It's been a long while, and I'm not sure that anyone writes GG fanfics anymore, but inspiration hit last night. I do have plans for continuing so if you enjoy please let me know it a review.

This is going to take an unexpected turn to all my other stories, so prepare for the ride.

1 week later (December 18th):

I retched into the bowl for the third time in a row, dry heaving because my body had nothing left to expel. As soon as my wacky baby hormones realized that, I stopped and leant against the warm shoulder of Zach. I was grateful for his presence as he had just gotten back from Europe a couple of hours ago.

He, on the other hand, seemed a little reserved, and not just here in the bathroom either. Before, when we were eating, I brought the baby up multiple times and only got small, insignificant smirks.

Just four days ago he seemed pretty content with the whole idea. I don't expect him to be thrilled, as said before he doesn't want kids.

"Are you okay, honey? I'm sorry I..." I let out weakly, my voice raspy.

Then, whatever kind of facade Zach seemed to have vanished. His guarded eyes were replaced with my loving finances.

He reached for the hand that I had placed on his bicep, "I should be asking you that, so how are you and our baby?"

It made my heart melt the way he said 'our.' As he helped me up I answered his questions. But in the back of my head I was still worried about had been going on previously. I'm a spy, I pick up on these things.

Later that night I questioned it further, "what was going on with you earlier today? And don't say nothing."

He put his arm around my waist in the bed, "I just missed you and the baby," He said as he nuzzled his head in my chest. Some would see it as affection, nice gestures and all. I saw the truth, and that was that Zach was avoiding eye contact. The truth was that he was not telling it.

"And?" I put it simply.

"I don't know what you want from me."

I sighed, "I want you to tell me why the hell you went all cold on us this afternoon?" I referred to the baby and I as I scooted to my side of the bed.

"Cam, I still don't know what you are talking about I wasn't cold. I think you just over analyzing things."

I stayed silent staring at the door. Maybe I had faltered, maybe it really was nothing. But that was my gut speaking before, not my head. My instincts have never failed me. So I kept quiet, riding the storm out, I turned my lamp off and rolled over.

Less then two minutes later he was talking, "I got a job offer. Two actually."

I moved to face him and nodded.

He proceeded, " Switzerland, a minimum of 24 months starting after New Years. We would live on a base with agents from around the world and military personal. It would be a position we would both have places in. We would be fulfilling various missions; I'm pretty sure Bex got the same offer. Only thing is that it's a detailed place. If we got to come home at all it would be for only a day or two. And no children or babies are allowed there because of explosions. But only the most elite are even given the chance, it's once in a lifetime."

I let my mouth drop in shock, this was a bomb in itself. The biggest chance either of us would ever get. These places only open when big things are happening. Abby got one her third year out of school. But the person in me...

"And then," He began the other one," In Baltimore, at the new CIA task force. The building opens on January the 10th. I don't know all the details but it would be big, like a corporate job, so no more serious missions. I would still be considered covert though, I know. And I wouldn't be gone for days at a time, but the hours would be long."

Either way, he was saying it would mean big changes, if we accepted either. The corporate job meant no danger, it would be safe.

"If you want to talk about them," He started. Right now it was all too much, so I silenced him with my finger. And rested my head in the crook of his arm as our breathing evened out.

December 22- 4:50pm

I had gotten ten things done out of the thirty that was on the list for the Christmas party in two days.

"Yes Mom, I know. I'm getting those catered. Alright, love you to," The phone hung up as I set the last bag of groceries down before taking a minute for myself.

It's just that I couldn't relax anymore, not with this job offer stuff. Even sitting in my favorite lounge chair, I couldn't get comfortable.

My head kept spinning. Taking the offer across the world had to be unreasonable. It just had to be. I would have to leave my baby, my little he she. If it was so asinine why did I gravitate toward that idea?

I grunted as I stretched my legs. My arms hurt from carrying in groceries, my legs were stiff, and my stomach cramped from the exercise of today's errands. Since when did you become so much of a weakling? I thought to myself. Just three or four months ago this wouldn't have phased you at all.

... 9:30pm

I was putting on toner in the bathroom when I thought about it. I hadn't gotten sick today, or yesterday. So maybe the morning sickness had went as fast as it came.

As I thought about the baby the uncomfortableness returned. The kid must have been stretching out my uterus.

I continued with getting ready for bed.

2:08 am

I felt the sweat first, a cold sweat had woke me up in the middle of the night. And then the pain, the uncomfortableness had turned in sharp pains, like shards of glass. Much worse than a bullet.

It was hard to move, much less form words.

"Ah," I breathed in labored breaths, "Oww," I let out in a panicked scream shaking Zach awake.

"What, what's wrong?" He was up in seconds, with the light on.

"It... It," I grit my teeth, "It hurts, it hurts a lot. I shoved the blanket down to were I was clutching my stomach. My uterus to be exact, I swallowed hard, pushing my deep, dark thoughts away. No it couldn't be.

But still tears formed in my eyes, from pain and what I was almost sure was going on.

Zach knew it too, "let's go, we are going to go to the hospital."

Then I felt it, the blood. I had to pull it together. "Go," I told Zach, "get the keys, start the car, get your wallet, find the insurance card in the cabinet, and call the ER that we always use. Tell them to expect us," I ordered and out the door he went.

Keep it together, I balled my hands into fists. Breathe, just breathe. Standing was hard the pain almost made my knees buckle. I used the bed as leverage. This had to be worse than contractions.

I changed my clothes, into something clean and not pajamas.

My hand gripped the vanity until my knuckles were white as a ghost, the tears that had subsided came back more emotionally. No, don't think that like now Cammie.

What happened on the way to the ER:

Number of words said: 0

Number of times we started to say things simultaneously: 20

Number of times I was sure I broke Zach hand from squeezing it: 8

Number of times he said anything about it: 0

How many circles Zachs thumb rubbed in my hand: 38

Minutes that wished this wasn't happening: 29(all of them)

The tension of unsaid words could be felt from people in the hallway. The doctor had came and informed us of what we already knew, but still we never spoke.

I got in the bed I would be staying over night. Zach tucked me in, and sat right by me.

Turned my back, and tried to sleep. I was drifting in and out. Eventually I balled, nice, heaving sobs, even though my mind was still in denial. I felt his hand there on my back the whole time, but no words exchanged.

And sometime between 3:50 am and 4:10am I fell into a slumber.

A noise woke me. I wasn't sure of the time, loosing a baby can kind of mess up the internal clock. I peeked a eye open, and felt my eyes get moist again.

My stomach didn't hurt anymore, it was heart shattering this time. The kind of heart break where not only your stomach is in knots and queazy, but you feel like someone's pulling your heart valves out one at a time. It wasn't very often you saw Zachary Goode upset. He didn't cry, not even at his Moms funeral.

I placed a hand over his that was on the edge of the bed to catch his attention.

"Oh are you okay, do you need," I shook my head and he paused, voice quivering. I sat up with some discomfort and reached over to wipe the scattered tears from his cheeks.

Leaning over the bed I put his forehead against mine with one hand still over his, "I love you."

He shook his head a few centimeters against mine, his eyes squinting closed as fresh tears flowed on his flushed face.

"I'm sor," He went to speak.

"Don't," I said as authoritative as I could, "it's okay. It's okay not to be strong all the time. Let me keep it together right now." And for a time that once in my life I didn't keep up with to the exact minute our tears were shared, over our shared little baby we would never get to see.

The little one I had only ever felt, and he had only ever seen in pictures. Still we had both met him/her. It was a force strong enough to put this much despair in our hearts. Would it be strong enough to keep us together or tear us apart?