We were never exactly passionate with each other. I think it was because we had known each other since we were in diapers. I'd seen him bawl his eyes out and he'd seen my dress fly up over my face. I was around when he broke his left arm when he was seven, and he was right fucking there when I'd skinned my shins, knees, elbows, palms, and chin all in the same damn fall.
I think we decided, though it was unspoken, that it'd be a little too awkward to grab one another and kiss and touch as if we hadn't seen each other in years.
I didn't want him to kiss me as if we were in one of those love-stories where the two in-love people hadn't seen each other for ten years and accidentally ran into each other and kissed so passionately and ferociously that the people in the audience had to look away. Anyhow, one person of the couple usually ends up moving far away again, or dying.
We were innocent together. We were like little kids, you could say - afraid to touch very often and always turning red and looking away when we did.
I really did like it at the Curtis'. It was comfy, and warm, and it seemed sort of loving, I guess. Plus, Darry was there.
His folks were real nice, and I could stand his little brothers in small doses.
Once, I went over there real early when I was thirteen or so, and Mrs. Curtis was making waffles and invited me to breakfast. Honestly, I felt sort of bad, because I had just kind of waltzed in. I hoped she didn't think I came over there with the intent of inviting myself to hang around and eat their food. It made me worry a little.
At first, I only took one waffle, but I ended up consuming all of three. I was real hungry that morning, though. I usually only eat two. . .
I didn't take any syrup when it was offered. I only liked butter on my waffles or pancakes. Darry and his two brothers looked at me like I was an escapee from crazy house.
You know, I think if I could have one thing to eat for breakfast for the rest of my life, it'd be waffles. I've always loved waffles.
Their house was a little smaller than mine, but I preferred to be there than at my own house. It was nice over there, though. But my house was nicer. I think it was because either Dad made a little more money than Mr. Curtis or the Curtis' had a little less money to go around because they had three kids and my parents only had one. I always wanted to have a big family when I got old enough.
I always thought 'Leila Curtis' had a sort of ring to it. I've loved him for a real long time, you know. So, I've had an awfully long time to think about it.
He really cared a lot about me. Sometimes, Darry'd do stuff with me that he didn't really wanna do or that he didn't get his kicks outa doing. He was so sweet to me. I couldn't have asked for a better boy. I was the luckiest damn girl in all of Tulsa, Oklahoma.
"Um, D - Darry, do you wanna go see a movie tonight," I asked nervously, apprehensively. I had always been a little shy. Even when we were young, I was sort of shy around him, though we had always been good friends. And becoming his girl friend didn't help me overcome that timidness.
I still wasn't quite used to being his girl friend, yet. It felt like sometime soon he was going to tell me that it all was just a big, funny joke and that that's what friends do - they joke around with each other. I thought he was going to pull the rug out from under me any minute. I could never get a great guy like Darrel Curtis, and I was still baffled that, somehow, I did.
It made my stomach ache just thinking about it. I pursed my lips slightly as I stared towards my dark loafers. Pursing my lips always seemed to get rid of any nauseous feelings. My slightly-crooked fingers inched closer to the hem of my blue, patterned skirt, and I let it slip in and out of my fingers. That was a sort of nervous habit. If I was wearing capri pants that day or real, short hot pants I would've played with their hem, too.
My mom always got on to me when she saw me doing it, though. Apparently, good ladies don't play with the hems.
"No," he said simply, very near coldly. I expected a little explanation or something, but none came after a few lifetime-long, silent moments. I was embarrassed. I felt that shaky, sick feeling you get when something humiliates you. Darry just flat-out rejected me. That was a sure call for humiliation if I've ever known one.
Maybe I had misunderstood everything from the few months before. Maybe this was just a friendly sit-on-the-porch-and-talk. What if there was nothing romantic about it? What if the reason he hadn't kissed me yet was that he hadn't really told me he liked me before? The theory about it all being a joke crept into my thoughts, and I tried to swat it away.
"No, . . . no, Leila, . . . it's just I don't like the movies much," he said. Darry tried to smile, but it came off as looking pinched and unpleasant. Nearly all of his smiles were beautiful, but this one was not. It fell far, far short of handsome. It made his young face look lined, and stressed, and aged.
I guess he saw my face and felt the need to correct himself. It didn't help me much. My cheeks were still burning, nonetheless. The color was still in my neck, and my pulse was racing. I suppose Darry felt bad, though. Part of me was kind of hoping he did.
"Uh, Leila, do ya' wanna go catch a movie?" He sounded a little frustrated, but like he was trying to hide it. I looked at him and smiled for a moment. I turned my head slightly. His hand seemed to tighten a little, I saw. But, before I could look away completely, he kissed me.
Darry kissed me full on my lips.
It startled me and I did nothing for a second. I had never been kissed before, to be perfectly honest. Darry pulled away from me what seemed like a year later. I smiled a toothy grin again. Color began to creep up my neck and flood my cheeks.
"Remember? I thought you didn't like movies," I said coyly, or at least what I tried to pass off as coy. Darry looked at me and frowned, causing a furrow in his brow to jump up. That was another thing that made him look older than his young age. He chuckled.
"Yeah, well, I lied, I guess. You see what you've gone and turned me into, Leila? You've went and made me a liar. Now, you've had almost eighteen years to do it, but you waited 'til now," Darry teased. He stood up and ducked his head inside. "Dad?! I'm takin' Leila to the movies!" I heard a yell back of approval.
I know he didn't enjoy the movie. He's never liked movies for some reason.
"I'm sorry you didn't have a good time, Darry. But thanks for takin' me. I had a real nice time," I told him when he stood with me at my front door. I kissed him and it felt really nice. It was warm and soft. I wanted to do it again, but I restrained myself.
"Well, you're wrong. I, uh, had a good time, Leila. I like bein' with you. It's good to see you happy and stuff. I like seein' ya' smile. You're smile's pretty. Anyone ever tell you that," Darry asked. I thought that over vaguely. The answer was, of course, no. Actually, it was pretty much opposite of that.
"Um, no. The dentist told me that if I wanted a pretty smile, I'd have to get braces. Dad didn't think I needed them, so I never got them. I think he just didn't want to pay for them, though. . . " I was always kind of self-conscious about that - of my teeth, I mean. Sure, they were white, but that was about all that could be bragged on about them. They could've been worse, though. No use belly-aching over it.
Darry sighed. I was kind of afraid of what he would say.
No one had ever liked me like he did, and I didn't want that bubble to burst. I had never loved anyone like him before, and I didn't want to love anyone else like that again. I was in love for the first time. I knew then that it would be the only time. I was never, ever, ever going to love someone else. I plum didn't want to.
"Well, your dentist's crazy. You have the prettiest smile." I thought my stomach was going to drop out and land on my nice shoes. I played with my dark, flower-patterned skirt a little bit. I had it rolled up a tiny bit. I'd have to remember to roll it back down before I went home. It's not like it was up to my hips or anything; it was only an inch above my knee. All the girls did that outside of school. I wasn't the only floozy around.
I loved being with Darry. If I could, I would be with him always. I loved how he held my hand and hugged me. Even the way he kissed me was nice.
We went out a lot. It was never anything fancy though. I liked that. Our times out became fewer and fewer once he started working, but that was fine. If we didn't go out anywhere we'd either sit on his porch or swing on my porch swing.
Usually, the going out was just for a walk. And sometimes we would go get a hamburger and go see a movie. Even though he didn't like movies, he'd still watch one with me. I loved being with Darry more than anything else.
Darry was driving me home after a date one night. He had taken me out for a walk and some pizza.
That was something nice about being with Darry - I didn't have to worry about eating more than him. He could eat almost an entire pizza on his own, especially if he was in the right mood. I didn't have to constantly remind myself of the shame I would feel if I ate more than the boy I was with.
Girls were supposed to be small, dainty creatures with little to no appetite. I was not one of those blasted creatures. I did not have the tiniest waist and I did, in fact, have an appetite.
My mother always reminded me that I was a beautiful girl, but weren't all mothers supposed to say that, anyways? Darry said that I was the prettiest thing he'd ever laid eyes on, though. I loved to hear him say that, even though I thought he was crazy for it.
He was driving sort of slowly and taking the long way.
"Darry, I - I had a real nice time tonight, really. Thanks," I said, casting my eyes downward. That's what girls always did in the movies and the boys in those movies seemed to like those girls pretty good.
"No, no. Thanks, Leila. I really li - ," Darry said, but was interrupted. He came to a stop quickly.
"Leila! Darrel, if you'd kindly let Leila out. Thank you." I froze. Only my mother would ever do a thing like that. The family car had pulled up beside Darry's pick-up.