A/N: ... Nope. Just read and review, maybe?
By the time Halloween came and passed, Harry was once again in a bad funk. His depression came in seasons and usually lasted for two weeks strong. During that time he would barely leave his bed unless it was absolutely necessary. He would attend class but he had a hard time retaining anything he learned. He always had the jitters, as he dubbed it, or rather a sickening feeling in his stomach. Snape's potion helped him regulate his sleeping pattern. He had no choice, Snape was very clear with Harry about taking it.
Christmas was on the way and Harry honestly wanted to spend it alone. He declined all invitations from the Weasely's and even Hermione's family. Hermione fought with him every time they talked lately. She felt as if Harry was blocking everyone out. In a way, Harry felt as if he was, but neither Hermione nor Ron honestly understood what Harry needed. He would rather spend Christmas alone in his room than with a room full of people he can't bring himself to face. Facing the Weasely's would mean owning up to his guilt, and he was punishing himself in his own way. He just couldn't stand to look into Mrs. Weasely's eyes any longer than he already had.
He knew he was being selfish, but he would not budge on the topic. Eventually Hermione stopped bringing it up.
With nothing else to do on a Sunday evening, Harry logged into Facebook.
Welcome to Facebook, Harry Potter.
What's on your mind?
"You show the lights that stop me turn to stone, you shine me when I'm alone; and so I tell myself that I'll be strong and dreaming when they're gone, 'cuz they're calling, calling, calling me home, calling, calling, calling home, you show the lights that stop me turn to stone, you shine me when I'm alone..."*
Status updated.
Harry scrolled down, reading insignificant posts out of mere boredom. A few "like whores" as they were called, and a few "Like in three secs if-" He never liked any of those pics. Not unless they were funny, as a vast majority on his news feed were. He came across an update from Snape, and so he clicked on his Headmaster's profile. Stalking other people was also a gift of Facebook.
Severus T. Snape
Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Lives in Spinner's End
Birthday January 9th
Single
Graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in 1978
His profile pic was rather stylish, Harry had to admit. Always the same high buttoned black robes, everything about the man was black. His cover photo was a dimly lit picture of the Great Hall. His curiosity piqued, Harry clicked the 'About' section, only to be dejected. Leave it to Snape to reveal only a smidgen of himself to the world. Ugh.
1 New Message from Severus Snape!
Speaking of the git, Harry thought as the message flashed across the screen.
Severus Snape
10:15 pm
Potter. Why are you still here?
Harry Potter
10:16 pm
How do you know I am still in the castle, Severus?
Severus Snape
10: 16 pm
That's either Professor, or Headmaster to you, Potter. Kindly answer the question.
Harry Potter
10:20 pm
I'm not going to the Burrow this year...
Severus Snape
10:21 pm
Oh? Why ever not?
Harry Potter
10:23 pm
Just didn't feel like it.
Severus Snape
10:24 pm
Well. That is hardly believable.
Harry Potter
10:25 pm
Believe it, Sir.
Severus Snape
10:25 pm
As absurd as it sounds, you and I are the only people left.
Harry Potter
10:27 pm
You don't have any one special to spend Christmas with?
I don't believe that.
We should rock a fucking party. Break out the Scotch, I'll be there in ten.
Harry was just jesting, to see what reaction he would get from the man. He knew he may have taken it too far, but he couldn't help it. He giggled from under his covers.
Severus Snape
10:28 pm
MR. POTTER, LANGUAGE!
And if you want, you can come up.
Harry thought about it for a second. He did want to be alone.. but Snape was harmless. A bit of a distraction would probably do more good than bad.
Harry Potter
10:30 pm
Technically, Severus, school is not in session right now. So if I want to say fuck, you can't do anything about it.
Severus Snape
10:32 pm
Cheeky brat. I should bend you over my knee and spank you well for that remark, Harry.
;)
HE SO DID NOT JUST WINK AT ME. OH MY GOD, Harry's mind was doing back flips. If he didn't know any better, he would say Snape was flirtingwith him.
Harry Potter
10:34 pm
My my, Severus Snape, are you flirting with me?
I'll be up in half an hour. _-_
Severus Snape
10:35 pm
... What in Merlin's name is that emoticon?
Harry Potter
10:36
:)
Harry closed his laptop, suddenly feeling light inside. He forgot his worries long enough to rummage through his clothes, throwing old pants and shirts everywhere. He didn't have to wear a uniform, so he wanted something casual to wear. He decided on a pair of hip-hugging jeans that showed the dip in his lower abdomen if he wore a shirt small enough, and a long sleeved dark green turtle neck sweater with lovely designs down the right side. He thought it accentuated his eyes, which was his best feature. He knew Snape would like it.
He slipped into the boy's bathroom to take a steamy hot shower and wash his hair. He always only turned on the hot water, taking it for as long as he could before adding the cold. He loved the feeling the boiling water left resonating on his skin. It hurt, but it was a sweet pain. He used his favorite cherry scented body wash and shampoo, making sure he smelled fresh and clean for this nightly liaison.
Once he finished in the bathroom, he left the Common Room headed for the Headmaster's office.
"I almost thought you reached your senses, Potter. Come in," Severus stood aside to let the boy in. Harry skeptically stepped inside, his senses instantly knocked to the floor at his first glance up at Snape.
The older man was in the most sincerest state of undress Harry had ever seen, not accounting for his time in St. Mungo's. Severus wore a black V-neck T-Shirt that hugged his body tightly, even if it was tucked neatly into his lengthy trousers. Harry knew he was staring, but really. No one ever saw this much of Snape. It was unnatural. Harry looked the man up and down, noting that even his socks were black. He sighed. Such a formidable man, always in control, and always the epitome of a proper gentleman. That was the Severus Snape Harry had come to know.
"Tonight we shall venture to my lounge, Potter. Follow me, if you please," Severus smirked as he managed to shock the boy silent. Harry idly followed Snape into the lower part of his office. A fireplace sat in the middle of the wide area, comfortably fitted with a few luxurious sofas. Severus waved a hand towards the biggest sofa, indicating to Harry that he could sit. Harry watched the inviting fire, almost mesmerized by it, while Severus fixed their drinks. He only gave Harry an inch, he did not want the boy drunk. More like tipsy, he thought with a snicker. He filled the rest of Harry's glass with Eggnog.
He handed Harry the drink and sat on the opposite end of the sofa, slightly facing the boy with one knee tucked under him. Harry flashed a small grin towards the man as he sipped the Nog. Yep. Sweetly better than the bitter alcohol, but Harry had to admit that he liked the burning sensation as the cool liquid slipped down his throat.
"So, Potter. How are your classes?"
"Do you really want to know, or are you just trying to make conversation?"
"Hmm.. Both, I suppose."
"Well, if I were truthfully honest, I look forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts the most lately. Potions is about the same, without the Prince's, I mean, your help, Sir, I'm really just below average."
"I still fail to understand how you came across my old book, Potter."
"It was there in the cupboards, Sir. I was.. rather fond of the Prince's editorials. You really are a Potions Master, Sir. Bloody brilliant."
Severus smirked around the glass in his mouth. His eyes narrowly searched Potter.
"I still use Sectumsempra, Sir."
"Yes, I suppose it is rather useful, except when using dark spells for the first time. What possessed you to curse Draco, anyway?"
"I knew he was up to something. I've known Draco for a while, its not hard to tell when he's plotting something."
"Well, your assumptions were correct."
"I seem to remember someone telling me I needed evidence to prove my assumptions."
"I was sworn to protect Draco. In the end..."
Severus paused, his eyes staring at his hands ceremoniously holding his glass. It was the first time he had ever spoken to anyone about his part in the war. He knew Potter had seen his memories, it was essential for the boy to see everything, including his own personal reasons for staying loyal. Severus supposed he should have felt exposed and vulnerable to the boy, but that was not the case. It seemed Potter needed the same release as he did- someone to talk to.
"In the end, Dumbledore had it to perfection," Harry finished Severus's thought, his forest eyes locking with Snape's obsidian irises.
Harry held the man's gaze and allowed himself to be swept away by the raw emotions he saw. Severus Snape was not an easy read, but here in the privacy of his quarters, he was letting that security wall down and showing Harry a side that no one, sans Dumbledore, knew of. Harry licked his suddenly dry lips. Severus's spy trained eyes followed the motion of Harry's tongue.
"I feel like I owe you an apology, Sir. Your childhood, I feel like I am carrying the burdens of my father with me when I'm around you."
"Foolish boy. There may have been times when... But that was in the past, Potter. I no longer have any reason to hold grudges against anyone. I have made my atonement."
"Even still, I feel like I owe you my life, Professor."
"As well you do, Mr. Potter."
"Oh shut it."
"I seem to recall needing to give you a right spanking, remember?"
Harry's cheeks flushed bright pink.
"I remember no such conversation!"
Severus smirked, obsidian eyes flashing.
"You do realize I am an accomplished Occlumens, Potter?"
"Yes, so?"
"So I can read your thoughts at any moment, and you wouldn't be able to stop me."
"Yes, Severus, and even if you did, I still wouldn't want to talk about it," Harry suppressed a shiver he felt creeping down his spine. Snape was acting weird tonight.
"Ah, but my dear Harry," Severus let the boy's name roll from his tongue as if it were silk, quirking his eyebrows suggestively, "That would be contradictory to the fun of the chase."
Harry shivered as he became well aware that something was happening here. Feelings that Harry hadn't felt in forever were coming back, stronger than the last time he felt them. He was strangely at ease around Severus, when he should have been on alert. He was saying things, things Harry knew he probably didn't mean, but they were having a wide effect on Harry's judgement.
"And you, Severus, are you chasing me then?"
Severus's onyx eyes glistened as Harry saw raw conflicting emotions cross the man's steel face. Severus leaned closer into the boy's space. Harry felt his heart tighten in his chest, suddenly it was hard to breathe.
"Perhaps, Harry, or perhaps I'm intrigued."
"Intrigued? By what?"
Severus surveyed the boy before answering.
"You, Mr. Potter."
"Oh..."
Severus pulled away from the boy, refusing to allow his heart to beat any faster. He blamed it on the alcohol, and the fact that Potter's sweater brought out the diamond glaze in Harry's eyes. Severus couldn't help but be reminded of Lily, with such mirth in the boy's face. He reigned in the fact that his heart was telling him to kiss the boy.
"Relax, Mr. Potter. I meant that, as my student and my responsibility, I am intrigued by any ailments you may have. I know you have a tendency to stay up late, and recently I've noticed how utterly depressed you are. It's unbecoming of a young man, Harry."
Harry looked down at his own glass and blushed. He was experiencing too much too fast.
His mind spiraled into thoughts of Ginny, her bittersweet smile branded behind his eye lids at night. He thought of how his nightmares began twisting into demented versions of his own death, and lying in the cold emotionless dirt next to the one person he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. Ginny had been his shoulder to lean on, his rock beneath his feet. Once she left, Harry's world shattered into a broken reality before his eyes...
"It's Ginny..." Harry mumbled, not being able to hold his emotions any longer.
Severus remained quiet, his eyes carefully watching Harry. He would not pry, but he was happy to finally get the boy talking. Maybe alcohol wasn't a bad idea.
"She.. was everything I thought I wanted, or needed. I mean, I understood that she needed space to get her life together after so many deaths, who wouldn't need space after that," Harry sipped his glass to choke back the tears that threatened to spill out.
"Then she was.. gone. Just like that, she was eradicated from my life without a goodbye or anything. I have seen so much death, Severus, so much.. I just wanted to escape it all. Being around the Weasely's are a constant reminder to me. Everyone just says, 'It wasn't your fault, Harry', but that's not what I need to hear. I'd just rather be left alone to deal with things my own way."
Harry felt a single tear fall down his cheek. He wiped his face and turned from Severus, ashamed of himself. He had not cried, not since Ginny's death. He cried so much, so very much, his body had no tears left to give.
"I'm sorry, you probably think I'm just being weak right now," Harry's voice sounded cracked and broken.
"I did not say that, Harry."
The use of his name made him look up at Severus through clouded eyes. The man was watching him with a look of such intensity, Harry thought he might combust under his scrutiny.
Before Severus could stop himself, he gathered the boy in his arms and pulled his body in a soft embrace. Harry didn't move at first, then he gripped Severus's shirt and let the tears fall freely. He buried his head in Snape's chest, ashamed of his feelings. Severus held on tightly as the boy clutched him desperately and released his burdens with his mouth soundlessly open.
A/N: * Lights by Ellie Goulding.