East, West, Sleep is Best.

Disclaimer: don't own 'Saiyuki' or any of the characters. Never will. And I cheated on this chapter. I didn't write it in the last few days. Wrote it ages ago. Meh.

Rating: PG-13 for language, violence and sexual references.

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It was approximately half past five in the morning when the group of youkai attacked the dingy little motel.

Gojyo opened one sleepy eye, decided that it was probably a dream, turned over in his futon and went straight back to sleep.

Sanzo, never the light sleeper, promptly kicked the slumbering redhead in the ribs. The pain managed to convince Gojyo that it was probably not a dream after all and he sprang up with his shakujou ready in his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing kicking people in the middle of the night" he demanded of the blonde monk.

"Just as I thought. Your head is nothing more than a gaudy piece of decoration" is all the monk said.

It took eight whole seconds for the comment to sink in and even then, Gojyo still couldn't quite grasp the meaning. Of course, seeing Sanzo load his Smith and Wesson when he was supposed to be asleep like any other sane person was quite a distraction. After ten seconds, he felt it was necessary to make a reply, despite the fact he didn't know what the hell was going on.

"I'll show you gaudy, you insane bouzu " he started.

"Please Gojyo, not now" interrupted Hakkai in between ki ball blasts.

"Just finish off the youkai so we can get back to sleep."

It finally dawned on Gojyo that they were surrounded by youkai intent on taking their lives.

"...four helpings of Kung Pow Chicken, siu mai, five large pork buns and a large..." Goku mumbled in his sleep.

"Oi, Bakazaru! Get the fuck up" Gojyo prodded the monkey with the end of his shakujou.

"What? Is it time for breakfast" asked Goku drowsily as his rubbed his eyes opened.

"Kono bakazaru" said Gojyo as he kicked Goku in the ribs. It was a distorted way of getting back at Sanzo.

"Kono Erogappa! What's the big idea of - eep!" Goku just managed to dodge the flying bullet.

"Would you two just shut the fuck up and kill some youkai already? I want to get back to sleep" shouted Sanzo.

Fury was building up rapidly for the monk and frankly, Gojyo was glad there were youkai on whom Sanzo could vent his anger.

Hang on. Youkai to vent anger on. Right. Which means, as long as there are some demons around, he could make fun of Sanzo and escape relatively unscathed.

"Heh" chuckled Gojyo as he pierced the moon-shaped blade of the shakujou into one youkai (he had decided to take things slowly so as to prolong the fun). "So Sanzo wants his beauty sleep eh? I say he needs it"

"What was that" asked Sanzo menacingly. He would have shoved a bullet right through the Kappa's head if it weren't for an attacking demon that demanded more urgency.

"Didn't you hear? You deaf or something? Gee you must be getting old."

"Say that again and I'll..."

"Heh, what's the use of saying it again? You're deaf. Remember? Or have you got Alzheimer's too" This was turning out to be really fun. There seemed to be no end to the multitude of youkai storming through the window and Sanzo was too busy shooting the oncoming demons, reloading his gun and then shooting some more to really do anything about Gojyo...

Bang. Bang. Bang. Gojyo ducked just in time to avoid the bullets. Okay, maybe not.

Behind him three youkai disintegrated to smithereens. Sanzo's anger level must be up to 150 now...

"Tsk. Tsk. Sanzo. Calm down. Anger would only give you more wrinkles. Then you're really gonna look your age and no amount of beauty sleep would help. Say, how old are you anyway? Older than dirt"

This comment managed to elicit a slight chuckle from Hakkai who had been trying to hold back his laughter.

"Bwahaha" Burst out Goku. "Sanzo, older than dirt? Good one!"

"No wonder Sanzo is always so cranky, it all makes sense now. I hear that old men are often rather cantankerous" added Hakkai. Just for the heck of it.

"That. Is. It!" Shouted Sanzo. If he were a volcano, he would have erupted.

"MAKAI TENJOU!"

Lengths upon lengths of sutra burst out and in a blinding flash every single Tom, Dick and Harry of opposing youkai was exterminated. When the dust of the motel debris had finally settled down, only our four studly heroes were left standing.

"Damn! Didn't work" muttered Sanzo under his breath. Goku heard him, though.

"Eh? What do you mean it didn't work? It was awesome! All the demons are dead and gone" said Goku.

"All except the three I really wanted dead" replied Sanzo.

"Eh? Where are they" asked Goku as he searched around for the three surviving youkai. "I don't see anymore of...huh" Hakkai lightly nudged Goku and motioned him to stay put and quiet.

Meanwhile Gojyo was getting the beating of his life. He was in a slightly crouched position with both of his arms above his head in an attempt to shield it as Sanzo whacked down mercilessly with his harisen.

"I'm warning you, anymore funny business and you can kiss your miserable life good bye because I ain't gonna give a fuck that the Three Aspects assigned you to this bloody mission." Whack. Whack. Whack.

Hakkai and Goku winced. This was one of those rare times they felt sorry for Gojyo. If Hakkai hadn't made that last comment about cantankerous old men, he might try to stop Sanzo from beating Gojyo into a pulp but at times like this, better Gojyo's ass on the line than his own. After all, he had it coming.

Whack. Whack. Whack.

"...keep telling you to stop watching those stupid pornographic videos of yours. Who the bloody hell could sleep with all the moaning and groaning and screaming of fake orgasms? It's bad enough when we're in separate rooms but to watch them when we have to fucking share a room..." The whacking was now joined by some kicking.

"...next time I'm gonna smash those damn videos and then I'm gonna makai tenjou your ass! Do I make myself clear"

"Yes" was Gojyo's meek reply. Sanzo stepped back and put his harisen away.

"Good. I'm going back to sleep now and if anyone interrupts me I'll..."

"Ahem" interrupted Hakkai. "It seems that we have wrecked the motel during the fight so..."

Sanzo took a good look around and cursed. Hakkai was right except that 'wreck' seemed to be too mild a term. The motel was now, to put it more accurately, demolished. All hopes of climbing back into the warm futon to go back to sleep were dashed.

"Right. Everyone into Jeep. We're going. Gojyo, it was your bloody fault that we couldn't sleep so you are driving and if you wake me up before noon you are dead" said Sanzo as he walked towards Jeep.

" What?" Gojyo whined. He was too tired to drive but then again, he was also too tired to argue. Maybe he could talk Hakkai into secretly changing places with him when Sanzo falls asleep. "Where's the next town? Someone, gimme a map."

"You don't need a map. Just head West" Sanzo posed dramatically and pointed to the distant red sun in the horizon.

"Umm, Sanzo" said Hakkai smiling slightly. "That's the sunrise, not the sunset. You're pointing to the East. West is the other way."

"Hakkai?"

"Yes, Sanzo?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Yes Sanzo."

"And Hakkai?"

"Yes, Sanzo?"

"For that, you're driving."

"Woohoo" cheered Gojyo.

End!

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Appendix

Youkai – Demon

Shakujou – A monk's staff. Gojyo's particular staff has a sharp crescent blade connected to a chain at one end.

Bouzu – monk

Ki – energy

Bakazaru – stupid monkey

Kono – This (or in this context, 'you')

Erogappa – Perverted water demon

Kappa – Water Demon

Makai Tenjou – the incantation Sanzo use to activate his deadly sutra.

Harisen – paper fan