"Guai," Mal cursed as Simon landed on the floor with a loud thunk. "Now
who's gonna tell us what to do?"
"Mal," Shepherd Wash said with great dignity, "I'll have to ask you not to use such language in front of the ladies." He turned to Book. "Cursing is a sin, right?"
Sheriff Book clasped his hands together. "While not a sin, per say, certain types of curses such as oath-taking are often frowned upon. One school of thought is that ..." his voice trailed off as he noticed Wash's crestfallen expression. Book sighed and clapped Wash on the shoulder. "Very good, my son, er, my shepherd."
Wash grinned. Mal rolled his eyes and turned to Zoe. "Remind me why you married him?"
"I loved him, sir."
"How is that poss--Kaylee!"
The spunky mechanic looked up innocently from the floor where she was busily pulling Simon's pants off. "What?" she asked.
"What the--" he looked at Wash, "something not a curse word are you doing?"
"I'm giving him air," she said. "That's what they always do in books when someone passes out, loosen their clothes so they can breathe easier."
"I don't think they loosen their pants," Mal ground out.
"But captain," Kaylee admonished. "You're not actually a doctor."
"Better safe than sorry," Inara said as she walked back into the room carrying an armful of clothing. She bent down. "Better let a professional do it. While I'm at it," she continued. "Perhaps I should loosen his underwear."
"I can do it myself," Kaylee said. The two women fought, tugging at Simon's underwear until it suddenly ripped, laying Simon bare to all.
"Well," Inara said. "He wasn't lying about that top three percent thing."
"Now that I'm the sheriff I can look at these things," Book said eagerly as he bent down for a closer look. "Hmm, there's something written here on his, er, um--"
"Cock," Inara supplied.
"Uh, yes," Book said. "It says 'Property of M'--" He broke off as Mal's coat landed over Simon and shielded the word from everyone's eyes.
"I'm sure," Mal said as his ears turned bright red, "That Simon will be fine if we just let him rest. In the meantime, aren't we forgetting something?"
"What?" Kaylee said disgruntedly, as Mal smacked away her hand, which had been sneaking toward the edge of the coat.
"That," he said, pointing at River and her blood-covered hands, "and that" pointing at Yo, uh, Saff, er, Bridg--a corpse with large breasts and red hair. "Shepherd?"
"Yes, Mal?" Wash said, snapping to attention.
"Sheriff, I mean," Mal said. "Shouldn't we question, River?"
"Well, obviously, someone should," Book said. "Preferably me." He snorted as he shook his head. "You're clearly new at this. We professionals call it interrogating."
"Question, interrogate, whatever. River, what happened?" Mal said turning back to the girl. River didn't answer. She was gone.
"Zoe," Mal began, before realizing that Zoe, as well, was no longer in the cargo bay. "Tzao gao," Mal groaned. "Now what?"
"We could split up and look for them," Kaylee suggested.
"No way," Mal said. "Y'all heard what Jayne said. That'd just be invitin' trouble."
"I'm not worried," Kaylee explained. "I'm spunky. That means that inevitably I'm the heroine or the love interest or the comic relief, and those three always survive."
"What about shepherds?" Wash asked.
Kaylee shook her head. "Almost never."
"Whaat?" Wash shrieked. "Simon didn't mention that. I don't want to be the shepherd anymore. Book can be the shepherd."
"Book is the shepherd," Mal muttered.
There was a groan from the floor. "Wha happened?" Simon asked, as he came- to. He paused and frowned, before peeking beneath the coat that covered him. "And why am I naked?"
"Mal," Shepherd Wash said with great dignity, "I'll have to ask you not to use such language in front of the ladies." He turned to Book. "Cursing is a sin, right?"
Sheriff Book clasped his hands together. "While not a sin, per say, certain types of curses such as oath-taking are often frowned upon. One school of thought is that ..." his voice trailed off as he noticed Wash's crestfallen expression. Book sighed and clapped Wash on the shoulder. "Very good, my son, er, my shepherd."
Wash grinned. Mal rolled his eyes and turned to Zoe. "Remind me why you married him?"
"I loved him, sir."
"How is that poss--Kaylee!"
The spunky mechanic looked up innocently from the floor where she was busily pulling Simon's pants off. "What?" she asked.
"What the--" he looked at Wash, "something not a curse word are you doing?"
"I'm giving him air," she said. "That's what they always do in books when someone passes out, loosen their clothes so they can breathe easier."
"I don't think they loosen their pants," Mal ground out.
"But captain," Kaylee admonished. "You're not actually a doctor."
"Better safe than sorry," Inara said as she walked back into the room carrying an armful of clothing. She bent down. "Better let a professional do it. While I'm at it," she continued. "Perhaps I should loosen his underwear."
"I can do it myself," Kaylee said. The two women fought, tugging at Simon's underwear until it suddenly ripped, laying Simon bare to all.
"Well," Inara said. "He wasn't lying about that top three percent thing."
"Now that I'm the sheriff I can look at these things," Book said eagerly as he bent down for a closer look. "Hmm, there's something written here on his, er, um--"
"Cock," Inara supplied.
"Uh, yes," Book said. "It says 'Property of M'--" He broke off as Mal's coat landed over Simon and shielded the word from everyone's eyes.
"I'm sure," Mal said as his ears turned bright red, "That Simon will be fine if we just let him rest. In the meantime, aren't we forgetting something?"
"What?" Kaylee said disgruntedly, as Mal smacked away her hand, which had been sneaking toward the edge of the coat.
"That," he said, pointing at River and her blood-covered hands, "and that" pointing at Yo, uh, Saff, er, Bridg--a corpse with large breasts and red hair. "Shepherd?"
"Yes, Mal?" Wash said, snapping to attention.
"Sheriff, I mean," Mal said. "Shouldn't we question, River?"
"Well, obviously, someone should," Book said. "Preferably me." He snorted as he shook his head. "You're clearly new at this. We professionals call it interrogating."
"Question, interrogate, whatever. River, what happened?" Mal said turning back to the girl. River didn't answer. She was gone.
"Zoe," Mal began, before realizing that Zoe, as well, was no longer in the cargo bay. "Tzao gao," Mal groaned. "Now what?"
"We could split up and look for them," Kaylee suggested.
"No way," Mal said. "Y'all heard what Jayne said. That'd just be invitin' trouble."
"I'm not worried," Kaylee explained. "I'm spunky. That means that inevitably I'm the heroine or the love interest or the comic relief, and those three always survive."
"What about shepherds?" Wash asked.
Kaylee shook her head. "Almost never."
"Whaat?" Wash shrieked. "Simon didn't mention that. I don't want to be the shepherd anymore. Book can be the shepherd."
"Book is the shepherd," Mal muttered.
There was a groan from the floor. "Wha happened?" Simon asked, as he came- to. He paused and frowned, before peeking beneath the coat that covered him. "And why am I naked?"