Peter knew he wasn't good at spell-work. He wasn't bad, not by a long-shot, no, he just wasn't good. When he had been at school, he had always been in the shadow of his friends ingenuity. Even Remus, who had struggled to keep up with the schoolwork and his illness, had been better. Magic just didn't come naturally for him, and he had accepted that years ago. When pranks were played at school, he had always been the distraction, never trusted with doing any of the increasingly complex magic that seemed to dominate the lives of his friends and everyone around them.

Now, as he sat half listening to Sirius's plans of protection, he considered the notion that either a) this was an extremely elaborate prank, or b) that he was dreaming. After all, no one in their right mind, much less Sirius, would ask him to take part in a highly complex, in some places even illegal, piece of magic. It just wasn't possible. And yet, this didn't feel like a dream, and it felt even less like a joke. Tension filled the small sitting-room, and even though at times Sirius managed a smile, his words were heavy and his tone serious. His eyes were for once fixed on Peter's face, and he found it hard not to let his fear and uncertainty show. He had to remain calm and collected. They were talking about life and death.

"You know I would do it in a heartbeat, everyone already knows it's going to be me, I want it to be me just so no one else can get hurt." Sirius had been stressing this point for the last hour, and Peter didn't doubt him. "But I don't think… if I were captured, I don't know how long I could last. Unless, of course, I had nothing to tell, and no one would ever suspect you. It's perfect. You will do it, won't you? It's to keep them safe, and you know James would do the same for you. I promise we'll put protections of all sorts around your house, I'll have someone check on you every week, you'll have all sorts of safety precautions, I'll even -"

"I know Sirius, I understand. You're rambling." Peter felt sick to his stomach. For an hour now he had been listening to Sirius's plan, finding less and less ways to refuse. He knew that the Dark Lord was after his friends, after Harry. He had no idea why, but he knew that if he could deliver the child to Voldemort he would almost certainly be promoted, maybe even granted a favor. If I could only keep them all alive. But he knew that the chances of everyone surviving this war were slim. He had tried everything to keep everyone he cared about safe, it had been working, but then the Dark Lord had gone and decided that he needed to kill a baby. And that baby happened to be Harry, and now James and Lily were going to die, and Sirius too. They would stop at nothing to keep the boy safe, and now they were all going to be killed because of it. Unless… Unless there was nothing to die for. After all, if Harry were to -

"Pettigrew. Pettigrew. Peter! I'm waiting for you to say something here. Hello? What do you think?" Sirius's impatient voice cut through his thoughts and Peter looked up, focusing on his friend's face.

"Are you sure there's no one else who's… better at magic?" Peter knew that if he became Secret Keeper it was only a matter of months before someone found out, and the whole operation would fall to pieces. On the other hand, however, if he were able to hand Harry over then maybe Voldemort would leave the rest of his friends alone. As a favor. "I would, but I don't know if I'm the right choice. I'm honored, but surely there's someone better." Please let there be someone else, please please please… Torn as he was, the more he thought about it, the less Peter wanted the death of a child on his hands.

"We're doing it tonight." Sirius frowned as he sat back, propping his feet on the coffee-table between them. "There's no time to find anyone else. Of course I'll do it if you don't want to… but I thought you would."

The disappointment in his tone was unmistakable, and Peter found himself shrinking from it. During their school days, he had always been searching for ways to prove himself, prove that he was an equal in their small band of friends, and now Sirius sat before him, offering just such a chance. If he accepted, he could prove that he wasn't a coward, wasn't afraid to stick up for his friends as they had done for him on countless occasions. He could prove that he was willing to risk his life for a greater cause. He could prove to them, and to himself, that he really was a Gryffindor, and that the hat hadn't made a mistake all those years ago.

"I'll do it."

If he accepted though, he would have to tell the Dark Lord, and then -

"Oh thank Merlin." Sirius let out a sigh of relief, his whole body relaxing.

"What? Oh." Peter felt the blood rushing from his face as he realized what he'd said. He'd spoken his thoughts aloud, and now there was no way of taking them back. "Sirius… "

"We tell no one, understand? No one. Not Dumbledore, not Mr. Potter, not Lupin, not – wait, hold on. No, listen Pettigrew! I've just had a brilliant idea." Sirius jumped to his feet, eyes shining with excitement, and began to pace. "We tell no one. Not even Lily and Potter! You see, we're not casting the charm on them. We're going to cast it on the house, so they don't actually need to be present for the casting. You'll cast it on the house, I'll witness and bind you, and no one will be the wiser. Isn't it brilliant?"

Peter didn't think it was. He could see quite a few flaws in the plan already, and he was still trying to recover from the shock of unwittingly agreeing to something he now wished he had never learned of. "But how would they know where their house was? I'd have to tell them." He knew it was weak, but it was something.

"You don't have to actually tell them. You could write it down on a piece of paper, give it to me, and then I'd give it to them." Sirius was grinning now, apparently pleased with his moment of genius.

"But I don't understand why." Peter just managed to keep his voice from a whine. "Why shouldn't we tell them? I don't understand. Surely they ought to know where their own house is. Wouldn't James want to invite friends over?"

"But that's just it. Potter won't be able to keep his mouth shut, and after a month he'd be sending everyone he comes across to get the secret out of his Secret Keeper, just so he could have someone to entertain him or babysit while he and Lily escape for a night off." Sirius made a face at this, and Peter sympathized. "He'll be bored out of his mind. What if he tells the wrong sort who the Secret Keeper actually is?"

Unfortunately, Peter found himself agreeing with Sirius. "So you haven't run this idea by James and Lily? About swapping Secret Keepers, I mean."

"No, I wanted to make sure you'd do it. I didn't want to raise their hopes for nothing. It really is a good thing I didn't tell them though, isn't it?" Sirius had stopped pacing now, and has standing with his hands resting on the top of his chair, fingers tapping with pent up energy. "It'll only be us, Pettigrew. Me, the decoy, and you, the secret Secret Keeper. They'll be protected. They'll be safe."

Peter could only nod his head, his mind strangely numb. The more he listened to Sirius go on about how safe everyone would be, the more nauseous he felt. No one would be safe, no one would survive this horrible war, everyone would die… unless. Unless Peter did the unthinkable, the only thing he could do in this situation. If only Harry could die, everyone else would live.

"I – I think you should go, Sirius. I'm not feeling well, and I need to prepare. If this charm is as hard as it sounds… I'll need to do some reading. Do you need anything else before you go?" It was an obvious dismissal, and Peter hoped Sirius would take the cue and leave. He needed some time alone to mentally prepare himself for what was to come.

Sirius frowned for an instant, his fingers stilling, but then he was smiling again and heading toward the fireplace. "I'll see you then, Peter. Got any Floo powder? I was going to stop by Diagon Alley, get Harry some candy for Halloween. That kid's going to be spoiled rotten by the time he's eleven. Is it here, in this jar? The Floo powder, I mean."

Peter nodded, waving his wand to ignite the log in the fireplace. There was a flash of green, and then Sirius was gone, leaving behind only his parting words. 'By the time he's eleven…'

Peter let his head fall into his hands, feeling as though he could sink no lower, but all the while knowing that he was nowhere near the bottom.