A Couple Weeks Back
He knew when he took the case that it wasn't going to go over well. It wasn't playing Max Gentry that he had a problem, it was not telling Kensi. Granger was specific on that point, he was to tell absolutely no one about this assignment, and it would be easy just a little intelligence gathering. Deeks should have known better, any assignment from Granger wouldn't be easy. But like the good Detective he was he went along with the assignment. As it got more intense he was glad that Kensi didn't know about it. Deeks was used to lying, he was used to keeping secrets, it was all part of the job. He didn't mind lying to suspects or even the occasional innocent bystander if that meant getting the job done. However, getting involved with Monica required lying to Kensi, not telling her about the relationship or the extent of the relationship. In retrospect that was probably a good thing, the last thing Deeks wanted to do was hurt Kensi and he knew that she would be hurt if she knew just how intimate he had been with Monica.
There was no doubt that he hurt her by not revealing things, by keeping the mission to himself. He didn't want her to know the extent of the relationship between Monica and himself. It was almost easier to let her believe that something more had taken place than to admit he couldn't go through with some of the more delicate parts of the operation because he couldn't get her out of his head. How was he supposed to tell her that he didn't sleep with Monica because the one time they came close he imagined it was her in his arms, and then felt so guilty about it, that he begged off, told Monica that he wasn't in the mood for anything. Confused the poor girl, and almost blew the operation.
The green eyed monster that resided in Kensi would find it easier to believe that he had slept with Monica, and at least when she was acting jealous she was letting her guard down enough that he knew how she felt. He knew she was attracted to him, that it went more than physical though. They shared something more than he had with any other partner, professional or personal. There was an unmistakable bond there that he wanted more than anything. When he teased her about having little ninja assassin babies that was because he wanted them as much if not more than he was sure she did, and what was more he wanted them with her and nobody else. Never had he met a woman that made him want to be a Dad. That thought alone terrified him.