CHAPTER 1: Tell Me What to Swallow

Chapter Song: Tell Me What to Swallow by Crystal Castles

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts.
And we are never, ever the same."

- Unknown

EPOV:

"God dammit, breathe! Fucking breathe, please!" I could hear Jacob's agonizing cries for almost a mile away, where my car entered the car park of the beach. I quickly put it into park, not bothering to turn it off. I left my keys in the ignition, and my door wide open as I ran down the gravel path that eventually lead to the shores of First Beach. Grand theft auto by a delinquent was the last thought on my mind right now. Hell, my job didn't even matter right now. I knew that I would get in serious trouble for leaving without notifying anyone, but in retrospect; what does that matter?

There was only one thing on my mind right now. They could have the fucking car for all I cared, just as long as Bella was safe. Please God, don't take her away from me.

I followed his cries, with each step I ran, they became more agonized.

On this isolated strip of ocean and sand, I could see Jacob hovering over a body that was not moving. Unresponsive to his screaming and pleading.

Bella.

"Don't you fucking give up on me, Bella!" He cried out.

I ran as fast as my feet would take me, fast, but not fast enough. The magnet pull that I was so accustomed to whenever Bella was around was like a vice grip across my chest. It ached, strained and constricted with each breath of air my lungs cried out for. I was surprised that my heart didn't slice into several pieces from the grip as hard as steel. Jacob was yelling incoherently, the muscles in his arms flexing and constricting.

He's performing CPR. Bella's not breathing.

I realized when she was in my sight. My knees met the sand with a crash, my hands immediately over Bella's pale, lifeless face.

"Call a fucking ambulance!" I screamed at Jacob as if he did this to her. It was wrong of me, I know, because if he was not here who knows where her body would be. Would her slender, but athletic frame be dancing lifelessly with seaweed hundreds of meters down in the ocean? Would we ever have found her? Bella's face was as cold as death, the beautiful blush that flowed across her cheeks no longer there. Her lips were purple and blue.

"I already called an ambulance! Shit, I don't know how long she hasn't been breathing for!"

"Call Carlisle!"

My hands replaced Jacob's as he called my adoptive father. My hands furiously pounded against Bella's ribs, one, two, three, before my lips covered hers, blocking her nose with my two fingers, pouring air into her lifeless lungs. Her chest rose, but as I pulled away, the air didn't circulate. Her chest was not rising.

"You can't leave me!" I screamed at Bella like she could hear me, wherever she was right now. I wish she'd open her eyes and smile at me, saying this was all a joke; tasteless and God awful, but still a joke. I would take it gladly to have her shining chocolate brown eyes glowing brilliantly. "Remember our promise, Bella? You have to fight for me! Fight for me, for Alice, for your family! For all of us!"

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two three.

"We've done that, she's not breathing, Carlisle! …Yes. Yes. Do you think we haven't done that already? She's. Not. Breathing! I don't know! She would have been under at least two minutes before I pulled her to the surface."

As I desperately poured my own air through Bella's passageway, my mind quickly did the math of how long Bella would have been dead for. I was already running for my car when Jacob called me. It took me five minutes to get here, because I was doing nearly two hundred miles instead of the legal fifty.

Seven minutes.

My hope for Bella's survival was rapidly diminishing. I wasn't a doctor, but I knew that this was very bad. We could only try reviving her for another minute or so and then we'd have to stop. She'd be severely brain damaged if we couldn't revive her after ten minutes.

"It was Renee... Yes I'm positive it was her... Look, I know it was her, okay? Do that... Yes. Hurry!"

A strangled cry came from deep within my chest... No... My heart. My heart was imploding within the depths of my ribcage, damaged beyond repair. It couldn't ever be, if this was Bella's fate. If Bella dies, I die... and I would seek revenge on the woman that took her away from me.

I was raised to never harm a woman, but right now, I was out for Renee Higgenbotham's blood.

The faint sound of sirens resonated in the distance, but my hope was dwindling. With all of the strength my aching muscles could gather, I delivered one last hit against Bella's ribcage, the bones crunching and cracking beneath my aching, protesting hands.

A loud, choking gasp sliced through my eardrums.

My hands immediately pulled away from Bella as water poured from her mouth by the bucket load. Jacob tilted her head to her left, making sure she wouldn't choke. Bella's eyes fluttered open, searching for something for a moment before they closed again. Her grip for a millimeter of a second on my bicep was firm, but fell to the sand. Her chest was rising, but very shallow, slowly.

"Don't move her. I might have broken a rib or two. Did she land on her back when she hit the water?" I frantically asked as I hovered over Bella. She was shaking violently. She must be freezing.

"She landed feet first. But it was a steep fall, Edward. I... I wouldn't risk moving her right now. When she hit the water it was like a fucking thunderclap." Jacob's voice was like a guitar string that was wound too tight, on the verge of breaking. I felt exactly the same right now. I was just waiting for the final tug for my soul to snap.

"Please go to my car, get blankets, anything you can find to keep her warm. I'm parked in the car park. It's open." Jacob didn't need telling twice, running toward my car like a torpedo.

I quickly peeled my jacket off of me and put it over Bella as she continued to regurgitate excessive amounts of water from her mouth. She was convulsing, almost like a fish out of water. I didn't know what to do. What the fuck was I going to do? She was choking on the saltwater, her lungs pleading for air that she could not inhale just yet. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt hot tears dripping on my hands.

Her eyes fluttered open again, frantic but unfocused.

"Isabella? Bella, baby?" I nearly whispered. Saying her name broke my already crumbling resolve. Her hand twitched as she tried to reach for me. I never called her Isabella. It hurt all that much more.

"No… You're... dead..." She spoke in a quiet murmur, as if she was in another world. Her voice sounded raw before she fell unconscious again.

I could hear several car doors closing, and dozens of footsteps running in our direction. I briefly looked up to see not only the paramedics, but Carlisle, Alice, Jasper and Charlie running toward us.

"Wake up, Isabella. Please. Don't die, baby." I whispered to the love of my life as she was whisked away from my arms, her fate only in God's hands now.

When you spend years with your significant other, subtle changes barely appear to the naked eye. You grow accustomed to seeing them every day, looking but not really seeing. Your lover could lose weight gradually over time and because you see them every day, the changes are harder for you to see. The love and warmth that they exude could slowly evaporate into nothingness, and again, you'd barely notice a change until it was too late.

But how come I have been watching Bella, and noticing every change that has been happening to her since day one?

When I saw her for the first time a little over two years ago, I knew her presence before I saw her. I felt a magnetic pull toward her, a bright neon sign bright above her, begging me to steal a glance across the room. And when I saw her, my heart skipped a beat. I immediately knew that she would change my life permanently. She felt the magnetic pull too, without even looking at me for weeks... and when she did... Fuck it felt euphoric.

When she gasped, I just knew that I was going to marry her someday. I was in love with her from the moment I saw her.

Was it normal that I was so aware of everything that had to do with her? I have never been so attuned to somebody before like I am with Isabella Swan. I wanted her to take my name. I wanted a family. Little Edwards and Bellas. Grandchildren. The whole nine fucking yards. Without hesitation I could say that we were made for each other. There was no one else on this world that could connect with me on the level Bella has, and when she would look at me, I knew she felt the same.

No, our relationship was far from normal. It's damn extraordinary... And it could all be taken away from us. The life we gradually built together, the future we anticipated for...

It scared me that the little things like the sound of her voice, the way my fingers set her skin ablaze every time I touched her, her flushed cheeks and breathtaking smile were becoming nothing more than a distant memory in my mind. Being in this hospital room, watching the days roll by in the blink of an eye, I've watched Bella disappear before my very eyes, and it scared me.

"Here." Alice whispered. I slowly opened my eyes. They stung from the bright fluorescent lighting, and black spots inhabited much of my vision. I blinked erratically, trying to clear my vision. Through hooded eyes I looked at Alice before I took the Styrofoam cup from her hands, mumbling a quiet thank you. I didn't bother to drink the hot cup of coffee in my hands, knowing that no hot liquid could warm my freezing body. No warmth would flow through me until Bella woke up. If she woke up.

It's been twelve days since she was nearly murdered...

And she has yet to wake up.

Not long after she was transported to Forks Hospital, a search for Renee was conducted through every inch of La Push and Forks. There was no trace of her left behind. It was almost as if she vanished in to thin air. I didn't doubt for a second that Jacob was lying, because when I checked my phone, there were several messages left from the ward where Renee was held, and from Rosalie, who was still listed as our lawyer.

Renee managed to escape, thanks to inside help, who also vanished mysteriously.

How could Renee hate her own flesh and blood as much as she does? I just couldn't fathom it. Bella, despite all of the wrongdoings that she has been through is still a good person. She loved with her entire heart, never holding back. But although Renee too, has had her own demons that plagued her, I cannot say the same thing about compassion, for she held none. To say that she was absolutely and utterly evil would be kind words.

Charlie has barely slept these past twelve days, trying to find her, probably even to end her life. If I knew that Bella was okay, I would probably do the same. I have never felt a desire to kill so strongly in my entire life. The fierceness to protect Bella was so strong, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I would kill for Bella, I loved her that much. The blood would stain my hands until the day I died, but if it meant that Bella was alive, happy and still in love with me, I would not care. I would go to hell for such actions, but it would all be worth it in the end. I would go through hell and back several times over for her.

I was fucking falling apart. There was no other way to describe it. I was hanging on a thing piece of string, dangled over a sky scraper. At any moment that thread would break, and I would crash toward the concrete below.

Not knowing whether Bella would survive or not plagued me. During the rare moments when I actually slept, her face haunted my dreams. Seeing her lifeless body played in my mind, over and over like a broken record, and each and every time I felt my heart break that extra piece. I was scared to death that Bella was going to leave me behind in this world, cruelly taken away from me, like running water escaping my fingertips effortlessly.

And to add to this fucking load, something in my gut was telling me that Bella was not really resting peacefully, wherever she was right now. My gut feeling intensified, as if screaming at me you're right.

No... She is in a coma. Unconscious. She probably isn't even dreaming, or processing anything right now other than her body putting her back together again.

"You need to go home some time, Edward." Alice said quietly. I shook my head no and she sighed loudly. She put her head on my shoulder and held my hand. I laced my fingers with hers and held on tightly. She returned the intensity. "I know you don't want to leave her... But she wouldn't want you sitting here waiting for her to wake up. She'd want you to carry on."

"I can't do that until she speaks the words herself."

I was not going to tell Alice that years ago, Bella made me promise not to put my life on hold for her. Bella would understand... wouldn't she?

"Just have a nap in your own bed. You can't sleep on a plastic chair any more. You look like you haven't slept at all. I'll stay here until you come back."

"I couldn't ask that of you."

"You never need to ask, Edward. I love you as much as I love Bella. I would do anything for you and her. Now please go home and rest for a few hours. I'll call you if anything happens."

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

"Of course not." She said firmly, smiling for the first time in twelve days.

Half an hour later I was walking into the lounge of our home, suddenly feeling lost. There was something different about this room... no, this house. Did Carlisle or Alice move something in here? Or was it because I haven't been here since Bella nearly drowned? I felt like a deer caught in the headlights, staring at the television screen that was still on. The image on the television froze me in place for several minutes.

There was a DVD being watched, but was on pause. Bella and Alice were laying on the very same couch behind me, smiling widely at the camera. I filmed this. I was on autopilot as I pressed play. I was immediately transported back in time, to the day this was filmed, just two weeks ago.

"You're meant to be helping me clean, you two." I scolded playfully. Bella's infectious laughter sounded loudly and maniacally as she entwined her legs with Alice's on the green couch. Alice winked at me, sipping on the mocktail that she made for us all. Glasses were resting on Bella and Alice's bellies.

"If you expect me to choose domestic chores over Maury Povich, you seriously don't know me at all." Bella's husky, feminine voice filled the silence of the room. Her cheeks were flushed and beautiful. Her eyes were sparkling with light, the way they always did when she looked at me.

"Come on, Assward, just relax for five minutes and join in on the goodness that is Maury Povich."

"Assward. Real mature, Alice in Retardland."

"Dude. Not cool."

"In the case of three year old, Brian..."

"Oh shit, here it comes!" Bella squealed, interrupting our argument.

"Not the father, not the father." Alice was mumbling to herself, her fingers crossed together hopefully.

"You are NOT the father!"

"OHHHHHHH!" They chimed in unison, sending popcorn everywhere. We were all laughing, Alice and Bella both jumping up and down. Bella skipped toward the camera, still grinning from ear to ear.

She looked so beautiful, in my baseball jersey and black skinny jeans. Her hair was in a bun, and she was wearing no makeup. Her lips were plump and full, her cheeks bright pink. She sighed softly, reaching for my hand.

"So," she whispered, still looking directly into the camera's lens, where my eyes hid behind. "Are you going to tell me what you got me for my birthday?"

"Nope. It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises." She said playfully.

"You'll love this one, baby."

I ripped the DVD cord out of its socket violently, and threw the DVD player across the lounge room. watched as it plummeted through a window shattering glass everywhere. The cords that were attached flew out of the television, and the TV itself crashed to the ground. I realized what was different about the house.

Bella wasn't here.

Without her, this was just a house... Not a home. It felt cold and lifeless, like no one had ever lived here before. It was almost as if the house knew that Bella was away, and it was in mourning. I screamed and punched the wall in front of me, plaster colliding with flesh and bone. Searing pain shot through my knuckles, all the way up my arms but I didn't give a damn. I stormed into the bedroom, falling onto the mattress that smelled of strawberries and vanilla. Of Bella.

I wept, my bleeding heart exposed and showing no signs of ever healing again. I punched and kicked until I couldn't do so anymore. I fell into a deep sleep, I think, or somewhere in a world where Bella was alive and well. My mind was playing serious tricks on me right now. She was smiling at me, like she would always do, playing with my fingers absentmindedly. We were laying in my bed, watching the sun rise, blissfully happy under the covers and sheets.

"How did we end up here, right now, in this place?" Was a question she'd always ask me when she was lost for words, but happy. I would smile back at her, watching her cheeks grow scarlet and beautiful as I gave the same answer I'd always give her.

"I have no idea. But I'm thanking my lucky stars."

"There's no such thing as luck, Edward. Just fate."

"And what would you classify as fate, love?"

"You and I. With you by my side, I know I can face anything that the world throws at me."

"I'll always be here." I whispered against her lips.

I jumped in shock, abruptly waking from a sleep I did not know I had succumbed to. I rubbed my eyes furiously, trying to keep myself awake as I answered my screeching phone. I sat up and tossed the covers away from me. My body was immediately assaulted with the cold, crisp air of night time. How long was I out for?

"Hello?" My voice thick with sleep and exhaustion asked.

"Are you okay? You've been gone for six hours." Alice asked in concern. I was asleep for six hours? I rubbed my temples roughly. I had a pounding headache.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep and lost track of time."

"I'm glad you got some sleep. Esme's here, she brought some dinner. Your favorite, vegetarian lasagna."

"You say that like I'm a vegetarian."

"Yeah, yeah, point is... Shit, wait a second, Edward," My ears strained to hear what was going on, but failed miserably. All I could gather were a couple of mumbled voices, one of them being Alice's. A minute and twenty nine seconds later, her voice was quiet and anxious. "I think you need to get here now."

"What? What's going on?"

"It's about Bella."

"Is she awake?" I nearly screamed into the receiver. I could hear chatter in the background again, but my spirits were now soaring. She wouldn't get my hopes up like this just to say it isn't Bella, right?

"Tell me." Alice's voice sounded grainy and distant. The phone was making a weird brushing noise, like her receiver was rubbing against... fabric, perhaps?

"...Disorientated... Worrying... Miracle..." Were the only words I could decipher in the background. Alice was silent and I started to grow worried. Her feathery footsteps were quick. She was panting slightly. Was she running?

"Alice, you there?"

"Sorry, running to get Carlisle."

"Carlisle? He's there?"

"He's been here as much as you have. Bella's awake, but something is wrong. Hurry."