Chapter 2

"Tree… tree… tree… tree… tree… tree… tree… cow… fence… tree… tree… tree… tree… house… tree… hobo… tree… tree… lesbian coven… tree… tree…"

"Tobi!" screamed Hidan, "Shut the fuck up!"

Tobi quietened down. The Akatsuki had been on the bus for four hours and were still a long way from the airport. Hidan was regretting sitting next to Tobi as he had already done the 'are we there yet' thing for two hours non-stop. He was curretly one tree away from having his tongue cut off. Pein was asleep with his legs up on the headrest of the seat in front.

"Pein!" shouted Konan from the seat behind.

Pein let out a loud snore.

"Pein!" she cried again, poking him in the head.

He snored even louder.

"Pein!" *poke* "Pein!" *poke* "Pein!" *poke* "Pein!" *poke poke* "PEIN!" *slap*

"WHAT!?!?" screamed Pein.

Konan looked worried. "Zetsu doesn't look too well."

Pein slumped back down. "Reeeaaaaly…" he yawned. "What's up?"

"He's gone green!"

Pein sighed. "It's probably just travel-sickness. Tell him to…" Pein stopped.

Konan and Zetsu were doubled over laughing.

"Oh very funny." Pein grumbled. "Don't come crying to me when you catch Chlamydia, biatch."

Konan and Zetsu stopped laughing and looked at uncomfortably at each other, wondering what exactly Pein knew that they didn't. It was at that point that Tobi came up with his greatest idea ever.

"The wheels on the bus go round and round!" he screeched, causing everyone to clutch at their ears in pain. "Round and roooooooooouuuuuuuuuuunnnnddddd!!!!"

Tobi spent the next hour tied and gagged in the luggage compartment.

The bus rolled into a petrol station, giving everyone a chance to take a bathroom break. The Akatsuki (apart from Pein, who blatantly refused to open his fly in front of "that bunch of gay pervs") made their way to the public toilets. Konan went into the ladies. Deidara was the first into the men's and before anyone could go in after him, they heard a number of deep, manly screams. A second later, Deidara was hurled through the door out into the car park. After a moment, he dusted himself down and reluctantly entered the women's toilets. The other male Akatsuki went into the filthy toilets. Standing, looking at the worryingly short urinal trough, they regretted all going at once. Nobody able to wait, they were all forced to stand pressed up shoulder-to-shoulder. Kisame frowned and looked over his shoulder.

"Er, Itachi…" he said, "That's a sink…" He looked back forwards as Itachi, embarrassed, squeezed in between Kakuzu and Hidan. "Don't wash your hands in that one…" he whispered to Zetsu.

There was an uncomfortable silence as everyone fixed their eyes on the ceiling, desperate to avoid looking down. After five minutes of nothing, they started getting worried. All of a sudden, the sound of liquid could be heard hitting metal. It was immediately followed by a hissing sound. Everyone glanced down to see a smoking green liquid eating through the metal trough. They looked at each other, then decided that they didn't need the toilet after all. As everybody was zipping up, Tobi noticed something written on the wall. He frowned at it.

"Hidan…" said Tobi, pointing at the writing. "What does that mean?"

Hidan read the message and turned to Tobi solemnly.

"Come with me…" he said, opening a cubicle door, "It's time I told you the facts of life."

Two minutes later, Hidan came out of the toilets, arm around a shivering Tobi.

"Is that true?" Tobi whispered.

"I'm afraid so." Replied Hidan.

"But what about the muffin?"

Hidan patted Tobi's head. "Don't worry about that, it doesn't affect you…"

Pein stuck his head out of the window. "You two!" he yelled. "Get in the bus now! Our plane is leaving soon and I don't want have to hijack one again, like on our trip to Malta!"

Hidan and Tobi ran up the steps of the bus and quickly strapped on their seatbelts. The bus engine roared to life and the Akatsuki rolled onwards towards certain death: the airport!!"