"Grissom I really don't need a lecture on how to live my life," I said as I walked away from him into the crime scene. I knew I shouldn't speak to my supervisor like that, but I really didn't care right now.
"Sara, we'll finish this conversation after work. Do you understand?"
He was furious at my insubordination towards him.
I just kept on walking. He had no right to tell me I needed a life.
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I hated these cases.
A woman was raped and almost killed. She looked so helpless and scared. I couldn't take the statement from the woman, so I let Catherine. I told her I didn't want to take the statement, but the real reason was I couldn't. I was already broken down and anymore could have been hell.
I watched from the other side of the mirror.
"How many vacations days do you have?"
Did he really ask me that question and how did he get here?
"10 weeks," I say simply.
"You should take a week or two, Sara."
"I'm fine."
I'm so used to saying that even though I'm far from it. I know he is about to come back with a response, but I stop him.
"How many vacations days have you taken?"
He doesn't answer back. I thought about telling him to go see his Lady Heather, but I kept my mouth shut. He had every right to go and sleep with her or that's what I heard from the grapevine. I was with Hank and a stupid mistake that was. Grissom had the right to be with anyone he wanted.
"Fine," he says and raises his hands in defense.
He walks out of the room. I don't need a diversion. I have work.
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The person that had raped the woman also killed her. We had him and let him go so easily. He was let go on his DNA not matching. We had finally arrested him after he killed her.
I needed a drink. I needed a way out of this sorrow.
I decided on going to the Strip with Nick and Warrick. I had a couple too many drinks, but I didn't show it. Warrick was the first to leave because he had to be back on shift in a few hours.
I started to walk with Nick down the Strip to get to our cars.
"Nicky, congratulations on the almost promotions. You really did deserve it."
"Thank you, that's means a lot coming from Sara Sidle."
I playfully hit him on the shoulder.
"Ouch," he said teasing me.
I walk to my car and wave goodbye to him.
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I was pulled over. Flashing lights were going off behind me. I knew I shouldn't drive, but whom would I have called to get me. I try to work the Sidle charm on the cop, but he saw right through me. He felt sorry for me.
". 09. You're technically over the limit, but since you're not on State jurisdiction and the limit was lowered, I'll give you a break. I have to call you supervisor though. "
Just great. I get to look my best, right in front of Grissom. I was a drunken mess. I was going to have to face him. He was the reason I drank in the first place. I wasn't going to tell him though.
The officer left me in the waiting room while he talked with Grissom about me.
Grissom came into the room and sat beside me.
I kept looking at my hands because I knew his face would probably show disapproval.
He reached for my hand and held it in his.
"Let me take you home."
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The drive to my apartment was silent. I didn't even realize we had gotten there until he opened the door to the car. I got out of the car quickly and made my way to my apartment. He followed behind me.
As I got to the door, I start fumbling with the keys. I was really drunk. He took the keys out of my hands and opened the door for me. He let me go in, and I turned in the doorway. His body was right against mine.
I didn't need him to come in. I could take care of myself. I didn't need his pity.
I looked up and finally saw his face for the first time.
It wasn't pity in his eyes. It was comfort and care and something else that I couldn't put my finger on.
I stepped back and let him in.
He observed my house. He probably would see that I still had that book he got me for Christmas and the plant.
He didn't say anything.
I didn't care really anymore if he wanted to stay he could. I wasn't going to be here if he was. I left for my bedroom. I fell onto the mattress and went to asleep right away.
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I woke up to a nightmare. It was replaying in my mind over and over again. I had nightmares so many times about that day. I wasn't worth the risk. He couldn't do it. It was just slightly different in my dream with him telling it to my face and saying it with venom in his voice.
"I'm not worth the risk," I whispered out and started to cry.
I felt warm arms holding me right away. It made me feel secure.
It was Grissom.
"Sara, wake up your dreaming. It'll be ok. I'm right here."
No, I'm not, I thought.
He held me and soothed me back to asleep.
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After getting some sleep, I woke to an aroma of food.
I walked into the kitchen. I saw him making breakfast and coffee.
"You didn't have to do this," I say as I walk up.
"I wanted to."
I knew there was no point to argue, so I sat myself down in a chair in front of the kitchen table.
He came with coffee first.
"I needed this."
"You needed sleep."
He came back with food.
"You also need to eat, Sara. It's a vegetarian omelet."
At least he knows something about me.
He sat across from me as I started to eat.
"You're not eating?"
"No," he said.
"I'm not hungry," he added.
I start to pick at the food.
"It's not poisonous. I hope I'm not a bad cook," he said smiling.
I started to eat the food because I was starving. It tasted delicious. He isn't a bad cook.
He watched me eat.
After I finish my food, he started to speak.
"Sara I know you don't have a drinking problem. Do you want to tell me why you decided to drink?"
Oh well, it's because you're turning me down every time I try to get closer to you. It was also the case that we had just had that really hit me hard, but it was always inside me. I felt like saying that, but I didn't.
"Why do people drink Grissom?" I said answering him with my own question.
He was silent for a few minutes.
"You don't drink."
"Well then, I don't see the point for this conversation then," I said getting out of my seat and leaving the kitchen for the living room. Any room was better then staying with him in the same room.
He still followed me.
For the first time, I'm not the one chasing him, and I don't want him to.
I turn around, and he is right up against me. I feel his warm breath on my face.
"Please Sara tell me what's wrong. I'm concerned. You could have been arrested Sara. You could have lost your job."
"I don't care. I give up," I say simply in his face.
"That's not the Sara I know," he says so close to my face.
"Well you don't know me then do you," I told him stepping back a few steps.
"I'm fine, Grissom. I don't need your help."
"I can tell when you're lying. When you say you're fine you're really not. I know more then you think Sara. I know the case that we had you took personal. You can't save everyone Sara. We try Sara, but it always doesn't come out rainbows and butterflies."
"I can try."
"Yes, you can…. but where is that going to get you?"
I started to cry again. I didn't want him to see me so weak. I didn't like crying. Why did he always have to make me cry?
He went straight to me and held me. I started to slide to the ground, and he went with me. He kept holding me and telling me it will be alright.
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So how am I doing? Please Review and let me know. I'm also willing to take any ideas for this story. Also sorry for any spelling and grammar errors, they're alll mine.
Thank You Again for reviewing and all the encouragement!