did so. Blaine really hoped that Sam would be able to answer, because he really did need to see him.
Barely making it out of the class, Sam was able to answer the Facetime call from his boyfriend. "Blaine, baby, hey." He could tell that Blaine was upset. "What's wrong?" He asked, moving to get out of the other students' way. He was going to go and grab some lunch. He was starving. Sam moved to sit on a bench so he could focus on the Facetime call. "You are upset about something." Then Blaine went into what had happened, and Sam actually put his hand to his mouth. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry. You… you know that I'm on your side. You don't have to see or talk to him if you don't want to. No one expects that." Sam brushed some locks of hair out of his eyes. He didn't know what else to say. "I can tell you that he's not sleeping with Jeff and Nick anymore. So honestly, none of us have to talk to him if we don't want to. Harry likes him, but not enough to vouch for him if we all decided that we were done with him. You… if you're going to be like this every time you see him, we have to change it. You're mine now, and it kills me to see you this upset." Sam was itching to go and tear off Sebastian's arms. He also didn't miss the part where he'd been high when he'd been there. Sam knew that if he wasn't so angry with Smythe he would be worried about that. But right now, Blaine was all that mattered.
Blaine sniffled. He didn't know why he was still crying. He didn't know why it was still affecting him this way. "I just, I want to get to a point where this…. This isn't going to happen. Where I don't get all shaky and weepy, seeing him." Blaine didn't know if it would ever stop. "I don't…. I don't have feelings for him anymore. I hate him for what he did to me. I can't… I hate him so much that I don't get why you lot would want to even be around him." Blaine brushed his hand across his scruffy chin. This kind of ruined the news of the tat that he'd been planning on getting of Sam's name on his forearm. Blaine was already so in love with Sam. Blaine knew it was insane, they hadn't even slept together yet. But he knew that Sam was the one. He'd thought that Kurt was, but he'd been so wrong. Blaine knew that he wasn't this time. Blaine also was fine with not saying it out loud yet. He knew that they weren't ready to talk about forever. Blaine was also kind of scared to death that he was okay with being with Sam, and knowing that he was the one. Blaine wouldn't have let it get this far before Sam came along. Blaine also knew that's why Sam was the one he was supposed to be with. Sam had gotten him to get so many of his walls down. Blaine never let his walls down that quickly with someone. "Sam, I love you. I… I do. You… you're doing exactly what I knew you would do. You're making me feel better and being on my side. I'm… I want Smythe out of our circle. I know how selfish that it is to say."
With the throng of students having moved on, Sam got up to keep walking to the cafeteria. "I'm… I love you too, B. I love you so much. It's my job to be on your side. It… we can all talk about it. I know that Louis is going to try and make us care about Bas being high while he was there. But we can't let that be our problem. Because I know why he is. He's high because he feels so guilty that when ya'll broke up you tried to kill yourself. And you shouldn't feel guilty for how he's taking the news. I know that that sounds harsh. But… you can't be responsible for him. None of us are that close to him."
Blaine's eyes filled with tears. Even though Sam sounded harsh, he was right. Nothing that Bas did was their concern. Blaine didn't feel guilty because he wasn't worried about Smythe's problems. Blaine brushed his hand across his chin again. "I know that you're right. I don't… it sounds really very harsh, but I don't feel bad. Because it's his own fault that he's putting himself through this. It's… I usually don't feel that way, where I don't feel guilty. But this time, I don't. I… some part of me told him in the first place to get him to feel bad." He sighed. "I've got to go, Lou's out there all by himself." They said the I love yous and hung up.
When Sam got to the cafeteria, he found Nick waiting for him. Sam wasn't sure what he wanted Nick to be here for. "Nick, I really need to get some lunch. I have to eat, I didn't get breakfast." Sam put away his phone and moved to see what they had today. "Walk and talk, Nicky." Sam had taken awhile to get to call Nick 'Nicky'. Just because Jeff had chosen Nick over Sam. It had taken him awhile to be okay with having Nick around. But he liked Nick, he was a great guy. And Sam didn't want Jeff anymore, anyway. He wanted to be with Blaine. He moved to grab some pizza and a salad. He then moved to get something to drink. "You here about Smythe?" He asked as he grabbed a Mountain Dew.
Nick sighed. "Yeah, I'm here about Bas. You guys know that Jeffie and I used to be sleeping with him. Ever since your boyfriend told Smythe about his suicide attempt, he's cut off all ties with us. It's… we're just worried about him. He won't even call to check in, and he always does that. He's high all the time. I know that you and Blaine most likely don't care. And none of us are going to blame you for that. Not after what he did to Blaine. But… can you at least think about talking to him? Tell him to lay off the drugs. Harry would, but he assumes that Bas won't listen to him if he tries, and we all know Louis won't. You are our only option. I will totally get it if you won't do anything. But I care about him, and I don't want him to die."
Moving to pay, Sam rolled his eyes. "Nick, I admire your ability to care about Smythe. But I am not going to talk to him. And if I do, I'm going to be giving him shit for causing more trouble with Blaine. He's still really fucked up about what Smythe did to him." He said, as he walked off to find a place to sit. Sam's last class of the day had been cancelled. When Blaine got off work at six, they could go hang out with Scott and Stiles. Sam was eager to get to know Scott and his fiancé better. He knew how close Scott and Blaine were. Sam didn't have any of his own siblings.
Sighing, Nick slid into the seat caddy corner to Sam. "I know Blaine still gets upset. He deserves to feel that way. He came so close to actually dying. And it's because of what Smythe did. I know how selfish suicide is. But I also can't try and judge him for being that distraught. I can't say what I might have done if it was me. But Sam, are you going to be able to live with yourself if he kills himself? I know that he's doing this himself. I… but you're an amazing person, Sammy. They don't make 'em like you anymore. Just… please, think it over. I couldn't live with myself if he ODs and none of us had done anything to help him."
It was hard to keep the anger out of his tone. Sam was taking offense with Nick calling suicide 'selfish'. Even if he happened to agree. But they had no idea what kind of pain Blaine had been in. Sam picked up a slice of his pizza. Then he took a bite. "You.. you'd better not say a damn word more about suicide and being selfish. Because whether or not, look at what he'd been through. He'd already almost died. He should have, actually. It's a freaking miracle that he didn't. So he's got a different view of death than the rest of us have. He was just trying to end his suffering the only way that he could think of." He took a few more bites of pizza and spread dressing on his salad. "Smythe… I can't feel bad for him. You know what kind of person that Blaine is. He's a very amazing person. He didn't deserve what Kurt and Smythe did to him. Kurt was his first everything, and he was able to let Smythe in, and look at what happened." Sam had been thinking about this a lot since the row he and Blaine had had about Smythe. Sam had come to the conclusion that Bas could get through this by himself. He smiled at Harry, as he sat down with them. He filled Harry in on what they'd been talking about. Sam wasn't sure he wanted to hear Hazza's opinion on this issue. Harry was a great person and he tended to err on the side of not hating people. Sam was able to admire that about him. Because Sam couldn't have been that way all the time.
This was a bit of a pickle for Harry. He wasn't sure what to think about any of it. He knew that he had to put in his two cents. He also knew that there was no way Sam was feeling guilty for Smythe's current state. Not that he felt Sam should. "I know what he did to Blaine wasn't right. I know that. But can we really keep going without guilt if we just stop talking to him and he kills himself?" He took a sip of his soda. Harry ignored the look Sam was giving him. "We… I don't know if I could live like that, I really don't." He said, shrugging a shoulder.
"To be fair, Hazza, it's not as if Smythe doesn't deserve this. I know how that sounds. I know that. But I don't want to waste time on him. He knows he shouldn't be abusing drugs. He's been to rehab three times." This was new information to Nick and Harry. "Yeah, most people don't know that. So I know that he knows how to stop. He just doesn't want to." This changed everything for Sam. Sebastian knew how to get help. He was just doing this to try and relieve his guilt. Sam met Harry's eye. "You shouldn't be worried, either. He knows he has the knowledge. You need to step away."
Heaving a sigh, Nick knew this was a total lost cause. No one was going to help Smythe. And with knowing that Smythe had been to rehab that many times and still using, Nick was losing respect for him. His pity for Bas was failing as well. "I think Sam's right. If he's done all of that before, he might be beyond help." Nick met Harry's eyes, who was looking at Nick with surprise on his handsomely adorable face. Nick sighed again and Sam polished off his pizza slices. "Sammy's right, Harry. It may sound harsh to your ears, but Sebastian knows what to do to get clean. We can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."
That was a big surprise, that Nick agreed with him. Sam dug into his salad, he'd saved it for last. After he had taken a bite, Sam said, "Haz, you can put in your time trying to help if that's what you wish to do. But I'm not, and B certainly is not. We're going to let him make his own decisions." It was truly amazing, how Smythe had seemingly turned himself into the victim when he was the attacker. Sam really didn't think it was fair at all. He took more bites of his salad. He wasn't going to change his mind about any of it. He knew that some people just might judge him, but he didn't care. Smythe had treated Blaine like shit. He should feel guilty for what he had done.
A couple of days later, Scott and Blaine were alone in the apartment. It was around lunchtime, so they were grabbing lunch together. Scott was wondering when or if Blaine was going to ask him why he'd moved to lie with Blaine and Louis. Scott didn't want to talk about it. He brushed some of his black curls out of his eyes. You could definitely tell that he and Blaine were brothers. He was making grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. It was very cold outside. Scott hummed under his breath as he worked. Blaine was scribbling in a notebook. Scott flipped the sandwiches. "B? Are you okay?" He asked curiously. "I… I know that you've been off lately since Sebastian was kicked out of your circle." Scott missed his own circle. Only Stiles had been able to come with him. Scott knew that something had gone down with Blaine and Smythe, but he didn't know what. Scott knew about the whole Kurt thing. Scott had been young when that had happened. Scott didn't hate anyone really, but he did Kurt, and he was glad that Kurt was dead. Anyone that could have done that kind of thing to a person like Blaine didn't deserve to breathe in and out. It was weird, seeing Blaine like this again.
His brother's concern was touching. Blaine pushed curls out of his eyes. Louis and Harry were on a date, and Sam was at the university library, studying. Blaine had been animated when Sam was around the past couple of days. Otherwise, it had been quiet and mopey behavior. Blaine couldn't explain why he felt like that. He wasn't sad to see Bas go. But Blaine thought it maybe was bringing up all the feelings that he'd had when Smythe had hurt him. Blaine had been very clingy with Sam, and he also knew that he was going to get through this, and it would be because of his boyfriend. Blaine had insisted today that Sam go and get his studying done. It was the last day of school before winter break. Sam's staying in school was more important right now. Blaine was writing down lyrics at the current moment. "I'm… I'll be fine, Squirt." Blaine said. He knew that Scott was just worried for him. Blaine didn't know how his attack from Kurt had affected his brother. They'd never really talked about it. He also knew that Scott was trying to keep the subject away from himself and why he and Stiles were here. Blaine also didn't want to force his brother to talk if he couldn't. They were close, and Blaine knew that Scott would tell him when he was ready. Blaine brushed his eyes with his hand. They were starting to fill with tears. He cursed his body for betraying him. "I… I know that you don't know what happened with him and I. Maybe you don't want to know."
He put the plate of sandwiches on the table. He didn't know if he could ask Blaine about what had happened. Scott grabbed the bowls and the soup and moved to sit down. Blaine got up and moved to get them both a drink. Scott waited until Blaine was sitting before he said anything more. "You… you are my hero, Blaine. I don't know what I would do without you. You… you have to tell me what happened when you're ready." Scott spooned some soup into his bowl. "I'm… I'm not ready to tell you my story, either." Scott knew that the thought of moving in with Blaine had kept him alive.
Looking at his brother, Blaine wondered whether or not he should pressure Scott or tell him what had happened with Sebastian. It was hard to know the right thing to do. He picked up one half of his sandwich. As he was chewing, he thought about what he was going to say. "I don't want to… I don't know what to do with any of this. Pressure you to talk, or…. Tell you what Bas did to me." Blaine's voice trembled as he spoke. He met Scott's eyes. He didn't know what to do. "We could just talk about the wedding." He said hopefully. That would be preferable to him. Although decisions on it had to be made.
The wedding was something Scott would love to talk about. Although Scott was feeling a lot frustrated with it, since he and Stiles couldn't agree on what kind of wedding to have. Scott wanted to go the traditional route and have a big wedding. Since it was the only one he was planning on having his whole life. It was something that Stiles didn't seem to want to do. Scott had an idea why Stiles was so resistant. His father had passed away. There was no one to walk Stiles down the aisle. Although Scott had suggested Sam, since his brother had offered to do it for Scott. Stiles hadn't seemed to into the idea. Scott wished he could get him to agree so they didn't have to do it at the courthouse. Scott took a drink of his drink. "I don't know what to do about the wedding. I wish that I did. Stiles is refusing to do the traditional thing. It's… I think it's because Noah passed away eight months ago. T here's no one to walk him down the aisle. So I think that's why he's been pushing for a justice of the peace thing." Scott sighed. "I suggested San do it, since you're willing to do it for me, but he didn't seem into that idea, either." Scott didn't know how to change his mind. He really wanted to have a big wedding. His mom was gone, and he knew that that was what Melissa would have wanted for them if they were going to get married. He didn't know why Stiles was being so stubborn.
"I'm sorry that he's fighting you on this, Scott. I know why you want the big wedding thing." He did, too, it was for Melissa. Scott had loved Melissa more than anything. Blaine took a sip of his drink. "You want me to talk to him? Because I will. I know he most likely won't listen to me, but I'll still try. But I mean, I can't really get where he's coming from. We didn't have such a great dad. I mean, that's why I'm walking you down the aisle. By the way, I would love you to do it for me if I ever get married." Blaine definitely was thinking that it might be Sam. He hadn't said that out loud yet. "You… I think it might be Sam, and I'm so so scared to bring it up with him. We haven't been together long enough. Not with my issues." Blaine knew Sam had his own, and he also knew that's why he hadn't brought it up yet. He also knew why it was kind of hilarious that the two of them were making things work. But they were. Blaine took a bite of his soup. "You and Stiles are going to be together for a very very long time. You two, you are the best example of love that I've ever seen. I know it's not saying much, but I do mean it. You are done, you've found who you were meant to be with. I'm actually really happy for you. And I'm so proud of you, for being able to be with him."
As soon as Blaine said that, Scott's eyes filled with tears. Blaine had no idea how much that meant to him. Because he had no idea what Scott had been through. He brushed his hand across his eyes. "B… you, that means a lot to me. It really does." Scott knew that he had to tell his brother what their father had done to him. Pushing away his empty bowl, Scott took a deep breath. This was going to be so hard. Scott let out a breath and started the story. "Rafe…. Blaine, he was abusing me my whole life. He beat me…. And sexually abused me." Scott's eyes brushed with tears. Blaine's hand had gone up to cover his mouth. "It… Ma never knew. I know you already hate him. I know that. I just… it was hell on Earth. I am so grateful to you for letting me move here." Scott's voice shook as he spoke. And he really meant everything that he was saying. "I know you're going to ask why I didn't press charges. While Ma was alive, I was trying to keep her safe. She'd've killed him. Now though… I just, I don't think I can go through the story that many times. I'd have to tell it over and over. And I can't face him. It's why I had to get out of there. He just… he kept doing it and I had to get out. That was all I cared about. Getting out." Scott felt like he needed to be high for this, and he reached into his pockets for a joint and a lighter. "We're going to be okay, B. You… I know that you're really trying with Sam. I think you two are going to be fine."
This was unbelievable. Blaine watched Scott get the joint. It was from California, where Scott and Stiles had been living. Blaine knew it was good stuff. He got up to clear the dishes. Blaine didn't know what to say about any of it. "Scott… I'm so sorry. If he hadn't abandoned my mom... it may have happened to me. Then it wouldn't have happened to you. I wish that I could take it away. I can't… I want to kill him. I get why you didn't want to tell Melissa." Blaine knew that he couldn't actually go through with killing their dad though. It would be too cruel, even though it was justified.
Scott hit the joint a couple of times and then passed it to his brother. "You don't need to kill him, either. I know that you're trying to be a singer. You have to focus on that and not let it be something that doesn't happen. You have a beautiful voice, and you play like Clapton and you write beautiful lyrics. You can be a huge star. I know it's going to be hard. But you can do it, I know that you can. Don't let anger at Rafe stop you." Scott would never forgive himself if Blaine messed that up because he'd told his brother what Rafe had done to him. Scott didn't think he'd ever stop feeling guilty about that.
Blaine hit the joint twice before he passed it back. "You know I can't go through with it." Before he could say anything more, Stiles and Louis were coming in. Scott went over to hug and kiss Stiles immediately. He had to admit, looking at his brother and his fiancé was like looking at love. Blaine couldn't believe that there were people out there who hated same sex love. Because Scott and Stiles were very clearly in love. Blaine looked at Stiles. "Stiles, can I talk to you?" He figured now was as good a time as any to talk to him about the wedding. He accepted the joint from Scott and hit it, and then looked at Stiles. "I know why you don't want a big wedding. Noah isn't here to give you away. I don't understand it, my parents were shit, but you know how important it is to Scott to have the traditional wedding. He promised Melissa. She was a great person, Stiles. And she did a lot for you. I know she won't know the difference… but you could do it for her. For Scott. You know you would do anything for Scott. Please do this for him. You both deserve more than a courthouse wedding." Blaine really did believe that. Stiles' eyes had filled with tears, and Blaine handed him the joint, touching Stiles' arm. "I know how devastated you are over losing your dad. I may not get it, because my dad's shit, but you know that he wouldn't want you to not live your life or deprive yourself of anything." This was incredibly true, and they both knew it.
All of that was true and made sense. He hit the joint and passed it on to Scott. "I know you're right. I'm kind of being selfish. I just.. I can't… every time I think of getting married in a church, I start to get a panic attack. I just… Dad would have wanted to be there. I don't… I know I won't get through this without Scott. I will admit you make good points." Stiles paused to wipe his eyes. He also knew what Scott had been through. Stiles knew that it wasn't that hard of a thing to just give in on this. Stiles was just having a hard time accepting the fact that Noah was gone, for good.
It had to be hard, losing a dad that was one who was good to you. Blaine couldn't even guess what that was like. "You had a great dad, Stiles. And you know that he'd want you to be happy. And I know he loved Scott." It was hard to not love his baby brother. There was no one like Scott left in the world. Blaine couldn't imagine anyone hating Scott. That was like hurting puppies. And Scott loved puppies. Blaine accepted the joint and hit it again. They had two going now. Blaine was just hoping that he was getting Stiles to at least reconsider the big wedding concept. They fell silent, and Blaine felt that was okay. They could be quiet.
Later that evening, Blaine was laying cuddled up to Sam on Sam's sofa. They were all alone, Harry and Louis had gone to some party a mutual friend was throwing. Sam and Blaine had been invited but they'd opted not to go. They were watching Love Actually. Sam always teared up at the end when Jamie and Aurelia got engaged. Sam was glad that Blaine was in his arms. They were still taking things slow. Sam was glad that they were waiting. He was getting to the point where he was wanting to finally have sex with his boyfriend though. He was going to bring it up the next day, since it was getting closer to Christmas. They were all going to Blaine and Louis', since it was the biggest apartment of what they had. Sam was just glad that he didn't have to go home and spend time with his dad. His dad never really was around much during the holidays. It was because of Sam's mom being gone. Sam stroked Blaine's arm. "B.. do you think maybe tomorrow we could… make love?" That made him feel a little weird, he'd never really called it that before. But with Blaine, it would finally really be making love for him. Sam couldn't wait, and he felt like it was time. He loved Blaine. He'd never felt this way before. It was a new feeling and he had to admit, he liked it. Blaine leaned his head to look at Sam. "I really think it's time, B. I… I love you." It was the first time that it had been said. Sam's heart was pounding out of his chest, nervous for what Blaine was going to say back.
Blaine's heart was pounding out of his chest. They hadn't said that word yet. Blaine was so nervous to say it back, even if he did feel it deep inside. "You love me." He said this in a very shocked tone. Blaine looked into those green eyes that sometimes looked blue. Blaine brushed curls out of his eyes. Blaine loved Sam so much that it hurt sometimes. Blaine was scared to death of loving someone like that. Everyone he'd loved like that had ended up hurting him, almost beyond repair. Blaine couldn't go through pain like Smythe and Kurt had put him through again. Blaine hadn't felt this in a long while. Blaine licked his lips in his nervousness. "Sam… I have to warn you. I don't know how to be happy. But… I love you, too, Sammy. It scares me to death, because I love people and then they hurt me. I can't go through that again. I need…. I need you to stay. And if we make love tomorrow, I can't have you leaving. I… I can't get through being hurt like that again." Blaine's eyes brushed with tears. Then Sam was kissing him, and all coherent thoughts ceased to matter. All he could think about was those lips on his. Blaine's stomach was full of butterflies and all he could think about was the next day. Blaine had a heady feeling from kissing Sam and could feel it all the way to his toes.
Maybe it would be okay for all of them. Blaine had no idea how wrong he was.
I've never written a love song
That didn't end in tears
Maybe you'll rewrite my love song
If you can replace my fears
I need your patience and guidance
And all your lovin' and more
Then thunder rolls through my life
Will you be able to weather the storm?
There's so much I would give you baby
If only I let myself
I feel I must protest
But what's the point of this armor
If it keeps the love away too?
I'd rather bleed with cuts of love
Than live without any scars
Baby, can I trust this?
Or do all things end?
I need to hear that you'd die for me
Again and again and again
So tell me when you look into my eyes
Can you share all the pain and the happy times
I will love you for the rest of my life
This is my very first love song
That didn't end in tears
I think you rewrote my love song
For the rest of my years
I will love you for the rest of my life
Author's note: So yeah. Sorry for the angst. I did know it was coming. This also could have been longer. I.. I've had a very stressful last 5 months. I hope ya'll are hanging in, and I will do my best to update soon. Complaints about content will most likely be ignored. Especially ones with no merit and are just to be rude.